Well, I'm sure you people know what spamfiction is (A collection of stupid stories that make you wonder what kind of drugs the author was on). But, you won't know its true definition until you've seen mine…

DISCLAIMER: You are obviously very glad that Yu-Gi-Oh is the property of Kazuki Takahashi and not of me.

RATED: PG-13. The rating may go up and/or down a bit in future chapters (If you're reading the Shoujo Palace version, then the rating will certainly not go up).

Also, I will do some stories in script form and others in novel form, so you'd better beware of sudden confusion, because all this crap is not just a product of sugar-highness, but of everyday experiences that inspire me in pretty weird and random ways…

BTW, the coin flip came out heads, so I'm gonna use the dub names in this chapter (for most of the characters anyway ^^;).

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It's a lovely spring day in Domino City. Yugi, Joey, Tristan and Téa are playing in the local basketball court.

"Hey, Yugi! I'm open!" Joey called to his petit, spikey-headed friend.

"Okay!" Yugi answered, rushing to Joey to pass him the ball. But while he was running, he failed to see a huge (and sneaky ^^) rock on the ground. He tripped on it, went flying through the air, and crashed into an empty house (which was made of wood and plaster and stuff--I don't want him hurt too bad).

"Oh, my God, YUGI!" Joey, Téa, and Tristan rushed over to him, embedded in the wall. Only his rear and legs were showing.

"Help! I'm stuck!" Yugi screamed through the wall. "I don't think I can get out!"

"This looks pretty bad," Téa sighed.

"I'll help ya, Yug. Just leave it to me!" Joey confidently went up to the victim and grabbed him by the toosh.

"O… kay…" Tristan muttered. "Joey, what are you doing…?!"

"Helping him out of the wall, retard." The blonde male continued gripping the tiny boy's ass, and started massaging it.

Yugi became red in the face. "JOEY! That's not helping!" He was now terribly humiliated--being stuck in a wall, and having his best friend insist on aiding him by sexually harassing him--even though the ass massage did feel kind of… nice (Don't deny it, Yugi-boy. You like it, don'cha? ^_~).

Téa sweatdropped like crazy. "Um, Jou, that doesn't seem like a productive method…"

At this moment, Seto Kaiba decided to walk by. "Hey, Wheeler, what the hell are you doing with Yugi?"

"What does it look like?! I'm trying to get him out from this wall!" Anti-Kaiba fan number 358 snapped back.

"No he's not~!!!" Yugi flailed his legs around. "Pervert!"

"Well, good, luck, you stupid mutt." With that, Seto gave a quick pinch on Yugi's butt and left.

"AAH!!!"

"HEY! This ass is MINE, Kaiba!!!" Joey shouted and shook his fist at Seto.

"Jou, I hope you know that it's attached to Yugi's legs, and not yours…" Tristan nervously muttered.

"I know that, but--"

"Yeah, you know, maybe we should step in…" Téa took a step forward, but was stopped by Joey's hand.

"Nope. I can handle this by myself."

"Jou… Get someone else to help…" whined Yugi.

Then, Ryou Bakura came jogging by. "Hi guys. What happened to poor Yugi-kun?"

"Ryou, could you please help me?" Yugi pleaded the white-haired boy. "I tripped and got stuck in the wall, and Joey's mind is in the gutter!"

"Is that so? Well, shame on you, Joey." The pale young man intervened. He carefully began caressing the smaller teen's rear. "Ooh, you have such a smooth baby bottom, don't you?" (He's right, you know. ^_~)

"EEP!!!" Yugi squirmed once again.

"SCRAM, JERK!!!" Joey hissed and smacked Ryou away. He then turned to his other two friends. "I will help him. Do not worry!" He returned to Yugi.

"Oh, Joey. Thank you." The unfortunate one inside the house replied. "I'll be forever in your debt…"

"Oh, Yug. You're so sweet…" the taller one smiled and clutched Yugi's rear end again.

"AAAAGH! NOT LIKE THIS!!!"

"Joey! I DEMAND that you cut it out!" Téa shouted.

The blonde didn't listen. He just rubbed Yugi's ass around like he did before.

"This isn't helping!!!" But Yugi came to a sudden realization--it really did feel nice! And he could swear that he felt a sight tightening in the crotch of his leather jeans… "Mmm… On second thought, Joey, could you please go a little faster…?"

"OWW!!!" Joey felt a sharp pain in his ear as Téa pulled it and dragged him away.

Yugi stopped drooling. "Aww…"

Ryuuji appeared in the scene. "Hey, guys. Oh, poor Yugi's stuck and Joey's no help?"

"Damn right," answered Tristan.

"Well, I'd like to help, but I have things to do. See ya, Yugi." Ryuuji swept a hand across Yugi's backside, startling him severely once more. "Shake it like a Polaroid picture!"

"DAMN YOU, OTOGI!!!" The dark blonde pervert tried to escape from Téa, who was restraining him at this moment.

"Joey, if you weren't such a hentai, then this would get done faster!" Tristan rolled up his sleeves and advanced to the trapped one. "Hang on, I'll get you out." The tall youth clutched one of Yugi's legs with one hand, and felt up a buttock with the other. "Hey… You've got nice curves for your iceberg!"

"No… I want Joey!" Yugi cried.

"NOT YOU, TOO!!!" Téa screamed.

"Yeah! That's MY arse you're touchin'!!!" Joey struggled from the young girl's grasp again. He finally escaped and clobbered Tristan, and rushed to Yugi, but then Téa kicked Joey in the balls. He fell down, crying like a little chicken-wuss (*snicker* XD).

"For God's sake, this is how you pull someone out of a wall!" The only non-perverted one (Surprise, she's female! O.o) grabbed Yugi's ankles gently. She pulled him out with little resistance.

"Owie…" Yugi murmured, rubbing his arms (Is it just me, or was he so cute when he said that?! ^.^)

"Well, why don't we resume playing?"

And, so they did. But this time, Joey was the one who tripped on the evil rock, flew though the air, and landed into that same house, making another hole in the wall.

"Ahhhh, crap. A little help here?!"

"I'll do it!" Yugi announced, a little too happy. He began to run towards Joey, but was pulled from the collar of his shirt by Téa.

"Ohh, no you don’t!"

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I told you it was from Hell…

I got this idea from when I was listening to "Baby Got Back" on the radio, and this was when I was still finishing Pillow Talk, Ch. 5: Lullaby. I thought to myself: "Y'know, this would be a really embarrassing song for Joey to serenade Yugi with." And, then I thought about other people's spamfics, and decided to make one of my own (No ideas were stolen during the making of this… thing! ^^;). And then, this happened… (Originally, this was going to be the second chapter, but the first one was getting too long, so, it's its own story! ^_^) Also, some lines were references to such perverted songs. And girls, too, can be perverted (as I have demonstrated, by writing this)--just not Téa. If she isn't dirty, that's fine with me--just hope she doesn't go near any of my friends…

If you wet your pants, then I'm sorry. This fic was originally designed to make you throw up. Well, this just proves that just because you are 18 doesn't make you mature. Next time, I'll be really acting my shoe size! *Goes blasting off again* *Ping*