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Recipe
Fruitcake Recipe
- 1 cup water
- 1 cup sugar
- 4 large eggs
- 2 cups dried fruit
- 1½ cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup brown sugar
- lemon
juice
- nuts
- 1 gallon whiskey (Note: Rum may be substituted for whiskey.)
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. If it's good, let's get started. Take a large bowl and a measuring cup. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is
of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 seapoon of thugar and beat again. Make sure
the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Open a second gallon of whiskey if necessary. Turn off mixer. Break 2 arge leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner and beat till high. If the fried druit gets stuck in the
beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt or pepper. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and
strain your nuts. Fold in 1 cup of chopped butter. Add 1 table. Add a spoon of brown sugar or whatever color you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 gredees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window.
Finish the whiskey and wipe the counter with the cat. Go to bed. Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?
