Goddess In The Mirror

He saw her once that morning, on his way to class. She averted her eyes as she passed him, and his own chest tensed up with feelings of shame and embarrassment. He pretended not to notice her.

This morning was much like any other recent one. Monotonous. Monotonous and lonely. It seemed to Keiichi that his entire life had been monotonous and lonely lately, every experience veiled under an intangible dark cloud. And yesterday's outburst hadn't helped--Verdandi, the one person who had made him feel like he wasn't alone, was now afraid of him--and for what? The strange feeling of foreboding that he experienced in her presence grated on the back of his mind; for some reason, it didn't quite fit in with everything else. It was almost as if it had been put there somehow.

Shrugging off his thoughts of Verdandi, he reminded himself that he was indifferent to the whole situation. Indifference was cold and desolate, but it beat guilt hands-down.

A vague twinge of hunger reminded him that he hadn't eaten for almost a day, so he plodded off toward the cafeteria in hopes of snagging an early lunch. It was quarter 'til eleven when he got there, and lunch wasn't served until the hour, so he slipped a few coins into a vending machine and purchased a bag of stale potato chips.

Munch.

Stare.

Munch.

Stare.

This is my life.

About two thirds of the way into the bag, he looked up at the sound of his full name spoken in quiet tones across the room. He glanced up listlessly at the chatter just in time to see a scruffy-looking man in his mid-twenties who he didn't recognize look over at him and give a friendly wave. The other participant in the conversation was a young classmate of his named Akito something-or-other. They were vaguely acquainted, and had even spoken on friendly terms a few times, but they were not close friends by any stretch.

Keiichi's casual glance turned to one of suspicion as the elder of the two approached him, wearing a wry but affable smile.

'"Scuse me," the stranger asked, looking curiously at him. "You Keiichi Morisato, by any chance?"

"That's me," he replied flatly.

The man bowed slightly. "Seiji Hidaka," he said. "It's an honor to make your acquaintance. Don't stand up," he added, seeing Keiichi start to rise. "Is it all right if I sit here for a minute?"

Keiichi shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."

Hidaka took a seat across from Keiichi and stretched. "So," he started, "you're probably wondering who I am."

Keiichi nodded warily.

"The thing is," he continued, "we've actually met before. I was wearing a motorcycle helmet at the time, though, so it's doubtful that you'd recognize me."

Keiichi blinked at the man's implication.

"I'm a professional racer," he explained. "I drive for a team down in Osaka." Hidaka shrugged and went on, indifferent to Keiichi's incredulity. "At any rate, I just wanted to meet you in person. I've never won a race before and ended up having the crowd give a standing ovation for the other team."

"Well," Keiichi started hesitantly, "it's a pleasure meeting you--you'll have to forgive me, though--this is unexpected, and I'm not quite sure what to say."

"Yeah, I guess not," he replied, grinning knowingly. "This isn't really something I normally do. Anyway, I just wanted to come and tell you that I've been in an accident or two in my time, and I know how discouraging they can be ... but it'd be a damn shame if someone with your skill decided to quit racing. You had those other guys beat hands-down, and if you'd been on a better bike, you'd have beaten me as well. You got guts, Morisato," he added, giving the young man a slap on the shoulder. "Some time, when you've gone pro, I'd like a rematch."

Keiichi took a sip from his 7-up and managed a wan smile. "If you say so. How'd you manage to find me, anyway?" he ventured.

"Well, I looked up your club president in the student directory and gave him a ring, and he gave me your number, so I called your place. I think I woke your girlfriend up, so I hope she's not too PO-ed or anything. She said you'd be home later, so I figured I'd stop by campus and maybe pick up a bite to eat before I headed over to your place. Your friend over there saw me wandering around and asked if there was anything he could help me with."

Keiichi nodded.

"Anyway," Hidaka concluded, "I gotta be heading back. Just keep racing, all right? You could go pro, if you keep at it." He grinned, standing again. "See ya 'round, bud." Keiichi gave the man a quiet but respectful nod as he left. Where the encouragement would have been quite heartening had he received it at another time, he found it hollow and unfulfilling, given his current circumstances. He tried for a little while to focus his mind on the conversation, and perhaps make himself feel a bit better; it did him little good, though--soon, he was once again mulling over yesterday's incident with Verdandi in his mind.

*

A small boy wandering through the forest approaches a clearing, from which emanates a soft, pink glow. Standing upon a tree trunk at the clearing's center is a beautiful girl with long, silken brown hair, gazing at him through the trees. Enchanted by this beautiful creature, he steps closer, half afraid that he will frighten her and cause her to run away. He soon discovers that this is not the case; she smiles kindly as he draws near. Finally, he comes to a stop several feet away from her and studies her inquisitively. She is wearing a strange, beautiful dress, and she has a blue, diamond-shaped marking on her forehead, as well as two more about her cheeks. There is something hauntingly familiar about her--her eyes, especially. Somewhere deep inside him, he knows who she is, but he is for some reason unable to recall where he last met her.

*

"Keiichi!"

It took him a moment to get his bearings as strange vision faded. He could tell even before he turned around that the voice was Megumi's--and she sounded pretty angry. Rubbing his eyes, he twisted around in his seat at the cafeteria table and looked up sheepishly at his sister.

"Keiichi," she said again, clenching her fists, "what happened with you and Verdandi last night? Just what possessed you to go ballistic on her like that?"

There was no good explanation for it. Try as he might to come up with some sort of reason, the simple fact was that there was no rational explanation for the way he had acted yesterday. He searched his mind for a reply as Megumi circled around the table and took a seat across from him, but nothing came to him.

She shook her head in disgust. "Ya know, when Verdandi got home last night, the way she was shook up, I thought she'd got into a fight with Mara or somebody, but then I come to find out it was *you*! Now, I'm not going to leave until you explain to me exactly why you did that!"

"I don't know, Meg. It was like I just freaked out all of a sudden."

"Oh, right! Like I'm supposed to believe you just suddenly lost all control of yourself!"

*

The girl giggles pleasantly. "No, silly! I'm a demon!"

This is strange and unexpected. A dark feeling wells up from the bottom of little boy's stomach. He wants to run away, but for some reason he does not.. "A d--demon? What are you going to do?"

"I'm here to kidnap you and make you my slave for all eternity!"

*

"Keiichi!"

"W--what?"

"Answer me!"

Keiichi rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Really, Megumi. I honestly have no idea why I did it. It's like I'm going crazy or something."

"Pleading insanity isn't gonna cut it, Keiichi. I want to know why my own brother would do something like that! It's like I don't even know you anymore!"

Once more, he concentrated on last night, along with the strange, almost alien thoughts and feelings that had been running through his mind at the time.

*

"Now hold still, okay? I'm going to erase your memory, so when I'm older and have my demon qualifications, I can come back and make you my slave then! And you won't run away, because you won't know it's me!" She titters. "Isn't that funny?"

The girl holds her hand aloft and walks toward him. He wants to turn and run, but he cannot. With an innocently evil smile, she places her hand on his cheek. The mark on her forehead begins to glow, and he feels a sudden bout of dizziness.

*

"Keiichi! Answer me!"

Swaying slightly in his seat, he blinked a few times and placed a hand on the table to steady himself. "I DON'T KNOW!" he snapped.

It dawned on Megumi then that her brother looked decidedly unwell, and perhaps he was telling her the truth. Gingerly, she reached out and placed the back of his hand on his forehead. Feeling no fever, she pulled away. "Are you all right, Kei?"

He shook his head. "I'm not sure."

"I'm really sorry, Kei. I got a bit carried away there ... you really don't look to good. Maybe you should go see a doctor or something."

"No, I'll be all right. I just haven't been getting enough sleep lately--that's all."

"You sure?"

Keiichi nodded slowly. "Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll be okay once exams are over. I'm just tired and stressed, and I'm not thinking straight right now. I'll just have a couple cups of coffee, and I should be okay."

"Listen, Kei, I'm sorry I snapped at you. Really, though, you look kinda sick, so I think you should at least go in for a check-up. I'm gonna head over to the library and study for a while, but I'll stop by your place some time this afternoon, okay?"

"Mm," he replied, nodding almost imperceptibly. He waved a languid goodbye as Megumi stood up and left. She cast a worried glance at him over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

"Megumi," he asked, "could you do me a favor?"

She stopped in the doorway and turned back around to face him. "What is it?"

"I know she probably doesn't want to hear about me right now, but tell her I'm sorry, okay?"

"I'll do that," she replied quietly.

Keiichi smiled weakly as she left. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it in front of her, but he was starting to think that maybe something *was* wrong. It was almost as if he had been delirious over the past few minutes. The very thought of Verdandi--and last night in particular--seemed to bring a host of unpleasant images to mind. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before--and that worried him.

Doing his best to clear the reservations from his mind, he went over to the cafeteria counter and ordered a cup of coffee.

*

The idea had crossed her mind. It was the sort of thing that always crossed her mind at four in the afternoon, after she had grown tired of the ways she normally amused herself during the day.

Mara certainly wasn't *attracted* to him, by any stretch--the mere thought was ridiculous--but she did wonder at times what it would be like to enjoy a normal relationship for once. Something without games, without all the tricks and manipulation that demons were so fond of.

Against the rules. That's what it would be like. The very act of entertaining this sort of idea would be, at the very least, a red mark on her next performance review, if anyone were to ever find out about it. Like Xig, for instance. Two days ago, that little turd had even had the audacity to suggest that she had *feelings* for Keiichi. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

It's not true, she told herself, so there's nothing to worry about. Right?

"Hey Mara." The apartment door opened to reveal the weary face of her charge.

"Mm," she mumbled, shifting slightly in her seat at the table and then going back to the magazine she hadn't really been reading.

"Hey, Mara," he said again softly, setting his book bag down atop the kitchen counter, "have you ever done something you wished you hadn't?"

Story of my life, she wanted to say.

"The reason I ask is because I yelled at one of my friends yesterday, and now they're afraid to talk to me."

She felt an unpleasant mix of jealousy and guilt upon hearing that. She knew exactly who Keiichi was talking about--but just what the hell was so great about Verdandi, anyway? It seemed that she wasn't enough to keep his thoughts from her, even after Xig had implanted the false memories in his mind. Instead of banishing Verdandi from his thoughts, he was worrying about it--blaming himself, feeling terrible about what had transpired. If anything, he was thinking about her even more now than he had been before.

Keiichi sighed. "I guess maybe goddesses don't have regrets. Anyway, I should probably be counting my blessings instead of dumping on you. I *am* living with a goddess after all. I'm gonna go see if I can get through this problem set," he added, taking a textbook from his bag and making for his room.

Mara closed her eyes and drew in a deep, shaky breath, wondering why this had all seemed like such a great idea back when she started. She half expected Keiichi to wander back out into the living room to talk to her again--she almost wanted him to--but he remained in his room for the rest of the evening. Finally, finding little solace in the irritatingly superficial women's magazine she was reading, she decided to turn in for the night as well.

*

The sharp, bright sunlight shone down into Keiichi's room the following morning, bringing him into reluctant wakefulness. He lay back against his pillow and sighed. After a sound night of sleep, things were a bit clearer, for all the good that did him.

What he had done to Verdandi--he had no explanation for it at all, and yet he could do nothing to banish it from his mind. All of a sudden, he had completely lost control of his thought process, and yelled at the poor girl for no reason he could even fathom.

A strange, fleeting image of a young girl chasing him through a dark forest crossed his mind. It was surreal, in a way, and poorly formed; perhaps a fragment of a bad dream. He wondered briefly why the thought of Verdandi would conjure up this vaguely disturbing vision, but soon dismissed it from his mind; he had more to worry about this morning than an imaginary chase through the woods.

He could only guess that Megumi was still furious. They had parted on reasonably good terms the last time they talked, but he couldn't imagine she would easily forgive something like that. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he knew she was right when she had told him he had changed recently--and until he could sort things out, he didn't want to face her.

Which left Mara. Given his brooding and pestering over the past few days, she had been surprisingly tolerant--more so than the rest of his friends, at any rate. Squinting into the unwelcome morning sun, he decided that he should do something for her; after all, she had stuck by him all this time.

Nine thirty. Mara probably wouldn't be up for another hour yet, which would give him time to wash up and cook her a nice breakfast. Keiichi was by no means a master chef, but be was capable of making a decent plate of bacon and eggs when the situation called for it. Donning his robe, he made his way into the bathroom for a quick soak in the tub. Half an hour later, he was dressed and cooking, and another twenty minutes after that, he was standing in front of Mara's closed door, tray in hand.

He knocked quietly on the wooden pane, causing the thin door to rattle slightly in its slide. "Mara?"

"Hm? What?" she asked irritably from within.

"I, um, made some breakfast for you," he offered hesitantly, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, whatever," Mara replied.

That was about as affirmative as Mara ever got. Holding the tray unsteadily in one hand, he slid the door open with the other and entered the room. She was lying in bed, looking somewhat displeased about having been woken up. He smiled sheepishly at her and set the tray down quietly beside her bed. She looked up at him for a little while before starting; it was disconcerting, to say the least. Her expression was unreadable, but there was obviously something going through her mind. She reached for the fork hesitantly, then stopped, pulled her hand back, and looked at the breakfast for a few seconds.

"I don't want it," she said.

Keiichi hung his head. "Sorry. I guess maybe I should have asked you first. I know you haven't been feeling well lately, so I thought maybe this would make you feel a bit better ... and anyway," he continued hesitantly, "I kinda wanted to thank you for sticking by me, even though no one else is, and it seems like my life's coming apart. But anyway, if you're not hungry, I'll--"

"I can eat it if it's that important to you," she said, picking up the fork.

Keiichi waited while she ate the food indifferently, taking occasional sips from the glass of orange juice he had brought her, and looking out the window. Finally, when she had finished the majority of her meal, she set the fork back down on the plate.

"How was it?" Keiichi asked her.

She looked away from him. "It was terrible. You overcooked it."

"I'm sorry ... I didn't mean to--"

"Go away," she said quietly.

"I--"

"Get out!" she snapped, turning back to him with eyes afire. "Get out of my room!"

Taken aback, Keiichi hastily picked up the tray and complied with her request. When he picked up his books and left for class some minutes later, he was feeling no better than he had the previous night.

*

Damn you, Keiichi!

What the hell is wrong with you? You never get mad at me, you never fight back. If you'd just yell back once, I could convince myself that you deserve all this, and I wouldn't feel so damned guilty.

You nearly kill yourself in a race because I pushed you too hard, and you apologize for it.

I ruin your life, and you make me breakfast.

You're playing with me, dammit! You know you're making me suffer! You're just trying to--

Who the hell am I kidding?

There's nobody like you where I come from. Of course, I guess if there were, it wouldn't really be Hell, then, would it? Nobody cares about other people down there--they're all just trying to get ahead by keeping everybody else down.

I really should be happy. This is the best plan I've ever come up with, and it's working better than I could have ever hoped. Maybe that's the problem, though. I guess I didn't plan on success--I like the fighting. Victory is so empty.

How was I supposed to know? How could I have guessed that I'd *like* it when you're nice to me? Demons aren't supposed to be this weak. Damn, I feel so *stupid*!

I've never met anyone like you before, and you *do* deserve better.

Some demon I am.

*

Standing at the edge of the fountain in the courtyard some time later, Keiichi stared dolefully at his slowly rippling reflection and mulled over the events of the past few days.

"Keiichi?"

He was so used to his thoughts being interrupted by now that he didn't bother to look up. "What is it?"

Urd's reflection moved in beside his own. "Want to talk?" she asked him.

"Look at this," he said, pointing down at his own reflection in the water. "Would you want to be friends with someone who had that face?"

"What do you mean?"

Keiichi sighed. "I wasn't always like this. Everything's coming apart around me, and I'm becoming a jerk because of it. Or maybe things are coming apart around me because I'm being a jerk." He shrugged. "I guess it's sort of a vicious cycle."

Urd's likeness smiled up at him. "That's usually how it works," she agreed.

"Verdandi's afraid of me, my girlfriend refuses to acknowledge that I'm even alive, and my little sister thinks I'm going crazy. And heck, with the way things have been these past couple days, I'm almost inclined to agree with her."

"And I gather you're enjoying all of this?"

"What?" He looked up at her sharply.

"Oh, I dunno," Urd replied distantly, gazing at the water tumbling down over the top ledge of the fountain, "that's just the impression I got from you. You seem to be taking great pleasure from wallowing in self-pity."

"What?" he said again, appalled.

"I could be wrong," she offered, "but seeing as how haven't bothered to actually *do* anything about your problems, I figured maybe you were getting to like them."

"Just what am I supposed to do?" he demanded. "You run around claiming to be a goddess, and yet you can't even tell me that much!"

Urd crossed her arms. "I *could* tell you," she replied, "but there wouldn't be much point in that, seeing as how you already know the answer."

"Oh, so we're back to that again. I *told* you. If I knew what was wrong, if I knew how to fix it, I would have done something by now. But I *don't*!"

"Keiichi, look at me."

He fixed his eyes on his reflection in the water.

"Look at me," she repeated. "Look me in the eye and tell me truthfully that you don't know why you're unhappy."

He looked up at her but remained silent, his expression an angry glare.

"I'm waiting," she said expectantly.

Keiichi bit his lip and breathed in through his nose. He had been denying it for a long time now, and by God, he wasn't gonna waste all that effort by admitting it now.

"You can't say it, can you?" she goaded. "You can't tell me you honestly don't know what's wrong, because you'd be lying. And here I was, thinking you'd be strong enough to own up to--"

"All right!" he barked. "All right! It's Mara, damn it! She treats me like dirt, she doesn't give a crap about anything I do, she never listens to me, and she's always manipulating me and playing with my feelings! I haven't been happy since I met her! Is that it? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Is that what you wanted to say?" she asked him, her voice softening.

Biting his lip again, he nodded quietly. Urd reached out and pulled him into a hug; he sunk his face into her shoulder and held on tightly, drawing comfort from her embrace.

"It's your life, Keiichi," she said, her voice just above a whisper. "It's within your power to make things better. You just need to do it, that's all."

"Yeah, I know," he replied, his voice muffled.

"Are you ready?" she asked at length.

He let go of her and stepped back. "You mean I have to do it *now*?"

Urd shrugged. "Why wait? Things aren't going to get better until you fix them."

Keiichi closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. "I guess you're right."

"You guess?"

He shook his head, making a fist. "I know you're right."

"That's better."

"Wish me luck?" he ventured.

Urd grinned, giving him a gentle pat on the arm. "There's no such thing--but I wish you the best."

He forced a smile. "Thanks."

"Be brave, Keiichi," she whispered as he turned to go.

*

Alone.

That's what it boiled down to. There may or may not be people backing him up and wanting him to succeed, but when it came to these big, pivotal moments in his life, it was just him, the bike, and the road--figuratively speaking, in this case.

The walk back to his apartment was almost automatic. He saw everything that was going on around him with absolute clarity, yet he paid his surroundings no attention whatsoever. When Akiko greeted him as he entered the building, he nodded politely, adjusted his backpack and continued on up the stairs.

His steps in the stairwell were slow and deliberate, echoing determination off of the otherwise silent walls. Reaching the third floor, he stepped into the hallway, walked wordlessly past nine pairs of doors, and entered his own apartment. It was, as they say, now or never.

Surprisingly, she was seated at the living room table when he arrived. She looked up at him, her expression somehow different from usual.

"Mara," he said, "we really have to talk."

She gave no reply, and her expression did not change as he moved to sit down across from her.

He took a deep breath, and then spoke. "Mara, I'm ending our relationship."

She started at that, which was strange--he had been expecting anger or resentment, or at least more tearful manipulation, but her face remained blank.

"I know we're on contract," he continued, "and I know you told me that you'll be with me forever, because the Ultimate Force is making it that way ... but things have to change. Since we met, I've been doing everything I can think of to try and make you happy, and all you've done in return is give me the run-around. It's gotten to the point where I can hardly sleep, and I can't think straight anymore."

"You can't just break our contract," she said, with just a hint of desperate insistence in her voice. "It's impossible--the Ultimate Force won't allow it."

"I didn't say I was breaking our contract," he countered. "I said I'm ending our relationship. You can follow me for the rest of my life if you want, but you can't make me care about you."

Tears welled up in her eyes, and her lower lip trembled, but Keiichi just shook his head. "That's won't work this time," he said. "I know you're just crying for show, thinking I'm gonna buckle like I always do. I can't do that this time, though. I've been ruining my life and chasing away my friends because I've been too mad and depressed about my relationship with you."

"Keiichi," she started, a tear running down her face, "I didn't mean to--"

"Stop that!" he snapped. "I told you, that's not gonna work anymore! I'm not gonna keep letting you run my life! I mean, look at me! I wasn't this person when we met! Did you know that two days ago, I even yelled at Verdandi? *Verdandi*, of all people! You've had me so stressed out that I'm getting delusions and hurting people I care about!"

The demoness' breath caught in her throat. There was something piercing about the look in his eyes. Keiichi Morisato, an innocent wronged, was staring directly into her bare soul, and there was nothing she could do to hide.

"I *trusted* you, Mara! Can't you see that? You told me you were a goddess, and I believed you--and now, because of that *stupid* wish I made, I have to live like this, with what I really want always just out of reach!"

Mara said nothing, the fire in his eyes keeping her silent.

"I hope you're happy," he continued icily. "I hope you can look at what you've done and feel good about what you've put me through." Without waiting for a reply, he walked casually to the doorway, slipped into a pair of sandals, and stepped outside.

Mara remained frozen at the table for a long time.

*

"Meg, I need to talk to Verdandi."

"Keiichi," she admonished from just inside the door, "I don't think that's really a good idea right now."

He took a deep breath. "Megumi, you're gonna have to trust me on this. I don't know why, but I'm certain that going in and talking to Verdandi right now is one of the most important things I'll ever do in my entire life."

"Just what are you planning to tell her?" she asked skeptically.

"I dunno yet. Whatever comes out, I guess. I mean, it's not something I'm planning, ya know? I just have to talk to her."

And then she saw his eyes. Looking back at her was not the person he had become over the past few weeks, but rather the Keiichi she had grown up with. She wanted to hug him.

"Megumi?" He waved his hand in front of her face. "Can I come in, or not?"

"Yes. Yes, you can. " Stepping aside, she motioned him in and reached back to shut the door behind him. "She's in her room studying."

Keiichi nodded to her and walked purposefully up to her door. It was half-open, and he could see her inside, seated at her desk, reading a textbook.

He cleared his throat nervously and knocked softly on the door. "Verdandi?"

She stood up at the sound of his voice. "Come in."

"Um, hi," he said, entering the room sheepishly. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," she said. "Kinda tired, though. How are you?"

"I'm good, I think. Better than I've been in a long time." He paused, searching for words. "Listen, I know you probably don't want to see me right now, but I really need to talk to you--it's really important."

Verdandi nodded.

"First ... I'm sorry ... sorry about what happened. I honestly don't know what came over me--I was tired and angry and stressed out, and I know that doesn't excuse it, but I want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I know it sounds really stupid, but--"

There was something in his eyes--something in the sound of his voice and the way he carried himself. He seemed different, somehow. Earnest and caring and all the other things that she knew that, deep down, he wanted to be. "I believe you," she said. "And it's all right. People say things without thinking sometimes--it just happens."

"You mean--you forgive me? Just like that?"

She smiled. "What kind of a world would this be if people couldn't forgive each other?"

He nodded, fidgeting slightly.

She took a step toward him. "Is there more?" she prompted.

He took a shaky breath and squared his shoulders. "Yeah. Yeah, there is, but I'm not quite sure where to start."

She walked up to him slowly and took his hands hesitantly into hers. "It's all right," she said, her own voice trembling slightly. "Take as much time as you need."

He swallowed. "Well, this is gonna sound really weird ... and I'm hoping that you'll take it on faith that I'm telling the truth, because, even though I'm not a good liar, I could make up something a bit more believable than this."

She nodded.

"Anyway," Keiichi stammered, "if you don't believe me, I'll understand, and I'll deserve it too, since it's all a result of something I--"

"Keiichi," she said softly. "It's all right. Whatever it is you're going to tell me, I'll believe you."

He took another deep breath, calming himself. "Okay. Remember when you saw that woman coming out of the TV screen a while back? You might think it was some sort of weird dream or hallucination or something, but it wasn't. It was real. See, the woman you saw is named Urd. She's a goddess, and she works as a sysadmin up in Heaven. I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but it's no weirder than when she came out of the TV, is it?"

"Heaven?" she asked, bewildered.

"Yeah. That's what she tells me ... Well, anyway, Mara's a goddess too--or at least she says she is. And what goddesses do is they go around and grant wishes for people. Anyway, this is gonna sound really stupid, but the reason I'm with Mara is because I wished for her. She just popped out of my stereo and kinda took me by surprise, and I thought my auto club buddies were playing a joke on me or something, so I wished for her to be my girlfriend, and now, well, there's this thing called the 'Ultimate Force' that's supposedly keeping us together."

She looked up into his eyes, her attention rapt.

"Anyway, I don't even know why I'm telling you this, because I know it won't do any good, but I really want you to know. I know I must sound insane, and I'll probably just end up making things worse when I tell you this, but I can't not do it. Remember ... remember a couple days ago, on the bench, when you gave me that cookie, and I started to say something, and didn't finish?"

She held his hands tightly, and looked even more deeply into his eyes, if that were even possible. "What is it?"

"Well, what I was gonna say is ..." He trailed off, his voice catching in the back of his throat. Fear gripped him. What if she reacted badly? What if he just ended up making things worse? How could he possibly be worthy of a girl like her?

"Keiichi, please tell me." She was on the verge of tears. "Please tell me what you were going to say. I have to know!"

He cleared his throat again, trying to find his voice. When it didn't come, he whispered to her instead: "Verdandi ... I wish things were different. I wish I could be with you, instead of Mara. I mean, I know I don't deserve you, but you're the nicest--"

"Keiichi..." she said, suddenly losing her balance. Her grip on his hands loosened, and she staggered forward and collapsed into his arms. Shocked, it was all he could do to hold her upright.

Suddenly, as if gripped by some unseen force, her body pulled away from him, floating several inches above the ground into the center of the room. A beam of blinding white light shot forth from her upturned forehead, and the various trinkets around her room began to shake and clatter as they were lifted slowly into the air along with her.

Transfixed, Keiichi watched in amazement as everything in the room began spinning around Verdandi, much like he had seen with Mara some weeks ago.

"Keiichi!" Megumi yelled from the doorway over the rising crescendo of holy chaos, her arm held up protectively in front of her face. "What did you do?"

He looked back at her for a moment, if only to acknowledge that he had heard her. Things were spinning around him rapidly now, but somehow nothing hit him. He approached Verdandi as the beam of light grew in intensity; blue markings were now plainly visible on her cheeks; and her hair, flowing magically through the air as if under water, had taken on a wondrous luster that he would never find the words to fully describe. All around her was an aura of radiant beauty, the magnificence of her soul shining gloriously beyond the confines of her earthly body.

Then, all at once, the beam faded; and when she fell from the air, Keiichi was there to catch her.

*

Belldandy didn't want to open her eyes. As she returned to consciousness, she could feel a pair of strong, steady arms around her, and she knew they were his. He loosened his grip on her as she put her weight down on her feet, but she put her own arms around him and held him tightly, making it perfectly clear that she did not want to be let go. Lifting her face up so that she could feel his warm breath on her cheek, she opened her eyes and looked directly into his.

"Your wish," she whispered, "has been approved."

Keiichi was at a loss for words. "You're a ... how could ... I mean ... I just--"

And she kissed him. Long enough that Megumi, who was still standing in the doorway, started to feel a bit awkward.

Finally, Belldandy broke the kiss and gazed back up at him.

"Well," he said, "if you put it like that..." He took a deep breath. "This is really overwhelming. In a good way," he amended hastily. "I think I need to sit down."

She let go of him almost reluctantly, and knelt down beside him, placing a soft hand on his shoulder as he took a seat on the floor.

"Um, what just happened here?" asked Megumi, taking a cautious step into the room.

Slowly, memories began to pour back into Belldandy's mind. She had been about to grant Keiichi a wish--she was in transit, actually--when something grabbed her our of nowhere--and the next thing she knew, she was standing in front of an apartment building with no memory of who she was. "I'm not sure," she said, shaking her head. "I was on my way down from heaven to grant Keiichi's wish, and something really strange happened, and then I was standing out in front Northwood Tower, except I couldn't remember who I was."

Megumi blinked. "Heaven? Does that mean you're some sort of angel or something?"

"An angel? Oh, heavens no!"

Megumi breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm a goddess!" Belldandy continued.

"Oh, well tha--a what?"

Keiichi looked over at his little sister and nodded. "It's true. The same thing happened when I met Mara--she's a goddess too."

Bell shook her head. "Mara's not a goddess. She's a demon."

Keiichi rubbed his eyes, overwhelmed. "Wow, this is all happening really fast. I mean, I guess it makes sense and all, with the way she acted, but still. This is all really ... just, wow. I'm in shock."

The conversation would have continued along this vein for quite some time, had there not been a knock on the door at that moment.

"Who could that be?" Megumi mused.

"Mara?" suggested Keiichi.

Belldandy nodded. "You're probably right. Maybe I should get it." She stood quietly and squared her shoulders, then made her way into the living room. Cautiously, she opened the front door, and was nearly bowled over by the two people waiting outside.

"Big Sister!" Skuld bounded into the door and wrapped Bell in the fiercest bear hug her young arms could manage.

Urd was a bit more subdued about it, walking casually in and taking both her sisters into a tight embrace. "Glad to have you back, Bell," she said.

"Keiichi," Megumi whispered, "what's going on? Isn't that the woman that broke into our apartment a while back? And who's the other one?"

"Yeah, that's Urd. I'm not sure about the kid, though."

"I'm not a kid!"

Keiichi blinked. "She *heard* that?"

"Oh my," said Belldandy, releasing her hold on her two sisters. "Forgive my awful manners! Keiichi, Megumi, these are my sisters, Urd and Skuld."

The elder waved, and the younger stuck her tongue out at Keiichi.

"Skuld," Bell chided, "that's really not nice."

"But Belldandy, he said I was a kid!"

"I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, Skuld."

"Belldandy?" Keiichi asked.

Bell nodded. "My real name," she said. "I'm sorry if this is confusing for you--you can call me Verdandi if you'd like."

"Belldandy," he said again slowly, testing the sound of it. "There's no need to apologize. I mean, it's not like what happened was your idea. Anyway," he continued, fidgeting slightly, "now that we're all here, I don't suppose somebody could tell me what's going on?"

"Yeah," Megumi agreed, "I'm a bit curious about all this myself."

"Urd?" Belldandy glanced up at her older sister.

Urd nodded. "Yeah, I think Skuld and I can fill you in on the main points."

"Why don't we all go sit down, as opposed to discussing this here in the doorway?" Megumi suggested.

The others agreed, and they were soon crowded around the kitchen's small table.

"Now," said Urd, "where to begin ... I guess it all started when I noticed that I hadn't heard from Bell for a couple weeks. I decided to check up on her, and as it turns out, she was living down here, going by 'Verdandi'. Anyway, I came to find out that Mara was involved somehow, so I went to Skuld and had her look up a few things on the Yggdrasil mainframe--just to confirm my suspicions, you understand."

Skuld crossed her arms. "Oh, yeah, I bet."

"Anyway," Urd continued, ignoring Skuld's objection, "as I was saying, we discovered that somehow Bell's memory had been sealed up while she was transporting down to earth. You aren't s'posed to be able to do it, but I guess Mara had somebody hack in and do some technical crap to the Yggdrasil mainframe."

Megumi leaned over to her brother, a look of incomprehension on her face. "What's she talking about?"

Keiichi just shrugged.

"She changed Bell's record," Skuld interjected proudly, oblivious to Megumi's question, "and the only way you can do that to a goddess in when the record unlocks for an update, which is during the time that she's teleporting. Funny thing is, I didn't think Mara was smart enough to be able to *do* something like that."

Urd nodded. "Yeah, that's what I meant to say. Anyway, since Mara granted Keiichi a wish, and Bell's memory returning would threaten it, the Infernal Power was protecting the changes made to the record."

"Infernal Power?" Keiichi asked.

"The demonic opposite to the Ultimate Force," Urd explained. "It makes sure that wishes granted by demons are fulfilled. Now, since the Ultimate Force and the Infernal Power are opposites, we figured out that the only way to get Bell's memory back was to have Keiichi wish for her, since in the case of two conflicting contracts, the most recent one always takes precedence."

"So, you're saying you knew all this stuff all along?" Keiichi said accusingly.

Urd ran a hand through her hair. "Of course."

Keiichi glowered. "Then just what did you mean when you said that if you told me what to do, I wouldn't be able to do it? I mean, it's just a wish--if I'd known, I could have done it a long time ago."

"Ah, there's the thing." Urd raised a finger. "See, it's *not* just a wish. Wishes from goddesses have to be from the heart. When you wished for Belldandy just now, even though you probably didn't expect it to come true, you *meant* it, with all of your heart."

At this, Belldandy reached over and touched Keiichi's hand, causing him to blush bright red.

Urd reached over and gave him a slap on the back, which didn't help. "By the way, nice work, kiddo! For a while there, I wasn't sure you had it in you."

Keiichi rolled his eyes. "Oh, thanks. And hey, if that's true, then how was it that Mara granted my wish in the first place?"

"You're forgetting something," Urd explained. "Mara's a demon. They don't have that kind of limitation--in fact, since what they do is based on deception and suffering, they don't *want* to grant your true wish. Instead, they try to get you to say the first thing that comes to mind--and then, they twist it around and make you pay for it."

"So if this whole thing was just to make my life miserable, then why drag Belldandy into it?"

Urd sighed. "Yeah, now that you mention it, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I mean, I'd assume her whole idea was to make Bell suffer, but I can't imagine why that would involve you. It doesn't quite add up--unless Bell and Keiichi had some sort of personal attachment before then."

Keiichi shrugged, and glanced over at Bell, who had inclined her head for some reason. "I don't *think* so," he ventured.

Urd smiled roguishly. "I promised Mara I'd tear her limb from limb when this was over. Maybe this would be a good time to go talk to her."

Belldandy raised a hand as her elder sister stood. "Urd, don't--"

"Bell, what she did to you and Keiichi is inexcusable, and I'm not gonna let her get away with it."

Keiichi stood up. "I'm with Urd on this. She put us through a lot--the least she could do now is own up to it."

"No kidding," said Megumi, who had remained quiet up until then. "I'm going too."

Skuld jumped to her feet. "Hey, don't all run off without me!"

"Coming, Bell?" asked Urd.

Belldandy shook her head. "I really don't want to see Mara right now. Just ... be careful, okay? I don't want anyone to get hurt--not even Mara."

Urd shook her head and smiled. "Belldandy, you're a better goddess than I."

Skuld grinned impishly. "Yeah, that's why she's first class, and you're second!"

"Shut up, you little twerp!"

*

It was a sensation not unlike walking into a quiet war zone. Keiichi took a deep breath and squared his shoulders as he opened the door to his apartment. "Mara?" he called out.

No answer was forthcoming.

"Hello?" he called again. After a few seconds of silence, he glanced back at Urd, Skuld, and his sister, and gave a slight shrug. Stepping inside, he held the door open and motioned for them to follow.

"That's strange," he mused as they passed by.

"Not really," Urd replied. "I'm guessing she's already gone."

Cautiously, Keiichi stepped over to the TV room and slid the door open. It, too, was empty.

"Think she's in her room?" Megumi suggested.

"One way to find out." Urd strode purposefully toward the door to Mara's bedroom and rapped on it insistently, causing it to rattle in its railing. "Open up, Mara!" Hearing no answer, she slid it open and looked inside.

"Well," she said, after glancing around the room for a few seconds, "I think it's safe to say that she's gone."

Keiichi wandered over for a look, along with Skuld and Megumi, and found the room empty of all of Mara's possessions, save for one CD that was left lying conspicuously in the center of the floor, face up. Hesitantly, he walked inside and knelt down to pick it up, eying it curiously.

"It's Madonna's 'I'll Remember' single," he said. "What's this doing here?"

"It's her medium," Urd answered.

Keiichi looked at her. "Her what?"

"Every goddess and demon has a medium that they use to travel between Heaven or Hell, and the Earth realm," she explained. "I go through TV sets, Skuld here goes through water, and Belldandy uses mirrors. Mara uses CDs."

"...which explains why she destroyed my stereo when she got here," Keiichi finished. "Any idea why she'd use this particular one?"

Urd shrugged. "It was probably just laying around somewhere. I doubt Mara would put any thought into it, really."

Keiichi was about to suggest that they go back and talk to Belldandy, but at that moment, the telephone rang. "Just a sec--lemme go get that," he said, standing up and taking the CD with him.

"Hello?" he said into the phone. "Yes, this is he ... uh-huh ... Oh, that's great! Glad to hear he's doing better! ... Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure about that, but maybe. Can I get back to you about it? ... Sure. Yeah, some time in the next day or so, definitely ... All right, thanks! Bye."

"Who was that?" Megumi asked suspiciously as her brother hung up.

"That was the guy I'm subletting from. Apparently his dad's cancer went into spontaneous remission not too long ago, and now that everything's all right, he wanted to know if he could get his apartment back. Kind of a weird coincidence that he called just now, though."

"Not at all," said Urd. "It's the Ultimate Force at work, setting right all the things that were affected by the Infernal Power when you made your first wish."

"So, I take it I'm going to have to get used to this sort of thing, then?"

"Yeah, that about sizes it up. It's a side effect of being in the presence of divinity." She winked fondly at him. "Anyway, we should probably be getting back. I'd hate for Bell to get worried about us, especially after all she's been through lately."

The others nodded their assent, and the four of them together went back across the hall to speak with Belldandy. They found her seated at the living room table, lost in thought.

"She's already gone," Urd said as they walked in.

Belldandy nodded.

"Apparently she ran off before we got there," Urd continued, crossing her arms. "That's all right, though--I'll catch her later. Oh, and the guy Keiichi's subletting from called--apparently wants his apartment back."

Megumi looked at her brother, concerned. "What do we do? I mean, we really don't have room for another person here."

Urd smiled. "I know a place."

*

It took them the rest of the week to get moved into the temple. Keiichi and Megumi were at first horrified at the thought of moving into a run-down shack, but their fears were short-lived; Belldandy used a magic spell that restored the building to its former glory in the space of a night.

Finding someone to take Megumi and Belldandy's apartment had been much easier than expected; an applicant showed up almost as soon as they put the ad in the paper. Belldandy said it that was the Ultimate Force at work, although a skeptical Megumi would not allow herself to be convinced that it wasn't just because a new quarter was going to be starting soon.

Urd and Skuld's attempted return to the heavens resulted in, if nothing else, an impressive lightshow. A bolt of God's own lightning came down from the heavens as they tried to return, engraving His message into the stone in front of the temple:

"Urd, goddess second class, and Skuld, goddess in training, second class, as punishment for your tampering with the Yggdrasil system, your licenses are hereby suspended for no less than six months, and you are to remain on Earth for that entire period. So it is written."

A heated argument about who was to blame ensued soon afterwards, and continued until Belldandy distracted them with a freshly baked batch of chocolate chip cookies.

That night, once the newly required living arrangements had been made, they sat down at the table for a quiet dinner, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Let me get that," said Keiichi, setting his soup spoon down on his plate. With a contented smile on his face, he strolled over to the temple's large front door and slid it open.

"Morisato!" said a big, booming voice. "We heard you were finished moving in, so we thought we'd all come down and throw you a housewarming party!"

"Oh, great!" he replied, trying his hardest to sound sincere. "Well, come in."

Alcohol in hand, Tamiya, Ootaki, and the horde of twenty or thirty other Auto Club members bounded into the living room and began partying in earnest.

*

If there was one thing that could be said about the men of the Nekomi Tech Auto Club, it was that they knew how to throw a party. That was why things were still going strong four hours later, when Belldandy began to feel vaguely uneasy. She made her way through the noisy crowd toward Urd, who seemed to be drawing an awful lot of attention from the drunken guys in the vicinity. A light touch on the shoulder was all it took to get her attention.

Noticing the trepidation in her sister's face, she excused herself from the group and walked over to a quiet corner where they could speak freely. "What's wrong, Bell?" she asked.

"I think Mara's outside. I can feel her presence."

Urd made a face. "Want me to go out and rip her a new one?"

"That sort of thing never does anyone any good," said Belldandy, shaking her head. "Go talk to her if you'd like, but please don't fight. It's too good a night to ruin that way."

Urd sighed. "All right, Bell, if you say so." Taking one last look at the party, she headed outside into the cool spring night. The sun had set hours ago, the last vestiges of twilight having passed long before.

The goddess took in a deep breath, smelling the air. It was a pleasant, sweet smell, like after a rainstorm. She descended the temple's stone staircase, her heels tapping lightly on the ground as she did so. "I know you're out here, Mara," she said, not loudly, but with enough volume to be heard over the ambient noise of the city and the muffled chatter from inside.

"I figured you did," said Mara, stepping out through the front gate, from behind the wall separating the temple grounds from the road. She was dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a loose-fitting blouse--pretty, but at the same time unassuming. The look suited her.

"So," said Urd conversationally, "what makes you think you have the right to be here?"

Mara gave a sad shrug. "Dunno. I was just wandering around aimlessly, and this is where I ended up."

"Well, I hope you're not expecting anyone to forgive you. The only reason I'm not tearing you to pieces right now is because Bell asked me not to."

The demoness sniffed. "Ha. Don't flatter yourself, Urd. Only one around here that's bitchy enough to make good on threats is me."

"Point conceded," replied Urd, taking a moment to quickly brush off one of the steps with her hand before taking a seat.

Mara sat down next to her at the implied invitation, resting her elbows on her knees, and her chin on the heels of her hands. "I hate my life," she said. "I hate it with a passion. I hate it so much that I think I'll enjoy making other people as miserable as I am--and then it turns out I hate that too."

Urd looked over at her. "Is that why you did it?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah ... no. I dunno. I thought it'd be a good plan--make Bell miserable and all. And, hey, if I could make some other people suffer along with her, then all the better, ya know?"

"No, Mara, I don't. You know damn well my sister never did anything to hurt you, so I don't see where you could possibly have reason to hate her so much that you'd pull something this low. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Where do you get off, judging me? I'm a demon, Urd! I was born a demon, and that's what I'll be for all eternity! You sit there, and you somehow think my life is cake, and that I go around doing whatever the hell I please. Well, *hello*, Urd! I live in Hell, remember? And Hell isn't fire and brimstone, by the way--it's knowing that you're born and bred to make people suffer, and there's never anything you can do about it! It's knowing that the universe would be a better place if you didn't exist!" Mara choked slightly, wiping a tear from her eye. "Unlike you, I didn't have the option of being a goddess. I didn't get to choose. So if you're gonna judge me, the least you can do is tell me why the hell I didn't get a choice!"

To Urd's surprise, the demoness broke down into a fit of sobbing; clearing a well-planned and hurtful retort from her mind, Urd pulled her childhood friend into a fierce embrace and held her there. I've been doing this a lot lately, she mused.

"He said he'd never care about me," she whispered through her tears. "And then when I started to cry ... he thought I was faking it. He ... he said I ..." Wracked by a fresh bout of sobbing, Mara buried her face into Urd's shoulder and shook violently, unable to continue.

Rocking slowly back and forth, Urd found herself at a loss for words. This was the real Mara, for once. No walls, no pretenses, and no deceptions. And the real Mara was a sad sight indeed. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'm sorry things couldn't be different, and I'm sorry I got a choice and you didn't. And I know I have no right to say this, Mara, but you don't have to be this way. That's what free will is. You've got a choice--and it may be a hard one--but you don't have to exist just to make people suffer. You can't change your ancestors, but no one can control the way you act."

Mara sniffed, sitting back up and wiping the wetness from her eyes. "Listen to you--you've been in Heaven way too long, Urd. Not spreading misery would mean walking out on my job. No demon has *ever* done that before. I don't even want to think about what would happen to me if I tried. I'll always be a demon, and there's nothing I can do to change that."

Urd closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment, causing a rose to appear, suspended in front of her. Carefully, so as to avoid being pricked buy the thorns, she plucked it out of the air. "Ever read any Shakespeare, Mara?"

"No, can't say that I have."

Urd eyed the rose noncommittally. "Would it matter if I decided to call this a dandelion?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

The goddess ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "Just answer me."

Mara shook her head. "It wouldn't matter at all. I mean, it'd still be a rose. But so what?"

"Then so what if you're called a demon? It's just a name ... it doesn't have any bearing on who you are."

Mara sat back and gazed up at the night sky, smiling sadly. "Thanks, Urd. That's nice to hear, even if you are dead wrong. Anyway, far be it from me to keep you from a party. Go enjoy yourself, all right?"

Urd nodded, standing up and brushing herself off. "G'night, Mara."

"Night, Urd." Mara stood as well, taking one last look at the temple before strolling off into the night.

*

Some time later, Keiichi sat alone on the temple's back porch. The party, despite having gone on for quite a while, showed no signs of slowing. He was not an antisocial person by nature, but, being somewhat shy, the constant noise inside was beginning to wear on him; it was a great relief when he finally managed to get out of sight long enough to slip through the door.

Taking a seat on the old cedar deck, he leaned back on his hands and took a deep breath, savoring the cool wind. He winced inwardly at the sound of the door sliding open quietly behind him--it was probably Tamiya or Ootaki, coming out to drag him back inside.

"May I join you?"

It was Belldandy. With all the commotion of the party, he had had little chance to speak with her over the course of the night. "Yeah, sure," he said nervously.

"Pretty night," she said, taking a seat beside him. Her hair smelled wonderful.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is. Hey Belldandy?" he ventured, seeing her gazing up into the night sky.

"Mm?"

"Do you believe in fate?"

She smiled wistfully. "I think so."

"Have you ever asked ... you know ..." he trailed off, pointing into the sky.

"The Almighty? No. And I think He wants us to discover some of these things for ourselves. That's what believing is, after all."

Keiichi looked up into the sky; it was an incredibly clear night, as if a perfect, crystalline picture had been painted across the heavens just for them. Hesitantly, he reached out and put his arm around her. Edging up right next to him, she leaned on his shoulder and sighed contentedly.

Finally, things were as they should be.

THE END