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I keep telling you, I'm really a terrible person.
Me: i am less of a terrible person, but still one
Her: why, did you fix it?
Me: no, just the self loathing is fading
Her: what happened that makes you a terrible person
Me: see, i wanted to see if this girl was worth being friends with and all,
cause i've known her for a while and i hadn't talked to her in a long time
Me: but being the type of girl she is, we (Quantities
omitted) the first time we hung out
Me: and then, after a few more times hanging out, i realized she wasn't that
cool of a person
Her: oh
Me: so i felt like i was using her, right? so then i decided i had to break
it off, cause she was falling for me, so i figured however much i hurt her now,
it would prevent a larger hurt later
Me: and so i did just that, it's just that it was ugly
Her: im sorry
Me: and on top of all that, i came off looking like the typical guy, who used
her to get some and then just moved on, when in fact it's the opposite, i went
looking for a real relationship, and didn't find one, so i moved on
Me: i'm not a typical guy, i think i'm somewhat special, but what i didn't have
the heart to tell her was that she wasn't so special
Her: does it matter to you how you came off looking?
Me: a little
Her: why
Me: see, i was using her, and so i feel like an asshole, and that's the biggest
thing, but the fact that she thinks i'm a typical guy bothers me, because it's
the exact opposite
Her: im sorry
Me: as my friend kheifer said, "eventually, maybe even soon, the self
loathing will stop, and you will realize the truth, which is that you did the
right thing"
Me: so that's what i'm waiting for. i'm getting there
Her: i got in a fight at hockey today
Me: nice
Me: why?
Her: because the girl was holding me down and that wasnt okay, and i got kicked
out of the game..but it was okay because i got to pull her ugly red hair
Me: nice
Me: you should have stepped on her face with your skate
Her: well ill see her again at a tourtament, and were all going to die our
hair red and mock her.
Me: nice
Her: mhmm, this weekend sucked
Me: it sooooooo did
Her: i tryed to get my brother high
Me: on what?
Her: you know like the air stuff in whipped cream cans
Me: you were giving your brother whip its?
Me: he's like, 60 pounds?
Me: and i take it this didn't work?
Her: nope
Her: but it occupied me for like 10 minutes
Me: did you get in trouble for such an action?
Her: no
Me: well, for the record, i wholeheartedly dissaprove
Her: alright
Me: if he was twelve or thirteen, maybe, but not now
Her: well thats okay i dont need approval
Me: that's true
Her: this week is going to be hell
Me: why?
Her: i have morning practice everday, and there is nothing semi fun going on
Her: if i knew how to give up then i would
Me: refuse to participate in anything, but do the bare minimum so that you
don't get in trouble
Her: im too tired all the time to do anything but the bare minimum anyway
Her: i hate this town, hate it
Me: i'm sorry
Her: i wont make it another 4 years
Me: yea, you will
Me: you are strong and determined not to let the fuckers beat you
Me: you will pull it off
Her: and ill dread every second of it
Me: that's not the point
Me: at the end of the journey, the light is the most beautiful thing you can
imagine
Her: yeah, it better be
Me: your lungs will swell with a fresh clean breath, and you will be filled
with uncontainable joy and nothing but pure love for everyone
Me: and you can hold me to that, too
Her: how are you so sure
Me: because it's happened to me
Her: im jealous
Me: of course, the feeling passes, and it's back to normal, or close to it,
but you always remember that one moment when you sat back and said, "you
know, i'm okay. things are gonna be okay."
Me: well, i don't know what to say to your jealousy
Her: why me though?
Me: why you what?
Her: why do i have to deal with this shit
Me: because you are caring and intelligent, and when one has these qualitys,
seeing how fucked up shit is is inevitable
Her: it just seems really unfair, i know everyone always says that life isnt
fair, but this is just mean.
Me: it really is
Me: but again, imagine the rewards
Me: everyone else doesn't get those, adn you do
Her: how much longer do i have to do this
Me: it all depends
Her: on?
Me: how much you try to change the things you can change, how good you get
at accepting the things you cannnot, how many things you figure you that can
make you happy no matter what anyone else is doing
Me: i'd give you a number, but there's just no way to do that
Her: i might go crazy before i even get the rewards
Me: that's true, you might
Her: that would suck
Me: well, if you went crazy, you wouldn't really notive
Me: *notice
Me: after all, you're crazy
Her: im crazy?
Me: no, if you were you wouldn't notice
Her: oh..when im crazy
Me: right
Her: i need next weekend to come
Me: we all do
Me: but for now, i must go
Her: alright see ya
Me: remember, never let them make you crawl.