Stargate SG-1 Quotes
Stargate SG-1 Quotes
Jack O'Neill: I would like to apologize in advance for anything that I do or say that could be considered offensive as I slowly go NUTS!
Jack O'Neill: Oh For Crying Out Loud..
Jack O'Neill: Hey, Reigar! You know that "we come in peace" business? Bite me.
Jack O'Neill: Fancy that. We're famous.
Jack O'Neill: Permission to barge in, Sir!
Jack O'Neill: I remembered something. There's a man. He is bald and wears a short sleeve shirt. And somehow, he is important to me... I think his name is... Homer.
Jack O'Neill: Alright, we came here in peace, we expect to go in one... piece.
Jack O'Neill: Come to retrieve your vastly superior stuff? You know it'd be a lot more superior if it wasn't so easy to steal.
Jack O'Neill: Well if you're looking for help translating it - you're barking up the wrong genius.
*talking to a dying Daniel Jackson*
Jack O'Neill: Because despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have... Might have grown to admire you. A little. I think.
Jack O'Neill: Someone duplicated the duplicators?
*talking to Thor about an Asgard ship, trying to get advice from him though he is not allowed to interfere*
Jack O'Neill: "Alright, send me back. Wait! Ah! Right there. Is that a head nod? A nod is usually down then back up. Your head went down... Wait! I'll tak..." *O'Neill is beamed back to Earth*
Jack O'Neill: It's always suicide-mission this, save-the-planet that. No one ever stops by just to say 'hi' anymore.
Jack O'Neill: You know, we really should come up with a new strategy. One that does not include us dying.
Jack O'Neill: You know, Harry, it's not that I can't believe you lied to me again. It's that YOU LIED TO ME AGAIN!
Jack O'Neill: Do you read the Bible, Teal'c?
Teal'c: It is a significant part of your Western culture. Have you not read the Bible, O'Neill?
Jack O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not all of it. Actually, I'm listening to it on tape. Don't tell me how it ends.
Narim: No harm will come to you. The Tollan will guarantee it.
Jack O'Neill: Is that a "money back if you're not completely alive" guarantee?
Teal'c: Appearances may be deceiving.
Jack O'Neill: One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
Daniel: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
Jack O'Neill: Never run with... scissors?
Rogers: You are all casualties until 1400 hours.
Jack O'Neill: Would that be Daylight Savings or Standard?
Jack O'Neill: Listen. Um, I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me.
Major Charles Kawalsky: We're friends.
Jack O'Neill: If you don't make it... can I have your stereo?
Doctor: I've had a great deal of success with hypnosis.
Jack O'Neill: Hypnosis. You know, I'm not a big fan of that bark like a chicken, cluck like a dog stuff.
Daniel: That's interesting. I wonder if everyone's coming from some religious event.
Jack O'Neill: Why does it always have to be a religious thing with you? Maybe they're coming from a swap meet.
Daniel: She's Hathor, the goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music.
Jack O'Neill: Sex, drugs, and rock & roll?
Daniel: So what's the plan?
Jack O'Neill: Find the stargate.
Daniel: Find the stargate? Thats the plan?
Jack O'Neill: Elegant in its simplicity, don't you think?
Jack O'Neill: Teal'c, you don't have to stick around.
Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.
Jack O'Neill: Wild horses, Teal'c.
Doctor: Well, he's not human.
Jack O'Neill: Ya think!
Linea: There are many forms of power, my dear. Some are more subtle than others.
Jack O'Neill: Well, for the moment we just need the electrical kind.
Hu'rak: No Matter what you have endured, you've never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
Jack O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition, Bastard!
Daniel: Wait a minute, you're actually saying that you need someone... dumber than you are?
Jack O'Neill: You may have come to the right place.
Jack O'Neill: What do you want?
Apophis: To live.
Jack O'Neill: I can't help you there. That's between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute. You are your god. That's a problem.
Major Robert Thornbird: Some sort of state secret?
Jack O'Neill: No. Just difficult to pronounce.
Aldwin: Are you interested in Tok'ra engineering?
Jack O'Neill: Oh! Interested doesn't quite describe how I truly feel.
Aldwin: You're welcome to join us.
Jack O'Neill: Thank you Aldwin but I have to go help Teal'c...wait for Daniel.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: If you hit me, I'll have you court marshaled. Colonel.
Jack O'Neill: I'm not gonna hit you, Maybourne. I'm gonna shoot you.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Gonna turn me in?
Jack O'Neill: Actually, that overwhelming desire to shoot you has come back.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Hi, Jack.
Jack O'Neill: You rat bastard!
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Hey, hey, hey... take it easy.
Jack O'Neill: I am SO gonna kick your ass!
Colonel Harry Maybourne: I'm sorry, Jack. I never should have dragged you into this.
Jack O'Neill: Yes, Harry. You've been a very bad boy.
Jack O'Neill: Hey, don't you die on me now.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: What difference would it make?
Jack O'Neill: Because we're about to be rescued.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Oh, that's nice.
Jack O'Neill: Isn't it?
Jack O'Neill: I think you've suffered enough. Hell, I even got to shoot you.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Twice.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: You wanted to kill me from the start.
Jack O'Neill: Ah, screw you, Maybourne! I was joking. Look what you did to my leg!
Colonel Harry Maybourne: I set the trap for the pig.
Jack O'Neill: With a GRENADE?!
General George S. Hammond: You ever think of writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty?
Jack O'Neill: I've thought about it. But then, I'd have to shoot anyone that actually read it.
Jacob Carter: So, you guys are the talk of the Tok'ra water cooler.
Jack O'Neill: For what?
Jacob Carter: For kicking some major Hathor-behind.
Jack O'Neill: Yes. We do take pride in good work.
Sam Carter: I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle.
Jack O'Neill: Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I've just got a little problem with scientists.
Sam Carter: Well, Colonel, I logged over 100 hours over enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you... or are we going to have to arm wrestle?
*Under a floating mine, while trying to reprogram it*
Sam Carter: Ok, it's flashing green. Is that good?
Daniel: No
Sam Carter: Bad?
Daniel: Bad
Sam Carter: How bad?
Daniel: Very bad.
Sam Carter: DAD!
Jacob Carter: Apparently, I'm the oldest and wisest among us.
Sam Carter: Oh geez.
Sam Carter: Sir, he's not Goa'uld.
Jack O'Neill: And? But? So? Therefore?
*Carter shrugs*
Sam Carter: The asteroid has an irregular shape but we've calculated its length from end to end to be approximately 137 km.
Jack O'Neill: I've seen this movie. It hits Paris.
Sam Carter: This way, sir. It's not far.
Jack O'Neill: Carter. How do you know where to go in a place like this?
Sam Carter: I studied the Tok'ra specs of the ship while we were on Vorash.
Jack O'Neill: You know how to have a good time, don't you?
Sam Carter: Having a good time now, sir.
Jack O'Neill: You go, girl!
Jack O'Neill: I'd rather die myself than lose Carter.
Anise/Freyea: Why?
Jack O'Neill: 'Cause I care about her,...a lot more than I'm supposed to.
Daniel: Tastes like chicken.
Sam Carter: So what's wrong with it?
Daniel: It's macaroni and cheese.
Daniel: Can't you... beam them up?
Jacob Carter: Beam them up? Who do I look like? Scotty?
Major Vallarin: Wait here.
Daniel: Yes, you go down the dark hallway alone and I'll wait here in the dark room alone.
Sam Carter: "Maybourne, you are an idiot every day of the week. Why couldn't you have taken at least one day off!"
JACK: "General, request permission to beat the crap out of this man."
*Hammond appears to be thinking it over.*
JACK: "Narim, would you get your head out of your ass!"
JACK: "I'm enjoying their style," Jack says, watching the attack onscreen. "Shoot first, send flowers later. It works."
JACK: "Excuse me ! I distinctly remember someone saying 'we're not gonna make it'. I think we made it."
JACOB: "I'm sorry, I overreacted. At the time, it looked very much like we weren't going to make it."
JACK: "Yes, well, maybe next time you'll just wait and see."
JACOB: "And blow the last chance I might ever have at being right?" and Jacob slightly shakes his head and walks off.
JACK, a puzzled expression on his face: "What ! ?"
SAM, following her father, lets Jack in on one of her family squabbles: "Welcome to MY life
JACK: "Valar, is that what he said?"
DANIEL: "I thought he said velour."
JACK: "Velour?"
DANIEL: "Velour."
JACK: "The fabric?"
DANIEL: "That's what I heard him say."
JACK: "Why would he say that?"
DANIEL: "I don't know. Why would he say Valar?"
JACK: "I don't know."
TEAL'C: "Do not test my temper, woman!"
DANIEL, startled: "Woman? Did he just call me a 'woman'?"
JACK: "Yes, I believe he did."
JACK: "Well, I wasn't going to let you die. It's like....a ton of paperwork."
*Tyler doesn't understand that reference. Jack tells him it's a joke.*
"It's my way of deflecting tension from my own obvious heroism."
DANIEL: "This is a waste of time."
SIMMONS: "This isn't a waste of time. This is an official investigation."
DANIEL: "Oh, no, I mean, I get it. We obviously have Lt. Tyler issues. I say he exists, you say he doesn't."
SIMMONS: "This isn't just about Lt. Tyler."
DANIEL: "Someone else doesn't exist?"
JACK: "Uh, where's Tyler?"
DANIEL: "You know, I would have asked him but I was too busy being unconscious after he shot me with the zat gun you gave him, so...."
Jack O'Neill: I distinctly remember sitting here, listening to Carter prattle on about solar activity and a... corona... something.
Sam Carter: Coronal mass emissions - I was just about to bring it up.
Jack O'Neill: There you go, how would I know that?
Sam Carter: Maybe you read my report.
Daniel: Maybe he READ your report????
Sam: Woo. What a relief. I've never been so happy to see you guys.
Jack: Oh sure you have. Remember that time on P3X 595 you drank that stuff that made you take off...
Sam: *Ahem* We won't get into that right now.
Daniel: What, did she [Sam] start a fight with you like Johnson did with Teal'c?
Jack: No, she, uh, tried to seduce me.
Daniel: Oh. You...poor man.
*Jack, feeling around him, his hand landing on Sam. She bites it, hard.*
Jack: OWW!!! God! Ow!
Sam: Colonel? Sorry, Sir, it's just so dark.
Jack: Oh, Sam. It's alright. I like your attitude.
Jack: Sam, if someone comes in here you...bite 'em in the hand.
Sam: (smiling) Yes, Sir.
Jack: Listen, I don't know where we're headed by they'll probably try to split us up. So we're not going to have much time to...
Sam: Escape and hopefully live out the rest of our lives without affecting history.
Jack: Or...?
Sam: I can't think of an 'or' at the moment, Sir.
Daniel: No 'or'?
Jack: There's an 'or.'
Daniel: There's an 'or'?
Sam: You can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
Jack: Captain, where there's a will there's an or.
Sam: So the bugs are all taken care of down there?
Jack: Pretty much. You?
Sam: We kicked their asses.
Jack: They had asses?
Sam: The Asgard had this big new ship, The "O'Neill"
Jack: (very pleased) Oh, yeah?
Sam: But...we had to blow it up.
Jack: Sam, what's up?
Sam: (addressing the others) Could we have a moment alone, please? (they leave) Thanks.
Jack: (indicating the head restraint) Sam, undo this. What's going on?
Sam: We're not Zatarcs.
Jack: How do you know?
Sam: (speaking very quietly) The machine thinks we have false memories, but we don't. We were lying.
Jack: I wasn't lying.
Sam: OK. You left something out.
Jack: No, I didn't.
Sam: Sir, when you wouldn't leave me, are you sure there wasn't something else that you're not admitting?
Jack: (confused) What are you talking about?
Sam: Something neither one of us can admit, given our working relationship, our military ranks --
Jack: Oh! Oh, that.
Sam: Sir, we weren't telling the whole truth, and that's why the machine thinks the memories are false.
Jack: Really?
Sam: (turning to the others waiting outside) Retest him.
(In Jack's Memory.)
Sam: Sir, just go!
Jack: NO!
(They stare at each other, stunned, as the Jaffa approach)
Freya: What were you feeling?
Jack: Like ... someone who was about to die.
(Sam seeing that the machine still thinks he's lying.)
Sam: Sir--
Jack: I didn't leave... because I'd have rather died myself than lose Sam.
Freya: Why?
Jack: (quietly) Because I care about her. A lot more than I'm supposed to.
Freya: (looking at the equipment) You are not a Zatarc.
Sam: Now retest me.
(Jack is unfastening Sam from her restraints.)
Sam: Sir, none of this has to leave this room.
Jack: (uncertain) We're OK with that?
Sam: Yes, Sir.
Jack: (not very welcoming) What are you doing here?
Sam: It turns out we made a mistake. A big one.
Jack: Which one? We made a few.
Sam: Our alliance with the Aschen.
Jack: (sarcastically) Oh that... not working out, is it? Gosh, I wish I'd seen that coming. Oh, wait, I did see it coming.
Jack: He's looking a little pissed.
Sam: We did just destroy his fleet.
Sam: Sir, I've been thinking.
Jack: I'd be shocked if you ever stopped, Carter.
Sam: Sir, we've got a problem.
Jack: We've got a lot of problems, Carter. Can you be a little more specific?
Sam: Sir, are you okay?
Jack: I've been shot, Carter.
Sam: I know. Your vest stopped one of the bullets.
Jack: I want sleeves on my vest.
Sam: You're gonna be fine. Helps on the way.
Jack: I'm not kidding. They should put sleeves on these things.
Sam: Did you see who shot you?
Jack: No.
Sam: Hang in there, sir.
Sam: I really need more time to make the calculations.
Jack: Well, Carter, now might be a good time.
Sam: Almost.
Daniel: Now?
Sam: If I engage too soon we'll reappear right inside the Earth.
(Ship is getting closer to the planet)
Jack: Carter, I can see my house!
Sam: Engaging hyperdrive now!
Jack: What?
Sam: Nothing, I'm fine.
Jack: Get some rest. That's an order.
(Sam looks at Teal'c, who nods and turns away. Sam then puts her head on Jack's shoulder.)
(Woden lifts the bars on Teal'c and Jonas' cage and then on Sam's. Jack runs in to Sam who looks very wet.)
Sam: Sir.
(Jack picks her up.)
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LOWDOWN (BEHIND THE SCENCES SPECIAL)
Amanda Tapping: Richard Dean Anderson is goofy, irreverent, witty, sarcastic, sexy, and a jackass
(From the filming of 'Solitudes'. Amanda Tapping & Richard Dean Anderson are dig in a mound of snow.)
Amanda Tapping: You spent seven years on MacGyver. And you can't figure this one out. We... We've got belt buckles and shoelaces and a piece of gum. Build a nuclear reactor, for crying out loud. You use to be MacGyver, MacGadget, MacGimmick. Now you're MacUseless. Dear God! I'm stuck on a glacier MacGyver!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
(In Carter's lab, with Sam and Hammond.)
Jack: I only understand about 1% of what she says half the time.
(Loki wakes up.)
Loki: No. No. No, this is all wrong.
Jack: Hey! I'll tell you what's wrong. I just woke up, haven't had coffee, let alone a pee in seven days and I find out you stole the stole my ass and made a.... mini-me. Carter, I should be irked currently, yes?
Sam: Yes, I would be.
Jack: Hey! We just saved your flat little white asses from the replicators. This is the thanks we get?
Jack: Okay. I'm going back to my original question. What's going on?
FILMING GUY: "You know, I'm gonna get you on film even if it's only clips of you avoiding me!"
JACK: "Fire away! I hope shots of my ass serve you well.."
*Carter enters the elevator and starts humming*
Jack: Humming?
Sam: I am?
Jack: You are.
Sam: Sorry.
*Quiet for a while*
Jack: What's his name?
Sam: Now why would you..
Jack: Humming.
Sam: Pete.
Jack: Pete..
Sam: Pete Shanahan. He's a cop.
Jack: Speeding again, are we?
Sam: He's from Denver. He's a friend of my brother's.
Jack: A set up.
Sam: Pathetic, I know.
Jack: No it's great.
Sam: Really?
Jack: Isn't it?
Sam: Well, it's not serious of anything..
Jack: And yet.. it is.. hum-worthy.
Sam: Sir..
Jack: Carter, it's none of my business. I'm just happy you're happy about something other than...quarks. Not bad with quarks.
Sam: Excellent.
Jack: A bit uncomfortable..
Sam: Yeah, a bit.
Jack: Good luck.
Sam: Thank you, sir.
Jack: Alright Carter, come on. On your feet. Let's go.
Sam: I was wondering when you were gonna show up.
Jack: You just gonna sit there?
Sam: Too tired, sir.
*Jack walks and sits in front of Sam*
Jack: Samantha, I'm a figment of your imagination. You're gonna call me "sir"?
Sam: Old habit, sorry.
Jack: So, you're gonna save yourself or what?
Sam: I've tried.
Jack: Just givin up, then?
Sam: i just don't know what else to do right now.
Jack: You'll think of something.
Sam: Can you give me a pep talk?
Jack: That's what friends are for.
Sam: Friends.
Jack: Hey, this is you talkin here. Might as well be honest.
Sam: What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?
Jack: I would never ask you to give up your career.
Sam: Because you don't feel anything for me?
Jack: Carter..
Sam: I'd let you go right now if I knew.
Jack: That easy?
Sam: I didn't say it would be easy.
Jack: Then what's stoppin you, if you really wanna know?
Sam: I'm trying.
Jack: Maybe it's not me that the problem here. Let's face it, I'm not that complex.
Sam: Me?
Jack: Sam, I'm a safe bet.
Sam: As long as I'm thinking about you, setting my sights on what I think is unattainable, there's no chance of being hurt by someone else.
Jack: *Smiles* Jacob was right. You deserve more. I will always be there for you. No matter what. Believe me.
Sam: *Smiles* So, what now?
Jack: Go save your ass.
Sam: One last thing...
*Carter imagines herself kissing Jack*
Sam: ...Nevermind.
*ALARM GOES ON*
(Sam is in the machine. It switches off.)
Egar: It is done. You are as you were before.
Sam: Thank you.
(Jack goes to help Sam off the platform.)
Jack: Yes, thank you.
Woden: We can all be as we were before now that you have shown us the truth.
Jack: Hail Dorothy. The Wicked Witch is dead. (Off their looks) It's a movie, Margaret Hamilton.
Carter: Point is, with Nirrti gone you can get back to your lives, rebuild your village.
Jonas: We can help you out with food and supplies, get you back on track.
Carter: Once we get to know each other a little better, I'd really like a chance to study this machine.
Woden: As soon as we have made our people whole again, we intend to destroy it.
Carter: But this is an incredibly advanced piece of technology.
Jack: Carter, don't you think it would be for the best?
Sam: Yes, sir. I guess it would.
Jack: To Oz. (Off their looks) Part of that movie.
JACOB: I just want to be able to work as efficiently as possible. Anubis' drones are kicking the crap out of the System Lords and we're next. This prototype should have been done weeks ago.
SAM: It's done...it's just not...finished.
JACOB: Interesting distinction.
SAM: We only got Telchak's device a month ago. I'm surprised we were able to come up with something so quickly.
JACOB: In its current configuration, the weapon is only 70% effective at countering the reanimation technology.
SAM: The power unit you were using hasn't been properly calibrated, this one will be better.
JACOB: Maybe.
SAM: Have you not had your coffee this morning?
JACOB: Selmak doesn't like coffee.
SAM: You gave up coffee for your symbiote? I didn't know that.
JACOB: We never talk anymore, Sam.
McKAY: I always wanted to be a peenist. [That’s how he pronounces it, anyway!]
CARTER (looking startled): Excuse me?!
McKAY: Concert pianist. You know, a guy who plays piano for lots of people?
CARTER (trying unsuccessfully to hide a smile): Right.
McKAY: What did you think I said?
CARTER (barely suppressing a giggle): Never mind.
O’NEILL: What’re you smilin’ at?
JONAS: Oh, it’s just that it’s my first time – in space!
O’NEILL: Ah.
DANIEL: How about mythology?
O’NEILL: Rumours, lies, fairytales.
DANIEL: You see? See? See, see, see, see?!
DANIEL: Hi, Jack.
O’NEILL: Daniel.
DANIEL: I leave, and look at the mess you get yourself into.
DANIEL: Well, we need to do something.
O’NEILL: I agree with you, but I haven’t had the brilliant revelations you seem to have had.
DANIEL: Well maybe you could try coming out with something a little bit better than inappropriate sarcasm.
O’NEILL: You want sarcasm? Nice to meet ya.
O’NEILL: I like vanilla over chocolate, my favorite color is peridot, I think Tibet should be free, and if I could have dinner with anyone in the world it’d be Mary Steenburgen.
BREGMAN: No, I’m just trying ... Mary Steenburgen?
O’NEILL: I think she’s nice.
JACKSON: Does this mean anything to you?
O'NEILL (without even looking): No.
JACKSON: Could you at least look at it?
O'NEILL: Daniel, I don't speak Ancient. Yet. And when I do -- eventually -- you know I'll never understand it.
JACKSON: You have to try.
O'NEILL: Look, last time things just popped into my fron.
JACKSON: Fron is head.
O'NEILL: Now, you see, I have no idea what you're talkin' about.
JACKSON (taking the crossword puzzle off the desk): Well, maybe if you stopped working on this stupid ...
O'NEILL: Hey, hey, hey! (He tries to snatch it back.) I'd like to at least finish that while I can.
(Sam walks in.)
CARTER: I thought you were supposed to be ...
JACKSON (looking at the puzzle): Thirteen across, you wrote 'Taonas'.
O'NEILL: Yeah? So? What's it mean?
JACKSON: Well I don't know -- you tell me. Eight down you wrote 'proklarush'.
CARTER: What's eight down?
JACKSON: Umm ... 'label'. There's empty spaces -- I think the answer's supposed to be 'identification'. Thirteen across is 'sphere' ... Jack, this is it!
O'NEILL: Now, see, I assume we still speak the same language ... mostly.
JACKSON: 'Sphere' -- planet. 'Label' -- name.
O'NEILL: Following -- still -- you -- not!
JACKSON: Proklarush Taonas. I think you wrote the name of the planet where we'll find the lost city in the crossword.
O'NEILL: ... Bit of a jump.
JACKSON: Well, why else would you do that?
(Sam takes the puzzle from Daniel and looks at it.)
CARTER: The clue for seven down is 'celestial body' and he wrote 'Uma Thurman'.
O'NEILL (smiling): Yes!
JACKSON: It has to mean something.
O'NEILL: It does. (He snatches the puzzle back, straightens it out, sighs, then looks at it intently for a few moments while Sam and Daniel watch anxiously.) I'm hungry. (He gets up and walks out. Sam and Daniel look at each other for a moment, then sigh.)
JACKSON: Jack, what're you doing?
O'NEILL (gesturing down to the patch): At.
CARTER: What?
O'NEILL (looking across at her): At.
JACKSON (gesturing to the patch): This?
O'NEILL: At.
JACKSON: That is At?
O'NEILL: You can stop ... that. And don't ask me what it means -- I don't know.
WEIR: Well, have you got everything you need? I think there's still a sink in the kitchen.
O'NEILL: Is that a joke?
WEIR: Perhaps. A bad one.
O'NEILL: Yes, very bad. But I sense hope for you.
CARTER: Sir. I think you should know that General Hammond authorised me to take command of the team if I determined that you ...
O'NEILL: Do it now.
CARTER: Sir, I don't think that's necessary ...
O'NEILL: I trust you. I'll make it easy for you. I resign. You're in charge.
CARTER: OK. ... Sir, at your house before Daniel and Teal'c showed up, what I was gonna say was ...
O'NEILL: I know. (They look at each other for a moment, then Jack slides the bank of crystals back into position.)
CARTER: A star becomes a red giant like this near the end of its life. A million years ago this planet may have looked very much like Earth.
JACKSON: So we're a million years late?!
CARTER: Probably more.
JACKSON: That's very late.
O'NEILL: What do you want me to say? I don't even know why we're here.
CARTER: But you did pack the Hazmat suits for us. My guess is you knew the condition of the planet and you knew that we would have to go down there.
O'NEILL: Then you know more than I do.
CARTER: No, sir, I don't. Sit down and take a look. (Jack looks at her, frowning a little.) That's an order.
(Jack frowns some more. Teal'c looks surprised, while Sam looks embarrassed. Bra'tac leaves his seat and Jack goes to sit down. As he passes Sam he speaks warningly to her.)
KINSEY (walking closer to the phone): Mr President, that is downright insane. I am relieving Doctor Weir and taking command of this ...
WEIR (talking over him into the speaker): Sir, from what I've looked at ...
HAYES: Will you shut the hell up?!
WEIR: I'm sorry, sir.
HAYES: Not you, Doctor.
KINSEY (looking startled): Excuse me?
O'NEILL: (Sam hands a red drink in a glass to Teal'C. Daniel already has a beer, and is balancing an orange on the beer bottle)You are so wrong. It's a perfect analogy. Burns as Goa'uld.
TEAL'C: (Daniel's looking at his orange. He looks quite drunk!) They are merely animated characters O'Neill.
O'NEILL: You're so shallow.
JACKSON: (Drops his orange) Oh Please! Teal'C's like one of the deepest people I know. He's so deep. Come on! T-Tell em how deep you are. You'll be lucky if you understand this. (Smiling and giddy)
TEAL'C: My depth is immaterial to this conversation.
JACKSON: (Excitedly) Oh!! Y'See?!
O'NEILL: No more beer for you.
CARTER: Don't you dare leave us now. We won. (Jack part-opens his eyes and moves his head weakly. Sam takes hold of his chin.) Colonel.
...........
CARTER: Please, Jack.
O'NEILL (whispering): Dolmata.
Sam looks round at Daniel.
CARTER: Now what?
O'NEILL (weakly): Aveo ... amacus. (Sam and Teal'c look at Daniel.)
JACKSON (translating): Goodbye.
(A shield comes up from the floor of the capsule and wraps itself around Jack, putting him into stasis. The rest of SG-1 watch helplessly. The lights in the capsule go out.)
CARTER: We can't just leave him like this. I mean, there has to be a way to reverse the process. The answer has to be here somewhere.
O'NEILL: She's so hot. *Sam smiles* Carter, can you tell me the reason for this documentary again?
CARTER: Didn't you read the memo? *Jack gives her a look, as they head downstairs.* ah ... officially it's to particle the 1,000th trip through the Stargate but I think there's more to it than that.
O'NEILL: 1,000 you say.
CARTER: I know hard to believe we've been at it this long.
O'NEILL: There should be a cake.
BREGMAN: Colonel, what is this off world activation something ... what's that?
O'NEILL: Won't know until I get there.
BREGMAN: Well, that great, we're going ... where's there?
O'NEILL: There is here for you. *walks out*
BREGMAN: Yeah, no ... Colonel. Colonel. Colonel! *Jack stops and turns.* You know I'm going to get you on camera sooner or later even if all I get is a series of you avoiding getting got.
O'NEILL: Fire away. I hope shots of my ass serve you well.
CARTER: Sir heard you were up and around.
O'NEILL: Yeah ... err. *pulling down his t-shirt* still a little tender but they said I could go home.
CARTER: We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. That new vest inserts works well.
O'NEILL: Didn't help Fraiser much.
CARTER: *breathing in* no
O'NEILL: *after a moments silence, gets up to get his shirt* How's Cassie?
CARTER: She's a strong kid, she survives ... you know.
O'NEILL: Yeah *pulls on shirt.* you speaking at the memorial?
CARTER: *nodding, deep breath* sir ... I ... I just wanted to say. *licking lips * when you were lying there I ... *fighting back tears* I'm really glad you're okay. *Sam crying now but trying to stop looks away. Jack moves closer, slowly, and she glances at him.*
O'NEILL: Come here.
*Jack Pulls Sam into a hug, which she returns, him turning his face into her neck*
Jack: You miss the chair?
Hammond: Actually i do
Jack: Want it back?
Hammond: As a matter of fact i do. my new one just isnt the same
Jack: That's.. not..excatly..what i meant.
Sam:(Inspecting the dial-home device) This is how they controlled it! It took us 15 years and 3 supercomputers to MacGyver a system for the gate on Earth.
