As I'm typeing this I'm hearing Phish for the first time.   I like it alot, I just got done listening to Emperor (black metal) and before that icp.   Now I'm listening to Phish and I like it alot.  Thanks Deb!!!

not to long ago someone said they were reading my rant page and they liked it.  She said that she never realized how wonderful and inspirational I was.   This made me wonder so I went back and read some of my entires on this page.    I must admit I was shocked at what I found.  This page is horrible!   all my ideas are half formed and poorly expressedm, I couldn't see how anyone could get any astetic value out of it at all.  The reason I created this page was for me to vent my random feelings and get them out into the open.  Most of these things I couldn't talk about with to another person I would share them with the computer screen.   I find that sometimes it's easyer to form your're thoughts here than while your're talking to someone.  That's really sick and sad but it's true... it's who I am.

I beleive in fate.  Now before you get all angry and odd with me let me explain, fate from here till the next title will mean a situation that was ment to happen.  I beleive that certain things happen to me simply because they are ment to and no other reason.  For example, I have a freind named Lior (hi Lior!!!) now Lior is a grade below me in skool and becaus of that we have no classes together.    Now we would have most likely have never had met except for one thing we had a health/gym class together.  Health/Gym is a freshmen class but because I'm a moron I took it my sophmore year.  For half a year we never spoke to each other, then when gym came along he looked like he was the only person that was as misrable as I was so I started talking to him and we've been freinds pretty much since then.  Also during this same sophmore year was takeing a freshmen computer class (k I really fucked up my freshmen schedual deal with it I did).  Because of this I met Jackie and Stacy (Hi Jackie and Stacy) which are two more of my best friends.   Now what's really interesting is that the only reason I started talking to Jackie is because both our names started with a B and we got placed next to each other.  If it wasn't for that we would have probley never have met.  Again I'm takeing another one of my classes a year late and here is where I met Deb (hi Deb).  Now the only reason I met her is because another freirnd told me to sit next to her.  Deb came in latter and for some reason sat near me, and we quickly became freinds.  That is just a few examples of the wonderful things that happen to me on a regular basis.

Have you ever been depressed and had someone tell you it will get better don't worry.  Yeah me to and it seems like such a huge load of bullshit dosn't it.   Well just now as I was typeing I just realized it was true!  Hmm imagine that.   You see just about my entire freshmen year I was depressed, and I pretty much hated everybody.  I just moved from Conneticut to Florida, I left all my best freinds behind and a small little skool that I loved dearly.  I went from a really small skool to a really big one.  My class size tripled my old class size, it was quite an unwelcome change.  So I was just about compleatly alone, and absolutly misrable.   I felt like it was the end of the world.  I was then that I came up with my most pesimistic views in life ever.  Needless to say I was not haveing fun yet.   Then my Sophmore year rolled along and it was grand.  With out that year of suffering I would not have had the same experiences my Sophmore year.  So it did get better, even though it took one skool year and two summer vacations to make it come to pass.  Anyways that's all there is to say about that.

K more than two people have asked me who thekolo is so now I will tell you.  The name came from me trying to remeber the name Anon from One Flew Over the Cucoo's nest (my favorite book of all time).  The reason I was trying to remeber it was because I just down loaded AIM and I needed a screen name.  Anyways while trying to remeber it  I came up with the name TheKolo.  I liked the way it sounded is sorta rolls off the tounge so I kept it that and it's kinda fun to type.   Like I do with most my ideas I decided to give him some personality.  He is a mysterious stranger that acts how he chooses and dose what he wants and he conciters absolutly nothing out of the ordanary.  Soon he developed even more chrecter, and he earned himself a place in one.  I stuck him in the masqurade world.  A world of supernatural forces and being of imense power that controll the lives of us the normals.    Thekolo has uncovered this Masqurade and his reaction was, hmm that's interesting.   Anyways all the vampiers and demi gods that control out little ball of mud were quite miffed about his finding out and not careing and so there are thouse who want to kill him thous who and to study him and thouse who want him to join them.  He just wants to be left alone.

I be getting me one of thier cd's A.S.A.P 'nuff said everyone should listen to Phish!

No No don't worry this isn't some stupid retrospective of my last year ect. ect. ect. and it isn't about the buzz around 2000.  No this little chunck of cyber space will be devoded twords my feelings concerning the holyday in general.   Personaly I think it's stupid I mean let's look at it this way we are celebrateing the fact that we as a society and a planetay comunity have mangaged to struggle through a whole year together once again.  For some reason I don't think this is worth celebrateing over.  As we cock our heards and look at it from a diffrent perspective some people feel that it is a time for looking back on the past year and seeing all the good memories that you had and looking fowards to new one's to come.   That dosn't do it for me either cause I try to do that once a week anyways and I believe that it's a healthy thing to do and it should be done by everyone.  Then their is the whole resolution thing... if you waited all that time to start to do something starting at the beginning of the new year won't help your're chances every much.   Hey it may be pessimistic but it's true.  Another thing I can't even begin to comprehend is watching the ball fall, what the hell is the point of that.  Are we so insecure that we need confirmation that yes we did indeed made it you can have fun now.    Anyways I find the whole thing overhyped and silly and it's something I wouldn't participate in at all except for the twilight zone marathon, we all gotta watch that now don't we! 

You know when I was in health class I learned that alot of deaths are due to heart attacks.  The way my teacher said this he made it sound like it was a great big amazeing deal, my gym teacher said and sounded the same way.  My responce what what the hell... how else are we suppost to die.  Where're not suppost to spontainusly combust and I don't think our bodys are suppost to start attacking itself (cancer).  So what natural death is left but heart attacks!  yet still people treat it likes it's some sort of horrible and yet preventable thing.  In a certain way it is preventable but that just gives you some time untill you die of some horrible unatural acident, cancer, or another heart attack!!! YAY!!! what could possibley be better.  Come on people think for once in your're lives see through the hype if we don't die of a heart attack then how are we suppost to die naturaly?

One of the things that makes our country great is the fact that we have the right to do all sorts of things, we can invade peoples privacy in the name of the press, we can burn our flags, we can flaunt our bodies, and have offensive messeges every where.  We have all there's rights and more but dose that give them the right to use act on all of them?  No of course not and yet we still think it's okay to hide behind them when we're doing something obisoly wrong or stupid.  To me that's one of the ultimate wrongs to use the rights that where given to us so that we can make something that shouldn't be allowed okay to do.  I'm talking about the paparazzies for the most part.  Let's face it they are doing things that need justifying by hideing behind our right of freedom of the press.  But I say so what if it's free there are some things that you shouldn'd BE DOING.  The same applys for all of us just because we can do something and not go to jail for it stop and think if it moraly right first.

You know what! I have a self esteem problem!  NOw I know what your're thinking, we all got self esteem problems... but dose your's make you masicistic?   Mine dose, you see I was sitting and thinking about certain past events and I came to a conclution that made me shiver.  When a girl hits me I get a certain amout of pleasure from it, depending on the pain and who is inflicting it the pleasure can be greater a lesser than usual.  For a long time I just assumed this was just part of who I was, but then I began to slowly uncover the truth.  The quetioned was first raised when  I was at a creative writting convention and I was "subdued" by someone sitting next to me for trying to reclaim what was rightfully mine.  The guy who was lectureing us took great intrest in our activeties and when we finnished he asked if I enjoyed that.  I said "no" he gave me a look that said are you shur then he moved on.  Well just recently I thought about it and I realized that I beleive that I'm so pysicaly ugly that the only reason someone would want to touch me is because they want to hurt me.  Then I realized that this beliefe has been around since roughtly the 6th grade and most likely way before then.  Also the way I dress is effected by my beleif of physical uglyness.  I dress the way I do because I believe that there is nothing I can do to improve the way I am so why bother.      If I tried I would come off as the over confident asshole who everyone hates (trust me on this) so I don't.  Which is another indication on how low it is, if I believe that and atempt to improve my looks would make me an asshole that's pretty bad.  So I continued to think, now if I believe this about myself then why do I ever have days where I'm in a good mood?  After careful pondering I realized that I have become happly resigned to my fate.  Since I won't look good ever or have people like me on looks alone then why bother worrying about it you can't change it so make the best of it.  That may sound odd but hey these things happen.

... or the emergancy room to be more exact but that's not important.   On 1/18/00  I spent almost two hours sitting in the emergancy room for a doctor to tell me that I had a bad cough and that I should take this this and this to make me feel better.  Good god I hope I never have to do that again.  Yes there is a reason about why I went to the emergancy room instead of a normal doctors but trust me it's boring and not important at all.  Anyways while I was sitting in the ER I noticed some intersteing things about people and such.  First was that kids will be kids.  There was one little girl in there who aprently hurt her eye.  I don't know how nor did I ask but all throught the time I was there she was playing and haveing fun.  It didn't seem to matter to her that she had a gauze pad over one eye, she had toys to play with.  I found that so endearing, I guess kids will be kids no matter what.  There was even one piont where her father told her to stop doing something or you might hurt your eye again, that didn't bother her in the slightest.  The next thing I noticed that the ER in an overwhelmingly depressing place if your sitting there in pain waiting for someone to make the time to see you.  Over the course of my time there I saw worried parents and children paceing about nervouisly hopeing that thier loved ones would be okay.  I got many stares as I sat there in my seat grooving to my cd but hey you can't sit still when listening to Shake Senora.  Desipte the opressiveness of the depressing atmoshpere I was some things that it all seem worth it.    The look of the soccer players fathers face when he found out that his son's achillies tendon wasn't pulled, among other things.  So all in all it would not be someone thing I wanna do again.  Also it renewed my resperct for all hospital employies which is a good thing.  Lastly I realized just how important visting thouse who are sick in the hospital really is.  Little things like vistis are one of the few things that make thier stay bearable.  Also why is it that doctors always ask you how are you feeling.  I feel sick damn it make me better now!  What other responce do they expect I feel fine I just waited for 3 hours to drop by and say hello? 

I have discovered the secret to makeing kick ass eggs.  I love them they tase so good.  K here's what you'll need:

Sandwich Size English Muffins or a Bagel, Cheese, Butter, Bacon, Onion, Basil, Garlic Powder and of course Eggs

Well first you start off by melting the butter then you cook the onio.   Also at this piont throw on the basil and garlic powder to tase (hint when it smells really good there's enough).  Throw the cheese into the pan then proceed to make scrambled eggs like you any other way.  While this is going on toast the english muffin to tase and also make the bacon.  Since this is going to be a sandwich the bacon should be chewy, to achive this I usualy cook it in the microwave.  That and if I cooked bacon anywhere else I'd most likely burn the house down, or at least my hands.    K by this time the eggs should be in a semi solid omlet like mass, if you didn't you screwed up and the sandwhich you made will crumble apart (don't worry I can only make it into an omlet like shape half the time, it still tastes good).  Put the bacon on the english muffin then scoop some eggs over to the muffin and jobs a good un.   Of course the whole muffin thing isn't nessisary but it is better that way.   Bacon is manditory no matter what.

The title of this rant is comunity, and if you notice it is one of the few words on this page that is spelled correctly.  THis is important for what I'm about to say, it seems like now and days there is little or no unity in the average comunity.  YOu read that sentese and you realized it rymed... very good.    Look at community closly if you'll notice it isn't spelled right unless you put the word unity in it.  This is true in real life with no unity the comunity will fail.   I have found that there is very little unity in todays neiborhoods, hell there's hardly any human interaction.  Some might argue that this is because I'm in front of the computer instead of talking to people but hey that's because they just aren't aware of certain things.  I could go into it and stuff but I'll save that for another day, lets just leave it as it's not the computers fault... interaction has been slacking off for some time now.  While I was in Hot Topic once I saw a shirt (imagin that) it said on it In the Suburbs No One Can Here You Screem.  After I read that I felt the need to sit and think about it so I did.  It's true people just keep moveing and shrug it off.  It's down right scary, another example of this not knowing each other would be hurricane Floyd.  At one point while we were putting up plywood I broke a drill bit.   NO IT WASN'T MY FAULT.  Anyways my dad ran off to home depo,at no time did the thought ocoure to him to ask the neibors for help at no time did we ask the niebors for help and at no time were we asked for help.  Yet we've been liveing together in the same neiborhood for 2 1/2 years.  I may be way off base here but I think we should at least know some of the people around us, but we don't I find that... disturbing.   Communication is important for us as a whole, with all our modern technology it makes it easyer for us to reach others far away.  THis is all well and good but let us not overlook the people around us.

One day my parents came home with a program called front page 98.   Annoyed I cast it aside and left it alone.  Then I found out it had a graphics program which I could use so I installed the whole thing.  Then out of shear boardom I took that progarm and I did something stupid with it, I made this page.   This page started out as a deliberate mockery of everything web desighn stands for, and front page in general.   Yeah isn't life grand...

Yesterday I was asked why by someone why I write letters and mail them when I could just call them up, e-mail them, or write a note and have it deleivered by a freind...ect.  At first I couldn't really think of an answer so I proceeded to babble untill it came out.  THe answer was that it makes me feel good, but there's more to it than that.  When I sit down and write a letter I don't think about what I'm writting down I just do it.  I write roughtly as fast as I can think, especialy when I write in calligraphy so they are pretty much getting   pure unrefined thought uninhibited by common sence.  THis is a good thing cause this way I say things I wouldn't ordinarly say outloud to that person.  Also you can't take back what you say in a letter because what you say is permante.  So for good or for ill I write my letters, ah well it's fun and it wastes time that I would spend doing nothing otherwise.

You know I can't think of anything that can spread happyness and beuty faster than bubbles.  My freind Deb (Hi DEB!!!) got me 64 fl oz of bubble solution and my god have I been haveing fun with it.  I could just sit there for hourse watching them float about and pop when they feel like it, they are so asteticly pleaseing that I think everyone should have some.  Nothing can releve stess like bubbles can, trust me on this.  They are also a wonderful way of wasteing time, there was one time where Deb and I sat there listening to a Space Ghoast cd and blowing bubbles for about an hour.  On this note always have bubbles for two, that doubles the fun!    Yeah bubbles are good!

In our skool the next play that the drama commitie is putting on will be Shakesspear's Romeo and Julliet.  This is all well and good with me because I have nothing against Shakespear, in fact I rather enjoy reading his works, so I'll most certainly be in atendence of the play.  BUt that's not what this rant is about it's about my freinds asking me to try out for the part of Romeo!  THey have got to be kidding, because first of all I can't act and second there is the part of Mercutio.   This is by far the coolest part in the play, you get to be in a sword fight, you get to die, and you get to make a big long speack as you die while cracking a joke that is actualy funny (should you call apon me tomarrow you'll find me a grave man) I like that.   Now lets look at Romeo... Romeo is and idiot.  Fist off he commited suicide over a girl that he just met to days ago for no reason.  That is so not cool, I'd much rather die by the blade of my enemies sword.

You know many of the really niffty things that have entered into my life have come in pairs.  MOst of my freinds I've met in pairs, Jackie and Stacy, Lior and Evan, Deb and Meg... I met all of them at roughly the same time.   MOstly because one knew another.  Also problems seem to come in pairs, or my freinds problems that they choose to come to me with are presented to me in pairs.    HAppyness for me also comes from two sources at a time.  Lastly when random people Im me it usually happens two people at a time.  Just thought I'd share that with y'all

You know my brother Tim lives in Arizona, in the middle of the desert to be exact.  He's sorta disapionted because no one comes to visit him.   My argument is that it's because he lives in a desert, people don't wanna go to a desert.   Hell people aren't even suppost to be liveing in the desert, I mean any place that gets to be over a hundred degrees is not a place where you should be liveing.    Conciter it gods little hint, that and he told the people oy you there wander about untill you get out of the desert.  Not stay there and live I'll keep you alive, no it was WALK TILL YOU LEAVE THIS PLACE.  Of course a few years latter people are back in the desert liveing there.  Why if even god tells you to leave your obiously not suppost to live there, there is no room for inteerpretaion or mixing up the meaning.    The whole wandering around thing was truem, so if you ever get the need to move to the desert remeber god told you not to live there for a reason, it's NOT A HAPPY PLACE!