BWUHAHAHAHA!! I’M BAAACCCKKK!! ^^; Unfortunately, the weasels are unable to join us.
*sniff* You know about their fetish to nest in people’s pants? Well, they happened to nestle in Dilly chan’s pants.
*lucky devils* Dilly-chan didn’t take to them to well, so he immediately exposed of them. Fried weasel tastes like
chicken...I mean! O.o;; Heh heh...
The Return of Un-random Insanity!!
The Return of Un-random Insanity #1-The Talent Show
Director: Alright everybody, let’s run through this before tonight. The first acts should be backstage, and the curtains
closed. Everybody, places please. And cue music! (music begins as the curtains slowly open; Usagi from Sailor
Moon and Folken walk to the stage from different sides to join at the middle)
Usagi: Hello, I’m Usagi Tsukino, and this Folken Fanel.
Folken: and Welcome to the Anime Talent Show 2001! Tell me, Usagi, why didn’t you have an act?
Usagi: (embarrassed) Well, I wanted to, but...
Chibi Usa: (offstage) She was too clumsy to do anything!
Usagi: (runs off stage, and the sound of choking is heard along with Usagi screeching) You take that back, you little
brat!!
Director: Stop it! Come back on stage now, Usagi!! (Usagi comes back, putting on a fake smile)
Usagi: And how about you Folken? Why didn’t you join?
Folken: (grinning mischievously) I wanted to, but we found that what I wanted to do with my claw was banned in 32
countries, including Paraguay.
Usagi: @_@
Director: Ok, forget that and just move onto the first act. That means you, Allen!
Allen: (coming out in a red sequined body suit) Ok, I’m coming. Wait, where’s the catwalk?
Director: (sighing) I already told you we don’t have the funds for it. Just pretend.
Allen: (pouts) But I need a catwalk!!
Director: Fine, fine. Merle, can you walk back and forth across the stage please?
Merle: What?!
Director: (grinning) He wants a catwalk, so walk cat!!
Merle: (muttering as she walks on the stage) I can’t believe I’m doing this...
Allen: (still pouting) But...but...never mind. Somebody start the tape recorder!
(Music plays, and Allen struts himself on stage while singing, “I’m Too Sexy”)
Merle: (covering ears and eyes) AHHHHHHHHHH!!! (runs off stage, screaming, “UNCLEAN!!
UNCLEAN!”)
Director: OK, STOP THE TAPE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!
Hitomi: (holding up tape player with tape ribbon spewing from it) Uhh, the player ate the tape completely.
Millerna: (wailing) Oh no!! Now how am I going to sing, “Wannabe”?
Hitomi: (muttering out of range) You can start by singing it on-key for once.
Director: That means all the singing and dancing acts that used the tape player are cut. Sorry guys. Next!
(Akane and Ranma from Ranma 1/2 walk onstage)
Akane: Ok, for my first magic trick, I’m going to need the help of my assistant, Ranma!
Ranma: (glaring at Akane) Wha..? What do you mean ‘assistant’? I’m not doing anything!
Akane: Shut up. Anyways, with this bowl of freezing water, I will now turn him into a girl!
Ranma: (feels temperature of water and yelps) JESUS CHRIST!! NOT THAT FRICKIN’ COLD!!
Akane: Stop being a baby and come here!! (chases after Ranma, accidentally spilling water on Shampoo, Mousse, and
Ryoga)
Director: (sighs) It’s been done before, so let’s cut that one. And someone get animal control! The goose and cat are
already fighting, and the pig made a mess on my stage!
Dilandau: (gleefully) Our turn! (pushes out piano into middle of stage as Van walks onstage in a suit) We’ll be
performing “Brown Eyed Girl”, with Van Fanel on the vocals, and I, Dilandau Aboltau, on instrumental.
(everyone stares as they do the song perfectly)
Dilandau: (noticing their stares) What’s the matter?
Director: (wide eyed) It’s just so unlike you guys to have an act like...like....like that.
Dilandau: Great! The first time I actually try to act normal, I get ridiculed for it! (takes out flame thrower and burns
piano) IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO SEE, HUH?! HUH?! YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!! (runs
offstage)
Hitomi: Vaaaannnn...why do you sing “Brown Eyed Girl”? Why not “Green Eyed Girl”?
Van: It’s the song Hitomi; I swear that’s all!
Hitomi: (crying) Uh huh! Well, lyrics can be changed you know! I think you’re keeping something, and I’ll find out
by one of my terrifying visions!! (runs off)
Van: Hitomi, you know you raise our health insurance rates whenever you do those! Come back! (chases after
her)
Director: (pops aspirin) Perfect, there goes another one of our acts. What can we do now?
Folken: You can always let me do my act...
Director: (shakes head) No, I don’t want risk offending any Paraguayans we might have in the audience. Anything
else?
Folken: The last thing we have is the Ispano clan singing Kumbya. Problem is, that’s the only word they know, and
not all of them know even that.
Director: (groaning) Now what?
Folken: (thinking) We can always serve Frosties and Puffin Corn while we spew incomprehensible Japanese at the
audience from on stage. They seem to like that.
Director: Good idea; we’ll do that. By the way, what was your act again?
Folken: (leans in and whispers) You really wanna know? It was.... ^x^;
The Return of Un-random Insanity #2-Miss Hitomi
Announcer: Due to legal issues, Miss Cleo will not be airing on stations anymore, issuing this statement: “Ma babies,
de can’t neva git Miss Cleo’s moneh!! Miss Cleo’s outta heah!!”
However we realize that you, the idiot consumer, feel the need to spend all your money on fortunes, so we now
present: Miss Hitomi!
Hitomi: Hello, caller, what’s your problem?
Caller: Uh, hi...I wondering if my boyfriend is cheating on me? What do the cards say?
Hitomi: (with blank eyes) You will die horribly tonight, and your boyfriend will marry all of his 7 mistresses.
Caller: What? Wait, you’re joking right? (nervous laughter) RIGHT?!
Hitomi: No, you’re going to die...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (screaming)
Announcer: Because of her predictions scaring away all the customers, Miss Hitomi has been released, but not
without saying, “I see blood, death, and destruction in the future of this place...”
The Return of Un-random Insanity #3-Professions
Ever wonder what Escaflowne characters could do as a job?
*Van-supplier for a pillow company or a pilot
*Hitomi-jewelry salesperson, fortune cookie stuffer, or a shark researcher (lots of blood)
*Folken-teacher (imagine his claw on a chalkboard), drug awareness supervisor (“This is your wings. This is your
wings on fate. Any questions?), or a cat trainer.
*Millerna-live action Barbie
*Allen-live action Ken
*Dilandau-fire jumper, or singer (for Porno for Pyros [yes, it’s a real group])
*Dornkirk-Santa Claus at the mall (Come on sit on my big metal lap!)
The Return of Un-random Insanity #4-Reconciliation
Alexiel: *passing out candy to readers* Yes, I’m so sorry. That sucked, I know. I don’t own any of the
Escaflowne characters, I just borrow them from time to time. And no, I’m not telling where I store all the bishounen!!
^x^; I have the deepest respect for Paraguay and it’s people, wherever in the world they are. I don’t own Usagi and
Chibi Usa from Sailor Moon, especially not Chibi Usa. *gags* The bowl with the cold water Akane tried to pour on
Ranma is not mine; I borrowed it from my school’s drama department, along with the auditorium. Now that I
mention it, I don’t own any Ranma characters, much to my distress. The songs “I’m Too Sexy” and “Brown Eyed
Girl” were not written by me, but I do have the CDs they’re on. I do not own Miss Cleo, though it would be cool to
have a Jamaican psychic on hand. The caller was played by my friend Sarah, who is now seeking psychiatric help. I do
not have the rights to Frosties and Puffin Corn, the meal of gods. I used to own Dilly-chan’s charred piano, but I had
to sell it to get money if people sue me. If you feel the urge to sue me, you can have the negative $3.50 in my bank.
Thank you. -_-;
