It is often contemplated how the Zero System came into existence. The most often questions that arise are "Who invented the Zero System?" and "What was their true intention?" Sometimes, the hallucinations that pilots have are seen as warnings to them. These warnings usually tell the pilot who or what their true enemies are and what they must conquer to become a better pilot. Some say that the connection from the Zero System to the pilot’s mind is used to bring out what is in the pilot’s subconscious; to tell them to stop kidding themselves and embrace the truth. The truth is that the Gundam pilots must not continue with their current paths as soldiers of hate and anger. A truth that the Gundam pilots – revered as being incredibly powerful soldiers; all that they know – are not ready to embrace.
The year is After Colony 195…one of the most powerful Mobile Suits in the world, a Gundam called "Epyon," sits alone in a remote colony, with its master, Milliardo Peacecraft: otherwise known on the battlefield as Zechs Marquise. The young Gundam pilot has finally embraced the truth that his life as a hateful soldier has ended, thus allowing him to truly conquer the Zero System. Now that he is no longer a soldier, Milliardo must defeat a demon more powerful than Zero…He must defeat poverty and get a damn job…
The Gundam Wing draped back its titanic wings as the camera panned out over the Planet Earth. The Sun’s rays reflected off of the Gundam, while the Gundam Epyon floated up behind him, stealthily, and pinched the Wing’s neck, thus rendering it unconscious. The Epyon then spread out its wings and assumed the position that the Wing is notorious for at the beginning of every episode.
DUM DUM DUN DUN DUM DUM DADADA DAAAAAAAA!
MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM WING:
MILLIARDO’S PROFESSION
By: L. Curtis Totty
Milliardo Peacecraft slept on the floor in his apartment, with an Electronic Gaming Monthly magazine over his face. Suddenly, the watch on his left arm beeped repeatedly.
Milliardo sat up and looked at his watch. "Noon already?" he asked, yawning. "Okay, time for breakfast…" he said as he collapsed again.
Lucrezia Noin walked into the apartment, carrying a bucket of water, which he splashed on Milliardo’s face. Milliardo sat up, wide-awake. He checked his watch, which now read 12:01 pm. "Thanks, Lucrezia. I almost forgot to take my mid-morning nap." He fell.
"Would you wake up, already?" asked Lucrezia, kicking Milliardo’s ribs. "Come on, get up!"
Milliardo slowly sat up, finding a Dreamcast controller glued to his hand by saliva. He wiped his face off, and slowly rose to his feet, scratching his ass. "Whateryuwegginmeupsoerlyfor?" groaned Milliardo.
Lucrezia threw the newspaper at his face, as he put on his pants. "I’ve had enough of you sleeping in until noon and going to bed at noon, Milliardo…"
"Well, what do you expect me to do? There’s no more war, I’ve got nothing to do!" complained Milliardo. "What do you want me to do, get a job?"
Lucrezia glared at him.
"Ohhhhhhh nooooooo…" said Milliardo. "You can’t possibly…I’m a Gundam pilot! I can’t get a job! Mobile Suits are all I know! What do you expect me to get a job doing?"
"I don’t know, but I do know that you’d better do something, because I won’t have you sitting around doing nothing," said Lucrezia.
"Fine…" grumbled Milliardo. "Maybe Relena can help…"
Relena Peacecraft sat in her office in Peacecraft Palace, balancing a pencil on her nose. Quatre Raberba Winner lay behind her on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, counting the tiles for the hundredth time. They found life as pacifists to be quite boring when there wasn’t a war going on…
"Hey, Relena, you wanna…?"
"No, Quatre! For the seventy-eighth time, no!"
"But Relena, there’s nothing else to do…" whined Quatre.
"No, Quatre! I already told you that I want to wait!" said Relena. "I won’t defy my beliefs just to satisfy your testosterone induced urges!"
"Come on, Relena! It’s right there on your desk!" cried Quatre, pointing to the Big Red Button.
"I told you, Quatre! That’s the war-starting button!" yelled Relena.
"Yes, but what does it do?" cried Quatre.
"I don’t know!" cried Relena. "I think it blows up a missile silo in Iraq or something…"
"AGH!" cried Quatre. "Dorothy was right, this is boring!"
"So what are we going to do?" asked Relena.
"We could get in the Sandrock and blow up some planets," suggested Quatre.
"Again?" asked Relena. "It’s no fun now that Earth and the Colonies are the only things left anymore…Hey, don’t you have to govern the Colonies now?"
"Ah, it’s the same crap daily," said Quatre. "Settle a dispute about land ownership, cut a baby in half, behead treasonous people…you know how it is…"
They both sighed. Suddenly, Pagan walked in.
"PAGAN!" yelled Relena and Quatre, as they ran up to him, tackling him.
"Hey, dude! What excitement have you got in store for us today?" asked Quatre.
"Hey! Let’s go to the Romefeller Foundation, so you can take a bullet for me again! That’s always fun!" cried Relena.
"Madame…you have a visitor…" said Pagan.
"Oh? Who?" asked Relena.
"Master Milliardo…" said Pagan. Milliardo walked in the room.
"MILLIARDO!" yelled Relena and Quatre, as they ran up to him, tackling him.
"Are you two drunk or something?" asked Milliardo.
"Oh, Milliardo, you kidder!" said Quatre.
"So, what brings you here, brother?" asked Relena.
"I came here because Noin wants me to get a job," said Milliardo.
"AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAH!" laughed Relena and Quatre.
"Okay," said Relena. "You want me to get you a job?"
"No, I want you to give me some money every two weeks so I can tell Noin that I have a job," said Milliardo.
"Sorry, brother, but you’re going to have to get a job like a normal person!" said Relena.
"Damn…" said Milliardo, but then a wry smile crept onto his face. "If you give me some money, I’ll give you some candy that I found on the ground…"
"CANDY?" cried Relena.
"Don’t do it, Relena! He doesn’t really have any candy!" cried Quatre.
"Damn you, Raberba! I should’ve killed you when I had the chance!" growled Milliardo.
Quatre curled up into a ball on the floor, trembling. "Don’t…call…me…Raberba…" he moaned.
"Anyway, Milliardo…I’d be happy to help you get a job!" said Relena.
"Really?" asked Milliardo.
"Yeah! I can make you my employee!" said Relena, smiling.
"Doing what? Squishing the bugs in your bedroom?" asked Milliardo.
Relena’s eyes began to tremble with tears, and she began to cry and had several consecutive temper tantrums. "ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WHAT’S THE JOB?"
"I’m glad you asked that question, Milliardo," said Relena.
"Please tell me it involves killing people…" said Milliardo.
"No…your job is to fight Quatre in the Sandrock with your Epyon for my amusement…" said Relena.
"Uh…Relena, we didn’t discuss -"
"QUIET, RABERBA!" yelled Relena.
"Yes, ma’am…" moaned Quatre.
Soon, the Gundam Sandrock and the Gundam Epyon were standing at Gundam Field, preparing to do battle.
"Now, remember Milliardo," began Relena. "The better the fight, the more I pay you."
"What do I get out of all this?" asked Quatre.
"Some sweet loving!" said Relena.
"Oh, so you’re going to chopper Trowa in?" asked Quatre.
"…"
"Oooooookayyyyyyyy…" said Milliardo.
Suddenly, the exhilarated and annoying voice of Duo Maxwell appeared on the loudspeakers, echoing out to the crowd. "And now, at Power Forward, weighing in at over 8.3 metric tons, it’s the Gundaaaaaammmmmmm Epyoooooooonnnnnnnnnn!"
The Gundam Epyon flew into Gundam Field and began to showboat for the crowd, using its Heat Rod to jump rope. Then Heero Yuy’s voice came into the loudspeaker, monotone as ever.
"Next is the Gundam Sandrock…" said a very bored-sounding Heero.
"Come on Heero, try to show a little enthusiasm…" whispered Duo.
"But I am," said Heero, still speaking into the loudspeaker. "Oops…sorry…"
"Heero, what are you talking about?" asked Duo.
"I’m yelling at the top of my lungs. Can’t you hear the difference?" asked Heero.
"Uh…no…?" asked Duo.
"Of course not. I have an affliction called Ben Stein Syndrome. It makes it impossible for me to change the pitch of my voice. I’m stuck sounding like this for the rest of my life…" said Heero.
"Oh…sorry…" said Duo.
"Do you have any idea how difficult it is going through life not being able to whisper secretly to someone, or yelling in rage at some ignorant peon?" asked Heero.
"All right, Heero…" said Duo.
"One in every six billion people gets this disease…" said Heero.
"Okay, Heero! No one wants to hear your side story! We’ve got a match, here!" said Duo.
"How can you be so disrespectful, Duo? Here I am, confiding in you about my disease, and you just brush it off? I won’t have this, Duo. You will never act so harshly to me again, or else…Omae o korosu…" said Heero. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again. "I’m sorry I raised my voice, Duo…"
"Whatever…" said Duo. He turned on the microphone again. "Ladies and gentlemen…the battle between Quatre Raberba Winner and Milliardo Peacecraft is about to begin! Let’s get rrrrrrready to rrrrrrrrrumblllllllllleeeeeeee!"
"What are you trying to do, Duo? Get us sued?" asked Heero.
Heero was soon shut up by the battle, which was now starting. The Sandrock and Epyon faced each other, and Quatre opened a secret communication to Milliardo. ("Don’t forget how we practiced it, Milliardo…")
("Right…I gotcha…") said Milliardo. The Gundam Epyon lunged at the Gundam Sandrock, with its Heat Rod outstretched. The Sandrock’s Heat Shorter blades began to glow, and instead of striking the Sandrock’s body, the Epyon’s Heat Rod wrapped around a Heat Shorter, and Quatre used this momentum to slam Milliardo’s Gundam into the ground.
The Sandrock attached the Heat Shorter blades and its own backpack to its left arm, creating the Cross-Crusher. The Epyon soon rose to its feet and swung its Beam Saber at the Sandrock, which used its Cross-Crusher to block the attack. The Sandrock pulled out its Machine Gun, and started to fire at the Epyon. The Epyon stepped back, and flew into the air. The Sandrock activated its boosters as well, and took off after the Epyon.
The two Gundams met in midair, high above the crowd. As they rose, they fired gunshots, swung Heat Rods, and shot Moon Tiara Magic at each other.
"Whoah! An excellent use of the Stone Cold Stunner by the Gundam Sandrock! The Epyon will have a hard time getting up after that one, eh, Heero?" asked Duo.
"Yes…yes it will…" said Heero.
"…Whatever…" muttered Duo.
("Psst…Zechs! Read one of your lines…") said Quatre.
Milliardo picked up a script that he found in his Gundam’s cockpit, turned on his all-way radio loudspeaker so everyone could hear, and began to read. "Quatre…when I am. Done with you, they will call you Quatre, Raberba Loser. Feel the wrath. Of the Zero System…I mean ‘Feel the wrath of the Zero System.’ Chuckle evilly…Oh! I mean ‘Awa ha ah ha ah ha ah ha…’"
"Gundamn. You Zechs!" read Quatre. "The Gun. Dam Sandrock will ease. Lily defeat you…er, ‘easily defeat you.’ Yeah, that’s it. Yell in anguish. Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrr."
"Oh please, even I could do better than this…" said Heero.
"Yeah right. You mean like you and Dorothy in the sack?" asked Duo.
"Yes…yes I do mean that…" said Heero.
"Yeah, like she’s actually good…" said Duo.
"Oh so you heard about that, eh?" asked Heero.
"No, I mean I actually screwed her," said Duo.
"Oh? What was it like?" asked Heero.
"…" said Duo.
Suddenly, the Gundam Epyon picked up the Gundam Sandrock over his head. Milliardo activated a sound-warping device that would make his voice sound like that of Mr. T’s to everyone outside his Gundam. Milliardo started to read.
"Now, it’s time to. Throw you, sucka. I pity the. Fool who challenges me. Throw the Sandrock," said Milliardo as the Gundam Epyon tossed the Gundam Sandrock away.
The Gundam Sandrock landed with a screeching "poof" and soon rose to its feet. Milliardo spoke again, this time sounding like Clubber Lang. From Rocky III. "I want Raberba! I want him!"
Quatre adjusted the loudspeaker on his Gundam, to make him sound like Rocky Balboa from Rocky V!
Uh oh, gang! Quatre sounds like a Rocky from a later Rocky movie than Milliardo does! Can Milliardo defeat him with his puny Rocky III voice? Find out…right now on "Mobile Suit Gundam Wing!"
"Hey you. I’mgonkikyoazzex. Youkentbeme. I’mdehevywintchampivdeweld," said Quatre, sounding like Sylvester Stallone in Rambo. "Whoops…wrong Sly…"
("Just skip it, Quatre! It’s time for…the song…") said Milliardo.
The Gundam Sandrock and the Gundam Epyon nodded to each other, and the Epyon began to play an MP3 in its stereo…the Rocky Theme.
DUH DAH DAAAAHHHH! DUH DAH DUUUUHHHH!
("Zechs…activate Slow-Motion Mode!") said Quatre. The two Gundams suddenly slowed down to turtle speed, flying towards each other with tremendous slowness.
"Getting strong now…" sang Heero. Duo eyed him suspiciously. "Uh…that Shaft is one bad mother…"
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" yelled the entire audience.
As the Gundams Sandrock and Epyon continued to fly towards each other at super-slow motion, the Sandrock fired its Machine Gun at the Epyon, but only grazed its hip, causing a small object to fall out of that hip.
"Oh no! My wallet!" cried Milliardo. He picked it up, and the Sandrock picked up a few small cards that fell out of it.
"What’s this?" asked Quatre, still over the loudspeaker. "This card here says that you’re a member of the Colonial Gay and Lesbian Alliance."
"What?" asked Milliardo.
"And this one here says you’re legally a woman…" said Quatre.
"Boy, was I drunk that night…" said Milliardo. "Looks like I’m a lesbian." Someone random person in the audience’s head exploded.
"Ho, ho? What, what?" asked Quatre. "This last one is not a card, but a diploma from the White Fang School of Drama and Nude Painting."
"Huh?" asked Duo. "Zechs carries his diploma around in his wallet?"
"He’s an actor?" asked Heero.
"Uh…yeah…" said Milliardo. "An actor…not a nude painter…" His eyes made several shifty motions.
What’s this? The annoying narrator back again? And is Milliardo really an actor and not a nude painter like he says? Find out one paragraph ago on "Mobile Suit Gundam Wing!"
"Hey, Zechs," said Quatre. "Here’s a better way for you to earn your money…using your acting skills!"
"That’s not a bad idea there, Quatre," said Milliardo. Suddenly, his watch beeped. "Zounds! Looks like its time for this fight to end, and me to lose!"
The Gundam Epyon suddenly fell down.
"What an incredible finishing move by the Gundam Sandrock! A Psychic Glare Attack has caused the Epyon to collapse!" yelled Duo.
"Yes. It’s amazing that the Sandrock had such a technique up it’s sleeve that could have been used to win at the start of this match and wasn’t because its possible that it’s not really an attack; it’s just an excuse for people to think that this match wasn’t faked when it really was," said Heero. "I’ve got the Zero System."
Milliardo jumped out of the fallen Epyon and turned to the Gundam Sandrock. "Oh no, Quatre. You’ve defeated. Me, now I’m too weak from. The battle to go. On!" Milliardo fell as well.
"All right, Milliardo," said Relena. "Here’s your money for fighting in the match!"
She handed him a quarter.
"That’s all?" asked Milliardo, indifferently.
"Oh, okay…" said Relena. She put a penny in his hand. "Now off you go to spend it all on lap dances and Moon Pies!"
"Relena, did you ever actually watch your parents pay for everything you own?" asked Quatre.
"No…Oh! That reminds me! Quatre…it’s time for your payment…" said Relena with a malevolent glint in her eyes.
Quatre sighed. "Fine. I’ll go get a Condom Bedrock," he groaned.
"I need more money and fast…" said Milliardo.
"…"
…
"…"
…
"Right! I’m off!" said Milliardo.
Milliardo soon found himself standing in some sort of lounge in front of a jazz band. A stage manager was talking at him. "Here’s your lyrics, Mr. Milliardo. Ready?"
"Wait…I don’t even know the melody, or the rhythm…" said Milliardo.
"Rhythm?" asked the stage manager. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAH!"
Milliardo looked quite puzzled, but soon, the band was playing, and the director yelled "Action!" Milliardo began to sing.
"I gave my girl a chicken that had no bone…I gave my girl a chicken that had no bone…and I got it real cheap, too, when I went to priceline.com and…what the hell?"
"Cut!" yelled the director. "Milliardo, is something wrong?"
"This script is a piece of crap!" said Milliardo.
"Okay, we’ll try another one," said the stage manager. She and Milliardo exchanged scripts, and the director yelled "Action!" again.
"My, my, this American Pie…cost so little when I got it at priceline.com and…oh come on!" cried Milliardo. "At least try!"
"Okay. One more try, one more try!" said the stage manager. Milliardo got yet another script. The director yelled "Action!" once more.
"Hi! My name is…(what?)…My name is (who?)…My name is…(slikka-slikka)…Priceline.com!" said Milliardo. "THAT’S IT! WHO WRITES THIS CRAP?"
Suddenly, William Shatner rolled up to the set in a wheelchair wearing a neck brace, wheeling along an IV. "This. IS what happens when…SCOTTY! BEAMS YOU up wrong…"
Milliardo punched the handicapped old Trekker and stormed off the set. "I may need money…but I’m not desperate for it!"
"Okay, Mr. Milliardo. Just pick up this here phone and say the line when I prompt you…okay?" asked another stage manager.
"Right…" said Milliardo.
"And Action!" yelled the director.
Milliardo picked up the phone and yelled into it. "WHAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…"
"Cut!" yelled the director.
"…AAAAAAAP!" finished Milliardo.
"That was beautiful. Here’s your money…" said the director, handing Milliardo the envelope. Another young man in a wheelchair, wearing a neck brace, rolled up to Milliardo.
"So whazzup, Z?" he asked, through broken teeth.
"True…true…" replied Milliardo. "Uh…I mean…Just watching the game, having a Bud…"
"…Don’t steal my lines anymore…"
"Right. I’m out of here…" said Milliardo.
Milliardo was jumping around, spinning, pivoting, turning, pausing, blocking, punching, kicking, swiveling, dicing, slicing, humping, cavorting, dickering, and spewing.
"Cut!" yelled the director. "That was beautiful, Milliardo." Several young dancers wearing Gap t-shirts in wheelchairs and neck braces, clapping.
"Everybody in pain," said Milliardo, as he collected his money and left. "But I wonder…who keeps doing this to these annoying commercials?"
Chang Wufei and Trowa Barton where walking down the street, when a man with wild, frizzy hair, wearing a white shirt and tie, approached them. "Hey, guys! Make 7…UP YOURS!"
"I’ll hold him down, you beat the crap out of him," offered Trowa to Wufei.
"Okay, Mr. Milliardo," began the stagehand. "All you really have to do is wear these moronic clothes, constantly get in the camera’s face, flirt with underage teenage girls, and make jokes quietly as if they’re inappropriate, but their really not. Got it?"
"Got it," said Milliardo.
"Action!" yelled the director.
"Hello, and welcome to Total Request Live…I’m your host, Milliardo Peacecraft, sitting in for Carson Daly," began Milliardo. "As you all know, Hanson, the Backstreet Boys, *N Sync, P.O.D., and Papa Roach are pretty much guaranteed the top five positions, thus rendering them useless. Therefore, we’ll get into the real countdown. At Number 10, it’s probably Wyclef Jean featuring The Rock, or Destiny’s Child. I have no idea. At Number 9 is probably Limp Bizkit or Jessica Simpson. Jockeying for the Number 8 spot is either Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears. At Number 7 is either Eminem or KoRn, and the Number 6 slot is vacant today. Now let’s have a random victim…er, volunteer from the audience try to sing a TRL song. You there, young lady. You look like a slut, what’s your name and where are you from?"
"I’m Monica from NYU, WHOOOOOOOOOOOHH!" yelled the teenybopper.
"Okay, and what song are you going to sing?" asked Milliardo.
The young woman began to sing "Oops…I Did It Again," and she sounded remarkably similar to Britney Spears.
"She sounds just like Britney…and has the boobs to match…Uh…let’s go on to the first video…I have no idea what it is, and I don’t care. I only have to be here for the first five minutes to get paid, so I’m out of here. Call that Raymond idiot or something I don’t care…" said Milliardo as he walked out the door.
"All right, Mr. Milliardo. For this, what we want you to do is wheel this contraption around and pick people at random and ask to wash their hair. Got it?" asked the director.
"Uh…right…" said Milliardo.
"Action!" yelled the director.
Milliardo began to wander around the city, asking to wash people’s hair. Everyone said no, seeing as how he wasn’t the real guy from the Pert Plus commercials. "It’s got water-based conditioning!" he called at them, but to no avail. "This just isn’t working…" Then he turned and saw Wufei and Trowa. He ran up to them.
"Wufei! Trowa! You guys have got to let me wash your hair! Please!" cried Milliardo.
Wufei and Trowa glanced at each other. They saw the bottle in his hand, the sink he was wheeling about, and the camera crew behind him.
"Sorry, Zechs…" said Wufei. He and Trowa advanced on him, and started to attack.
"Hey! What do you think you’re doing?" yelled Milliardo.
"We’re here to eliminate all corny, idiotic, and above-all, annoying commercials that everyone is tired of seeing," said Trowa. "And that means you!"
"Okay, don’t go getting all Sailor on me," said Wufei.
"How dare you? I have to do this to make money! You think the people who do this like being on television, making idiots of themselves?" yelled Milliardo.
"That doesn’t matter," said Wufei. "There are more important things than money. No one is forced into these jobs. They should be eradicated. They’re evillllllllllllll!"
"If you guys want to take me on, then we do it…Gundam-Style!" challenged Milliardo.
"You’re on, Zechs!" replied Trowa.
Gundam Epyon was soon back on Gundam Field, this time facing the Altron Gundam "Nataku," and the Gundam Heavyarms. Relena did not choreograph this battle. It was completely no-holds barred.
"All right, Zechs. If you want to go on living a non-handicapped life, you’d better surrender and never act in a corny commercial again!" yelled Wufei.
"Never! This is for everyone who can only get a decent living doing mindless drivel! Glory to all commercials!" yelled Milliardo.
"You can’t defeat both of us, Zechs! Just give it up! If you don’t, we’ll destroy you!" yelled Trowa.
"You give it up! Quit injuring innocent commercial actors!" yelled Zechs.
"Never!" yelled Wufei.
"All right then…You’re both mine!" yelled Milliardo.
The Gundam Epyon flew towards the Altron Gundam, and swung its Beam Saber at it. The Altron used its Dragon Fang to grab the Epyon’s sword arm, while the Heavyarms began to fire its Gatling Gun at it, causing it to shake violently. "Now, Wufei!" yelled Trowa.
The Altron Gundam’s Dragon Fang fired its Flame Thrower at the Epyon, followed by a slash with the Beam Glaive. The Epyon managed to block the attack with its Beam Saber, and counterattack with the Heat Rod, by wrapping it around the Altron’s neck. The Gundam Heavyarms opened its chest and began to fire its Twin Gatling Guns at the Epyon.
The Gundam Epyon then flew into the air, carrying the Altron Gundam by the neck in the Heat Rod. The Gundam Epyon suddenly swung the whip around, and tossed the Altron Gundam down at the Heavyarms, which jumped back to avoid the Altron. The Gundam Heavyarms suddenly powered up its Turbo Boosters and flew upwards towards the Epyon, firing the Beam Gatling Gun on its left arm at it. The Epyon dodged each shot while airborne, and suddenly power-dived down at the Heavyarms. The Heavyarms fired its Homing Missiles at the Epyon, but the Gundam Epyon destroyed them with its Beam Saber, and went in for the kill.
Just then, the Altron Gundam was back in action, and the Dragon Fang went lunging at the Epyon. Once it had the Epyon’s Heat Rod in its grasp, the Altron swung the Epyon into the ground repeatedly.
"I’ve got you, Zechs!" yelled Wufei.
"Who has whom?" asked Zechs. He regained control of the Epyon, and soon the Heat Rod was swinging the Altron Gundam into the Heavyarms again.
Suddenly, the Epyon pulled the Heat Rod high into the air. Soon it came crashing down on the Altron and Heavyarms. The Altron Gundam and Gundam Heavyarms were whacked repeatedly with the Heat Rod. "Now it’s time to put you both out of your misery," said Milliardo.
The Gundam Epyon leapt into the sky once again, activated its Beam Saber, and pointed it at the Altron and Heavyarms. The Gundam Epyon dived down towards them once again, its Beam Saber pointed right at them.
Suddenly, the Epyon stopped in midair, just seconds away from finishing off Trowa and Wufei. The Epyon then dropped on the ground. Milliardo stumbled out, and collapsed as well.
"Wufei and Trowa win…" moaned Heero.
"Ladies and gentlemen, what an incredible match!" yelled Duo. "It seemed as if Milliardo and the Gundam Epyon had this match all wrapped up, but a Double Psychic Glare Attack from both the Heavyarms and the Altron put the Epyon out of commission!"
"Here’s your money, brother!" said Relena. She handed him an envelope with a check inside. Milliardo opened it up and immediately fainted.
Soon, Milliardo came to, and looked at the check again. "Relena…why didn’t I make this much money the last time?"
"That’s simple, Milliardo," said Relena. "That last match sucked! If you can produce high-quality battles like the one you just lost, you’d get a lot more money!"
Wufei and Trowa approached Relena, holding out their hands, expecting compensation. Relena put some sort of latex objects in their hands.
"What’s this?" asked Trowa.
"It’s a Condom Humpyarms and a Really-Long Condom ‘Nataku!’" said Relena.
Trowa and Wufei glanced at each other fearfully.
"I’m home!" yelled Milliardo. "I got a new job!"
"Oh?" asked Lucrezia. "Doing what?"
"I joined the MSWF," said Milliardo.
"The Midget Sucks Weenies FUNimation?" asked Lucrezia.
"NO!" yelled Milliardo. "The Mobile Suit Wrestling Federation! I made several pounds of money today! Help me count!"
"Well, it’s about time you got a job," said Lucrezia. "So who will you fight tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?" asked Milliardo. "What do you mean tomorrow?"
"You have to go to work everyday…" said Lucrezia.
Milliardo thought about this for a minute. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
77"<
Next time, on "Mobile Suit: Gundam Wing," Heero discovers that Duo is not his real father, Dorothy’s baby isn’t his, and Relena still hasn’t awakened from her coma. Will Heero be able to refrain from shooting Wufei? Did Trowa really kill Quatre? Is all this really necessary?
Find out on Gundam Wing Episode 1 2 Many…"All My Gundams."