We now have turkey bacon, turkey sausage, turkey hotdogs and hamburgers...and other things that I don't even want to ponder that all started off as turkey but ended up as something compleatly diffrent so it makes me wonder what else can turkey become.  Well we have sometme in the furutre turkey steak or trukey caviar I mean seriously where's it all gonna end.  At this rate in five years we will have turkey butter, turkey cars, turkey planes, turkey trains.  Will they run on turkey fuel driveing on turkey roads going turkey miles per hour?  WHEN WILL IT ALL END!!!     I don't know either, however what I do know is that from now I pledge to only eat turkey in it's natural state...as trukey.  You should to, join the anti turkey being things that it isn't revolution!!!

Just before we begin on todays update I would like to let you all know that I had something more intelgent to say in this update, in fact I had a list of things but one by one I wove them into e-mails so that now we are left with this.   Oh yeah I hate to repeat my self.  So anyways you look at the title of this rant and you ponder to yourself why no... what?  Hehe you see that was just a lure to draw you in very clever isn't it.  You know recently my creative writting teacher has been big on useing lurers to draw people in.  She says over and over again with such passion and fire "you only have 30 secconds and 2 sentences to grab the readers atension."    Hence the beggining of most of my storys is now I felt the cool barrle of the gun against my head.  It gets people's atension what can I say.   After that your storycan go anywhere it wants and do whatever it chooses.   Personaly I think this whole reaching out and grab the reader thing is rather silly and stupid.    I was trought to give it 50-100 pages before I give up on it, not a pathetic 2 sentences.  I would like to beleive that if your atension span isn't beyond 2 sentenses then the rest of the story would be beyond your comprehension, of course this isn't true.  So here I am proforming stupid little ticks and jumping through hoops to gain the atension of the average reader.  BLEH!   I think I just found a new bit of advice to ignor, you know it wasn't always like this.  It wasn't always nessisary to do these little ticks to get you the gental reader to read.  I've read books who's openings sentence lasted 5 lines and talked of the weather.  Not terribly excitering but it's turning out to be one of the best books I've ever read.    Hmmm I guess we are suppost to change with the time, the entire rest of the world is falling to the mighty sway of the sound bite so why shouldn't the litteray world.    We should make our sentenses short and clipped full of small easy to understand words.  Write your book more like a movie that's the way to fame now and days.   It makes me sick really, in truth when I write I don't do it to entertain you.   I don't make my charcters dance and sing on puppet strings for your enjoyment.   I most certainly pour my heart and soul into a poem for you pleasure.  I do it to amuse me any benifts you get out of it are mearly a side effect.  I think from now I won't be doing thouse goofy little tricks and start my stores any god damned way I please.   Hmm you know you may think that all of this above jibber jabber and senceless rambleings was really the point to all of this.   Well it isn't, this was to answer the question Why none of my storeis and poems are on this page.  I seriously concitered putting them up here for the world to see.   The good standing shoulder to shoulder with the bad, from art to trash and back again.  I was gonna stick it all up there and it would have been the most

and I'll be sitting there with a gun in my hand

a bullet proof vest and a shit eating grin

singing my my my how the time dose fly

as I sit here waiting to die

sorry I had that stuck in my head.  I think it started as some song lyrics from a band called catch22 and I converted them.  Yes  I definatly converted them the real song just came on...good band though.  Or maby it's a direct quote I dunno.  Anyway  I was gonna stick it all up there and it would have been the most honset thing I've ever done you would have gained some real insite into the person I am.  But I won't for a few reasons, one I hate just about everything I've ever written.  All of my stories are alright...I suppose although I wouldn't conciter them my little buddies.  But my poems however edgads I want the all to burn to have never of been written down in the first place.  To be ripped apart destoryed, disintgaded into nothingness, turned into a song that is sung by the chipmunks...you know something horrible like that.  Even my good peoms that I know are good I detest and just want to beat to death with a stick.  I have never gotten any pleasure or emotional releife from writting a poem.  I'd stop but I can't...so it goes.  The other reason appys pretty much to my stories, I don't want my ideas stolen and never returned to me.  I mean why anyone would like anything I've written enought to steal it I dunno but they do so I have to not let them.  I guess thats the tattered remains of my self esteem talking, yeah everything I write sucks but you can't steal it or read it HA.  Even this web page has fallen under the net of things that I have created but really hate.  Oh well I already stopped trying to update it and look at the result.      It's like heroin but without the high.  Well this is turning out to be rather long.  Of course now it's comeing to an end so weeeeee....*smack* .::runs face first into a brick wall::.

You know I am suspicoise of anyone who de0cides that they can spout out advice or cources of action to people and excpect to be obayed.   Thouse people frighen me, of course I'm one of thouse people but that's never ever stopped me before and it won't stop me now.  I dunno when I hear someone spouing off sagely advice I sit and  I worry is the person listeing going to think before they act on these words or are they going to run off into a hail of bulltes wearing nothing but a sash saying don't tread on me.  I always wonder how much time did the giver of that advice put into thinking it up.  Was it a seat of his pants sort of thing or was it spawned from some deep introspective nightmare.  However eh however nothing I don't have anything more to say on this topic.

Memo to the reader the above two rants were written while I was in an extreamly bad mood.  I mean today I took an essay test and I insulted just about everyone I could think of.  So if you got offended...close down the web brower ands reformat your hard drive.  Or just not come here anymore.   Whatever.  

Okay then beofre I write this next rant there is something I must explain to you, there is this girl named mitchele.  She told me to call her god so I do.  So pretty much when I say something like today I was talking to god I'm talking about her.  Not the dude in heaven.  You can kinda see pictures of her on the digital scrapbook, she always hides.  Well thats all I have to say about that.

I don't know if I am just a moron or what but I never knew the diffrence between hitting on and flirting.  evan was the one who brought to my atension that there was a diffrence earler this web page.  I asked him to explain the diffrence but he said latter.  Roughly a year latter I lost pacients and asked god and this is what she had to say...oh yeah hi god.  The following text in...oh lets see I have to pick a color don't I...ummm I'll ask god what her favorite color is that should do nicely.    While I'm waiting for her to respond you know what's the funnyest thing in the world?  Well when god gets mad she hops and everytime I see it I have to physicaly keep myself from rolling around on the floor laughing.  It's so funny because she is just so short and even through she's going up and down it just looks like she's going from short to not quite so short.  Grr she isn't answering me...wow I bet she will be mad when she sees the hopping story on my web page.  Oh well not nearly as mad as when she saw all thouse horrible pictures of herself.  Alright well all the text in that diffrent color that isn't white...is stuff from her, copied and pasted right out of an instant message window.  Hence the lack of periods, uppercase letters or full sentences.

hitting on a girl is not vey flattering

u kinda talk them up

u feed them lines

flirting is complementing.

smiling laughing  playing around

did it clear it up a bit?

kiss her hand and buy her a rose.

that'll get anyone worth getting.

oh yeah

and hitting on a girl takes effort

flirting shold come natural

You know for a long time I always thought pride was a horrible thing and I have stiven to live my life so that I am compleatly devoid of it.  I don't feel good when I write a 20 page story, my chest dosn't swell when I acomplish something, instead I just feel like I did when I started it.   For some reason somewhere along the line I stopped feeling good about anything I do.  I don't feel bad when I do something mind you, it's just that I don't feel.   When I start to feel good about something my initial reation is that I could do better.   Anyway that's not what all this is about...fooled you didn't I.  Over the last couple of weeks I suddenly decided that maby I was wrong about the whole pride thing.   Maby I should take pride in something or other, so I decided to take pride in my growing library.   I kept this line of thinking for almost three days before I said wait a minut how stupid is that and I gave up on the whole thing.  So the point of this was...I dunno what is the point of pride.  I suppose haveing some is nice, it would motivate you to do this and that...but I do stuff.  Hence this rant page...blah blah blah this is boring me.  NEXT

You know recently I read that book.  When I told one of my freinds that I finnished he he asked if I was the same person.  (hi lior)  My answer was a resounding no.  Well so you don't know what 120 days of sodom is do you?    Well go to amazon and find out for yourself.   I mean christ what's wrong with you people.  I swear to god so many of the people in my classes can't think for them selves.  Heaven forbid that you don't give them clear detailed instructions on how to do something right.  Hell the honors kids are ever worse than the regular ones in this regard.  They always say that they are just makeing sure they are doing it right.  Well guess what when you keep makeing sure in the real world you will piss off your boss and he will fire you so do a little independent thinking and have a little faith in yourself.  90% of all the questions they ask are, so wait I do this like this?  The tearcher almost always answers yes that's how you do it.   GO THINK FOR YOURSELVES AND STOP ASKING FOR CONFIRMATION PLEASE!!!  Yeah umm right side trackted.  Well I read the whole thing, my dedication to getting through this book is unpresedented.  The first part was especialy hard to get through because there was such a strong foucus on fecal matter.     But like everything it ended eventually.  NOw the 4 heros were suppost to spend 4 months in the castle, however my De Sade book only fully finnished the first month, the remaining three months were just notes.  THese had some seriouse pro and cons, the cons were that the detail that was promised to you earlyer in the book wasn't there.  This saddened me at first, then it made me extreamly angry...that I was thankful they weren't all there.  That cycle repeated it's selve many many times.   The lowest point was reached when I missed the deflowering of Solphie, I hated her so much.  Oh well the pros however by far out wieghted the cons.  Since it was in a note...outline like form it apeared he was takeing a rather careless or flippent veiw of what he was haveing done to these poor grils.  This somehow made it more horrible than oodles and oodles of details.  Also he took out the time to describe certain important things so it was all good.  So in conclusion I recomend that no body read this book.  Well that's all I have to say about that. 

Shades Apart~ Valentine

sometimes she fades away

she's seen too many movies

killing enough rainy days

with nothing else to do

we'll make our escape

like the end of Casablanca

taking off from a dark runway

with nothing left to lose

the sun is shining somewhere

somewhere far away

I could sell everything and go there

just to hear her say - listen my

Valentine/ Say the line/ We can be famous for tonight

Superstar/ There you are/ Bigger than life in black and white

Valentine/ Say the line/ We can just leave it all behind

Say the line/ my valentine

just like Roman Holiday

a princess and a schemer

killing an ordinary day

any way they choose

back in Hollywood

convertibles and palm trees

matinee movie-stars and sunscreen

I wonder if it's true

the sun is rising somewhere

brighter every day

we'll forget everything and go there

nothing's in the way

Valentine/ Say the line/ We can be famous for tonight

Superstar/ There you are/ Bigger than life in black and white

Valentine/ Say the line/ We can just leave it all behind

Say the line/ my valentine

sometimes she starts to fade

with starry eyes she tells me

"I want a place in the sun"

she's not the only one

the sun is shining somewhere

somewhere far away

if we just pack our bags and go there

everything will change

Valentine/ Say the line/ We can be famous for tonight

Superstar/ There you are/ Bigger than life in black and white

Valentine/ Say the line/ We can just leave it all behind

Say the line/ my valentine

you know it was 1999 when I first heard thouse words.  I found this song to be horribly depressing and would only listen to it on the worst of days, when sex and candy just wasn't enough.  Now here I am again listening to these lyrics, the same depressing feelings flood my mind and attack my thoughts.  However along with them comes an overpowering sence of nostalgia.  For me so much has changed in the past three years that if boggles my mind.  So many new people in such a short time...and I became so close with so many of them.   It's been an amazeing three years thanks to everyone for excisting.  You made it all worth while. 

alright before you read this either go watch trainspotting...or listen to the .wav file provided here.  

I lie a lot.  I lie to my mum and my dad about the sillyest of things all the time.  They ask me aobut this or that and I'll feed them the biggest fattest lie that they ever did eat.  And they take it with a swallow and a smile haveing no idea that they have just ben duped in the by thier very own son.  I lie to my freinds, teachers, and extended relatives makeing up the past present and future as I go along...changeing it so it suits me best.  Some one once told me that a half lie is the blackest of all lies.  That simply isn't true, I tell and am told half lies on a daily basis.  I have no problem with that, in my esteemed opinion the blackest of all lies are when you lie to yourself.  When you start beleiveing all that drivle you force feed the rest of the world on a regular and daily basis.  When the world becomes so dreary for you that your only escape is to decive yourself...that's just the lowest of the low right there.  If your going to lie save it for the asshole who won't know anybetter.  Who are so stupid as to take everything at face value and run with it not bothering to stop and thing that what they just heard was a compleat load of bullshit.  Save your lies for the other people who can't stand being alive anymore, give em to them...the poor sods otherwise they got to lie to themselves.  I may not be an honest man but at least I know not to lie to myself.

For thouse of you that still don't know I have changed my aim screen name from thekolo35 to C0MTE.  When I tell people that I did the first reaction has pretty much been WHY?  So in this little rant I will tell you why...and some other things to but you knew that already so here is goes.  I first saw the name C0MTE in 120 Days of Sodom.  His name had a huge impact on me that I can't describe, I saw it and I said to myself oh wow that would make a very cool AIM screen name.  So I wrote it down, then I read what he did.  Now while I do not condone any action that was taken in that book what so ever, he definatly won the prize for the most amazeingly evil simple pleasue.  He also reapears under complex pleasues and murderus pleasures, both times putting on a brilliant display.  For thouse of you that own the book or are curiouse as to what crimes the C0MTE has commited I have included for your convince the days on which he was featured.  Novermber 21th, January 1st, and Febuary 24th...hmm it's a pitty he wasn't the one that made off with Desgranges's nipple but ah well so it goes.  MOVEING ON, after I finnished 120 Days of Sodom I picked up a book called The Handmaid's Tale.  It was a really good book, it falls into the 1984 Brave New World genra.  Anywho again the word C0MTE apeared, this time with what the word ment.   It means companion, this stuck me in two ways.  One that is a very cool way to refer to yourself when you are going around destroying peoples lives like the C0MTE in 120 Dats of Sodom.  The other way it struck me is that, that is kinda who I am and what I want.  I am a companion it seems to be a sort of a role I seem to fill in life.   It is also right now what I would like...MOVEING ON.   Hmm the power of typeing moveing on in all caps is increadable.  Lastly I've had the name thekolo for more than two years now.  I actually have a mental picture of how thekolo looks, thinks, acts and feels.  When I put that all on paper I realized that thekolo was cooler than I am.  Which is most likely why he gets all the chicks.  When I read the name C0MTE I realized that I was no longer the person I had described to myself so long ago, I was someone else now.  So it was time for a change, and thus C0MTE was born.  Who he is and what he will become is still a mystery for me but whatever happens I know that it will be just a new mixture of the same old crap.  SMILES EVERYBODY SMILES

A few days ago I was stareing at a little fountain. It wasn't well cared for, it was shoved out of the way. It was for for adding background ambiance than for people to stand there and stare at. Oh well there I was stareing down at the watter. Then I noticed on the bottom of the pool were pennies. People walked by this fountain and they made a wish. They threw thier pennies in this crappy little fountain in hopes that their dreams come true. This is very sad. People so desperate for thier dreams to come true...no wait it isn't even that. Maby it's the quiet desperation that we all live in. Maby the average human life is so horrbley awful that we will place out wish in any recepticle we can find in the hopes that something somewhere will drag us from the dark grey misery of your every day lives. Or maby it's the fast food culture at work, maby we have grown so shallow and careless that we will deposite our wishes into any sort of recepticle that we can find. So they can hurry away in thier BMW's to thier cafe grandes and Fourtune magazine. Aspireing twords higher riches. Or maby just maby I look into these things to much. I do know that each on of thouse pennies is a wish consiouse or not, I wanted to flick one in...to make my own wish in a place undeserveing of such. However I didn't have one with me. Sad isn't it.

We all have choises while we are here on this great big ball of mud. We can do and say anything we want to as long as we are willing to except the conciquences. Freedom is when the consquences of your actions do not matter. However there is one choise we must make, it is the choise of how we are going to loose. Because in the end we all do loose you know. One day you me and everyone around you will die, I take comfort in that fact every day...well almost every day. So now we must make the chose how are we going to loose. Are we going to burn brightly crash about and go down flameing screaming all the way. Or will we put ourselves on a slow burn simmering gentaly, as we slowly flake away one single solitary day at a time. Most of us choose the latter of the two, or as they like to put it they like to choose life. Life in all it's grandure, 9 to 5, tv shows, showers, fast food, sofas, familys, mini vans, retirement, old age, misery pain, suffering stress, and all that other great stuff that comes from liveing a fulfilling repsectable part of everyday life. The alternative of course is not to chosse life, destroy yourself in a life of crime and pleasure with unlimited sex drugs and stimulation. You'll die early and voilently. You will spend a portion of your life in prison getting analy raped by people who are bigger and stonger than you are. It will be brutish but short. I decided to choose life a long time ago for reasons that are still unknown to me. HOwever as I sit here now infront of this computer screen instead of passed out in a gutter from all the rolls I've taken I realized that in either situation I would be no more or less happyer. I think that is true for all of us, don't ask me why because I can't tell you.

Recently I was sitting somewhere reading something and drinking pepsi. Someone walked by and said that stuff will rot your bones. Latter I found out she was in gymastics. Before I carry on let me say that gymastics is a beutful sport and I in no way want to belittle it. It just serves as an illistration. NOw then Gymastics produces and increadable strain on the body, if you do it for long enough your hips, knees and ankels will all be destroyed. There will even be acidents were bones will break and muscles will be pulled. However since it is pretty then this is obviously okay. Just because you are doing something that is atractive it makes it alright to for you to destroy your body. Of course not that is beyond silly. So the next time you see someone doing something self destructive leave them alone.