LYRICS WAREHOUSE
You want lyrics? You've come to the right place. Nowhere will you find better Boxing Day savings! These lyrical transcriptions are just approximations. Most of the time, the Next Syphillis doesn't bother writing lyrics beforehand and make stuff up as they go along. Thus, there tend to be variations between different performances. But these are as close to official lyrics as you're going to get.
CHILDREN'S TELEVISION WORKSHOP EPISODE 23-A: FUN WITH CHORDS
Hey boys and girls,
Who wants to be a rock star?
Well, in order to be a rock star,
You gotta learn to play rock guitar!
And this song will teach you how
This is my E chord
This is my E chord
And this is my G
And this is my D
G, D, G, D, G, D, E!
This is an A chord
And this is an F
But boys and girls, F is really hard to play
So let's just stick to
G, D, G, D, G, D, E!
This is my E chord
This is my E chord
And this is my G
And this is my D
G, D, G, D, G, D, E!
CRAZY OLD HOMELESS LADY
The crazy old homeless lady scowled at me again today
I don't know what I could do or what I could say
Just that I feel kinda bad for her
You know I feel kinda bad for her
Does she do her business in a pot?
All those coats, they gotta make her hot
I know I shouldn't just walk away
But I don't know what I could do or what I could say
Just that I feel kinda bad for her
You know I feel kinda bad for her
Yeah, I feel kinda bad for her
You know I feel kinda bad for her
Pick it up, double time
Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up
DOES SHE WRITE ABOUT ME IN HER DIARY?
Does she write about me in her diary?
Do I appear in her fantasies?
Will she write to me on long trips?
Am I on her mind as she takes a shit?
Does she talk about me at the malt shop?
Does she have a mental image of my cock?
Will she pray for me when it gets late?
Am I on her mind as she masturbates?
Has she named her dildo after me?
Am I on her mind when she's panty free?
Does she moisten at the thought of me?
Will she write about it in her diary?
FAREWELL, DAI ATLAS, WE HARDLY KNEW YE
Dai Atlas!
We hardly knew ye!
Wanted to go down to your show
Heard it was going to be really neat-o
Jeff Miers, he praised it in the Gusto
He said it was a must-go
But that night, there was too much damn snow
Like happens so often in Buffalo
So instead I went down to Petco
It's the place where all the pets go
I got myself some Crisco
That doesn't really make sense, yeah, I know
Dai Atlas!
We hardly knew ye!
As I walked upon the cold street
I heard a sound, it wasn't my own feet
I turned around so my eyes could see
It was the motherfucking KGB
What could they ever want from me?
Why won't they ever let me be?
Do they want my secret recipe for applesauce?
The one I got from our bass player Ross?
Now I'm involved in espionage
And I think it's all your damn fault
Dai Atlas!
We hardly knew ye!
Zombies don't run!
Penguins can't fly!
Just remember that, baby!
And we won't die!
Dai Atlas!
We hardly knew ye!
FUNCTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL SUITABILITY OF AN EXPERIMENTAL HYDRAULIC PROSTHESIS FOR ABOVE-THE-KNEE AMPUTEES
Fodder for the foster
Saturn collides
Roger's on the roster
Venus has cried
Shamu hates shampoo
Gets in his eyes
Ragu hits snafu
Pasta is dry
Please Miss Cleo, can you keep it real?
My world's amiss, only you can heal
But your tarot eyes
Terrorize
Blaster to my master
Mad Max can drive
Fester isn't faster
I will not strive
Jamming better slamming
Don't speak this jive
Ramming Daryl Hammond
In a trashy dive
Please Miss Cleo, can you keep it real?
My world's amiss, only you can heal
But your tarot eyes
Terrorize
But I'm afraid Gene Kelly's still dead
Tap dancing in heaven and in my head
HOLY ANGELS (THE BAND)
Holy Angels named themselves
After a Catholic academy
That is so very lame
Scott Sprigg used to
Work for ESI
And give himself all the good shows
What a motherfucking prick
They're a bunch of pussies, yeah
They made fun of BNY DJs from the stage
Even coldcocked Rotterdam in the face
Just cause he said their band sucked
Which they do, they're emo fags
They wrote a song with the line,
"Mom and Dad just got in the way."
That is super, super lame
I hope they hear this song, yeah
I hope it pisses them off
Maybe they'll punch me in the face
I don't care cause if they did
I would cry like a little girl
Boo-hoo, hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo
HOW DO GIRLS PEE?
Want to know
Want to know
Secrets hid from me
How do girls
How do girls
How do they pee?
I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS
I'll show you mine if you show me yours
I'll show you mine if you show me yours
Ain't never seen a naked girl before
Spend all my time listening to Gang of Four
[insert love song of your choice here]
I'll show you mine if you show me yours
Ain't never seen a naked girl before
Daddy used to mine for iron ore
Spent all his money at the liqour store
When playing golf, you yell fore
And try to get a low score
He-Man's nemesis was Skeletor
Who looks like Maria Shriver, wife of the Govenator
Spain was invaded by the Moors
Back in those days of yore
This song is in 4/4
My favorite comic is the Mighty Thor
Anger is his middle name!
MARCH OF THE HOME DEPOT GIRL
She helps with everything I need
She helps in all departments indeed
Like her cause she'll do the grouting
She's so cute when she's mock pouting
So handy with a circular saw
Can't wait to show her to my ma and pa
She's got the sweet scent of lumber
In her bed, we share a nightly slumber
She saved my life from a falling pallette
That would've crushed my head like a mallet
Maybe today we'll finally talk
On a new subject that doesn't involve caulk
She's my Home Depot girl
She's my Home Depot girl
And she thinks that...
Yeah, she thinks that...
Michael McDonald ruined the Doobie Bros
MATTHEW GOOD BAND FANS ARE ASSHOLES
What key is this in?
How about the key of A? For asshole!
Matthew Good Band fans are such assholes
They come down and ruin the shows
They won't let me hear
The opening bands that have come to [???]
And they're always such dicks
You know, just wanting their precious Matthew Good
They listen to the shittiest music
Why does Canadian rock suck so much?
You know, there's the Tragically Hip
I just don't get it
And Our Lady Peace
Why can't I get some peace?
Cause Matthew Good Band fans
They're such assholes
Always wearing their backwards baseball caps
You know, I bet they'd even listen to Limp Bizkit crap
I wish Fred Durst would go away
Eventhough he's not Canadian and it has nothing to do with this song
But really, come on, why is he still around?
And this song isn't a dig at Matthew Good himself
Though I hear he's a dick as well
And I'd imagine so
Cause you know, he is Canadian
Stupid Canadians, can't they stay in their own country?
Though they do have good beer
Can we just get their beer and leave them in their country?
You know, can't they just stay up there and mail us our beer or something?
I'm just really tired of them infesting our beautiful country
Damn dirty Canadians
But you know what?
What?
Canadian bacon is just ham
Why can't they bring back Degrassi High on CBC?
Remember Degrassi?
Caitlin was a hottie
Tell me once again
What's so funny about Red Green?
POLITICAL SONG FOR THE RABIES TO SING
Uh
Huh
Oh
Yeah, yeah
Woah!
Wo-oh!
Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!
Na, na, na na na
Ah, ah ah
Nyet! Nyet! Nyet!
Ladies and gentlemen, you've been infected by Reaganomics
SCRATCHING THE SURFACE
Scratching the surface, ay yi yi yi...
My girlfriend's auntie
Gave me herpes
Oh, I'm sorry
But I was horny
I forgot to
Use protection
Who'd a thought
She had infections?
Now it hurts when
I go poo
My girlfriend says
She's got it too
And because of
Nasty sores
I can't do her
In the butt no more
Scratching the surface, ay yi yi yi...
Cut that shit out, boy
This ain't Seals and Croft
WALTZ OF THE OCD GIRL (IN E)
My girl has OCD
She does everything times 3
It drives me so insane
And I can't stand John Coltrane
My girl has ADD
She'd rather watch TV
Than listen to me yap
Lenny Kravitz sold out to the Gap
Ooh-we-ooh-we-ooh
We dry hump and it shows
Dirty stains on our clothes
She's such a kinky girl
She dresses like a squirrel
My girl has OCD
She does everything times three
But it makes me happy
When she rubs my pee-pee
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY, CANNIBAL CORPSE?
I'll kill you
And your mother
And your sister
And your brother
Cause your band sucks...
You guys think you're cool
You guys think you're all evil
But you're just a bunch of poseurs
What about that band?
That black metal band
Where the guy ate the other guy's brains in a stew
What have you done, Cannibal Corpse?
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