Michael Bentley's Page of
Hi welcome to my page of wizdom this page has all the Stuff I write down on little pieces of paper when I get board... some of these make no sense at all some are meant to be taken literally some are meant to make you laugh. Just be warned some of the things here will make you stare into the spooky depths of reality or drag you away from it. Just try not to take everything to seriously. !!!Special note if you need to freak someone out some of the stuff on here will work rather well!!! If you would like to submit some tid bits of wizdom just send me an e-mail at michaelbentley@bentley.ms
Wait before you begin to read have you been to this page before well then if so you're in luck cause it's been updated... yep that's right so if you want to skip right to the updated part... YOU CAN'T Muwhahahaha I'm a cruel web master anyway I suppose you could use the scroll bar until you see the great big words new stuff but that that would be silly.
NOW PREPARE FOR INTENSE FUN!!!!!!!!!??
-There are 5 things you can never have to much of love, whipped cream, duct tape, pencils, and Twinkies
- Try to be on time it will help you in the future
-Doughnuts are evil eat them all before it's to late
-Always have a good song stuck in your head
-Lamron eb yhw (read it backwards)
- feel free to stare point whisper and ask questions
-If someone looks nice be sure to say so
-NEVER EVER EVER HINT AT ANYTHING WITH YOUR PARENTS IT'S BAD BAD BAD
-The brainfreezy machine is your best friend
-You may have more chance of dying in a car than in a plane but at least with a car you don't fall 30,000 feet out of the sky in an uncomfortable little coach seat that you paid to much for in the first place
-Irony can help you
- Trust people even if they betray your trust it could still work out for the best trust me in this
-The way to be completely interment with someone in a room full of people you have to dance with them (Quantum leap)
-If prunes were met to be eaten they would have come that way
-The same goes for raisins
THE STUFF IN THIS NEAT GREEN COLOR WERE SUBMITTED BY MY GOOD FRIEND JACKIE
-One tequila two tequila 3 tequila FLOOR
-If at first you don't succeed blame your parents
-Heaven won't take me and hell is afraid I'll take over
-If at first you don't succeed the skydiving isn't for you
-If you see an umpaloompa... oh well...
-an elephant never forgets
-When you get hit by a train prepare for extreme trauma
-When you are about to fall in love prepare for extreme trauma
- When you are born prepare for extreme trauma
-Live a traumatic life
-John sounds like Mark
-What's so sweet about the number 16 anyway
-Blue sharpies are better than black ones
-After coloring with a black sharpie you'll need a white out pen
-draw on your self you'll feel better
-In my past life I was a sea cucumber how about you
-If you loose a race to a toaster your a nice guy
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-The way a person dresses dose not define them (but of course you all knew that didn't you)
-The Shawshank Redemption is a good movie
-There are many secret worlds out there so go forth and discover
-Purple is the best color for most everything
-Always keep more than 10 items in your pockets
-pompoms make people happy
-glue googile eyes to your shoes and just about everything else
-put a big red dot on your head
-Memo to self James owes me a dollar
-Make your goal to have one person everyday to scratch their head in utter confinement as a result to your actions
-while it might be nice to be rich it isn't necessary to be happy
-I'm not late just slow
-Us. camen much carne!
-ocho is the very best word for a number
-when you wake up every day how do you know your just starting another dream
-get plenty of calcium (this is an excuse to eat lots and lots of TANG... huzzah I need some right now heh heh heh)
-Melting the skin off peoples faces isn't nice (from SQUEE!)
-Croutons are older than evil (from Happy Noodle Boy)
-If your still reading this is there something wrong with you or is it just me
-Think of the spoon as not being there
- Don't be popular... that could be boring
- get a goodnights sleep or ye will not be able to enjoy the day or be ready for the problems it tosses your way
- if you got a good supply of pez you can ignore that last statement
-love hath no rules
-love sucks
- if women weren't specifically created to make you feel weird then why are they so good at it
-If you need undeniable proof that god exists go look at a bunny rabbit... only god could create something so utterly worthless.
- Black is the very best color for undergarments
- ... highsoles a passionate ditty about basket ball shoes by boots (quoted directly from my computer book at school)
- To all the ladies out there if you need advice on how to look good naked then you need more help than I do or your married.
- If there is a wall in your house that you feel that it needs a coat of blood every so often you are mentally ill (mines in my closet)
-People who pick on you just because you are different SUCK
-When your tired sleep (j/k)
-where ever you go there you are
- think with your heart not with your mind before you speak
-poetry is not of sissies
-never ignore dreams
-Write memos to yourself
-CITIZENS OF MARS PREPARE FOR EXTREME FUN
- ever get the feeling that the apoclypes will happen in the next 5 minutes
-putting the contains of 10 packages of popcorns in your mouth can be a bad thing
- which would you rather loose an arm or enough brain cells so that you would be stupid but not completely dumb
-a diphthong is two voules put together
-balloons are cool !
-don't go around telling people to smile instead ask what's wrong
- don't read beauty magazines they will just make you feel ugly
- SPAZ!
-Moohoohaha gweehehehe troobooadoo ha ha sorry just had to get that out of my system
-children love circus monkeys
- You have unleashed an evil older that time now I must feed (at this point you whip a Twinkie out of your pocket stick the whole thing in your mouth then walk away)
- An apple a day may keep the doctor away bur it sure as hell won't keep the dentist away because apples got citrus acid (at this point you whip a Twinkie out of your pocket stick the whole thing in your mouth then walk away)
-Do not put whole Candberry Cream Eggs in your mouth at once
- You don't swallow your tongue you bite through it then swallow it
NEW STUFF
- history is just a sequence of mistakes
-you know there's something wrong when there's an animal hospital next to a Chinese food restaurant
- It would be pretty cool if a meteor hit the moon causing the moon to hit us
-clowns are scary
- padded rooms kick ass
-drawing on the walls is very liberating
- leeches are icky but swamps are great fun go play in a swamp today
-dirt is not fluffy ever
- I'm sorry I can't spare you any change because I only have 20's and 50's
- As long as I'm singing the world is alright (oddly enough I keep singing it's the end of the world by REM)
-Poets should beware of mobs
-if some on lets you write on them be nice
- slugs are cool
-snails can kill clams
- About the last 10 sentences were written in Biology class we were learning about flat worms, isn't science fun!
- bovine= cowlike
- When I die I want to come back as a giant squid and kick willies ass (as in the whale)
- immaturity is the seed from which happiness grows
- Don't you just hate it when people give an irrational craving for grits
- Don't eat oatmeal it's a trap
- RadioShak is your best friend
- go talk to people who are absent
- Don't eat grits mashed corn is bad
- SMILES EVERYBODY SMILES
-happiness can be fun
- RETURN is exactly the same as enter
- July sucks
- hell make a yummy bagel
- tape worms are icky they do it inside of you!
- trench coats can be kinckie ( I did not have this opinion until a female friend of mine enlightened me)
- being tall rules cause when you say high 5 you really do mean it
- Is having more than one anonymous blue shirt bad?
- having a really long toupee can be fun
-Smile you're not dead yet
-Smile you don't know what will happen next
- Smile you're being watched
- Smile you weren't aborted
- kiss me I'm insane
- you know you're a nerd when all the girls are your special friends
- It is very difficult to have to much caffeine
- Don't wear a watch
- tile floors exist to be written on
- Always take your medication... look how it helped me out
- Put question marks in inappropriate places
-Make someone smile
- Swiss chess is very holy
- Read every issue of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac cover to cover and you'll feel much better
- love your emotions they keep you human
- you can have fun with strawberry ice cream
- DON'T EVER TELL ME THAT I'M TO HAPPY cause you will not walk away with the same mental state that you started in
- Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me
- Adopt a pet person
- guns don't kill morons do
- ever get the feeling you're right side up in an upside down world
- don't be embarrassed when blowing your nose that's silly
- Every one has at least one fatal flaw (lucky me I got two) how you over come those flaws will determine what type of person you are
- If your having an intimate moment and the phone rings pick it up and throw it against the nearest wall
- I just love explosives!
- magic is really spelled magic
- I hate Mickey mouse
- is it just me or dose Pikachu get on your nerves after awhile... Kadabra kicks ass
- rings are cool everyone should wear more rings
- wear a pair of gloves
- both of you give me a kiss then make up
- if you think about it logically or anti logically clockwise or anti clockwise tick tock tock tick round about merry go round you still get the same thing
- If you meet a naturally unlucky person be a good friend to them a sympathizer but never fly with him or go to Vegas with him
- sitting on the beach watching the next to the fire watching the sunset and listening to the wind and the waves and keeping the fire going all night until you see that sun come up the very next day is as close to paradise as your ever going to get on this piece of shit world
- fire is lots of fun
- never piss on a fire
- take a rock and set it on a bed of hot coals for awhile then take a marshmallow and put it on that rock and you'll see something really neat
- heart shaped thing are neat
- If I say BLAH would it be funny or art
- Just cause you said sorry I feel better
- you want to do what to a piece of Swiss cheese
- eat bunches and bunches of eggs to get nice and plum and juicy...
- I love people they taste great
- you know a movie is good when you see a chain saw
- the problem with pulp fiction is that you saw much to much of Bruce Willie's body
- talk to your self you might learn something new
- sponges are scary
- Is it bad when Barbie dolls wear bondage equipment... depends
- I'm so happy I could just explode in a puff of love and good old fationed happiness
- When your tall you can see and hear things that you just wouldn't see and hear cause people just think your a wall
- Chuck the frog sez "ribit"
- pencils are better than pens because you never run out of ink and you can always fix your mistakes
- Life doesn't have a save button
- HAVE FUN
- commit a senseless act of insanity once a day
- school interferes with my learning
- school reading programs are stoopid
- Don't be afraid of being alone some of the best thoughts are thunk alone
- we are all part of Satan's sitcom
- in the long run one lobster won't make a difference
- Don't name your kid Mike that name is much to common
-There is something very wrong with Richard Simmians
- do not under any circumstances even apron the pain of death sweat to the oldies
- All kids are evil wretched little people
- School can be fun (written just prior to being searched)
- people love fire and fire loves people
- Ever had one of those days where you struggled and strained to get through the whole thing with out snapping and the you realized you've made absolutely no progress in life
- If you have to try to sound deep don't even bother
- When I wake up and remember to look in the mirror I realized that combing my hair would do absolutely nothing to improve my appearance so I don't even bother
- It's sad that kids today aren't growing up with G.I. Joe and Transformers
-I like my glasses and I hate contacts
-Anyway you look at it I still win
- I truly hate tables
- You know there's something wrong when the stuffed frog that you carry about with you has gotten more than you have
- I've been listening to that song sex and candy by Marcy's Playground for over an hour that's a definite sight that there's something wrong with me
- there is no such thing as an innocent cup ( my Dad said that believe it or not)
- KFC must put some sort of addicting drugs into their chicken how else can you explain the cravings
-We're all Goth in the dark
- What do humanitarians eat
- English is great... after all in what other language can you have a nose that runs and feet that smell
- All I got left is $.17 ... a dirty old dime and a penny was bent
- yeah it wasn't the best comeback in the world but I got his wallet
- Oh my god I can't see my eyes
- I smile
- I can't stay down
- I tell you what as much as I hate the school bell it sure has gotten me out of some sticky situations
- What the hell is the point of toast... of all the stupid things the human race has ever produced toast takes the cake. Well we managed to cook the bread now let's burn it and eat it HUZZAH what fun... oh please.
- Crazy! I was crazy once they put me in a room, a room with RATS, RATS MAKE ME CRAZY. Crazy! I was crazy once they put me in a room, a room with...well you get the idea but you can repeat it over and over to your self if your board
- I rage
- half hour later I'm still listening to Sex and Candy
- I'm not very good with people
- Never be afraid of the rain
-What doesn't kill us makes us stranger
- Don't be afraid to become a bruised lover
- Bring back Aeonflux
- Don't break mutual agreements
- learn to tengo
- more isn't always better
- Swords are good
- having two best friends is better than a billion bad ones
- why is it all my friends hate each other
- the killer that is about to call you is already in your house
- "It won't hurt... it won't hurt... ouch that hurt"
- The next time a doctor comes at me with a needle he'll be needing a doctor himself
- you know I let allot of people do allot of strange things to me but no one will be shaving my legs while I'm awake
- no body tells me to stop being so happy and walks away in the same mental state that they started in
- kiss my boo boo
-for some reason the vibrating frog I carry around with me incites joy in the masses
- it's the things left undone that hurt you at the setting of the sun
- be kind to animals aim well
- you know it's funny when your teetering on the edge of apoclps only being held back by some one's will and lack of curiosity and when you get your little item back they unknowingly ask a question that pushes you over anyway (there's a story behind this as soon as I learn the conclusion I'll put it up.)
-Stress isn't what it used to be
-never mix impromptu poetry with wizdom
- the fun thing about being insane is that there is always something new to talk to
- the only good thing about talking on the phone is that the killer that's already in your house can't call you
-Remind me to tell you all about every day disasters
Well that's all for now you crazy kids keep safe and keep it real. Don't eat to many potatoes!
