One Card Short
"I'm always one card short,"
Kurama wandered between the rows of cold, unseeing stone. All of them were lined up straight and orderly, like soldiers in an army. But the one he wanted was not in any of these rows. No, the one he wanted stood out from the rest, set on top of one of the only hills in the place, underneath an enormous maple tree. He grinned sadly to himself. The stone and the person it represented were alike in many ways. They were both so differnt, they stood out in a crowd and were unique. They seemed to proclaim to everyone and everything: "Look at me! I dare to be differnt! I am unique!" It was a thing that made Kurama's heart wrench. For another thing that the stone and the person had in common was that they were both cold and dead. As he approached the stone his heart seemed to sink into his feet. It always did when he came here. This place was depressing, full of sorrows and tears, yet he couldn't keep away. Kurama knelt before the gravestone and lifted his emerald eyes, shining with unsehd tears, to read the inscription embedded in the granite. 'Hiei: best friend and comrade, forever with us.' So simple and yet, so true and powerful.
"Always one day late."
Hiei was dead, and it was all Kurama's fault. He hadn't been there to help him, he had deserted him in his time of need. Now, Kurama and the rest of the group had to pay the consequences...
~*FLASHBACK*~
He had gone off by himself somewhere, leaving Hiei standing alone in the clearing. He had been so mad! But to this day, he could never remember the exact reason why he left. He had wandered in the forest, aimlessly, not knowing what he was going to do about Hiei. Then he heard Hiei's scream. He was running towards it before he knew what he was doing. He learned afterwards that while he was gone, a demon had attacked his friend and Hiei, being caught off guard had yelled for Kurama. But by the time Kurama got there, Hiei's eyes were closing for the final time and the demon was beginning to let out a victory cry. Kurama stood there, shocked, until the full meaning of what had just happened hit him like a train. He left the spot where he had been standing and charged at the demon. His rage coursed through him like wildfire, hot and out of control, consuming everything in its path. He killed the demon with one fell stroke and rushed to Hiei's side. Hiei lay on the ground, eyes shut and unmoving. Kurama grabbed his wrist, squeezing for a pulse he knew wouldn't be there. He let out a scream of pure and utter anguish, clutching Hiei's body to his chest. His best friend was dead.
~*END FLASHBACK*~
Kurama shook his head, trying to shake out the awful memories. He had been tormented by them, day and night, ever since that awful day.
"For once I'd like an ending I can celebrate."
He squeezed his eyes shut, one glimmering droplet escaped and drew a shining trail down his cheek. His fists clenched in anger. Why did it have to end like that? Why was he stupid enough to leave Hiei? Why hadn't he come back faster? The questions and the what-ifs flew through his tortured mind. They swirled round and round in an endless whirlpool, swamping him and leaving him gasping for air. His hands moved up to his face and he coverd his eyes, the tears now flowing swift and unchecked. Oh, Hiei.
"I need just one more move, one final chance to prove, I can win this game!"
If only he could go back and relive that moment, that whole day really. He wouldn't go off and leave Hiei, no matter what. He wouldn't be an idiot and make the same dumb mistake. All he needed was one mroe chance. For he knew that if he had that chance, Hiei would still be alive today.
"Life's just a game, we all wanna win."
Hiei had been given a life, a wondrous and precious gift, and it had been taken away without so much as a second thought. Kurama tried to respect other life, except when a threat would arise. He tried not to kill needlessly. Hiei deserved better then this! He deserved life! Dammit! Kurama slammed his tear-stained hand on the ground. Hiei had lost at the game of life.
"Sometimes it's over, before it's even begun."
The fight was over all too fast, Kurama hadn't been fast enough, hadn't been good enough. It had ended almost before it had begun, taking Hiei by surprise, catching him in one of those rare moments when he had been off guard. Off guard because of Kurama. The demon had no scruples and despite Hiei's strength had finished him off in a matter of about a minute. Kurama hadn't even given the other demon a chance to look up, he had just killed it on the spot, choking off the victory cry.
'If someone else gets hurt, then what have we really won?"
Kurama had left in anger, feeling high and mighty because he had had the last word in their fight. Yet, now that it was over he didn't remember what it was they had fought about. He had gloated to himself as he walked away that he had won. But, after a while the smugness had worn off, to be replaced by a growing sense of guilt. He felt bad about leaving Hiei. By now a funny feeeling was growing in his gut, as if something was wrong. One thought flashed through his mind as the high-pitched scream shattered the forest air: HIEI. He turned and rushed bacck to the clearing.
"Life's just a game, that's how the world is made."
Life was just one big game, a joke almost. Kurama grimaced as he pondered on the fire-demon's words. Hiei had said that to him one day out of the blue. He had meant it to. Kurama had been confused and ended up just shrugging it off as normal Hiei-ness. Now he knew what the fire-demon had meant and he agreed. It was funny how one event could change your whole perspective on life. Hiei had played the game, and played it with the utmost of skill, but in the end he had lost and lost badly.
"But are we really players, or are we being played?"
Life had cheated Hiei. Hiei had played along, played the cruel game. He had endured so much. All the trials, the heartaches, sorrows, regrets, and mistakes he had overcome had affected him greatly. They changed him, hardened him, made him harsh and cold, only to be reached by those with wills of iron. Namely Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Yukina. He had ptu up with life, but in the end it was all for nothing. Life had turned and stabbed him in the back.
"I'm always one card short,
always one day late.
For once I'd like an ending I can celebrate.
I need just one more move,
one final chance to prove,
I can win this game!"
Hiei.
"Is what happens next in your control?"
Your fault. He's dead. Your fault, your fault.
"Are you doing what you want, or what you've been told?"
Dead. Your fault. The thoughts crowded his head, refusing to leave him in peace.
"Do you choose the cards from your own hand? Or are we just puppets in a master plan?"
Kurama wailed aloud and beat the ground. His guilt ate at him, tore at his heart. He felt like dying himself. In the time since that day, his spirit had been broken, and depression had settled on him like a cloud. He screamed louder and sobbed, the tears soaking the ground under which Hiei was buried. Just as the pain in his mind and heart became unbearable, he glanced up and nearly jumped at what he saw. Hiei. Or rather, Hiei's spirit. Kurama's red-rimmed eyes widened.
"Hiei?" he breathed.
The apparition said nothing, just stood there and cocked its head slightly to one side.
"Oh Hiei! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I never meant for you to die! Honest. Please, can you forgive me?"
The tears just never seemed to stop, and now they burst forth in a fresh wave, as if a dam had broken. He stared at Hiei's spirit with pleading eyes. Hiei stared back, then smiled, a rare and precious thing. Kurama knew he would treasure that smile for the rest of his life. Kurama hesitantly smiled back, the first real one in a long time. Hiei turned and began to walk away, and as he did his spirit flickered and danced, then went out completly. He stared hard at the spot where Hiei had been, then blinked several times. Hiei...his heart felt lighter then it had in months. His guilt was gone, but his grief still lingered, though not as sharp. He knew it would never completly go away, yet he didn't really mind. Hiei was gone, but he'd see him again someday...
"Gimmie somethin', somethin' to celebrate."
DISCLAIMER: Yuyu Hakusho and all related characters and stuff were not created by me, I do not own them. "One Card Short" isn't mine either. ^_^
