Monday, May 19, 2003: Depression
I feel kinda depressed right now. I feel as though I mess up everything that I touch. I wish I could change so many things about myself. I have mood swings for example. I wish that I didn't. I try not to let things bother me, but sometimes they do. My self-esteem can be so poor at times, too. Do I have to do the same things that some of my friends do in order to please others?

I've always felt like this since I was little. How come whenever someone does something bad to me and I snap back at them for it, I feel bad? Maybe I'm not used to standing up for myself. I just keep quiet and take it....Sometimes I stoop to the level of other people in order to get back at them for something. I used to try to just let it go, but the problem would just get worse and worse. People would try to tell me, "That's not being mature." How can you tell someone what being mature is if you contradict yourself by doing something totally different when you say don't do that?

You ever felt like crap when you do something wrong? I really feel like crap...sometimes I just want to curl up and die:| You're probably thinking, "I never felt that depressed." Well, I have. I just feel the need to try to please everyone.


Sunday, May 18, 2003: Summer Fun Well, some of my friends are graduating at my high school. I sent them e-cards to wish them well. Some of my other friends have already graduated from my college. I'm going to miss them. :( Oh well...that's what emails and cell phones are for!:)

Is it just me or is it that the world can be weird at times? I remember way back when I first started this site, I wanted a lot of people to come to it. Hardly anyone did. Now that I don't care anymore, lots of people come! *S*

Life has been good to me. I absolutely adore my "Sims Deluxe Edition" game. It's so much fun...starting off that is. After a while, it gets to be very boring. I mean doing the same repititious actions everyday. They eat, sleep,....you know what else, lol. It can be boring. Trying to maintain their jobs and social relationships will also strain your Sims' health, too. Yikes! Yet, it's a cool game. It's more like real life, but anything can happen here.

I am absolutely in love with the manga Peach Girl. I've created a special little section on it within this diary . Click here for Peach Girl.

Monday, May 5, 2003: Gray Skies II Today was a boring day. I now have the game "The Sims" and it's pretty cool. My Sims are lazy, however. Lol.

Monday, April 7, 2003: Life *sighs* I'm so tired. I have a test tomorrow in my English class. I'm tired of taking all of these tests every other time I go to this class...Well, the good news is that I didn't have to go to college today. It flooded in central Mississippi. Land fell apart on hills :S

All schools were canceled and so forth.

Friday, April 4, 2003: My Boyfriend I don't have much to say today...lol. I'm just talking to my boyfriend right now. He's my "husband." I will say this, however........"Passions" was good today! Lol.

Thursday, April 3, 2003: If it isn't Love "If it isn't love, why do I feel this way? Why does she(he)stay on my mind? And if it isn't love, why does it hurt so bad? Make me feel so sad inside?" These lines are from the song "If It Isn't Love" by the 80s group New Edition.

After I left my Business Communication class today, my friends Pauline, Marie, and Karyn were all having a discussion on our love lives. It was rather funny...we were talking about how you can tell if you're in love or not. I can't diffrentiate between love and infatuation. :S

Well, anyway...I think when time passes, you'll know if you're in love or not. You can tell exactly how a person feels without having to ask him or her. Unfortunately, I can't write much in this diary today. I really don't have anything else to say other than the fact that I download "Paint Shop Pro" last night and it didn't work this morning. Ack! @_@ Oh, well...tomorrow is another day--"Scarlett O'Hara"

Wednesday, April 2, 2003: Gray Skies I'm not feeling so good right now. My stomach aches. I never should have eaten cheetos and drank pink lemonade behind it. :S

I should have brought a jacket to my Keyboard Skillbuilding class today. It was cold in the room because of the air conditioner. My hands were rather numb and I had to still type. I managed to complete the rest of my lessons and do one timed writing today. I'm slipping, however. I usually type 73-84 words per minute. I only did 67 words today. You may be thinking, "That's still a lot of words." True...but I like to stay in my range of normal typing.

Tuesday, April 1, 2003: Dilemma Today was an okay day for me. I went to one of my classes today being taught by the same teacher in the last diary entry of mine. Let's just call her Mrs. X since I don't want to call names. I go to Mrs. X's class today, and I began typing up my assignment. I realized at the last moment that I was doing it wrong, however. I got ready to go back to correct it when she asks me why were there return marks at the end of my sentences. I told her that I made a mistake and I was going back to correct it. She wants to get an attitude with me because I had did it wrong.

If you tell the teacher that you're going to go back to correct the assignment, then what's the problem? She starts taking these deep breaths like she's frustrated or something. She corrects it for me and then asks me, "Tell me, yes or no, do you know not to add return marks at the end of your sentences." I told her yes...it was just a mistake. I explained my side of the story but she didn't quite follow me, so screw it. She said she wasn't picking on me; she just wanted to make sure that I knew what I was doing and stuff.

If she's not picking at me, then why is she only doing that to me and not to the others? She raised her voice at me when I made the mistake in my document. I said I was going to correct it...sheez. She keeps on competing with me on stuff, too. I never thought I'd see the day that a teacher would compete with a student over how much she knows about certain things.


Monday, March 31, 2003: Confusion Why are there people in the world that do the things that they do? I'd tell you if I knew. I was in one of my college classes today doing my classwork and listening to the teacher. She was using all of these strange formulas and I wrote them down for future reference. I didn't quite understand how she came up with her answers, so I decided to ask the people sitting next to me.

My teacher gets an attitude with us and says that we're in our "own world." We weren't even doing anything but writing down her examples and asking each other how did she get her answers. We THOUGHT it would be easier to ask each other instead of raising our hands constantly asking her questions. You ever notice when you do ask the teacher a question, she gets an attitude with you? Yet, she/he tells you that you're supposed to ask him/her questions if you don't understand something.

She tells us to wait after class for her. When we did, she then walks off saying she's not going to talk to us. So, we get up and leave. Just as we're leaving...she stops us. She says that she sees "disrespect" from us. We told her that we weren't copying or doing anything wrong. We were comparing answers. Besides, we weren't the only ones doing that. The older people in the class room do the same thing but nothing is ever said to them. Why do people discriminate against people younger than them? Just because we looked like we were high school students didn't give her the right to treat us that way? We were just taking notes and asking each other how did she come up with her answers?

My parents took the teacher's side as usual saying "See it from her point of view." My teacher competes with me because I know more html than she does. :S

My parents don't seem to understand that....it's getting to the point where we can't even erase our answers in class without the teacher saying something to us.

Sunday, March 30, 2003: Dilusion Hi! Welcome to my blog! It's been a while since I've updated this site. I thought that it might be a good idea that I get away from making this whole entire site straight Sailor Moon/anime, and do something more....."adult."

On the main part of my site, I have a diary that no one except for my friends can enter. I fixed it where you have to know my ID and password in order to get into it. There's really no need to try to get into it now anyway because this page is going to be used as my online diary.

I recently got "married" to my b/f a few weeks ago, lol. I really like him a lot. His e-cards are so sweet when he sends them to me. He's the type of guy that searches for the perfect type of cards to give to me but thinks that they aren't beautiful enough. I told him that it's the thought that counts. *S*

Today is so boring. I was watching "The Neverending Story" on the Sci-fi channel a moment ago. I used to be afraid of certain parts of that movie when I was little. The part with the wolf chasing after the character Atreyu scared me. :S In case you have figured it out yet.....I love fantasy-related material. I love movies such as "Sleepy Hollow," "The Others," "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," and etc.

I remember when I was back in 5th and 6th grade, I read this book called "The Weaving of a Dream." It was a Chinese tale that was sort of a male version of "Cinderella." It wasn't quite like "Cinderella," but you'd have to read the story in order to see what I mean.

Have you ever felt stupid for trying to be friends with someone who was doing you wrong, but you still tried to be friends with them? That's how I feel at times. I guess maybe I'm soft when it comes to people at times. I try to get along with everyone but it seems that I still get run over at times. I feel stupid. :S Hmm...I guess maybe I should learn not to "toss my pearls before the swine, lest they trample them."

It's so cool outside right now. The wind is just brustling through the trees and the birds are chirping. The sun has come out (it was cloudy). Well, Im too tired to keep on typing, lol. Be back soon!