by Elvish Aurora

Note from ALR: I'm posting this in the fanfiction section because it did not win the challenge, cause EA was LATE. If she had won, it would be in the Fic Challenges section, kapeesh? Cat feesh!

A/N Okay. I invaded my stepsister's files so I could get at the challenges she's always babbling about. I can't win this one cause, as you can see, the due date was long ago. But this one looked like more fun than the latest one, so I decided, what the heck? REAR!

CHALLENGE 6- Due by Dec 30th
*Someone must say "Bring me chocolate, mortal!"
*The phrase "BAILAMOS!" must be included, which, in Spanish, means "we dance!"
*Must include SPAM
*Any Slytherin/former Slytherin should have a prominent role

~~~~~~~~~

Voldemort was playing Cat's Cradle in his inflatable throne that dark and stormy sunny fine day at night, when boredom struck him.

"WORMTAIL!" he cried, "Bring me chocolate, mortal!"

Wormtail swiftly obeyed, bringing him a package of chocolate frogs. Volders (I get so sick of saying Voldie...) opened the package and yelped, for a dozen or so Chocolate Frogs had leaped out into his face.

"Curse you, Warner Bros, for making the frogs ANIMATE in the movie!" shouted Volders, as he crawled around the floor trying to catch his food.

"GRR!" He whipped out his wand and cornered a frog. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" he scremed, and the chocolate stopped moving. Proud of himself, he picked it up and shoveled it down his throat.

"Mmmm, thas some goooooood sheet yo," he commented, bobbing his head slightly. "Wormtail, you have served me well today... And now it's time to come up with another EEEEEEVIL plan! Whaddya say?"

"Er..."

"SILENCE!" Volders bellowed. "A plan... A plan, a plan, a plan... Haha!" (here a maniac glint came into his eyes as he pointed upwards and a lightbulb went DING! over his head) "Curse that lightbulb..." (here he switched it off and stepped aside), "Anyhoo, my plan. We could turn the walls of the Great Hall into a GIANT tevelision--"

"Television, master," Wormtail corrected.

"That's what I said! Stop interrupting! Yes, we turn them into a giant..." he looked at Wormtail for help,

"Television,"

"And MAKE THEM WATCH PBS FOR THE REST OF THEIR MISERABLE LIVES!!! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"But umm, master, you're forgetting that Muggle contraptions do not function on Hogwarts grounds. Remember your plan with the evil hairdryer...?"

"Ah... Yes..." Volders scowled, and started pacing. "I must think, think, THINK! I know! I'LL STEAL CHRISTMAS!"

"But your Psychoness, sir, it's January 24th!" Wormtail reminded him.

"Oh... Well, put that plan on my calendar for next year then!" he ordered. Wormtail ran over to Volder's Monty Python calendar with a quill.

"Now should I scedule that plan for the first or the seventh?" Wormtail asked.

"Oh, let me see," Volders replied, sashaying over to his calendar. He guffawed at the contents of the page, being a die-hard Monty Python fan, and suddenly, he got an idea. Volders got a wonderful, awful idea. In the backround of the little collage on the calendar was a music sheet, the only words on the sheet being

"SPAM!" Volders shouted. Wormtail sighed.

"You've been hanging out with ALR too much," he scolded. "Soon you'll be mooing like a posessed cow!"

"Nonononono! Spam! It's BRILLIANT, I tell you, BRILLIANT!" He started giggling psychotically and jumping up and down. Finally he calmed himself and whispered his plan in Wormtail's ear.

"Brilliant master!" he exclaimed admiringly.

"Yes! And now, we must celebrate... BAILAMOS!"

He turned on a stereo and Latin music blasted through his lair. He and Wormtail did a lot of traditional dances, such as the Hokey Pokey, the Moonwalk, and Riverdance, and they also did some moves of their own. An hour or so later Lucious Malfoy walked in, bobbing his head to the beat of "The Weirder Sisters," which he was listening to on his headphones, and carrying a huge bowl of nachos and salsa. He whipped off his headphones in shock when he saw Volders and Wormy partying.

"Master! What are you doing??"

"Uh.... bailamos?"

"I can see that! But why didn't you invite me?" Lucious asked, hurt.

"I'm sorry, Malfoy mah man! It was a spur-of-the-moment sort of party, you know, the kind you have when you get an evil plan... There was no time for invitations! Anymoo,"

Wormtail shook his head. "I warned you..." he muttered. Volders glared and continued.

"Any... HOW, I see you have nachos, and I'm sure you plan on sharing them with us," Volders stated, grinning insanely. Lucious backed away, hugging his nachos protectively. A furious chase commenced, Volders getting his nachos with the help of his Imperius curse. That night, they finally set to work on their evil plan.

~~~~~~~

Wormtail laboriously pushed the grocery cart down the aisles of the supermarket, Volders sitting in the front. People were giving them odd looks, but Volders didn't notice because he was too busy directing Wormtail and bouncing up and down with glee.

"The SPAM aisle is just over there! Hurry, Wormtail!" he commanded. Just then a nerdy pimply guy who worked at the store blocked their path.

"I'm sorry sir, but you cannot ride in that cart, you're going to break it," he said, his voice cracking more than once.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU IGNORANT FOOL, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!" screamed Volders. Wormtail looked away in embarassment as all eyes turned to them, and the employee backed away from the scene, muttering something about his manager. Wormtail started towards the SPAM aisle again, when suddenly the cart made a horrible cracking noise and collapsed.

"Well, whaddya know!" Volders commented, "The nerdy kid was right!"

He grabbed another cart from some random old lady (who started flailing her pink umbrella at him wildly and shouting about damn kids these days, but he ignored her) and pushed it towards the aisle.

"Come Wormtail! We need our SPAM!"

Wormtail reluctantly followed him. Volders picked up a can of spam.

"Warning: May cause vomiting, fever, cough, or death. Consumption of the product will have even stronger results. May not harm you if you are a mutant superhero with a supernatural immune system, but I wouldn't count on it," Voldie read off the label. "Yep! This is the stuff!" he said triumphantly. The two former Slytherins then piled every single can of SPAM into their shopping cart.

"Heeeeeey," wheezed an old man with a cane, "Theeey took all my happy meeeat!" He shook his fist at their retreating backs. "Young punks!"

But Wormtail and Volders were already speeding towards the doors.

"Hey! You have to pay for that!" protested the nerdy employee. Wormtail threw a galleon at him, which he skillfully caught, wide-eyed.

Whoa, he thought, Only a true psychopath would pay solid gold for spam!

~~~~~~

The next morning at Hogwarts, a whole lot of groaning could be heard at breakfast in the Great Hall. Pinkish mush inhabited every student's plate, and no other food could be found. Some students poked at the stuff in disgust, some stared at it in horror, and some were already deathly sick. Dobby was at the Head Table, talking to Dumbledore.

"But Professor, sir! A weird looking sir appeared and told us that sir wanted us to cook it for sir, and nothing else, sir!" Dobby squeaked. Dumbledore gasped.

"Oh NO! This must be the work of---"

Just then Volders apparated into the center of the room.

"But you can't apparate in Hogwarts grounds!" screamed Hermione, having an anxiety attack. Volders ignored her and proceeded to squawk in a high-pitched British (obviously) accent.

"Well well well," he started, "What do we have here? Spam bacon, spam sausage, spam egg sausage and spam, spam spam spam spam spam baked beans and spam..."

The Death Eaters then appeared, causing Hermione to go absolutely bonkers, and started chanting "Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spammity spaaaaam..."

"Impeccable impression," muttered Fred to George Wealey, who nodded in agreement.

"Who will save you from this fate of spam?" Volders cackled above the singing. "YOU CAN NEVA ESCAPE! MUAHAHAHA--"

"Ohhhh Voldiiiiiiiiie," called Harry, standing up and pulling out his wand.

"What?" Volders snapped, ticked off at being interuppted in his moment of evil glory. The chorus of "spams" faltered slightly.

"You're forgetting one thing..." He pointed his wand at Volders and squealed, in the same sort of screechy accent, "I DON'T LIKE SPAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

With a whoosh and a scream, Volders and his Death Eaters were sucked through an opening like a black hole, which closed as soon as they were gone. Everyone cheered, except Draco and some other Slytherins who were sobbing hysterically. Dumbledore stood and did a Mexican hat dance to get everyone's attention.

"Harry Potter, you've just won 100 points for Gyffindor!" he announced cheesily, shoving a magical microphone into Harry's face, "What're you going to do now?"

"I'm going to Hogsmeade!" he cried, grinning idiotically into the camera that Dumbledore had suddenly obtained from no where. "Come on!" he muttered, "I need a decent breakfast!" He grabbed Ron and Hermione, who was missing chunks of hair, and skipped out of the Great Hall to the sound of everyone's cheering.

Harry Potter had saved the day again.

~~~~~~~~

A/N TADAAAAAAA!!! How do ya like it? Well, don't just sit there babbling to yourself about it, silly! Type it up in your review! And flamers... Prepare to defend yourself against pieces of fresh fruit! *glares* P.S. I just re-read this and realized I made two unintentional rhymes... AAAAH!!! I'M BECOMING ALR!!! HEEEEELP!!! *starts banging her head against the wall frantically*