Kachime no Nai
A Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic
By Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!!

"I've got this feeling you're not gonna stay
It's burning within me
The fear of losing
Of slipping away"
-Don't Wanna Lose You Now, Backstreet Boys


Chapter 5: Problems
Kurama
I am reluctant to leave Hiei alone. It's obvious that he's depressed. And he needs someone to be there for him. But I need to talk to Yuusuke.

Yuusuke meets me at the gate to Genkai's yard. "I was wondering when you were going to come back."

I nod. "What happened after I left?" I need to know what Yukina said about Hiei.

The black-haired ningen leans against a tree. "Yukina came back. She said that she tried to kill Hiei, but you stopped her. She's pretty pissed at you. Her temper's almost as bad as Hiei's. But she was talking about how her and Kuwabara were going to get married." Yuusuke looks at me. "This is really screwed up. Talk about family problems."

I glare at him. "Shut up! This isn't funny!"

"You're right; it's not funny." Yuusuke sighs. "How's Hiei doing?"

Shaking my head, I look at him. "Not too good. He's closing himself off. I'm starting to think that he's going to leave."

"Damn!" Yuusuke curses, and plunges his fist into a tree. "I know that Kuwabara was an idiot, but why did he have to say something that stupid?!"

"He was drunk, Yuusuke. We all do things we regret. He just didn't really have a chance to regret it..."

Yuusuke starts walking toward the temple. I follow. We go into the room where Kuwabara met his death only yesterday. Kuwabara's body lay stretched out on a futon. Yukina kneels next to him,. Around her is a sea on tear gems. Yuusuke glances at me. "Yukina healed him." We leave the room silently. Yuusuke frowns. "I really wish Hiei hadn't killed him. Hurting him would have been fine...but killing him..."

I look the ningen in the eye. "Yuusuke...If I had led his life, I would have ended up doing the same thing. So would you. So would anyone. He lost control." I pause to collect my thoughts, then continue. "Don't you think he regrets it too? But he can't change it."

Nodding, Yuusuke starts to pace. "I know." He stops and leans against the wall. "Koenma hasn't sent anyone, so I don't think he's going to."

I nod. Hiei wouldn't fight if he did. He would probably welcome it. Emperor Enma-sama probably thinks that making him live with his crime is enough punishment. He's right. "When is the funeral?"

Yuusuke sighs. "We don't know yet. I'll call you when Shizaru finds out." He looks at me. "I suppose you know that Hiei isn't welcome to come..." I flinch, and Yuusuke continues hastily. "Not because of me. Yukina doesn't want him there. She says she'll kill him."

"He probably won't want to come anyway." I sigh. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Yuusuke glances at me. "What should I tell Yukina?"

He wants to know if he should tell Yukina that Hiei is really her brother. "No. Don't tell her anything. Hiei doesn't want her to know."

Yuusuke sighs. "K'so! What the fuck are we going to do?! If he doesn't tell her, she won't stop hating him! She's already talking about sending assassins after him!"

I gape at him. "Nani?!"

"You heard me. She wants him dead. She's not going to stop until he is dead."

"Great Inari-sama..." I lean against the wall in shock. "This is just getting worse and worse." I look at Yuusuke. "He won't try to evade any assassins she throws at him. He doesn't care enough to do that."

"I'm sorry, Kurama. I'll get Shizaru to talk to her."

"Shizaru's here?"

Yuusuke nods. "She came last night. She was pretty upset." I take in a deep breath. Shizaru is one of the few ningens to have earned Hiei's respect. Her, Genkai, and, after seeing her beat the crap out of Yuusuke a few times, Keiko, not to mention me. If Shizaru hates him, he'll be devastated. Yuusuke continues. "I told her what happened and she understands."

I nod, relieved, and look at my watch. I've been gone for nearly two hours. "I'd better go. I'll talk to you later." I need to get back to Hiei. He needs me.

Yuusuke nods. "Tell Hiei that I don't blame him for what happened. And that Shizaru, Keiko, and Genkai don't either." I look at him questioningly. "They're a little upset, but not with him."

I leave and hurry back to my apartment. "Hiei?" I call out as I unlock the door and enter. "Where are you?" I see him laying on the floor in the kitchen and my blood runs cold. Did Yukina already act? I hurry to his side. There are three empty liquor bottles around him. The special Makai brew that I have been saving for the New Year. The extremely potent stuff. He found my liquor cabinet. And drank all of that alcohol. He's going to be really sick. I pull the small fire demon into my arms and shake him awake. "Hiei..? Why did you do this?"

The Jaganshi pulls away from me and stands up unsteadily. "Go 'way!"

I try to steady him as he almost falls, but he slaps my hands away. "I'm not going to leave you."

"Fine! I'm leavin'!" he snaps, growling. "I'm goin' t' th' M'kai!"

I grab his arm. "No, you're not. You won't last ten minutes with how drunk you are."

He shoves me away. "Why sh'd you c're?! You c'n 'lw'ys find 'nother lov'r aft'r I'm dead!" My eyes fill with tears. How could he even think something like that? The tears fall down my cheeks. My lover falls to his knees. "You don' c're 'bout me! Nob'dy does!" An ebony tear gem falls to the floor. "Nob'dy ev'r has..."

I drop down beside the fire demon and hug him close. "I do care about you! How could you think that I don't?!" There is no answer. I hold him as he sobs. He's never done this before. Never has he so completely lost control of his emotions. But I've never seen him this drunk before either. After a while, his shaking subsides, and he leans against me, breathing deeply. I pull away slightly and tear gems fall to the floor.

Moving slowly so as not to wake him, I carry Hiei into the bedroom and set him on the bed. Then I carefully pick up all of the tear gems and put them in my drawer. It's going to be a long night...


Okay, so maybe I don't have to be so mean to poor Hiei-san. But I can't help it...


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