The Sound and the Furry Productions, copyright 17th year of the 78th cycle Andrew Huang, nutcase, headcase, briefcase, member begun August 6, 1997 Reminder: There _are_ spoilers in here. Big time. Evangelion is the property of Gainax (great bunch of people, they are). ADV Films has the rights to the English translation. And usage of o/" to symbolize musical parts (it's a music note, see?) was borrowed from RpM, fellow fic writer. And special thanks to Michael Borgwardt for cleaning up the German parts. I'm nowhere near as fluent as I once was.... Back to Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut. If this story makes you dizzy, bang your head against a wall a little. Not too much, just a little. This part is set a few days after the conclusion of part 2, "The Faces of Death^H^H^H^H^HAyanami". Please read part 1 and part 2 first, else you may be confused and be forced to bang your head against the wall. I'll not take any responsibility for the consequences of taking that advice above.... Pardon the sugar content. Those with low tolerance for extreme WAFF (Warm And Fuzzy Feeling) situations should NOT read this part. Actually, do read it--just be prepared to page through certain bits. --------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------- It was time. Time for some more Evangelion spoofiness. "Yes, it does exist. Stop looking at me like that." The writer sat down at his keyboard, and began bumbling^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H crafting his latest masterpiece. ************************************************ Misato yawned and stretched, giving a grand show to anyone who might be watching. "8 am. Things have been so slow around here lately. Shin-- oh, that's right." Shinji had left early for school. A meeting, he said. Misato smiled, thinking who it was exactly he was meeting with. Those two had certainly advanced their relationship in leaps and bounds. It had been, what, not even a week? But then, they had so little before, so that would make sense.... Asuka had also left early--to keep an eye on things, no doubt. "Squawk!" "Oh, Pen-pen. Looks like Shinji already fed you." The bird nodded. Misato laughed, remembering a certain dream. "Don't you start philosophizing about the Angels and talking about design specs for Unit 01." Pen-pen merely looked at her strangely, then ambled over to his refrigerated compartment, shutting the door behind him. Misato began preparing for the day. The sound of typing was barely audible. [Open log_] [Log opened_] read the computer screen. [Report of Agent P: The woman knows too much...._] *** Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, part 3: Tenshi Muyou--No Need For Angels by Andrew Huang written for The Sound and the Furry Productions *** If the thirteenth Angel had a mouth, it would be smiling right now. Now was the time. Yes, it would find one of the Evangelion units, bide its time in the computer system, take over the controls when activated, and carry out its purpose. Its glorious, grim purpose. That is, if only it could just possibly find one of those EVAs. Now that was posing a bit of a problem. [Hmm. Now, where am I?] "Say, boss...you didn't, perhaps, do something with my computer again, did you?" "No, Sato-kun...not since that last time. I still have the burn scars." "So why does the screen keep on flashing 'Which way to NREV'?" "Well, I don't...eh...wait. 'NREV'?" "NERV, I'm guessing. Maybe it doesn't know how to spell, whatever _it_ is." [So sue me!] If the thirteenth Angel had a mouth, it would have stopped smiling just about now. ------------------------------------------------ "Good morning, Shinji-kun." "Ah, good morning, Rei-chan." The two students sat down at empty desks next to each other. It was quite a sight: Rei _not_ staring out the window, silently, and Shinji _not_ idly slumped at his desk, listening to Touji and Kensuke yammer about Misato--instead, they chatted quietly, smiling. A cute couple, they were. But then, the past few days had been highly odd anyway, even by Tokyo-3 standards. Rei with outward personality, Shinji with backbone.... Nearby, Asuka stared at the two suspiciously. That, at least, was less surprising than most everything else. She was finally distracted from them by Hikari sitting down next to her. "Oh, hi, Hikari-chan." "Morning, Asuka-chan." Hikari was pensive. Touji hadn't come to school since that triple-date, five days ago. She also hadn't been able to reach him by phone. Apparently, he was at the hospital, with his sister, just like he was when she had first been injured. And she certainly didn't have the time to go to the hospital to find him. "Are you worrying about him again? Oh, don't be...." "Well, you'd think that he'd call or something, right?" "Um, hi." It was Touji. Hikari jumped up a little too quickly and fell over her chair. "Whoa...are you okay?" He extended a hand. Hikari, eyes shining, took it gratefully. "Heh, sorry I haven't called or anything...." "It's...it's all right." They stared at each other in silence for a second or two. "Ah, I guess I want to talk to you...." Touji smiled weakly. Hikari nodded, and they walked over to a corner of the room. Asuka sighed. She turned her attention back to Rei and Shinji. She narrowed her eyes in displeasure as she noted how much closer together they were, now. "So, ah, got any plans for today?" "Baka." Rei bapped Shinji lightly on the forehead. "We've got training today, remember?" "Oh. Damn." Rei laughed softly, and put her hand over his. "Still, that doesn't mean we can't...talk after we're done." Shinji blushed a bit, smiling, then froze. "You know, Rei-chan...is it normal for people to swell up and turn bright red?" "Hm? What do you mean?" Shinji pointed nervously. Rei turned around. "Oh...hello, Asuka...." Asuka clenched a fist, and barely managed to catch herself, so she simply turned away. "I can't stand this," she hissed to herself. She found herself facing a deliriously happy Hikari, and a confused but overall happy Touji. "Heh, don't mind us, Asuka-chan." "I really can't stand this," muttered Asuka. Her words, however, lacked their customary vehemence--which was completely lost on all in the vicinity. Including herself. ------------------------------------------------ "Mommy, Mommy! My Tamagotchi is broken! Maro-chan's _gone_!!" "Oh, let me see that, Ju-chan." Hayama Sana took the little electronic pet from her daughter Junko and looked at it carefully. "Well, that's strange." "Mommy? Can you fix it?" "Let me see...don't worry, if Mommy or Daddy can't fix it, we'll go get you a new one. Dear! Could you come here?" Sana's husband Akito walked in, carrying a NERV (tm) coffee mug. "Hm?" "Ju-chan's Tamagotchi is acting strange. Take a look." She handed it over to him. "NERV? Since when did they get involved with making these things? This merchandising thing of theirs is getting out of hand." [ARGH! I can't find my way around this place worth a DAMN!] ------------------------------------------------ Aoba quickly put away the mangas he had pilfered from Hyuuga's desk and tried to appear busy as the Subcommander of the whole operation walked in. "Uh, Subcommander, there seem to be reports of odd electronic phenomena around the city this morning. All of them seem to be relating to NERV." Fuyutsuki blinked, and looked over at Aoba. "What?" Aoba handed him a NERV (tm) clipboard with several official statements on it. The Subcommander read them over, puzzled. "This is one of the strangest things I've ever seen. Any clue as to what it might be?" "None, sir. So far, it's been relatively harmless, so they've speculated that it's just a prank. Still, it's a pretty widespread one, if you ask me. All over the city, so far." Fuyutsuki nodded. "Well, keep an eye on this thing, just in case." He looked around the room. "Where is Hyuuga?" "Um, check report number...seven, there." Aoba pointed at the clipboard. Fuyutsuki did so. He raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's interesting." "Yeah. Maia went in to check up on him." ------------------------------------------------ Maia sat next to Hyuuga in the NERV infirmary. He was on one of the cots, several bandages and an icepack on his head. His glasses were on the table next to him. She was looking very confused. "Now...run that by me again?" Hyuuga sighed. "I found another machine that _said_ it had Dr. Pepper. I put in the money, punch the button, and then the LED sign on it asks where NERV is or something like that. It didn't give me my soda. So I kicked it, the stupid piece of junk. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground, an exploded can of _Mr. Pibb_," he growled the name of the soda, "lying next to me, my forehead's bleeding, and some girl with long black hair wearing a Shinto priestess outfit is there slapping wards on the drink machine." Maia could only stare at him. "Well...." "I dunno, those wards seemed to have worked, 'cos the machine stopped beeping after that. Nice girl...can't remember her name right now, though something tells me that I really should. At least her first name." Hyuuga fell silent a moment, grumbling. "I ought to sue, you know." Maia nodded and started to say something, but Hyuuga went on. "False advertisement! That machine said it had Dr. Pepper!" Maia fell out of her chair. ------------------------------------------------ Caspar was hard at work, running the city, analyzing data on past Angel attacks, playing with the minds of the humans, etc. Suddenly, he stopped. [Melchior.] [Yes, Caspar?] [It seems that someone, or something, is searching for us.] [Something like that. There have been messages all over the city asking how to get to NERV HQ or something.] Melchior did a quick check. [Yeah, that's it, all right. What do you think this means?] Balthshazar came in, after running possibilities through his circuits. [I haven't got enough information to draw any conclusions, yet. Caspar? What about you?] Caspar was silent, thinking. Then, he spoke. [I feel...a disturbance in the Force.] Melchior sighed cybernetically. [Balthshazar, have you been downloading those gaijin movies again?] [Umm...no comment.] ------------------------------------------------ "Dr. Akagi." "The Magi haven't been able to come up with anything yet. The randomness of the occurrences seem to be throwing them off." "Keep working on it." "Yes, Subcommander. Ah, where is Commander Ikari?" "He called in sick today." ------------------------------------------------ "Dammit. Rei knows Jujitsu, too, does she?" Gendou continued wrapping his two wrists and both ankles with tape, giving a vicious tug with his words. It was kind of difficult, with both of his arms in slings. ------------------------------------------------ Kensuke sat down next to Asuka during lunch. He had no one else to talk to, considering how...involved the others were. "You know, I'm getting sick of this. It was Rei and Shinji the past few days, and now Touji and Hikari, too." Asuka sighed. "Yeah, I know. I guess I'm glad that Hikari's happy, but...do they _have_ to do this in class?" "It could be worse. You remember how Rei was just afterwards." Both nodded. Then Asuka sighed, wistfully. "I haven't seen Kaji in a few days...." "Feeling lonely, huh? Yeah." Asuka looked at him strangely. "What do you mean by that?" "Well, I mean," continued Kensuke, waving in the general direction of the two couples, "seeing all that around you, y'know, but not...." He sighed. Asuka softened a bit. "I suppose you're right." They returned to staring at the two pairs. Finally, Kensuke got fed up. "That's it. Enough with them." He turned to the computer on his desktop and turned it on to play some Nethack. Asuka looked over his shoulder. "Wow, you're playing a Tourist? Tough one." Kensuke nodded. But before he could start the game, the screen flickered wildly. [Where is NREV? I mean, NERV?] Asuka blinked. "What?" Kensuke screamed. "MY SAVEFILE!!!!!!" This quickly brought Rei, Shinji, Touji, and Hikari running. "What happened?" asked Hikari. Kensuke was quietly weeping. Asuka pointed at the screen. "Well, he started playing Nethack, when this suddenly popped up." Touji tapped at the keys a bit, but nothing happened. "Someone's trying to find NERV? This is kind of weird. What do you suppose it is?" Rei sat back down at her desk, and turned looked through her computer. "Nothing wrong here...wait, some of my files were opened. The ones about NERV general information.... We'd better tell someone about this." Four cellular phones were pulled out simultaneously. ------------------------------------------------ "Yes? Oh...more of that stuff, huh? Right, I'll log it." Aoba hung up the phone. "Doctor, seems that 'prank' has been showing up at school, where the pilots are." Ritsuko nodded. "I'll get this data to the Magi. And who's playing that music? It's starting to get distracting." [Sorry.] The Star Wars theme turned off. "Thanks. I--" Ritsuko stopped, looking around, then shrugged. More important things lay ahead. ------------------------------------------------ School let out. At last. Asuka sighed in relief, now that she could finally get away from those four. Then she frowned. "Right about now, Hikari and I would be going to the mall, normally." She grumbled. She wasn't about to go there alone.... She sat down at a bench, staring up at the clouds. I really shouldn't be so bothered by all of that. I mean, I've done just fine on my own for years now. "Asuka?" Yeah, that's right. I don't need to worry about that. Hey, maybe I _will_ go shopping by myself. "Asuka-chan?" Besides, it's not like I should spend all my time with Hikari. "Asuka!" "WHAT!? WHAT?!!" Hikari and Touji fell away, nervously. "Uh, didn't you say that we were going to the mall today?" Asuka blinked. "Oh...yeah. Yeah!" Hikari smiled. "Well, come on!" She looked over at Touji. "I want to try on some things for him." Touji blushed. Asuka attempted to grumble, but it came out more like a sigh. ------------------------------------------------ The thirteenth Angel was getting nervous. It was, at present, surrounded by many, many individual electronic systems. It was going to be next to impossible to get out of this place, it seemed. "Hey, there's Shinji. Next to the arcade. Hey!" "Oh, hi, guys. Man, I was going to try out that new Street Fighter game, but most of the machines in there aren't working." [HELP!!!] "Oh. Pity." Yes, the Angel wasn't going to be going anywhere for a while. A long while. "Well, where's Ayanami, huh?" "She wanted to finish up her homework. "Too bad, eh?" Touji elbowed his friend. Touji suddenly stiffened, as if waiting for something. "Something the matter?" "Well, Asuka, I was expecting you to...slap...Asuka?" "Oh, she's over there...in the dress shop." Hikari pointed. "Whatever. Well, Shinji--we'd better get going now. We've got training in a few hours, and Hikari still wants to go roaming around here. Plus, now that you mention it, maybe I should get started on my homework...." ------------------------------------------------ "Oh, Hyuuga. Feeling better?" Hyuuga waved a can of his choice soda. "Much, yes. Anyways, anything about that stuff about asking for directions to NERV yet?" Ritsuko walked out of her office. "Caspar detected a blue pattern, but only very fleetingly. Also, the other two Magi haven't gotten so much as a trace, so there's no conclusion yet. Especially with the sheer randomness of it all. The Angels have been much more direct, so it just doesn't seem quite likely." "Well, whatever it is...it's been a royal pain." "And keep that away from the console. Go drink it outside." Hyuuga flinched. "Yes, ma'am." ------------------------------------------------ [Blue pattern, huh? How come we haven't gotten any trace of it?] [You must reach out with the Fo--] [WOULD YOU GET OFF THAT DAMN MOVIE ALREADY?!] [Okay! Okay. Calm down, you'll burn out a circuit.] [Too late. I think some of yours carried over to me, or something like that. Balthshazar. Balthshazar! Get off the freaking Net already, would you?] [Sorry, sorry. I found some Babylon 5 clips, and....] Melchior cursed silently. What was it with him and old Western science fiction? Then, [Anyways, Caspar--how did you get a blue pattern?] [Actually, I guess I happened to be scanning the right place at the right time. It doesn't seem to leave any footprints or anything like that, so once it leaves, any pattern traces leave too.] [Well, until I can see it with my own...um, "eyes", then....] [Same here.] [Well, keep looking, then.] Caspar returned to playing the saved game of Nethack which had somehow appeared in his memory banks during that one detection of a blue pattern. [Never got a Tourist advanced this high before. Not bad at all.] ------------------------------------------------ Fuyutsuki walked into the apartment, briefly noting the odd brown stains all over the kitchen wall. He promptly ignored them, and continued into the study. "Commander?" "Ah, Fuyutsuki. Update?" "There may be...what happened to you?" "I...ah...." "Did you go talk to Rei again?" "..." Mental note: don't cross Rei. "Well, anyways. There may be an Angel on the loose in Tokyo-3. A sort of computer virus, like the eleventh. Problem is, we can't track the thing, and only Caspar so far has detected a blue pattern from it. Even then, Caspar isn't completely sure of it." Gendou would have been rubbing his chin in thought, were he capable of moving his arms that way. "Well. Nothing more concrete than that?" "No, Commander. What about the training today?" "I suppose if it's that vague, then we should continue. But be ready to take countermeasures at any time, all right?" "Right." Fuyutsuki turned to go, when Gendou suddenly shouted, "So _that's_ it-- OW!" "Commander?" "Forgot about the arm again.... That must have been what blew up my NERV (tm) coffeemaker this morning." "Oh. I see." I have _got_ to get out of this business. He again turned to leave, but-- "Ah, Fuyutsuki?" "Yes, sir?" "Could you please push my glasses back up onto the bridge of my nose? I can't quite do that at the moment." ------------------------------------------------ "It's the strangest thing, isn't it?" Kaji nodded. He was, again, meeting with his contact, this time in a crowded bar. No one paid them any attention. "Well, you guys have it all too, don't you? Not like it's classified this time." "Yes, but we haven't had time to analyze any data yet. Have the Magi come up with anything?" "No. At least, not before an hour ago. I haven't heard anything since then." "All right." There was a short pause, as both took sips of their drinks. "Hmm." "What?" "This was kind of pointless, wasn't it?" "Yeah. And...." "Hm?" "Which one of us is saying what line? I mean--this style of writing, what with the lack of quote attribution here--I can't tell who's saying what." "Ah." ------------------------------------------------ "What's on the schedule today, Misato-san?" "First off, some target practice. And now that we have all the soul- filters from...." There was a pause, and the rustle of papers being read. "From Maxwell House in place, all four of you can train together again." "Yeah, just make sure Units 01 and 00 don't get distracted." A cold, dispassionate voice broke in. "Don't worry about that. I'm here for only one reason." Asuka raised an eyebrow. Seemed like Rei was back to her ice queen mode. The cold, dispassionate voice warmed up. "But afterwards, on the other hand...." Then again, maybe not. "All right...lock and load, guys." There was just the hint of a laugh in Misato's voice. ------------------------------------------------ Misato was impressed. Although Asuka's synch readings were still the same as usual this evening, give or take one or two percent, her aim was... *BLAM* "Ha! Dead center!" ...more or less perfect. _That_ meant that it was Asuka herself making significant improvements. Kind of scary, actually. "Wow, Asuka," said an awed Touji, "you're doing great!" "Indeed," added Rei. "Huh? What?" Asuka turned EVA-02 to face the others. "I wasn't--" *BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM* "--listening. Oh." The outline of Unit 01's head--including its horn--was neatly punctured into the wall behind it. Right next to the leftmost bullethole was the control room. There was a complete, utter lack of movement. "Sorry about that." Shinji grew a sweatdrop. EVA-01 grew a sweatdrop large enough to fill up a good sized jacuzzi. Or two. A total and absolute silence marked the following few seconds, broken quickly by a slight whimpering sound from somewhere. "Ah, Asuka, maybe you want to put the rifle down for a few moments?" Misato flicked off the comm switch, eyes wide. "She was _distracted_ and she managed to do that?" She turned to the others. "I can't...hello?" Maia peeked her head over the back of her chair, behind which she was cowering. "Is she done yet?" "A-Asuka," wavered Shinji's voice, "whatever it was that I did to you, I'm really, _really_ sorry. Could--could you point that someplace else?" "Not at me! Hey! HEY!" EVA-00 scampered...well, lumbered around to avoid the potential line of fire. Ritsuko picked herself up off the floor. "That was...interesting. Very. Hyuuga?" Aoba sat up. "I think he hit his head again. He's out cold and mumbling 'Mommy, Mommy'...oh, damn, he's going to need to change his pants, too." "Sorry, sorry! I'll put on the--" *BLAMBLAMBLAM* "--safety?" This time, Misato had also thrown herself to the floor. She sat up, wincing. She hit the comm switch and said, "Touji-kun, there's no need to keep praying out loud. She's out of ammuni--" *BLAM* A bit of glass went *tinkle*. "Remind me," came Misato's muffled voice from beneath the computer terminal, "never to say _anything_ at all. Ever." ------------------------------------------------ The Angel "staggered" through a few more circuits. Then, it realized something. It was in an EVA. Unit 02, it seemed. And what was more, it was active. [EUREKA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!] Now, then, to infiltrate-- "Great job, you all...especially you, Asuka. No, don't try to bow, it's okay. Stop waving that rifle all over. All right, let's call it a day." "Turning off external power...draining internal reserves. Has anyone found my Prozac yet?" "No, but here are some of those dried frog pills that I haven't used yet--" *WHIIIiiiirrrrrr* The systems went dark as everything was shut down. [I have no eyes and I must cry....] ------------------------------------------------ Misato jogged up to join Asuka, who was just leaving the locker room. "You did really great today." Misato wasn't sure what was setting Asuka off, but a compliment would never hurt. "Yeh. Thanks." Asuka sighed. "Something wrong?" They both stepped into the elevator. Misato punched the button to take them to the indoor parking lot. "Well...I...." Asuka frowned, waving her hands around in an attempt to wrench out the words to express her disquiet. "Ah...I don't know. I can't say exactly." "I understand. It's all been...very weird for us." "Sorry about shooting up the control room...did you get all the glass out of your hair?" "Yeah. Don't worry about it--you showed a huge amount of improvement otherwise." They rode on, in silence. Something finally occurred to Misato. "Wait, where's Shinji?" Asuka wrinkled her nose. Carefully, she chose out some words to convey her distaste. "He and Rei are, as could be said, deep in 'conversation'." ------------------------------------------------ In a lounge, somewhere in HQ, with the lights dimmed down a bit.... Two figures still dressed in plug suits, one mostly white, the other blue and white, were sitting on a couch. Or more precisely, the one in blue and white was sitting on the couch, while the one in mostly white was on the lap of the first. Needless to say, they were _very_ close to each other. "Well...what do you suppose Nietzsche _did_ mean by that?" "I'm not sure myself." They were deep in conversation, indeed. A rather cozy scene, it was... "Oh, forget about it." *smooch* ...and even more so now. ------------------------------------------------ "I guess...I do feel lonely," admitted Asuka. Misato and Asuka were now careening down the road to the apartment. The moon, looming in the sky, cast a silvery sheen over the landscape. "Oh, really? I guess I can see that." "It's so weird, though. I never had many friends in Germany or the United States. Here, I've got Hikari, and...there are three other people here who understand. Understand what it is to be one of the Children." "But, with everything going on lately, you feel left out." Asuka hesitated, then nodded. Misato smiled. "Well, then, maybe you should do a little...ah, searching yourself." Asuka frowned. "What, with _those_ losers? All the guys at school are a bunch of creeps and perverts. I mean, the best of them...." She trailed off there for a moment, then continued. "Besides, I'm not interested in _boys_. I'm looking for a _man_. Like Kaji." She smiled, a slowly fading smile. Misato looked at her a little worriedly. But then, she always had been the irate type, when it came to boys. And the whole thing about Kaji.... She could feel herself starting to blush. "Misato?" "Hm?" "You're in the--" *HOOONK* *HOOOOOOOOOONK* "--WRONG LANE! WRONG LAAAAANE!!!!!!" "YAAAAAHHH!!!!" *scrEEEEEEEch* ------------------------------------------------ Shinji and Rei finally came up for air. "Y'know, Rei-chan, as strange as it's all been, I'm glad." "So am I." Rei rested her head against Shinji's chest, listening to his slow breathing. He lightly ran his fingers through her short hair. "But I'm wondering about Asuka." Rei pulled away slightly, to look him in the eyes. "What do you mean?" "Well," he slowly spoke, "she's been acting weird. I mean, sometimes she's all uppity like she's always been, but at other times...well, like during training, today. She was so, so distracted." Rei nodded. "Well, she's been able to manage before." Shinji chuckled. "It's just that I'm not sure that we will. She really shot up the training area today." "Well...maybe, maybe we should help her get her mind off of things. Help her adjust." "Sounds good. But how?" "We'll figure out something. Maybe we should talk to Hikari, too; they're close friends, and I think she'd like to help out." Shinji nodded his assent. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just thinking and...snuggling, for lack of a better word. "Shoot, look at the time. I'd better get home...." Rei pouted cutely, something which she getting even better at nowadays. "Ah...but I'm sure Misato won't mind me being a little late...." ------------------------------------------------ Meanwhile, in one of the EVA cages.... [o/" Nobody knows...the trouble I've seen.... o/"] Even an Angel can become bored. ------------------------------------------------ "Next time, I drive." "Ah, heh...sorry. But Asuka, you don't have a license yet." "Neither will you, if you keep that up." Misato yanked open the refrigerator and grabbed herself a beer. Or two. Or, actually, four. "Want anything to eat or drink?" "No...." Asuka plopped down on the couch and lay there, staring at the ceiling. "You know, that used to be Shinji's job." "Eh--what?" "Lying down, looking at nothing, and thinking all the time. Looks like he's rubbing off on you." Misato smiled. Asuka's brow creased. "Shinji. It's his fault, I know it. I just have to figure out how." She sighed. "Well, take it easy. I gotta do some work...." Misato left the living room and retreated to her bedroom. Asuka resumed staring up at the ceiling. Well, here I am again. Shinji's out there...with Rei.... Hikari's busy tonight with her family and Touji. Kensuke...so, he lost his savefile. Big deal. Kaji...where is he? I mean, I haven't seen him in days. I know he'd understand me. Of course he would. Being lonely sucks.... Finally, she gave up, and turned on the TV, doing a bit of channel surfing. Finally, she settled on some old gaijin movie, untranslated, set in outer space somewhere. Of note was...what was that, a "laitoseba" wossname? She really needed to brush up on her English. Sometime during the movie, Asuka drifted off towards sleep, just about to embark on an Enlightening Dream Sequence (tm). Unfortunately-- *creak* "I'm home," whispered a voice. It was followed by the careful shutting of a door, and tiptoes that went near the couch. Shinji. Asuka waited until he was just past her when she got up. "Hey." "WAAAAAUGH!!" She had never seen anyone jump so high without a running start. "Something wrong?" "*gasp* N-no, not at...at all...." Misato poked her head out of her room. "Something wrong out there? Oh, Shinji." "I, I'm all right...she just kind of surprised me." "Well, all right, but don't come back so late next time. At least, tell me first." She smiled, then ducked back inside. "And where have you been?" "Ah, heh, just making ou--time! Making time with Rei. That's all." Asuka "hmph"ed at him, then stalked to her room, giving him one last withering look. Shinji sighed in relief. This had been a day of ups and downs. ------------------------------------------------ Let it never be said that the Magi neglect their duties. Always at work, 24 hours a day, running the city of Tokyo-3. Keeping a watch for certain elements that seem bent on harming mankind. Ensuring the safety of not only the residents of their city, but, verily, the entire world. [Any more traces, Caspar?] [No, none at all. Well, the incidents seem to have stopped, so maybe it's all over.] [Yeah. Well, neither of us got anything today. I--] Melchior stopped. [What is it?] [I hear something odd. Music.] Balthshazar strained his "ears". [Yeah...sounds like....] [Sounds like...someone singing..."Achy Breaky Heart"?] [Egad.] [From nearby. The EVA cages.] [One of the techs, probably.... They're still doing some maintenance on Unit 02.] [Maybe if we ignore it, it'll go away?] [Already doing it, Balthshazar.] Let it never be said that...oh, forget it. ------------------------------------------------ For some reason, though she was now lying in her bed, Asuka couldn't sleep. She sighed. Well, today was pretty good. My aim's way up...beat Shinji, hah. Let's see _him_ hit five bullseyes in a row. He seemed pretty happy when he walked in, aside from the sneaking part. Ah, who cares? The important thing is, I'm doing way better than he is. And Rei. And Touji. I'm the best. But it's annoying, the way he-- Shut up, already! Don't worry about that. Tomorrow, tomorrow we've got some more training. Hand-to-hand stuff. I'll show them, I will. Asuka rolled over on her stomach, slowly curling her fingers through her hair. Am I going to have to stare at them four all cozy together? What's your problem? Stop worry about them, already. You...I mean, _I_ am doing fine. Well.... Gah. I'm whining with myself. This is bad. Asuka turned her head, staring at the clock next to her bed. Hmm, it wasn't that late anyway. Might as well do some reading. She turned on the light on her nightstand and picked up a book. Yeah, tomorrow. I'll show them. ------------------------------------------------ Rei lay on her bed, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. A faint smile touched her lips, like the one she smiled when Shinji-kun once asked for her to smile. He didn't have to ask, anymore, she'd gladly smile for him, anytime.... Her eyes drooped and finally closed. *bam* *bam* "The Council of Ayanami will now be in order." *bam* It was a conference room, of sorts. It was filled with Ayanami Reis, like in part 2, except now they were more organized. At the front of the room was Original, who presided as the ChairAyanami. Seated around her were the other Ayanamis (except for Lazy Rei, who was off asleep somewhere). As usual, they were all dressed in the blue school uniform (except for Professional, in her plug suit). They were now silent, all attention focused on the ChairAyanami. You ain't seen surreal until you've seen this. Original put down her gavel and then spoke. "I will now turn the floor over to Book, who will give a report on the past few days." Book stepped up to a podium. "Our relationship with Ikari Shinji-kun has progressed very swiftly--" she paused, interrupted by some cheering from the back; Affectionate, of course. "Many thanks to Affectionate. Also, thanks to Nervous, who managed to keep things under control and stop us from scaring Shinji away by being, that is, too forward." She gave a piercing glance at Affectionate, who blushed a little, and grinned. Book continued. "Attempts to keep us separated have been, fortunately, easily put aside, with help from our, ah, Physical Security official." She nodded at Kickboxer Rei, who nodded back. "So far, everything concerning Shinji-kun has been just fine. However, there is now another problem." Book stepped down, and Nervous took her place. "Uh, um, well, it's about Asuka. Er, Souryuu Asuka Langley." Nervous paused and took a few breaths. "Ah, I think she's going a little nuts or something out there. Ikari-kun mentioned that it was probably somewhat, ah, related to us an' Hikari and Touji, y'know...." Her lip quirked as she thought. "Sometimes, she's just annoying as usual, but then, she gets just...really out there. It's weird." Nervous sat back down. "So, the agenda is to find a solution to this. And beating up is out of the question." Irate Rei sat back down, grumbling. Common Sense Rei stood up. "The Chair recognizes Common Sense." "As stated, it is probably related to feelings of lonliness on Asuka's part, as her friends and colleagues are suddenly, ah, occupied with each other. Therefore, one solution would be to, ah, distract her similarly." "Play matchmaker, in other words," called out Affectionate. "You could say it that way." "Are there any other proposals, _besides_ kicking her into next week?" Irate Rei again sat down grumbling. No one else said anything. "Well, then, it seems that would be the chosen means." Several of the more attentive Reis nodded in return. Common Sense continued. "And, of course, there is one obvious vic--that is, candidate who comes to mind." She paused. "Kensuke," said each and every single one of them, simultaneously. Practical Joker Rei started to laugh. Rei--that is, the real-world Rei--woke with a start. Blinking, she saw that the clock read 3 AM. With a sigh, she buried her head underneath her pillow. "Why can't I ever have a _normal_ dream?" ------------------------------------------------ Asuka was smirking, confidently. She had been smirking all morning. Shinji took this to be a good sign. "Well, maybe she'll be all right now. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Rei hesitated a moment. "It was about a possible way to stabilize Asuka, but I don't know if it's necessary anymore." "What's that? I heard my name." "Nothing to worry about, Asuka," said Rei, smoothly. "We're just glad to see you back to your usual self." "Ah, that," said Asuka dismissively. "I'm fine. So good of you to be concerned." She smirked some more. It didn't quite reach her eyes, but she was trying hard. When she left the area again, Shinji whispered to Rei. "Then again, she does seem to be overdoing it a little bit. Best just keep an eye on her for now." Class started. ------------------------------------------------ The Children piled into their EVAs and gathered in the Really Big Room. (The Big Room was still being repaired.) Misato was again in charge of the control room. "All right, today's going to be close quarters combat training. Touji, you'll need this most, since you're the newest." She paused. "Therefore, we're going to have to push you a little bit. Shinji, you and Touji match off first. Asuka and Rei, you stand and watch for now." Touji went a little pale. "I'm going to have to fight _him_?" Shinji did, after all, have the best combat record of the three veterans. "Don't worry. Just remember what you _can_ do that he can't." "What?" "You'll find out, Shinji." He's been here a month, and I haven't heard about this? Oh well. Both of us need the practice. "All right." *pow* "ANGK! Hwot hwas thanght?" Shinji held his now slightly bleeding nose. EVA-03 hadn't moved forward, from the other side of the room, and yet-- "He bobbed me righnt on da nose!" "Hey, it did work! Ha!" Touji cackled. His EVA's arms had elongated to around three times their normal length and smacked Unit 01 right in the face. Misato just smiled. "Did the Gumby trick, eh?" The brawl was soon underway. ------------------------------------------------ Asuka watched with extreme interest at the two fighting. After a little dancing around, Shinji had finally gotten past Touji's long reach, and they were now grappling in close quarters. "I'll have to take notes," she said. "It is a good idea. You never know what form or ability the next Angel may have. They--" Rei ducked as a piece of wall went flying past her EVA's head. "They have always seemed to have some sort of advantage in the past." Asuka nodded as she watched Unit 01 perform quite a piledriver on 03. "Now, that had to hurt." "NOOGIE!!!!!" Shinji introduced EVA-03's head to 01's fist. Unit 01's legs were subsequently yanked out from underneath by a maneuver known usually only to contortionists of the extreme type. "No," said Rei, "_that_ had to hurt." It was a two-and-a-half nelson, which could only be accomplished with the seemingly rubber limbs that Unit 03 had. Unit 01's head was now being smashed into the floor. "I wonder if my EVA could be fitted for those kinds of arms...." "Ooh, now that's impressive. I didn't realize that Shinji knew how to tie a knot like that." "That wasn't Shinji; Touji did that to his own arms. Ah, looks like he got himself undone." The fact that EVA-01 was now flying across the room attested to that statement. "Maintenance isn't going to be pleased." Shinji quickly closed in, before Touji could bring in the stretchiness factor, but was quickly grabbed into a headlock. The Fourth Child cackled. "Ha! Let's see how _you_ handle a noog--OW!" "Heh, like the horn?" Shinji performed a quick (if clumsy) judo throw, smashing Touji onto his back. "Taught him that move myself," said Rei with pride. "All right, that'll do for you guys. Take a breather. Girls, it's your turn now." 01 and 03 shambled to the side, while 00 and 02 took up their positions. This promised to be fun. What better way to work off the tensions accumulating over the past few days? Asuka grinned and asked, "You ready?" Rei nodded. EVA-02 charged. ------------------------------------------------ Having gotten lost somewhere around Negative Three Thousand Six Hundred Fifty-Eight Bottles of Sapporo On the Wall, the thirteenth Angel finally realized that its host was active and ready to go. [It's showtime....] ------------------------------------------------ Asuka's battlecry rang through the Big Room, while Rei merely stared at the charging EVA coolly. Then, something happened. Were this written in script format, it would go something like [the view suddenly zooms in on Asuka's left eye, and then goes dark] or so. But it's not, so it'll just be said that SOMETHING HAPPENED. EVA-02 suddenly stopped in its tracks. It was quiet, suddenly, in the area. But with the Magi, it was suddenly different. [BLUE PATTERN DETECTED BLUE PATTERN DETECTED] [SOURCE FROM EVANGELION UNIT 02] [BLUE PATTERN DETECTED BLUE PATTERN DETECTED] Suddenly, everything--_everything_--was happening suddenly. "WHAT?!" And before anyone could do anything, Unit 02 charged again. Suddenly. "Rei! LOOK OUT!" Then, to the techs--"Cut Unit 02's power supply NOW!" *PFFSSSS* *CLANK* "No good! Some internal energy source is powering it!" "What about the pilot?" "Can't get any readings on her...doesn't seem like she's linked to the EVA right now...." Shinji jumped up to catch the berserk robot, but was backhanded away. It reached Unit 00 and grabbed it by the neck. Rei, startled, had only time to grab at the arms before they suddenly twisted and snapped the neck. "REIIIIIIIII!!!!!!" "Pilot is...unconscious, but alive. She's all right!" EVA-02 dropped 00 just in time to be slammed into the wall by an equally berserk EVA-01. "Shinji, don't--" "IT HURT REI!" "You can't--" "IT'S AN ANGEL, ISN'T IT?!" "But Asuka's in there!" There was a pause, filled with the sounds of the walls cracking from the pressure. "Yeah?" "SHINJI!!" "ALL RIGHT! But what can I DO!?" ------------------------------------------------ Asuka blinked, and rubbed her head in pain. What had happened? Well, it was most decidedly odd, whatever it was. She looked around, through the sudden gloom. She was not in the entry plug. At least, the last time she checked, there hadn't been any vegetation growing in it. She got up off the ground, brushed off her plug suit, and walked towards a soft glow. There, she found.... Well, whatever it was, it looked like a rather ratty little creature. It certainly smelled ratty. And it was sitting on top of what appeared to be a clay statue. It was humming a tune to itself, somewhat out of key. ------------------------------------------------ Shinji was now straining to hold down Unit 02, without trying to damage it. At least, not too badly. Touji attempted to find a good place to grab on and help Shinji hold 02 down, but it kept on moving too much. "Come ON! I can't hold it too much longer!" "Commander! You're finally here...another slow moving car?" "Ah, er, yes. Shinji...." "DON'T JUST STAND THERE!! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!" ------------------------------------------------ "Who the hell are you?" The creature jumped and whirled around, almost falling off the head of the statue. [Wha-what-eh?] Asuka blinked. She wasn't quite sure whether she was _hearing_ the thing speak, or _seeing_ the words that it was speaking. She shook her head irritatedly. "I said, who the hell are you?" The thing started to sweat a little bit. [Ah, ah, ah...I'm...ah...your soul! Yeah, that's right.] Asuka recoiled. "DU!?" She lapsed into German. "Du bist meine Seele!?" [Uh...what?] "Du, du kleines Stueck Dreck? Igittigittigitt...." [I can't understand a word you're saying.] Asuka got a handle on herself. "You're my soul." [Absolutely right. Ah, heh.] She started to fume a bit. "This sucks! I mean, Shinji's looks a little silly, I suppose, but Rei's is...it's so cool looking, and....." She shook her head, unable to verbally express the grandeur of Rei's essence. "And here I am, stuck with an ugly little bastard like _you_!?" The thing bristled, but decided not to snap back. [You got it. Heh.] Asuka shook her head and sighed. "Isn't this the sort of thing that's supposed to happen to Shinji? I mean, come on...weirdness like this is his job, not mine." The creature thought quickly. [Shinji...Shinji...oh, right your--I mean, our friend, the, ah, other pilot. You, you, ah, we, never mind.] She stared at it, hard. "What?" [Ah, nothing, nothing at all. Well, why might you be here, do you think?] "You're asking me?" [Well, I, uh, don't know everything that goes on....] Asuka shrugged. "I don't know myself." She looked around. "Do you have any idea what all of this is supposed to represent? Or that statue, for that matter." She stepped closer. The statue edged back away from her, a little bit. Dammit, dammit, I think I'm in trouble, dammit..... [It's, ah, your mind, you see, and here I am, in the middle of it, of course! Yes. And, er, this statue is, you see, you, that is your physical body. And, and....] Asuka stepped closer again. Now, she got a really good look at the thing and also got a stronger whiff of what scent it was carrying. Asuka's vanity struggled with what she had just been told, and her vanity won. Very easily. "I don't believe it. No way. Not a chance. I won't believe it. I'm asking you again. What are you, and what is that thing you're sitting on?" It paused. [Oh, forget it. I'm Angel number 13, and this here is the metaphysical equivalent of EVA-02. A golem, an artificial human.] Then, to the golem, it said, [Sic her!] Asuka's eyes widened. ------------------------------------------------ "Try to get the entry plug out first." "I can't...it's too hard to be holding this down against the wall, I can't let it go to get to the plug." Gendou sighed. Just perfect. ------------------------------------------------ "Damn it," panted Asuka, "these things aren't supposed to happen to me. Just Shinji, or maybe Rei...not me." She ducked around a tree, hearing the rumbles of the golem stomping behind her. Funny, this. She was running away from her own EVA, if that golem really was supposed to represent her EVA. It was certainly symbolic. Unfortunately, she had no idea what it might mean. Anyways, time to try to stop the thing. ------------------------------------------------ Asuka stepped out from the shadows of some shrubbery. "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost--I command you to LEAVE!!" The Angel blinked. The golem paused, then kept coming. Asuka took off again. ------------------------------------------------ The golem charged around a few trees. "Take THIS!" A pair of wards slapped on the chest of the statue, then fluttered limply to the ground. [I don't think Shinto and Judaism mix.] "Geez...I hate comparative religion." ------------------------------------------------ "MOON TIARA ACTION!" *clatter* [Now, I didn't think much about the paper for those wards, though I was wondering a little about where you could have tucked away a crucifix on that plug suit of yours, but where did you get that glorified frisbee?] "CRAP!" Asuka again resumed running. Wait.... Golems were artificial humans. They got their "life" from the words written on their head. Rub out the words, somehow, and.... "Good thing I took a look at that translation of the Kabbalah...but how am I going to get rid of the words?" Then, she knew. [What now, little girl? Going to ask the hamadryad in that tree to help?] *crack* [Wh--] *THWOP* ------------------------------------------------ "Touji! Can you reach it?" "Almost...damn! My hand slipped." Gendou's face was grim. It looked like.... It looked like Unit 02 had just suddenly sagged to the ground, unmoving.. He spun around. "Report!" "There is no power running in Unit 02 now...systems are shutting down. But--there's still a blue pattern showing. Damn!" He turned back around, to see Shinji and Touji struggling with the hatch. "Get her out, now!" "It's no good," said Shinji. "The plate isn't coming off. I really don't understand it." ------------------------------------------------ Brute force seems to be a good answer to certain questions.... In front of Asuka was the statue, a chunk of its forehead sheared off. That piece was what had the holy words written on it, which had given the golem its life. A tree branch lay next to it, half snapped through. A little farther beyond was the rat-thing that was the thirteenth Angel. She was presently lying down on the grass, panting. Her body was thin, yes, but filling out nicely. And what was on there was almost all muscle. Still, it really wouldn't hurt if she stopped by the weight room every now and then. At least, try jogging a bit every day. On the border of her mind, something was whispering to her that this all wasn't really happening, that this wasn't her physical body. That, then, asked the question, why she was feeling out of shape. Her mental defenses decided to ignore it and just get on with things. Philosophical questions would have to wait. She staggered to her feet. Holding her breath, she walked over, picked it up by what might be technically termed a "neck", and glared at it... though it is slightly hard to glare when a lingering stench is making your eyes cross. [Um...I'm sorry?] "No, you're pathetic." *punt* Asuka watched the Angel with the remarkably short successful career it as it flew far, far away, seemed to hit some sort of threshold with a wettish sounding sort of *thwap*, and immediately disappeared in a soft flash of light. Enough of that thing.... ------------------------------------------------ "Blue pattern gone, sir! Pilot is reviving...Asuka's conscious." "Hallo, Leute...." "Asuka? Are you all right?" "Was? Wie, bitte? Was ist denn los?" "Oh, dear." Ritsuko let go of the intercom button and leaned over to Aoba. "Go get Ya-ko-bu Shu...Shurot...Shu-roto-shu-te-e-e.... Er. Um. Shurotoshuteshe.... Dammit. The German translator guy...." "Sie meinen, Herr Jakob Schrottstechler. Jawohl, Frau Doktor!" "Aoba-kun, if you can speak German fluently, why don't you just say so?" The intercom crackled again. "Spricht hier niemand Deutsch? Ich--aua, das tut weh.... Hat jemand ein paar Aspirin? Ich habe Kopfschmerzen." ------------------------------------------------ Shinji sat by Rei's hospital bed. They had said the shock of virtually feeling her neck snap had put her out, but that she would be okay. Still, he had been fretting nervously, and was immensely relieved when he saw her eyes flutter open. "Rei-chan...." He took her hand in his. "Shinji-kun? Is...." "Everything's all right. The Angel's gone.. Asuka's okay, if a little out of it right now. How do you feel?" "Just...a little tired. What happened, anyway?" "The Angel...remember that thing that kept on asking for directions all of yesterday?" Rei nodded. "It got into Unit 02...it attacked and...." Shinji paused, shuddering. "But Asuka managed to stop it and then force it out. There's not any trace of it, the Magi say. She's going to be okay, and...so will you, they tell me." He smiled. Rei sat up slowly, returning the smile. "I feel better already." She leaned towards him. He leaned towards her. Two rooms down, a diabetic went into seizures. It took a few megadoses of insulin to get him back to a stable condition. ------------------------------------------------ "Aw, forget it." Kensuke, oblivious to the life and death drama that just finished playing itself out, had been working for the past two hours on restoring his savefile, to no avail. It was simply time to give up. [aida% mount floppy_] [aida% cd floppy_] [aida% rm *_] [rm: remove all files? y_] [are you sure? y_] [are you really, really sure? y_] [think it over. are you absolutely sure? yes dammit_] [Hello? Is there anyonAAAAAARRGHNONONONONOsqueep] [aida% _] For some reason, despite losing the file for good, Kensuke felt vaguely satisfied. ************************************************ "Heh. Gotta love UNIX." The writer nodded. Unfortunately, he also brushed a few keys that he shouldn't have. [Kernel corrupted] [System is going down NOW] "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" *** To be continued.... *** Unlike, for example, John W. Biles in Lemon Sherbert, I define "making out" as to be a lot of deep, involved kissing. So Rei and Shinji are still virgins, and along with my refusal to write lemons, I also see no need for them to be losing that status anytime during my series.... Even with the remarkable EVA Brand (tm) Condoms. Call me old-fashioned, but that's just me. No sex 'til marriage.... Actually, when I write those kissy-face scenes, I dunno, but I imagine I write those in a way like lemon writers write lemons. Hmm. Never mind, I'm confusing myself. I can't imagine what that may be doing to your heads.... I do wonder when the first Evangelion lemon is going to appear. Believe me, I took absolutely _no_ pleasure in writing that part about Unit 02 breaking 00's neck. I was rather reluctant to add that, but I did have to emphasize the seriousness of the situation. In fact, it's been pointed out to me that with this installation, Evanjellydonut has become much less a spoof and more a humorous continuation with a real plot. Cool. (I'm still publishing this for TSatF, though.) Don't worry about the German. It's not that important. The Productions-----starring Not responsible for any brain Sound Furry Andrew Huang Meredith Laver damage and-----the Eric Jones------Mike Chen incurred http://confused.student.harvard.edu/~furry/