(audience cheers)
Jon: Thanks, thanks.
Jon: No really. Love me now, hate me when the guest comes?
(audience laughs)
Jon: You people just don't get it I guess..
(audience laughs)
Jon: Okay, so we have Jerry on the show. And until he comes out, you will have to listen to me.
Jon: Some site news. We have a new media host, Shin-XL. In the future, we will have a Stick Gallery and some funny flash videos. So, everyone can now be happy.
Jon: Some world news, Paul McCartney married this week. Everyone please clap.
Jon: Now I recently saw a poll. The question was, "Which is more offensive? using Jesus' name in vain or cursing on NYPD Blue" 60.8% of 10,834 people say using Jesus' name in vain.
Jon: Now for question number 2, "Which was the most offensive content to air on TV"? We;; 'The Osbournes' won with their Fish finger episode.
Jon: And for some interesting news, ABC has decided to bleep out the word Jesus from all of their network shows. Many people are mad about it. I am too. First of all, why bleep out Jesus and not any other religious figure, and why bleep out words period. I is very annoying to be when you see them bleep out words. Just don't add them in the script, ya know.
Jon: Anyway, I have nothing more to say, except, everyone tell Crossfire awards that I should be nominated, ya know?
Jon: Anyway..
Jon: Please welcome Jerry!
Jerry: (walks onto the stage)
(audience cheers)
Jon: Hello Jerry.
Jerry: Hey, Jon. How're you?
Jon: I am doing good. Better than many people, I imagine, how about you?
Jerry: I'd have to say the same.
Jon: This is good
Jon: So, do you have any site news?
Jerry: Well, I'm tinkering with an idea such as the community has never seen. It's a new section of the site, but unfortunately, to complete it would take weeks upon weeks of hard work. I'm still not sure I want to do it.
Jon: Well, people like hard work..
Jon: Or, they like to see hard work when it is finished should I say.
Jon: Do you want to tell me this idea? Or are you not going to release it?
Jerry: I'm going to keep it a secret for now.
Jon: This is good, but if you did tell me, I would not tell anyone. ^_^
Jon: So anyway, I see your new title banner, this looks very nice.
Jerry: I'm glad you like it.
Jon: Okay, so enough about site talk, I am sure everyone already knows pretty much everything. So I have a new subject to talk about.
Jon: Eclipse.
Jerry: Eclipse?
Jon: Have you ever seen an eclipse?
Jerry: Yep.
Jon: Not the car, the actual thing with the sun and the moon?
Jerry: I've seen that one, too.
Jon: Well, for those of you who have not, on June 10 you can see one!
Jon: So look out for that, just in case you want to see one.
Jon: Is there anything special you need to see one?
Jerry: One time I had to look through a Styrofoam cup that had a hole poked in it.
Jon: Did you make this device?
Jerry: No my first-grade teacher did.
Jon: Interesting.
Jon: My first grade teacher did not make me a cup.
Jerry: Mrs. Osborne. She was the coolest. I had a seat right in front of her desk, because I couldn't sit by anybody. I got in trouble for talking too much.
Jon: yes, I talk a lot too. But I think it is a good thing, not may people share my opinion..
Jerry: I see.
Jon: Ok so enough of that too. We need to do something funny on this show.
Jerry: Hahaha, no pressure or anything, right?
Jon: Nope, but if it were really up to me, I would jump in a room full of eggs, but it is not my decision.
Jerry: That would suck. I hate eggs. I'd jump in a room full of brownies.
Jon: Well this makes sense too.
Jon: I just would not want to waste any brownies.
Jerry: Oh, I wouldn't waste them.
Jon: So you would eat them all?
Jerry: Oh yes.
Jon: But what happens to the brownies after this?
Jerry: I eat them.
Jerry: All of them.
Jon: But after you eat them, what happens?
Jon: This is not a trick question.
Jerry: Well, that's classified. ^_~
Jon: Okay, well, you keep many secrets .
Jerry: It's fun that way.
Jon: Now I understand.
Jon: So, this week, a site of mine was hacked, i think I told you.
Jon: What do you think of hackers that hack sites?
Jerry: They're little bitches.
Jerry: If you're reading this and you're hacker: FUCK YOU.
Jon: This is how I feel.
Jon: I feel like writing something on the FU Gallery.
Jon: But I will save room for fans.
Jerry: That's cool.
Jon: I thought so.
Jon: So, now that we know about that.
Jon: You wanna tell, yo mama is a hacker jokes?
Jerry: O.o;
Jerry: I don't know any "yo mama is a hacker" jokes.
Jon: Damn. I was hoping you did, because I only know one.
Jerry: Lol. Looks like we'd be a little stuck on a subject like that.
Jon: Yes, well I will tell mine, and then we will move on.
Jerry: Gravy.
Jon: If yo mama is a hacker f*ck you!
Jerry: Lol! That's awesome!
Jon: I know, I am going to win prizes.
Jon: Ok, since that subject is shot.
Jon: We need a new one.
Jon: So either you, or my audience can think of one.
Jon: I will let you decide first.
Jerry: You're supposed to be interviewing me, Jon. ^_^
Jon: I know, but when it comes to thinking, I just cannot think.
Jerry: Well... that has to suck.
Jon: It does, and it gets confusing.
Jerry: Let's talk about Gohan.
Jerry: Do you like Gohan?
Jon: I love Gohan.
Jerry: And Gohan loves you.
Jon: I think Gohan is my second favorite character.
Jerry: I like Gohan, Goten, Piccolo, Gokou, Vegeta (sometimes), Tenshinhan, ...yeah.
Jerry: In that order.
Jon: No Brolli?
Jerry: No, sir.
Jon: Ohh, Brolli is my favorite.
Jerry: I never looked at him the same after Savage Z pointed out how similar he is to Pikachu.
Jon: Ohh
Jon: well
Jon: Piccolo and Nail are similar.
Jerry: Lol, well, d'uh.
Jerry: Ask me questions, Jon. ^_^
Jon: Okay sure.
Jon: Are you ready?
Jerry: Yep.
Jon: Okay, answer this.
Jon: Why is the sky blue?
Jerry: Uh...
Jerry: It isn't.
Jerry: Are you on one?
Jon: Yes
Jon: Why is it blue?
Jerry: It's not, you crack-head. It's quite obviously yellow.
Jerry: Freak.
(crowd cheers)
Jon: Well I am standing on the sky, and I think I can see it clearly.
Jon: Shut up Crowd!
(crowd boos.)
Jon: Screw you too
(guy from the crowd stands up. "Shut up, asshole!")
(the crowd begins a chat "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!")
Jon: Ok, I do not wish to fight.
Jerry: Me either. But... they're crazy...
Jon: Jerry, why is the damn sky blue?
Jerry: Uh... it's blue because blue is pretty... or somethin'...
Jerry: (steps away from the crowd)
Jon: Okay, question number 2.
Jerry: I'm scared, Jon.
Jon: Why are you scared?
Jerry: They're mad.
Jon: The crowd is never happy.
Jon: Do not mind them.
Jerry: Ah.
Jon: If they get too bad, I press this neat button that surrounds me with strong glass.
Jerry: What about me?
Jon: Well I never thought about the guest.
Jon: Normally, the crowd likes the guest.
Jerry: ...
Jerry: Oh... kay...
Jon: So now that you understand, question number 3.
Jon: Why is phone spelled phone?
Jerry: Because if it was spelled "boogie monster" then someone would "answer the boogie monster" and nobody wants to answer him, because everyone's scared of the boogie monster.
Jon: Interesting point.
Jon: Question 4.
Jon: Why do people think that why is not a good question, when it is the best?
Jerry: They've been taken over by aliens.
Jon: Question 5. Do you know everything?
Jerry: Of course.
Jerry: Otherwise I wouldn't be a "know-it-all."
Jon: hmm
Jerry: Okay, okay, so I just play "Mr. Know-it-All" on TV.
Jon: Well, If you were asking yourself a question, what would it be?
Jerry: If I was you?
Jon: No, if you were you.
Jerry: Well, I'd ask myself... what that smell is...
Jon: Well then, you do not know everything.
Jerry: Shh...
Jerry: Don't blow my cover.
Jerry: Jebus.
Jon: Who is Jebus?
Jerry: You are.
Jon: Awesome! Hello Everyone, I am Jebus.
Jon: Okay, well.
Jon: Are you disappointed?
Jerry: In?
Jon: Anything?
Jerry: Yep.
Jon: What?
Jerry: Mostly McDonald's.
Jon: Well tell me about some stuff.
Jerry: Like when they overcook my McNuggets.
Jon: OMG! I hate McDonald's!
Jon: Listen to this.
Jerry: I love McDonald's. I just get mad when they fudge up my nuggets.
Jon: On Saturday, I give them a visit..
Jon: I say, I want the bog value burger or whatever.
Jon: So they give it to me..
Jon: I open it up and WHAM!
Jon: Nothing but some break, a slab of beef, and some vegetables that looked like worms had been eating on them for days.
Jerry: That's my McDonald's. ^_^
Jon: Plus my fries were cold.
Jon: I have grown to Wendy's myself.
Jon: They have never cheated me out of anything, yet.
Jon: So what else are you disappointed with? Or is this a secret?
Jerry: I'm disappointed with terrorists.
Jon: This is something to be disappointed about.
Jerry: I'm also disappointed with DBZ community.
Jon: This is something to talk about.
Jon: Now why are you?
Jerry: Everybody's mad about something.
Jerry: No one can just be a DBZ fan.
Jon: I often see this too.
Jon: And why must everyone have a site?
Jerry: You can't just be in the community... and just be...
Jerry: Everyone's so worried about criticizing everyone else.
Jon: Or being better
Jon: Or getting popular.
Jerry: And not about embracing one another in the thing that brought us all here in the first place: Dragon Ball.
Jon: I totally agree.
Jon: I can remember when we used to be fans.
Jon: And the smart ones had sites.
Jon: But now, everyone wants a site.
Jon: Even if they cannot make it themselves.
Jerry: Everyone's mad at this guy for wanting too many affiliates, and that guy for not being original, or this guy for having full episodes, or this one for having a bad layout, or that one for like the dub, or this one for like a certain site, or whatever.
Jerry: It's all BS.
Jon: Yes, and maybe we can take a step to getting people together.
Jerry: There are too many hundreds of thousands of people. There's nothing I can do.
Jon: The reason I think the community is like this is because we have lost our leaders.
Jon: And now we are all fighting to become one.
Jerry: The biggest influences are all falling.
Jon: Well I must disagree with you. The largest influences are falling, but there are billions of people on the world, and yet I can affect all of them.
Jerry: Lol. Oh, I forgot.
Jerry: You're Jon.
Jon: I know lmao.
Jon: But I am saying "I" as in all of us individually. Erase "I" and put your name.
Jerry: Oh... well, I guess that's true.
Jon: But you are right, the community must change.
Jon: Anything else bugging you?
Jerry: Girls.
Jerry: But, we won't get into that.
Jerry: OH!
Jerry: And ignorant people.
Jon: Ignorant people..
Jon: We will not get into that for personal reasons ^_^
Jerry: Good stuff.
Jon: Unless you want to um.. tell any jokes lol.
Jerry: Nope.
Jon: Hmm Well I have one.
Jon: Want to hear it?
Jerry: Sure.
Jon: If you are an ignorant person, f*ck you!
Jerry: Yes!
Jerry: Good joke!
Jon: I thought so.
Jon: Well, if nothing else bothers you that is too important.
Jon: We are going to talk about what I feel bothers me.
Jerry: Hmm... people who don't visit my site bother me.
Jerry: Visit my site!
Jerry: http://www.masenko-ha.com/
Jerry: Okay, now what bothers you, Jon?
Jon: My damn audience bothers me!
Jon: Yes people, thanks for buying tickets, but..
Jon: Why must you love the visitor more than me?
Jon: Can you answer this Jerry?
Jerry: Well, I'm just plain sexy.
Jerry: And, you, well, need some work.
Jon: Ohh.
Jon: So if I was sexy, then people would love me?
Jerry: D'uh. That's the way America works. Sexy people get everything.
Jon: Ohh.
Jon: And what about South America?
Jerry: Then you can be ugly, greasy and smell bad.
Jerry: And still be loved.
Jon: Well I guess I can fit it more in America.
Jon: I will move you to S.A. Jerry, so everyone will love you.
Jerry: I don't want to fit in.
Jon: why?
Jerry: Because.
Jerry: I like being out in the open.
Jerry: Other than squished in.
Jerry: "I would rather be a tall ugly weed."
Jon: This is reasonable.
Jon: Well, I think everyone has been touched.
Jerry: Jon, isn't that harassment?
Jon: Not in America.
Jon: What I am trying to say is, I hope everyone has been moved.
Jon: Unless yo mama is a hacker, or if you are ignorant.
Jerry: Or if you're an ignorant hacker's mom.
Jon: But, since that is only about 66% of the world, then I know most of you have enjoyed this show.
Jerry: Or the ignorant mom of a hacker.
Jon: yes..
Jon: So Jerry, you have been a great guest.
(audience cheers)
Jon: (looks up)
Jon: Anyway..
Jerry: (flips off the audience, Eminem-style, and watches them cheer louder.)
Jon: I hope you have a nice time, tonight. Make sure to eat a lot of ice cream.
Jerry: Oh, I will.
Jerry: Thanks for having me on the show.
Jon: What show.
Jon: Ohh yes.
Jon: This show.
Jon: The Late Show where the audience sucks!
Jon: Yes, now I remember.
Jon: (looks up)
Jon: (stacks papers)
Jerry: (watches an audience member throw vegetables at Jon.)
Jerry: Duck.
Jon: I will later.
Jon: So anyway, you better get out of here, before I have to press my button.
Jerry: Button?
Jerry: E'rr... I mean... later, Jon.
Jon: See you later.
(music plays)
Jerry: (looks to sexy female in the audience) Call me! (makes the phone with his fingers) Call me!
Jerry: (is taken off the stage by Jon's body guards.)
Jon: (coughs)
Jon: Well goodbye Jerry. For all of you that love him, you can find him in the parking lot.
Jon: So, that was the show, goodbye world.
---------------------------The End - The Late Show.