SirdylanBob: hey
another one: i emailed you
SirdylanBob: i know
another one: yep
SirdylanBob: i could reply now, or we could talk
another one: lets talk
SirdylanBob: that's what i was going to say
SirdylanBob: why are you mad at yourself?
another one: i dont know i cant figure it out
SirdylanBob: okay
another one: thats why it sucks
SirdylanBob: it is definetly possibe though, and even normal, i suppose
SirdylanBob: what do you think about at night?
another one: usually i think about everything i did wrong that day
SirdylanBob: what are some things you did wrong that happen often?
another one: im not smart enough or nice enough
another one: just like that
another one: all the things i could have said and i didnt
SirdylanBob: okay
another one: but i cant go back..thats why i am constantly mad at myself..or hating myself
SirdylanBob: things like that, you need to take a step at a time. if tonite, you say "i should have said things one, two, and three..." then tomorrow, you say one of those three things
SirdylanBob: and little by little, you can make an impact
another one: i dont have patience
SirdylanBob: patience is a must, becuase things won't change over night
SirdylanBob: whether you have it or not, things will still take time, so you might as well do them
another one: so why do you have all the answers
SirdylanBob: i don't
SirdylanBob: i've been where you've been, and to a certain extent i still am
another one: you seem to handle it better
SirdylanBob: well, i take anti-depressants that regulate my brain chemicals, and a lot of it is old news to me
SirdylanBob: that's the other thing i meant to mention
another one: well heres my problem. so my moms sent me to this shrink, and i go there every month, but when i get there..i freeze up..and i give one word answers and stuff because i hate talking to people who are going to pretnend to understnd me..when they really dont
SirdylanBob: ah, i see
another one: maybe i failed to mention that....that ive been taking meds since i was like 9
SirdylanBob: you must must must trust them, give them time to get to know you, of course they won't understand you right away, but if you give them time, they can help a great deal
SirdylanBob: what meds?
another one: the meds or the shrink?
SirdylanBob: well, the shrink
SirdylanBob: but what meds are you on right now?
another one: effexer something celexia and something for my add
SirdylanBob: EFFEXOR XR????????????
another one: maybe thats not the spelling
another one: cuz it has nothing after it
SirdylanBob: effexor is my medication
another one: i dont got no xr
another one: but ill tell you something. whatever they put me on is crap. and it doesnt fix my problems
SirdylanBob: xr just means extended release
SirdylanBob: meds alone won't solve anything, becuase it can't change anything
SirdylanBob: you have to use them in combination with therapy, and an honest desire to change
SirdylanBob: still there?
another one: yeah
SirdylanBob: okay
another one: people just came over
another one: basically kill me now
SirdylanBob: i see
SirdylanBob: i cannot stress enough the importance of opening up to your therapist. give it time, and they will help you. if they don't, find a new one. i'd be willing to bet once you open up, it'll happen faster than you think
another one: i can talk in like 20
SirdylanBob: okay
another one: actually they are leaving now so
SirdylanBob: tell me something
SirdylanBob: what is one thing that you could do tomorrow that would bring you a small dose of happyness, if only for a brief moment
another one: hmmm
another one: talk to my best friend
another one: but shes in france
SirdylanBob: okay, something that you can literally do tomorrow
another one: thats the problem
another one: i cant think of anything
SirdylanBob: okay, keep thinking
another one: itd be really great i people just wouldnt wander into my house at 1
another one: *1
another one: **11
SirdylanBob: okay, so how about avoiding people tomorrow?
SirdylanBob: even if all you do is think all day, and end up crying, some of the greatest moments of my life have required crying
another one: doesnt thinking just make you even sadder?
SirdylanBob: um, it can, yes, but if you can think about the things that cause you grief, then you think of things you can do to solve/avoid those things
SirdylanBob: or just watch stupid movies all day tomorrow, and avoid thinking
another one: but its really hard to let go
another one: of the stuff that hurts you
SirdylanBob: true, it is, these are major things, serious problems....
SirdylanBob: give me a second
another one: k
SirdylanBob: the movies thing works for me, cause if they're stupid or funny or whatever i can concentrate on the movie and things just fade, or do something that takes so much concentration that you don't have time to think about stuff
another one: or i could spend money
another one: that always feels good until you realize you have no more money
SirdylanBob: does that work for you?
SirdylanBob: then just go to the mall and look at stuff, don't buy iy
another one: the mall makes me feel fat. i like to go to like quincy market and stuff
another one: and maybe ill do that
SirdylanBob: okay, quincy market
SirdylanBob: i like taking walks
SirdylanBob: in theory, though, the more you think about things, the closer you get to sorting them out
another one: sorting things out scares me.
another one: because honestly, i cant remember being happy..and thats scary
another one: maybe its not all its cracked up to be
SirdylanBob: indeed
SirdylanBob: it's not, but it's better than where you are now, right?
another one: anything is better. but what if the road there is even worse
SirdylanBob: sacrifice must be maid
SirdylanBob: it is the end result that we shoot for
SirdylanBob: where do things go if you don't sort them out?
another one: nowhere
SirdylanBob: so sorting them out is neccesary?
another one: guess it is
SirdylanBob: okay then, it is a neccesary, if unpleast task
SirdylanBob: then the sooner the better right?
another one: yeah
another one: i just dont know where to start
SirdylanBob: so then, when you wake up tomorrow, you say, "my goal is to be happy once today." and then you do whatever it takes to do that
SirdylanBob: becuase from here on out, happyness is priority number one
another one: but isnt that kinda setting myself up for a let down
another one: what if i cant be happy
another one: what if thats just me
SirdylanBob: try something else
SirdylanBob: if it doesn't work tomorrow, you say, "that's okay. it's a tought thing to do. tomorrow i will do something different"
SirdylanBob: and repeat as neccesary
another one: ill try
SirdylanBob: that's all you can do
another one: guess so
SirdylanBob: so try to think of your one thing tomorrow
another one: play hockey
SirdylanBob: is that something you can do tomorrow?
another one: yeah ill go to the cove..i do that, but i usually just watch the guys play...because they dont like a girl playing..but tomorow im gonna play
SirdylanBob: good
another one: even if i get picked last
SirdylanBob: now that's a coping thing, becuase it lets you relax and enjoy yourself, but remember it's just as important to think about things, so as to make the day after better than tomorrow, and so on and so on
SirdylanBob: and of course, there will be bad days, where it seems like you slip backwards, but the important thing to remember is that you are moving onwards and upwards
another one: i just kinda feel like im gonna be let down
SirdylanBob: well, that's understandable, but don't let that stop you from going out there and trying your damndest anyways
another one: im glad i know you
SirdylanBob: thakns
SirdylanBob: *thanks
SirdylanBob: i'm glad i know you
another one: thanks
another one: you know when you think your over someone and then you talk and its like your back at stage 1 all over?
SirdylanBob: i hate that
another one: yeah, me too
SirdylanBob: one time, i thought i was over this girl, and i was, and then she gave me this letter that was like, "i was in love with you too" and all of a sudden i was like, beyond square one
another one: how do you get closure
SirdylanBob: I have closure? why didn't anyone tell me i had closure?
another one: i didnt say you did. i asked...how does one find closure
SirdylanBob: ummmmmmmm, i usually just talk out all that needs to be talked OR leave something alone for long enough that it dies
another one: i wish i could just...be a lesbian or something
SirdylanBob: well, women act stupid too
another one: then i wish i was asexual
SirdylanBob: ah, now that would solve problems
another one: i need problems solved
SirdylanBob: we all do
another one: first they can solve hunger and violene problems and then they can solve mine
SirdylanBob: i learned a long time ago not to discount my problems just cause they arent' really big
another one: i feel like im complaining
another one: am i complaining?
SirdylanBob: yes, but i don't mind at all
SirdylanBob: i almost like when people complain
another one: why?
SirdylanBob: i don't know
SirdylanBob: i like to talk
another one: i only like to talk to some people
SirdylanBob: me too
another one: your nice to everyone though, or from waht ive seen..
SirdylanBob: well, nice is different from liking and talking to someone
another one: i guess. but nice is what makes people want to talk to you
SirdylanBob: i suppose
SirdylanBob: i tend to judge people early on, and then pursue it from there
another one: im suprised you didnt wanna kill me when you met me
another one: or..did you?
SirdylanBob: no, i saw something in you that i didn't see in the others
SirdylanBob: a sixth sense i have about people
another one: but i wasnt even really myself around you...i was constantly trying to cover up whatever pain i felt
SirdylanBob: sixth sense, i could kind of tell
SirdylanBob: you interested me, plus you had good questions, so i stuck around
another one: funny. usually questions piss people off
SirdylanBob: good questions dont
another one: you wouldnt tell anyone that i like take meds and stuff, right?
SirdylanBob: no, but why are you ashamed?
another one: i dont know. i dont trust people
SirdylanBob: i see
another one: yeah
another one: is that stupid?
SirdylanBob: um, i no, but i belive in honesty, and i think people will be less judgemental than you think
SirdylanBob: when you asked me about my life and stuff with depression and alison, i told you, right?
another one: yeah
another one: which suprised me
SirdylanBob: and that's how we ended up her
SirdylanBob: *here
SirdylanBob: honesty surprises a lot of people
another one: i wish i could be that open...but no one ever asks
SirdylanBob: as of now, it is late and we should both be getting to bed
another one: alrighttt
SirdylanBob: good night sarah k
another one: wait....are you ever gonna show me the poem
SirdylanBob: yes, eventually
SirdylanBob: it's a sad poem
another one: i wanna see it
SirdylanBob: i will, tomorrow, if i see you online, or sunday
another one: okay. night...thanks for everything
SirdylanBob: it's the least i can do
SirdylanBob: good night
another one: night