By V-Babe
A/N: I got this idea from a Darkwing Duck story I found on fanfiction.net, the author recommended trying character-based answers to the age-old question for fun and stress relief. Well, seeing as how I just got from my History book, let’s try it! ^_^
So, y’all, why DID the chicken cross the road?
Heero: *death glare* If the chicken gets in my way, I will destroy it!
Duo: Chicken? I’m hungry…I guess a chicken sandwich would taste good right about now…
Trowa: …hm? Say what?
Quatre: I guess the chicken just thought it was the thing to do at the time.
Wufei: WHY MUST YOU TROUBLE ME WITH A QUESTION ABOUT A WEAK CHICKEN????? IT’S AN INJUSTICE!!!!!!
*Other pilots cover their ears to block out Wufei’s screaming*
Quatre: Do you HAVE to scream like that, Wufei?
Wufei: *glare*
Relena: I’m a bit more worried about diplomacy and promoting pacifism than I am about a chicken right now.
Zechs: That chicken had better not be out to destroy the Sank Kingdom! And if it’s on its way to overthrow Relena, it’ll have to deal with Tallgeese!
Relena: Whoa, chill out, brother!
Lady Une: Oh! Hello, little chicken! *pats the chicken’s head*
Tubarov: He he…I’ll shoot the chicken! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Lady Une: *glares at Tubarov* I wish somebody would shoot YOU!
Heero: Mission Accepted!
*A terrified Tubarov runs away from Heero*
Alex: Hmmm…a chicken eh? Probably not an OZ supporter. *smirks*
Mueller: It’s not. *smirks* C’mon, let’s rev up the Leo and Cancer. *they try to start them, but nothing happens* HEY! What gives???
*Zechs stands nearby holding a pair of pliers and whistling near a pile of parts from the Leo and Cancer*
Treize: *calm, poetic voice* By crossing the road, perhaps the chicken was embarking on a greater journey. Who knows where the chicken was going? Perhaps the chicken was going to join its troops on the field of battle and lead them to victory. Perhaps it was heading home to its loved ones. Or perhaps the chicken just wanted to cross the road and smell the roses.
Duo: You’re kinda long-winded sometimes, Treize.
Treize: At least I talk to people and not machinery.
Duo: HEY! You’re mean!
Field Marshall Noventa: Hmmm…does the chicken support total disarmament? Is it interested in making peace between Earth and the colonies? If it is, I’d like to meet this chicken!
Noin: Really, the chicken should just stay out of this war. It’s no place for a chicken.
Sally: Maybe unlike a certain baka, the chicken recognized trouble and decided to take action instead of standing there making excuses! *glares at Wufei*
Wufei: WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING, ONNA?
Sally: *mocking tone* I’m too weak to fight! Even though we’re under attack, I won’t fight because I’m too weak! I’m too weak! *normal tone* When you were making excuses like that, you really WERE weak!
Duo: Ouch.
Quatre: But she does have a point…Wufei does that a lot…
Relena’s Airhead Friends: Oh, is the chicken going to pick up Miss Relena? What a lucky chicken…
General Septum: Chicken????? Well, wouldn’t YOU be scared if an angry OZ Countess was glaring at you with a gun in her hand?? Well, wouldn’t you???
Field Marshall Noventa: General, nobody’s calling you a chicken….
General Septum: Oh…
Dorothy: Oooo…a chicken! Hand me my sword! Fried chicken for dinner tonight!
Marimaea: You’re asking me, Marimaea Khushrenada, the daughter of Treize Khushrenada, to worry about an insignificant chicken? I’m plotting world domination here! I don’t have time to waste on a chicken!
Treize: Don’t you have some homework to be doing?
Marimaea: *whiny voice* Aw, DAAAA-aaad!
Catherine: Hey, a chicken! Maybe it can join our circus! I doubt he’ll be as good as Trowa, though! ~_^
Ringmaster: Oh, it’s in the circus, all right, Catherine, and it’s LATE!!!!
Trowa: Tell me, are you naturally this cranky or do you have a permanent wedgie?
Quatre: Hey! Trowa cracked a joke!
Trowa: *shrugs*
Ringmaster: *stomps away angrily*
Dr. J: I deal with GUNDAMS, not poultry! Besides, animal experimentation is highly controversial.
Lady Une: Nice chicken! *the chicken bites her finger* OW!!
*Lady Une puts on her glasses and becomes Col. Une*
Col. Une: You’ll pay for that, chicken!!!!!!
Chicken: BUCK-AWKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*now terrified, the chicken runs away…poor chicken!*
