Well, after watching some Excel Saga, (Well, then there's always the Cowboy Bebop episode with that thing from the fridge. O.o) I finally realized that not all comedy needs a logical explanation, hence random moments being funny when in satire or parody usage. Not too hard, right? We'll see.

Warnings: I use the Megami/Kaiobit pairing! _^_ Yes, I'm using someone else's OC (Arigatou, Ayame-san!) paired with the fusion.... Now, anyone got a problem with Megami...do me a favour, DO NOT READ THIS! (Flames and complaints will get you tortured by millions of Chibi Mice that go "Chu" a lot.)  =P Self-insertion...live with it! Oh yes, and since I didn't say it last time, I want to say it this time, my last story never had any intention of upsetting, or insulting those who write decent OC's. Plenty of writer's pull those off with great wonder. It wasn't even so much aimed at the Mary Sues either, but more at the fan-girls who go around flaming other people for coming up with wonderful OC's that kick the ass of the their "OC's." <sarcasm>Sorry, other people write better than you.</sarcasm> Sheesh, get over it.

(Argh, and Ayame, I *REALLY* hope I got Megami right here...it's just not easy for me to try to write out someone else's OC...O.o Oy...if I get her wrong, just tell me, and I can always try again. ::sigh::) 

My intentions here are the same, only last time I was merely showing what would happen if the *fan-girls* had their way and Shin was really the way they portray him. This has something called a plot other than bashing fan-girls. ^^; Although, bashing them is a subplot. _^_ 

Another note: I have no intention of trying to upstage Armand-san and his piece Women's Work. This, if anything, was inspired by that. ^.~ Armand is the master of satire and humour, not Neko-chan, k?

Oh yes, this is humour, so don't take it seriously. Heck, even my Author's Notes are humour as well. Nothing here is meant to be taken literally, or so seriously that you feel the need to flame me for merely pointing out facts and exploiting the idiocy around me by over-exaggerating for the sake of emphasis and laughter. It's bloody fiction!!

Oh yes, and the lyrics in italics, and quotes, are from Linkn Park's "A Place For My Head."

"But you should've known that you'd wear out your welcome,
Now you see how quiet it is all alone."

"I'm so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this."

"Find another place to feed your greed,
While I find a place to rest."

"You try to take the best of me;
Go away you!"

Dedicated to Ayame, for her selfless giving, beautiful art work, her many talents, and the creation of her adorable OC, Megami. 

Aye, and the dryer bit and the floating pen bit are things I got from talking with Datura. See, it pays to have friends. >D!

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If It's Not Broke, Don't Fix It

(This is what happens when you do...)

(Started on: 8-15-2)

And so the females of the Dragon Ball Z fandom, (well, only the ones that worshipped Kaiobit, or even his former, infantile self,) became so jealous of the universal happenings of *ONE* fiction universe they gathered their mighty will and created a way to take advantage of a great power from another fandom entirely. And to believe, I'm beginning a story with "And!" ^.~

Deep in the forest, shrouded by a midnight coloured cloak, a dark man, wait...they all tend to be dark and mysterious. Is that not asking a bit too much in the cliché department? Oh well, at least he's scary.

The dark man took off the hood of his cloak revealing a glimmering set of jade coloured eyes, and a head full of cherry wood locks.

Never mind...that's not even scary!!

Sigh. Okay, so the typical bishounen, who was not in the least bit scary, thanks to some screw up or crossed wires in the mind of the author of this stupid story, continued walking through the moonlit woods when a brigade of perfect looking girls, known as the KFC (no...not Kentucky Fried Chicken...-_-; Kaiobit Fan Club...though it is consisted of chickens...does that count?)  stopped him for a moment to chat. Well, it was not casual chatting, as they had something they wanted from him, but considering the type of girls he was about to be halted by, chatting fits their conversational skills.

"We have come," the leader, known as Jade, announced to the not so scary bishounen, discontinuing his journey, "to make a request."

"How the hell did you get here, and who are you, and why are you here?"

Jade started to explain, quite happy to give details, "We were told by an ancient force, that in order to receive our ultimate wish we needed to enter a dryer! So we did, and here we are!"

Dead pan, the male asked, "Who in heavens name told you to go into a dryer and use it as a dimensional portal?"

"A floating pen," one of the girls meekly answered as she blushed.

"And you all listened to a floating pen?"

All of the girls enthusiastically nodded their heads. "We were very eager to have this opportunity," they chorused in one voice, sending a ringing sound through the pretty boy's ears.

Speaking of which....

"And, might we ask your name, oh strange boy in the woods?" one of the taller girls asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know!"

Jade angrily grabbed the boy and shoved him against a tree, growling, "No really, that stupid joke of the author's is getting really old! What the hell is your name?!"

"Oooo! You cursed!" all of the girls pointed at Jade in accusation, while Jade sweat dropped and glared at them.

In defense, she spouted back, "Anything for Kaiobit!" and the group applauded her efforts, while the boy had no idea of how asking him his name had anything to do with accomplishing a goal for someone else. He was now officially as puzzled as the author herself.  

"My name is Kosmos, thank-you!" the boy angrily sputtered as he pushed Jade away from him. "Now, what in heavens name do you think you girls can do to make me help a bunch of morons like yourselves?"

"Well," Jade started off slyly, one finger playing on Kosmos chest, "Kaiobit has this goddess girlfriend, and to get him, we need to get rid of her, and with these rings," Jade pulled up two shiny golden rings, "you should be able to control her feelings quite well, the only problem is, we needed a guy to do this."

"I see...wait a minute, a *goddess*!! I'm there!" The selfish, materialistic side of Kosmos had taken over, and now he was more than eager to help these girls out. He put on one golden ring, and saved the other for the female Kaio Jade spoke of, then the group used an egg beater they had found after using the dryer, and took off to KaioShin-Kai. Or at least, the flying pen had told them the egg beater should take them KaioShin-Kai. Why does this sound like an RPG, where you have to collect items and go places, and use certain items to get to other items, and in the end, you end up doing nothing more than pick a single lock. It is rather absurd, is it not?

On KaioShin-Kai, Megami was gladly looking around the kitchen, watching the servants as they made breakfast. With all hope, she would get the hang of this ritual and be able to cook a special dinner for Kaiobit, or at least, that is how the plan was mapped out in her mind. It could hardly be so hard she would fail...right?

Eagerly, she helped a servant here and there, trying to give them ingredients, only, from time to time, she seemed to misunderstand their requests. After all, one did ask her for cinnamon, but it looked just like this one called cumin, neither were labeled  and one batch of cinnamon pancakes ended up trashed, resulting in Megami being shoved to the other side of the kitchen, and banned to watch.

She was still hoping to learn, even if she had to order a "1001 Ways to Cook for a God" off the internet. Did they even have such a thing? If not, Megami was going to vow to discontinue reading fanfiction, as certain materials of late were misleading. 

To help the story move along, she was now in the watching phase of her plan, taking in every detail, even acting out pouring ingredients and stirring. It was the least she could do, after all. She wanted to be in the habit of such endeavors, and so she was waiting, until the servants filed out, to have run of the kitchen.

Soon, breakfast was finished, served, and Megami was left in the kitchen, and she was about to start breaking a few eggshells to make an omelet, when it dawned on her, Kaiobit would be wanting to share breakfast with her.

She stopped, and put down the egg in her hand, only it rolled to it's companions, and seemed to conspire against the female. It knocked into the other eggs sitting on the counter, and they all made a rotating journey towards a great kamikaze act. One by one they splattered across the floor, forming a puddle of yellow goop, and Megami cringed at the mess.

Walking by, his nose stuck in a manga, Rou KaioShin quipped, "Stupid girl," as he headed to the fridge, grabbed a soda, and walked right back out of the kitchen, never even bothering to look at her.

Now, Megami knew this was going to be a long day, and it was only early morning, at best.

Around noon or so, a darkness started to befall KaioShin-Kai as a pinpoint hole tore through dimensions, of course, this was not wide enough for the fan-girls to travel through, so they started to use pure determination. See, even people of this caliber can do anything with will alone. >D!!

In the noon hours of the day, KaioShin-Kai still looked as it always did, bathed in twilight, but Megami kept track of her hours, she had to if she wanted to stay sane while staring into a crystal ball all day and watching Earth. She was still unsure of what Kaiobit found so fascinating about the place, but when he was not reading a book, his eyes were fixated on the little planet.

Soon though, she deemed it time to abandon the glittering sphere for some soothing time in a tub full of warm water. The thought was inviting, so she turned to her room searching for anything she might want to use. She believed her bath crystals were already near the bath, and there were towels as well. She quickly grabbed an extra pair of clothes to change into, when she noticed a gold ring sitting atop her dresser. Curious, she plucked it up and inspected it, eyes wide as she turned it around in her fingers.

Nothing was written on it. Did Kaiobit leave it for her? Did it even fit her finger?

Intrigued, she put it on, and somehow, the ring fit, almost perfectly. In fact, it felt as though the ring was tightening, shrinking to her exact size. And then...her eyes went blank.

Quite pleased with the whole event, Kosmos stepped out of the shadows of Megami's room, a subtle grin one his face as he stared at the female. "A goddess!! What more could a man ask for? Even more so, she is completely, utterly, and one hundred percent mine, and under my control!"

"Men like you make me ill!" Came a shrill voice, belonging to none other than a chibi cat-girl, her red furry cat ears twitching as she calmly waltzed out from under Megami's satin covered bed. In the cat-girl's hands (paws?) was a mouse, actually smiling as the cat-girl seemed to cuddle with it.

Kosmos eyes bugged out at the sight, shocked. "Are you not going to at least toy with that creature? Ugh! How can you hold it?"

Slanted eyes glared at Kosmos as the cat-girl muttered, "And you are a jerk, to add to pig and egotistical...how disturbing! I do not use claws with my friends," the cat-girl explained as she purred for the mouse, rubbing it against her cheek, further upsetting Kosmos. "However, you are no friend!"

Grinning, the chibi cat-girl placed the mouse on the bed and then turned on Kosmos. "I, Neko-sama, shall smite thee, with the Hammer of Justice!" She pulled a large hammer out from a dimensional pocket, and prepared to advance on Kosmos, but having actual brains, Kosmos merely kicked Neko-chan, sending her into a wall, unconscious, and harmless. (Not that she was not already harmless.... -_-;)

Neko-chan's tail wrapped around her, and she started purring as her mouse friend tried to wake her up.

"Pathetic!" Kosmos spat on his way out the door, happily pulling Megami behind him.

So far, the day was ringing wrong. First, Megami was a tad late for breakfast, and then, instead of eating, she startd at her plate of food as though her best friend had died. Next, Kaiobit went off to look for her and could not find her outside, so he hurried inside to find her, but instead of Megami, he found someone he would have rather he had never found.

Well, at the time he found her, she was knocked out and her ribs were broken, so, instead of her usual banter she always saved for Kibito, Kaiobit's ears were met with nothing more than sad squeaking sounds.

With a sweat drop, Kaiobit looked at the mouse at Neko-chan's side, and shook his head. "It's a sad day when a mouse cries for a cat, and a cat-girl is treated this way. What is your name, little mouse?"

"Chu...."

"Why did I not guess?! And who did this to her?"

"Chu, chu-chu, chuchuchu, CHU!!!" (Some evil jerk with green eyes! And then he took Megami!) 

For a moment, Kaiobit stared at the mouse, mouth hanging open, and then he shook his head again, "No good. I did not understand a word you just said!"

"Chu~?!" (Why me?!) the mouse muttered, exasperated as he fell over.

"Well...she does not look to well, although, I think she might be purring." Baffled, Kaiobit listened closely to hear a soft rumble coming from the broken body. Large eyes blinked at Chu, and Chu blinked back, imitating Kaiobit. 

Without another word, Kaiobit healed Neko-chan, thinking 'What a pity. She is so serene and adorable when her mouth is not moving. However, I cannot just leave her like this, not when she might know where Megami is....'

As it was, the chibi cat-girl had no idea of where Megami was; after all, she had been knocked unconscious when Megami had been taken away, but at least she was able to tell Kaiobit about Kosmos and the ring, unlike Chu.

Puzzled, the three headed outside to find a large hole in the universe, and a bunch of girls waiting for Kaiobit.

"What does this mean?" Kaiobit questioned the little cat-girl.

Neko-chan shrugged, completely unsure. In fact, she was still determining if she could trust the being to begin with. After all, he was neither KaioShin or Kibito, so should she half get along with him, half fight with him, or take into consideration most of his attitude was KaioShin and completely trust him...or should she just be safe and start insulting him now? 

"Well, you're not much help," Kaiobit muttered at the quiet chibi and then stepped forward, prepared to ask who the girls were, where they were from, and what they were doing on KaioShin-Kai, but he did not even have luck with that. Before he could say a word they ran him over as Kosmos appeared to watch the scene before him.

"Watch, my lovely. Soon, the fan-girls will take him away, and we can have this gorgeous scenery all to ourselves, my goddess."

Slowly, Neko-chan blanched and turned to Kosmos, her eyes mere slants. "There you are!"

From the mass of fan-girls, Kaiobit looked up, shouting, "Megami!"

"Oh no you don't! Kaiobit, she is now mine. She will do whatever I want, in fact. Megami, you're perfectly fine, are you not?" Kosmos bragged, a large grin shining on his face.

On cue, Megami, emotionless, answered, "Yes, I'm perfectly fine."

"What did you do to her?!" Kaiobit bellowed from the wild tangle of trouble makers. 

"Why, I did nothing. This is her choice, correct, Megami?"

"Of course. This is my choice."

Neko-chan shook her head, overwhelmed mostly by annoyance. "Megami, these girls are going to hurt Kaiobit!!" the little cat-girl shouting, knowing Megami a tad better than Kosmos did.

Sure enough, a light blinked in Megami's eyes, she tried shaking the fogginess from her mind, mumbling, "Kaiobit?"

Quickly, Neko-chan ran over to the pink-haired female, and watched with wonder as the ring slipped from her finger, clearing Megami's eyes completely. 

"Kaiobit!" Megami gasped at horror at the group of females. There were a good number of them swarming around. 

On the other hand, before Kosmos could react, Neko-chan grabbed the ring, while Kaiobit questioned, "What do we do with that!" just as he managed to free himself from the fan-girls.

"My theory is, put everything back where it came from!" Neko-chan shouted as threw the ring to Kaiobit.

Kaiobit looked at the large hole ripping through normalcy and pointed, "You mean, in there?"

The cat nodded, Kosmos started to run after Kaiobit, and Kaiobit threw the ring back through the rip. Kosmos stopped at the rip and hopelessly looked through it, close to tears. "Why did you do that?! Come back ring!"

In disgust, Kaiobit shook his head and muttered, "Pretty good, for a stupid cat-girl," then he pushed Kosmos, sending him back through the hole.

Megami, Neko-chan and Chu started to join Kaiobit, when everyone noticed the fan-girls were still there, only, they seemed to be rethinking their plan and strategizing for something else. Neko-chan looked at Chu and grinned, "Do your best!" 

Chu eagerly set off, squeaked to the group, and they turned to find a mouse.

In unison, the girls squealed and started running to where Kaiobit was, baffling Kaiobit. "Okay, now what do I do, Neko?!"

"Side-step," the cat-girl answered quietly as she inspected her claw gloves.

Kaiobit did just that, and then marveled at how the fan-girls fell right through the dimensional rip. Puzzled, he looked at Neko-chan and questioned, "Is that it?"

Irked, the cat-girl shrugged her shoulders and spat, "I don't know...I'm just a stupid cat-girl! How should I know?!"

On the other side of the rip, far down on the ground of a forest, Jade muttered down to Kosmos, "You screwed everything up! You were supposed to make Kaiobit feel hopeless...but instead, you let a little cat-girl get the damn ring! How careless can you be?!"

"Well, you were not supposed to converge upon Kaiobit! If you had just stuck to the original plan, it might have worked out just fine!" Kosmos angrily shouted back, and soon the entire group was squabbling.

Back on Kaioshin-Kai, Kaiobit sheepishly gave Neko-chan an apologetic smile, as the hole closed itself off, and Megami looked at everyone musing, "Have I missed something?"

Sighing, the little girl nodded her head, "You missed quite a bit, and we should explain it to you...." Neko-chan recalled how she was hardly welcome anywhere and then corrected herself, "I mean, Kaiobit will explain it to you...and I'll just go fish...."

"Do you live here or something?!"

Neko-chan glared at Kaiobit, answering, "No...not really. I just spend all of my time here because I have no where else to go. But last time I was here, Kibito and KaioShin were here. You are something else entirely...geez."

"Hmm, well, does that mean you plan to bug me whenever you feel like it?"

Megami looked back and forth at the two with Chu, both trying to comprehend where this odd conversation was going. 

"Of course I'm going to bug you whenever I..." Neko-chan stopped, suddenly catching what Kaiobit had said, "Hey! Wait a minute! I'm not as annoying as you are!"

Lost, Megami looked at Kaiobit, "You're annoying?"

Neko-chan gave the group a nervous grin, muttering, "I guess he's not then...but still, he's insulting me! That gives me the right to insult back!"

Kaiobit waved a hand in the air, asking for peace for a moment while he thought about the entire situation, and then he said, "Either way, this means you will just pop up when ever you feel like it...and you spend most of your time here, so, why do we not make it official and let you stay here."

"Huh?"

"I...think I am inviting you stay, and then you will be here because I allow you to be, not because you always want to be here."

"Oh...." Neko-chan thought about for a moment, and then grinned, leaping on Megami's shoulders. "Hi there! Looks like you've got a cat!"

Megami smiled at Kaiobit, "I have a kitty?"

"Yeah...I guess you do."

"Well, why don't we go in and you can tell me what happened." Megami said, wrapping her arms around one of Kaiobit's while Chu and Neko-chan stayed on Megami's shoulder.

The next morning, Megami flounced downstairs, petting Neko-chan's head as she skipped by, Chu following her, hoping to find some cheese in the kitchen.

Kaiobit settled down into a chair in the large living room, one eye warily looking at the cat-girl as she purred away in a curled up ball.

Neko-chan opened one eye and caught Kaiobit's suspicious glance. Okay, so she had been rather evil to Kibito from time to time in the past, but still, it's not like she was some sort of major threat. She sighed to herself, thinking, 'And he's not really bad, this Kaiobit. He seems nice enough, and he did invite me to stay.'

Silently, she crept over and leaped into his lap, taking Kaiobit by surprise. Quietly, she went right back to her curled up status and started purring again, soothing Kaiobit's nerves.

'Well, she's not all bad, I guess. She's just a little chibi, besides. And her ears are pretty soft...O.o I can't believe I'm petting her ears.'

As quickly as the event had taken place, it was as easily ended when Megami stuck her head in to ask, "What would you guys like for breakfast?"

Neko-chan jumped back to her spot on the couch, purring, while Kaiobit continued reading his book. After all, they both had images to uphold. 

"Mew, fish." Neko-chan mumbled from her sleepy state, while Kaiobit answered, "How about blueberry waffles."

"All right. I'll get started on that right away."

When Megami was gone, Neko-chan returned to Kaiobit's lap, as a mouse (no, not Chu!) wondered into the living room.

"Hey, you are a cat, why do you not take care of our rodent problem?"

Neko-chan glared up at the being, answering, "First off, I don't kill rodents. Second, I have a friend that's a mouse. What would he think if I started chasing off his own kind?"

"You know, most cats who are not mousers are shameful."

Angered all too easily, Neko-chan dug her claws into Kaiobit's lap, all too close to places that should not be attacked by anything sharp. 

"You stupid, inconsiderate jerk! I *CHOOSE* not to be a mouser! If I wanted to I could take out...." Neko-chan stopped ranting when she noticed Kaiobit muttering incoherently in pain. 

"Oh...." Gently, she unhooked her claws, and when Kaiobit could breathe again, his face turned beet red as he growled at her, causing the cat-girl to cringe.

She ducked down low in his lap, eyes closed tightly, and Kaiobit sighed. She was, after all, incredibly small, helpless, harmless, and now cowering. Softly, he started rubbing her ears, knowing it should calm her down some.

Slowly, Neko-chan opened her eyes and then curled back up into a ball, the incident dropped for the moment.

And then it dawned on Kaiobit. Megami had said....

"She's going to cook!"

Abruptly, he stood up, knocking the cat-girl to the floor and then he ran to the kitchen, leaving Neko-chan's eyes swirling.

'First a pet cat and a mouse named Chu, now Megami is trying to cook! What's next, a child?!' Kaiobit thought with fear, and then calmed himself, thinking, 'No, that's not possible, by any lengths of the imagination. I am at least safe there.'

Oh Kaiobit, if you only knew....

(Finished: 9-27-02) 

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End notes: Perchance I should make rude fan-girl bashing and fluff genres! >D! Nah...only I would be so redundant to continue with my fluff (plot less) pieces and these stupid non-humour pieces of crap. >D! Oh well...it was worth a shot. I had fun writing this out, I hope you at all at least had a laugh at my attempt to type a ficcie.