Shampoo’s Chance:  Spirit of the Law

Ranma 1/2 and its characters are the creation and property of Takahashi-sama and various other entities.  I’m just borrowing them without permission.  I promise to put them all back when I’m done... except possibly for Shampoo:)

C&C may be sent to caleb_david@angelfire.com

Chapter 5

By:  Kaleb

       “Aw crap, _you’re_ not supposed to be the one who sees,” groaned Ranma, one hand holding his forehead in angst, the other holding the incriminating pose captured by Nabiki’s camera.

       “*tsk* *tsk*  Boy, I wonder what everyone will say when they get a load of this, especially my poor little sister.”

       “Aiya.  Is greedy capitalist pig girl.  She is blackmailing you good, neh?” 

       “Look Nabiki, this is serious.  Is my Mom spying on us right now?”  

       “Yeah right.  I suppose you expect me to believe that the _only_ reason your doing this is to show your Mom just what a manly man you are?” said Nabiki in disgust to a desperately nodding Ranma.  “Sorry kiddo, I ain’t buying it.  But if you want to buy the negative, pay me a visit this evening and I’ll see what I can arrange.”

      “Oooh.  Make copy for Shampoo buy first!”

       “Shampoo!  What do ya think your doing?!”

       “Hmm.  I suppose I could head over to the one hour photo once this storm clears, that’ll cost you extra of course.  You know, since I’ll be getting duplicates, I think I’ll just go ahead and keep the second copy for myself; there’s a real nice pant bulge in it.”

       “There is?!”  exclaimed Shampoo with excitement as she quickly backed up into a red faced Ranma.  “Aiya!  You is right.  Is rreeall nice.  Take picture quick,” giggled Shampoo as she prevented Ranma from backing away by repaying, in kind, his earlier “complement” of her figure.  Nabiki didn’t hesitate to double the payoff from this little photo op.        

       “1000 yen, Nabiki,” said Ranma through clenched teeth.  “Is my Mom watching?” 

       [Boy, he’s actually serious, isn’t he?] thought Nabiki.  “Sold.  She just went into the kitchen.”  Before Nabiki had even finished her sentence, Ranma ripped Shampoo off of him and angrily shoved her away.  Perhaps he wasn’t trying to fool around behind Akane’s back.  Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, Nabiki adjusted the amount she was intending to extort accordingly.         

       The violence in Ranma’s sudden rejection caught Shampoo off guard and sent her crashing into the wall.  “Ow!  What wrong with Ranma?!  We’s just playing.  No need be so rough.”

       “Shut up Shampoo!  I’m sick of your little games,” shot back Ranma as he stomped down the hall.  Nabiki decided it was time to go back to her soap opera.  Somehow this wasn’t as appealing when it was actually happening in her own home.  She couldn’t remember Ranma ever sounding so angry.  Once again, Nabiki mentally docked the amount she was going to charge him.

       “My game?!  Ranma start this one.  Think I no could feel you staring?  Shampoo just playing off what you give her.  And Ranma enjoy it!”

       “I said... Shut... Up!”

       “Admit it!  Ranma liked!  Why you think get big har...”

       “SHUT UP!”  Ranma whirled around, 270 degrees of momentum behind his backhand; more than enough to knock Shampoo off her feet.  It was hard to say who was more surprised.     

       “Ranma... hate Shampoo... this much?” asked the amazon as she held back tears and her throbbing cheek.  “If so, Shampoo might as well go home now.  You no will help anyway.” 

       “Look, I didn’t mean to hit ya...” began Ranma as Shampoo looked up at him hopefully. “And I don’t hate ya...it’s just... well, you’ve been nothin but a pain since I got back, and...” the apologetic tone that had been in his voice up til now disappeared, “and you roughed up Akane when you first got here, didn’t ya?  If ya think you can get away with threatening her... ”

       ”That was play, idiot!  Me and Akane was playing!  Shampoo no threaten Akane.  Violent girl one who start by threatening bike!  Been nothing but playful and affectionate since get here, yet Ranma go and treat me like... *sniff* like is some villain.” 

       “Shampoo... look, I’m sorry... so ya don’t have to cry.”

       “Who says I is crying?!” asked an angry amazon as she wiped at her eyes.  “Shampoo not sad, is mad!  Why you always overreact when I is just playing?!  When Ranma become such a serious fuddy duddy?!”

       Looking away, Ranma answered, “Probably after I thought Akane died and I killed Saffron.”
       “She... she really mean lot to you, doesn’t she?”

       “What?!  No!  I didn’t mean... let’s get this straight... sorta a for whom the bell tolls thing... and there was the Jusenkyo water too... and...”

         “Is okay Ranma, you no need to say it.  Shampoo think know for long time.  That why I come cut deal for end engagement.”

       “Ya mean you’ll finally be giving up and going back to China?!  Why didn’t ya say so sooner!  I thought this was gonna be another one of your stupid schemes.  All right, let’s go seal this deal!  Huh, what’s wrong Shampoo?”

       *SLAP!* 

       “RANMA NO NEED ACT SO ENTHUSIASTIC!”

       “Um... Shampoo... look...”

       “Shut up!  Shampoo no want listen to insensitive jerk!”

       “Okay, but I really think ya should know there’s a pervert peeking up at ya right now.”

       Shampoo tried to flatten her skirt as she looked down in embarrassment.  “Don’t mind me Shan-chan.  Just cleaning the stairs here.” 

       “Then how about looking down at them, old man?” stated Ranma as he used his foot to help direct Happosai’s face in the right direction.  “Better head up quick before this old creep squirms free Shampoo.”

       “Teehee.  Ranma save Shampoo from old ogre, and now have excuse watch me go up first,” said Shampoo with a wink. 

       “Curse you Ranma!  You intend to hog that glorious glistening view all for yourself!  How truly like a disciple of mine.”

       “Glistening view...?..!”  Ranma’s face turned red as he finally caught on.  “Dream on ya perverts!  I ain’t like you!”  He drove home his point by driving Happosai’s head into the staircase as he pivoted quickly around on it.  With a slight sigh of disappointment, Shampoo headed up to the Saotome room by herself.. 

       “Heh heh.  Looks like she’s all ready to go, doesn’t it m’boy?” cackled Happosai’s voice from inside the staircase, which creaked ominously as the old lecher’s lust aura rapidly expanded within it. 

       “What in blazes are ya talkin about... whoah!”  Happosai had managed to put a scissors hold on Ranma’s foot, and with a small twist spun his disciple off.  Landing hands first, Ranma performed a spinning handspring and came down facing the freed master in combat stance.  “Bitter about me ruining your fun, ya old goat?  C’mon, I’m ready for ya!  Whadda ya waiting for?!”

       However, no attack was forthcoming, instead Happosai pulled out his pipe and calmly puffed away.  “What am I waiting for?!  What are _you_ waiting for?!  Shampoo must be up to your room by now, you shouldn’t keep a lady waiting.  If I kicked your ass now I’d miss out on an opportunity much greater than the one you denied me.” 

       “Wouldja start making some sense, ya senile old bat,” complained  Ranma in frustration.  It felt like there was something going on here that everybody knew about, except him of course.

       “Don’t play dumb, m’boy.  You can’t fool Happosai with the old innocent act.  Don’t worry, you’ve got my blessings.  Just be gentle with her.”  Ranma was surprised to hear what actually sounded like concern for a fellow human being coming from the old creep.  But before he could become too unnerved, Happosai’s tone once again resumed that annoying arrogance of his.  “It makes an old man proud to see his disciple faithfully carrying on the tradition of his marital arts line.  You’re starting to remind me of myself back in the spring time of my youth,” congratulated Happosai as he slapped Ranma on the back, eyes  all starry as he reminisced over what in all odds was a rather revisionist version of ancient history. 

       “For the last time old man...” Ranma growled as he cracked his knuckles, “I AIN’T LIKE YOU!”  So immersed was Happosai in his nostalgia and pride, that he hardly noticed when Ranma uppercutted him through the roof and into LEO. 

*     *      *

       “Ranma finally here!” squealed Shampoo as she jumped up at his entrance.  “Happy give trouble for defending Shampoo?” asked the amazon with concern as she hopefully looked her knight over for any wounds she might tend.   

       “Forget about that old creep.  Let’s...uh... get down to business,” said Ranma nervously, wondering why Shampoo was checking him out so thoroughly.  Regaining his composure as he sat down crossed legged at one end of the coffee table, Ranma motioned for Shampoo to sit at the other end (as for away from his as possible) and prompted her to cut to the chase; “You were talking about plans to go back to China?”

       She angrily ignored both his cues.  “That all Ranma care about?!  That Shampoo be out of hair soon?!”  Ranma gulped as Shampoo sat down right next to him at a diagonal from his left hand side (conveniently within hitting range, a fact that did not escape Ranma, whose ability to read the course of a potential combat situation seemed  inversely proportional to his aptitude at reading the equally volatile course of a girl’s emotions and mood). 

       “Would ya cut the hysterics Shampoo?!  Let’s just quickly get this over with before my Mom comes up, okay?”

       “You... you male pig!”

       “H-huh?”

       “How like a male.  Ranma just want get quickly what he after regardless of whether I is satisfied or happy, neh?”  accused Shampoo with cool disdain as she crossed her arms and turned away.  “Shampoo not that easy, especially to disrespectful male.”

       “Oh for crying out loud... weren’t you the one who wanted to talk in the first place!  What the hell is wrong with ya?!  ...Hey, I’m talking to you Shampoo,”  said Ranma as he grabbed the amazon’s shoulder and tried to yank her around. “If ya got something to say, then stop wasting my time and _say_ it!”

       “SHAMPOO SPECIAL SCAPULA STRIKE:  COLD SHOULDER COUNTER!”  Using the momentum from Ranma yanking on her shoulder, Shampoo drove said shoulder up into his face with considerable force.  Ranma stumbled back and clutched at his bleeding nose as Shampoo spoke in a terse icy tone, “Don’t touch me.” 

       “I can’t touch you.  You won’t respond to anything I say, just what the hell am I supposed to do then?!”  Silence was the only response he got.  “Fine.  Two  can play this game!”  Ranma spun around and crossed his arms.  “Just you watch, I’ll have you talking first in no time.”

       Tick, tock.  Tick, tock.  Tick, tock...

       “Tea’s read...”  Mrs. Saotome sweatdropped at the tableau which greeted her.  She’d hoped that given some time to themselves they’d start to hit it off, but if was so quiet in here that you could hear her now frozen  sweatdrop drop.  Brrr.  It was cold too.  Hopefully everyone would be okay with iced tea. 

       Nodoka evaluated her son’s injuries as she took her place at a diagonal from his right hand side and set her wrapped up katana on the table.  He must have been a bit too forward with Shampoo, if the bruise on his cheek was any indication.  Good for him, and Shampoo.  It raised her opinion of the amazon that she wasn’t the type of girl who cheapened herself by easily giving a man what he wanted.  Still, Ranma must have been getting somewhere, considering his nosebleed.      

       “Don’t mind me.  You two just continue whatever your conversation was before I interrupted you.”  Tick, tock.  Tick, tock...      -_-;  “Would either of you care for some ice tea?  I also brought up some rice balls in case anyone was hungry?”

       Shampoo hesitantly peeked over her shoulder.  It looked like Ranma was bent on remaining obstinate to the end.  Sighing to herself, Shampoo decided to put an end to this foolishness and turned back toward the table.  “Shampoo is wanting tea please, Auntie Saotome.” 

       As soon as Shampoo spoke, Ranma whirled back toward the table too, his pumping fist accompanied by a soft, but victorious, “Yosh!”

       “What was that Ranma?”  asked his mother as she started to serve the tea.

       “Oh... um... I was just thinking... um... how excellent it would be to have some tea too.” 

       Goddess, he was such an immature brat!  As soon as Mrs. Satome bent down to pour the tea, Shampoo let Ranma know what she thought of his childishness with a pulled down eyelid and outstuck tongue.   Ranma quickly retorted with his own tongue and a V for victory hand sign.  Shampoo was about to use her free hand to show Ranma she could be twice as insulting with half as many fingers, but Mrs. Saotome was starting to look back up, so Shampoo and Ranma instantly reverted to more civil poses.  

       “So Ranma, are you going to help Shampoo in fulfilling the spirit of her law?” asked Nodoka innocently. 

       “Huh?” mumbled a clueless Ranma between a mouthful of rice ball. 

       “Basically, I is wanting Ranma’s memes ‘n genes.” 

       Mean jeans?!  Had he heard her correctly?  Sometimes Shampoo’s Japanese was as hard to follow as her ineffable thought processes, and he’d been paying more attention to his food than her.  So basically she wanted some kind of souvenir or something?  But jeans?  Oh well, maybe the amazons took articles of clothing as mementos.  If it’d get her to leave, she could have anything from his wardrobe she wanted.  And now that he thought about it, he probably would cut a pretty mean figure in jeans.  It seemed a little weird, but at least she wasn’t asking for something more perverted like boxers or a jock strap.  Still, he’d better make sure he understood exactly what she was asking for.  “Male or female?”

       The reason why Ranma could make such an offer was conveniently demonstrated by his companions iced tea spluttering all over him.  The two looked on at Ranma in what would have been stunned disbelief if they hadn’t been busy choking and gasping on the tea which hadn’t made it’s way out.  Nodoka clutched her katana in trembling hands, while Shampoo managed to regain her voice, “What the hell Ranma thinking?!  Male of course!”

       [Jeesh.  Well excuse me for making sure I understood what you were asking.  I just thought you might want something you could actually wear.  You’ve already shown interest in taking some of my girl clothes today.]

       “The other part of the deal is that Shampoo wants you to train her in our families’ school of martial arts,” explained Mrs. Satome, quickly changing the subject.                    

       Unlike giving her some jeans, this sounded like a major hassle.  “Why am I doing this for ya again?” Ranma asked unenthusiastically.

       “That does it!”  Shampoo grabbed the smaller girl by the collar and locked eyes with her.  Ranma shrank back from the fire burning therein.  “Shampoo had all she can stand from Ranma!  You ever stop for think about situation Shampoo is in?  That I is bound by honor of my law for marry you?!  That by not marry Ranma I will be punished?!  And punishment be especially bad if I return to tribe empty handed?!”

       “Hey, it’s not my fault your tribes got such screwed up laws,” said Ranma defensively. 

       “Goddess, you is such clueless idiot!” shouted Shampoo as she threw Ranma to the floor in disgust.  “Stupid Ranma probably no even know about survival of the fittest, so Shampoo no bother wasting time arguing Laws merit.  But want you know that if no for Law, Shampoo’s tribe been wiped out long ago, tribe what give women much better quality of life than your ‘civilized’ Japan or my native China.  So Shampoo no let ignorant Ranma insult my tribe he no understand.  That what really piss me off.  Ranma no try and understand Shampoo, just keep treating her horribly with disrespect all day, and I is sick of it!!!”

       “Well you know what?” said Ranma as he got back up in Shampoo’s face.  “I’m sick of you too!  If I’ve been treating you worse than you deserve, then I’m sorry, but if you haven’t figured it out yet, let me make it clear; I don’t really like you.  For one, your pushy.  Hell, you’ve gone as far as trying to rape me.  Twice!” 

       Mrs. Saotome’s eyes bugged out at this revelation.  It was uncomfortable being witness to this venting of pent up frustrations, but so caught up were the two youths in unleashing their feelings that Nodoka doubted they’d even hear her if she tried to calm them down.  Besides, maybe it was for the best that they got out in the open how they really felt.  Provided they didn’t end up killing each other that is.   

       “Rape?  Oh, that word.  Hmphh.  We Amazons no have such concept.  If you is strong enough, then you has earned the right.  Besides, Ranma tried do same thing,” accused Shampoo.

       “Wha... I did not!  It was all cause of that stupid reversal jewel.  I was just trying to make you say you liked me again, though I don’t know why I was bothering.  You’re clingy, manipulative, deceptive, selfish, and spiteful.  Whenever you’re around I always gotta worry about what new scheme you’ve got brewing.”

       Ranma fully expected to get hit.  That he could live with.  But what happened next was something he was utterly unprepared to deal with.  Shampoo lowered her head and turned away in shame.  When she spoke, it was in a tone that he never thought he’d hear from her: self-recrimination. 

       “I know that.  Shampoo came to realize is sometimes that way... and I is trying be better person.  Am sorry for lots of what have done to Ranma and Akane, but...” Shampoo now spun around, her tear streaked face causing Ranma to gulp, “...but Shampoo kept doing worse stuff cause Ranma never even give her chance!  Is not excuse, but no knew how else deal with Ranma always avoiding.  You would no even date with me until I  resort to bribe!  Was to much to ask that Ranma at least try and get to know Shampoo?!”

       “Oh come on Shampoo, at least ya got a date.  That’s more than Akane can say,” pointed out Ranma, who was finding it hard to maintain his anger in the face of Shampoo’s misery.    

       “Some date,” said Shampoo bitterly.  “You is saying I deceptive?!  What about Ranma?  Shampoo gave many chances show good faith to promise date me, and each time Ranma betray and try escape with bait!  And lets no forget quick one you tried pull on Akane at end,” reminded Shampoo, a slight smirk appearing on her face at the memories.  “Not that wasn’t fun getting even for Ranma toy with Shampoo... but as date, was pathetic.  I even offer Ranma out when see you too worried about Akane, but you no would even give goodbye kiss!  Is Shampoo that repugnant?”   

       “Look, that’s not it,” Ranma said in frustration.  He knew he was weak with words, and was becoming painfully aware of his difficulty expressing himself.  Hell, even Shampoo, with her pidgin speech, was doing a better job.  Yet he knew she was missing something important and here he was, unable find the words to defend himself without looking like a whining loser.  “I mean, I haven’t even really kissed Akane,” he offered up lamely.    

       “So you haven’t dated or kissed Akane?  And you won’t kiss or date other girls unless they bribe you?” asked Mrs. Saotome gravely. 

       “EEK!” yelped Ranma as he remembered that his mother was here.  “It’s not like that!  If... if I’d kissed Shampoo, then I’d have lost.  But more than that... I’d have let her manipulate me.  And that’s what it really comes down to:  _Nobody_, and I mean _nobody_, is gonna manipulate, control, or jerk Saotome Ranma around!”

       Both women were taken aback by the sudden display of fierce determination.  A teary eyed Nodoka was the first to find her voice.  “Oh, Ranma...”  She couldn’t help but be reminded of that time Ranko swore to recover the family treasure.  It was ironic that her son happened to be a girl the two times she was most certain of his manliness. 

       Moments ago, Shampoo had been thinking she couldn’t wait to be rid of this loser and wondering how she’d ever fell for the idiot.  Now, as she watched the fiery red head reach deep inside of himself and bring forth that unconquerable strength of his, Shampoo felt a bittersweet blush spread across her cheeks.  Unable to bear it anymore, Shampoo tore her gaze away from that enamoring brilliance.

       “Know what hurt most, Ranma?  That got no chance, as if have no value.  Is Shampoo so worthless that you no saw reason to try relationship?  It not fair!  At least stupid spatula girl have your friendship!  And if Ranma picked Akane then could have lived with, because at least got chance.  But you no have ever return a shred of all affection I give, or try learn more about Shampoo.  Like what village and family like.  What hopes and ambitions for future are.  What like do in spare time.  What are favorite music and books...”

       “You can read?”

       “.....”

       *THUD!*

       As Nodoka looked upon the flattened form of her son underneath the table, she couldn’t help but think he’d had it coming.  It wouldn’t have hurt him to show a little sympathy, in fact, he’d be hurting a whole lot less.   

       “Yes, I can read!” yelled Shampoo at a groaning Ranma..

       “Uh... Japanese.  I meant Japanese,” said  Ranma in a desperate attempt at a save.

       *STOMP* “For stupid Ranma’s information, *STOMP* Shampoo can write Japnese!  *STOMP*  *sniff*  Shampoo hate Ranma!”  Spinning around, Shampoo cupped her face in her hands and started to run off.

       “Ouch.... Man, what’s with that girl?” grumbled Ranma as he tried to get the room to stop spinning.  Okay, so he’d inadvertently insulted her intelligence, that still wasn’t a reason to fly off the handle and start cr...  Oh well, it’s not like he cared if these negotiations fell apart.  It’d be Shampoo’s fault for running out... Uh oh.  Ranma noticed his mother fixing him with a stern stare of disapproval that momentarily put a stop to his mental excuses, a moment in which he suddenly found himself feeling guilty.

       Springing into action, and across the room, Ranma grabbed Shampoo’s hand before she could slam the door in his face.  “Shampoo, before you go, I wanna say something to ya.  This all must be pretty hard on ya, I mean, having to give up on such a great guy as me...”

       Was this his idea of sympathy?!  “Actually, Shampoo thinking glad dump such arrogant asshole.”

       “Why you... since when were ya dumping me!!  Humph.  And here I was trying to apologize and give ya my pledge as a man to help you fulfill the spirit of your law and train ya in my families martial arts.”

       Despite her current emotional state, Shampoo had enough sense to realize she had Ranma right where she wanted him.  Clasping her prey’s hand in her own, she looked at him, eyes shimmering with hope.   “R-ranma really mean that?  Will help Shampoo?”

       D’oh!  He hadn’t meant to say that yet.  Looking over his shoulder, he saw his mother smiling encouragingly at the two of them.  *sigh*  Ranma didn’t quite feel comfortable with this whole thing, but he honestly didn’t want Shampoo getting into trouble on his account.  It’s just he wasn’t quite sure he understood exactly what was going on here, which made him uneasy, considering his history with Shampoo, her claims to trying to improve herself notwithstanding.  Still, his mother seemed to be in favor of this whole thing, and unlike certain other parent figures and amazons, he could trust her, right? 

       “Shampoo, you have my word as a Saotome and a man that I’ll fulfill the spirit of your law and train you in the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts.”   There.  That should satisfy his mother and his guilt. 

       “Yay!  Shampoo knew could count on Ranma!” squealed the amazon in delight as she threw herself around him.  “You no will regret help Shampoo.”

       [I already am] thought Ranma as he futilely attempted to squirm free from Shampoo’s glomp.  This was so much more embarrassing when he was a girl.  Blushing as his squirming caused his chest to rub against Shampoo’s, Ranma looked away as he modestly said, “Ah, it’s no big deal.  After all, I owe you amazons for all the training Cologne gave me.  I mean, if she hadn’t taught me the Hiryu Shoten Ha... well, I don’t even want to think about it,” shivered Ranma.

       Shampoo’s reaction to Ranma’s words was equally as cold.  Her arms let go of Ranma and dropped limply to her side.  “So... Ranma is no doing this for Shampoo?”

       “Huh?.... I said I’d train ya, didn’t I?”

       “Then let start now,” growled the amazon as she cracked her knuckles, “Shampoo have much anger for work out.”

       [Oh yeah, I’m going end up regretting this] thought Ranma with foreboding as thunder rolled ominously overhead.

To be continued...