Fun With People

Some think that people suck ... I used to be one of them untill I learned something one day PEOPLE CAN BE FUN!!! How so you might ask well it's easy you see most people live a life that isn't used to anything out of the ordinary or strange in any way.  These special people that make up the bulk of my school have very limited tolerences to just plain old downright strangeness and if you tip the boat just a little bit people go from being useless bags of flesh to fun playthings.  So if you want to have fun with people read on, but before you do make shure you read the next two paragraphs carefully they contain inportant stuff (which is why there a diffrent color)

~~~DISCLAIMER~~~

While on the whole people have been for the most part receptive to my probings into their reality everyone reacts diffrently some of the things containd from here on in might cause you to get beaten up arested suspended expelled deported and laughted at.  So remember be careful and I don't know you.

JKL The Theory of Normalcy JKL

This paragraph is more inportant than rhe last one as it breifly out lines my theory of normalcy which if you pay atension to it can save you a good deal of trouble.  It goes like this if something happens on a regular basis then people will eventulay get used to it.  The stranger the event the longer it will take time for people to get used to it.   When the time comes when people stop questioning the event on a regular basis then it has achieved normalcy.  REAL LIFE EXAMPLE~ I start carrying a ratty looking stuffed frog in my pocket.  The first week I get many coments and questions.  I keep the frog with me every day.  By the end of the thrid week the questions and comments have dropped to about 1 evey other day.  By the end of the first month the questions and coments have dropped to about 1 a week.  At this point if I were to stop carrying the frog around I would have to go through the same process all over again in order to explain it's absense so in essence it has achived normalcy.  Why this is so inportant I know not I just thought you should know.  Now on with the real fun stuff.

Twinckies and People

Twinckies and people go back a long way here is some fun stuff you can do with them

-JUst the act to takeing a twinckie out of your pocket is enought to send most poeple over the deep end

-Sit down in a luchroom and eat the twinckie with a knife and fork

-After removeing and consumeing the cream filling of a twinckie grab the remains and exclaim in a loud voice "Martha Stewart has a use for this" then run off

-Offer to give people a ride home in your twinckie

-Atatch a twinckie to your shoe (still in the wrapper of course) clain that it's your survivle rations

-Eat the twinckie that is atached to your shoe

-Sit down and begin haveing a conversation with your twinckie if so desire start argueing with it and have the whole thing end in a murder (not nesisarly the twinckies...have fun!!!)

Fun with Misc. Stuff

- Keep a stuffed animal hanging out of your pocket (make shure to name it thats the most common question I got asked)

-Spend ten minuts every moring gathering up misc crap you find around the house or in your closets.  Then cram as much of it in your pockets as possible, (now the fun part) periodicaly throughout the day empty your pockets while looking for something or another. (you should have at least 10 items)

-Begin discussing with your self in a loud voice about the possiblity that you never woke up this mornig at all and this is just a dream, be shure to include other people in the conversation as well.

-Keep a ton of candycanes in your pockets and give them out to all that ask for them (trust me this is a lot of fun)

-Draw four leaf clovers on your self eventhough it's not saint patricks day

-Take a black sharpie and color in 4 peices of paper compleatly in fron and back, then claim it is the bible

-Put an exclamation point after your name every time you write it

-go fall into your local gap store

-if anyone should make fun of you ever call them a freak then walk away from them

Elevators

Help make an other wise dull elevator ride a lot of fun

Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of
you just shut UP!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in
there?"

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed
when they open by themselves.

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you
Admiral.

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the
penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks
on!"

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion
sickness!"

Meow occassionally.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move
to the far corner of the elevator.

Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

Say "Ding!" at each floor.

Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this
is your "personal space."

Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

FUN IN THE GROCERY STORE

sit in the middle of the iles with a calculator and paper trying to figure out which of the two items is cheeper.  If anyone helps you out put the more expensive one in your kart

When you get to the spice section start mubleing about canablistic grandparents and family recipie

walk up to some one and pretend you know them

put cranberry juice inb your kart and mumble about how it is a poor subsitution for blood

get on your knees and worship the creamed corn

stop in the middle of the ille start listening very carfuly then shout in a horrified voice get out of my bellie (also works wonders in evlevators)

buy 6 bottles of mountain dew and begin mubleing about how the clowns will eat you

try to convince the maneger to have a singles night at the store (fun fact this actually happend in one town where there would be certain events in each of the iles such as bowling with tissue paper I heard it was alot of fun)

just walk around and have a conversation with yourself

ask a stock boy to lead you to an item that you know is on the opposite side of the store, when you get the simply don't buy it

ride around in the electric carts

skip up and down the iles singing zippidie do da

shout for the love of god will someone clean up the blood

find the best dressed manager in the store and ask him to lead you to the twinkies

read the tabliods in the store

while walking through the parking lot sing we'z all going on a hit and run holyday (thats not a real song but I'm shure you can whip something together)

Buy one .99 cent item and use a $20 to day for it

buy one item and make someone carry it out for you

make somneone carry out your stuff then forget where oyu parked

FUN WITH ROOMATES

On the first time you meet in the room ask him to stand against the wall, then draw a chalk outline around him, if he askes what you are doing simply explain that if he touches anything of yours that's where you will nail him to

leave a twinkie on the windowsill and don't let anybody touch it...clain it's for your biology final

got to the bathroom at least three times a night

listen to nothing but they might be giants

when he's not around move everything he owns one inch to the left and see if he notices...keep doing this untill he dose

whatch videos of crash tests

make a webpage like this one and set it to his homepage

ask inane favors of him and when he declines leave toy horse heads on his pillow

make a sock puppet and talk to it frequently about your room mate as if he isn't there

send photos of him sleeping to his e-mail

crucify stuffed animals on the walls

switch the music from black metal to the oldies suddenly and without warning

watch forgien films

rewind every tape only half way

throw parties without warning

change the locks

eat only foods with massive amounts of garlic

leave cryptic notes on his pillow sighned the conspiracy

I'M really sleepy now more will come very soon sorry!