Worm Story
Introduction by Nutter
Worm Story 1 was an idea plucked from another message board (on a non-Worms topic) from somewhere on the net. The idea being, that people could add to the story by posting the next 10 words of the story - but no more. Thus there would be lots of contributions by lots of different budding authors - anyone could add their little bit to the story.
Because of this, it never really had a topic or base storyline - it was written as we went, and basically the whole thing was left up to the imagination of the next poster.
There were some inherent problems in doing this though, including people adding the next bit to the story without reading what had happened so far, and those that didn't like the 10-word limit (so they posted paragraphs instead), but it was a bit of good fun and kicked off the follow-on Worm Stories.
There was a worm named Jim. He was always
afraid of war but he was born with evil within. He joined the ranks of the
Buffalo of Half-Truths, but he didn't know the terrible secret that was the
concrete donkey of injustice, which apparently stole moo moo milk to give it
back to the 1000 Mad Cows Clan who were famous for two things being mad and
funnily enough, being cows. They needed it to put in their super-milk cannon
that would eventually destroy the donkey.
However Jim's fear of war meant that he hid
in caves and never came out resulting in laughter and tears and made him very
lonely. He decided to join the lightside but having been in the darkside, the
donkey of light said he must complete three trials. But he couldn’t do these
three trials because he was one lazy fool.
Just then, Boggy B came along and told him of
the super-weapon - a weapon of such power, that it could kill thousands of
worms with one hit and even his mother in law! It is hidden beyond the great
Sheep Catacombs, locked inside a cage guarded by the evil buffalo of lies who's
stinky and smelly, because he never washes or wipes. The only thing keeping him
from taking a shower is the fact that the pesky worms keep stealing his
priceless Ming vase, which strangely enough holds all the power of deodorant
and shower gel.
After lots of searching, the Concrete Donkey's
evil twin contacted his brother and told him to kill thousands and thousands of
innocent worms.
Meanwhile, Jim is trying to find this cage
that was unknowingly guarded by the massive hulk of the Super Sheep of Terror
that eats worms after marinating them in pear scented washing-up liquid and
essence of Domestos. And we all thought it was just the Buffalo who smelled
strangely, which is why they call him the Smelly Buffalo of Lies.
Jim was in quite the conundrum over how to
defeat the sheep so he decided to go along to the Worms Shop to acquire some
weaponry, and form a plan. When he got there though he got depressed and shot
himself, because he realised that this story was going nowhere but he was a
lousy shot, and accidentally hit a startled and confused vicar who was
meandering by, who then shouted "OH MY GOD IVE BEEN SHOT!!!... or is that
red wine... no its blood! ARGH!" and then the vicar died.
After that Jim collected some of his friends
(some, I meant Lot) and formed a big platoon to take that super weapon. The
worm's names in the Big platoon were Bentusi & Icarus, as well as bam
margera and brody.
Joining them in the fight was Spadge, who had
an enormously huge bag of whelks and was busy handing them out to the
pensioners who'd escaped from the evil B.S.B.C (Big smelly buffalos convention)
who tortured worms by suffocating them in water but just as they are about to
pass out they take the worms out and torture them by getting THE STRETCHER
which is the process of whipping them with an overgrown elastic band and then
stretching them like gummy worms until they broke in half (ouch!)
But all of this was futile, as the sheep
catacombs were in sight as well as the gigantic bulk of the Super Sheep of
Terror, which was about to consume them all if they didn't hide its
pear-scented washing up liquid in a toilet full of dissolved bog roll from
centuries ago and leftover lemon pie which was quite a pleasant smell compared
to the Incredibly Smelly Buffalo Of Lies.
So they ventured on, when suddenly something
completely incoherent and unexpected happened - it started raining crates! Jim
picked one up. It felt strangely heavy. In fact it felt like the sacred
Concrete Donkey...
But alas, the Super Sheep of Terror has
booby-trapped this sacred crate and a fireball rushed towards him but he was
saved by a monkey who hung by ninja rope, and swiftly propelled along the
ceiling. However, the monkey was not a friend for he went rabid and started
biting our poor friend Jim and they both foamed at the mouth when suddenly, an
earthquake started, catching them off guard.
The group began to shake and wobble, getting
closer to the edge, then from the sky a voice claimed: reinforcements are
arrived, and five Holy-hand grenade crates drop near them. As one brave worm
went to collect one, a shudder happened and he lost his balance and hit a mine,
setting off a huge chain reaction of exploding crates, killing everyone but
Jim.
Jim fainted; when he woke up later he noticed
that almost everything that had happened so far had been a series of illusions.
For all this time he had been held hostage by the Buffalo of Lies, and had
undergone major psychic overdose which had led to him having all of these
hallucinations.
The buffalo of lies had tied Jim up in a pit
where the enemy could easily shoot at him, but he couldn't escape without a
ninja rope. Fortunately, he still had his Jetpack but his fuel was limited - he
had 2 points of fuel. If he engaged Low Gravity, he might just make it - after
completing his VR training, Jim knew all too well that he had to take certain
chances, so he decided to go for it.
He activated the jetpack, and suddenly a
sheep flew into view, and as it flew past, it dropped something. To his horror,
he discovered it was a frothing mad cow, which proceeded to make unusual mooing
sounds and stumble along the bumpy terrain. And it did what it does best. It
made a sloppy, brown, slimy mess all over the ground and exploded in a giant
"poot", sending our hero flying into a booby trapped dark cave filled
with 60 proximity super banana bombs.
As he gets up, he is shocked by what he sees,
which is Johnson's baby lotion. He walks up to baby lotion, and goes to pick it
up when suddenly the bottle exploded into flames. By now, Jim was starting to
get a bit cheesed off with all of this, so he thought to himself "****
this" and he stormed off, and carelessly trod on a mine.
He saw bubbles and gases. How he got
transported to the INCO factory in Clydach, Swansea, we'll never know because
he had run out of Teleporters! He looked around and saw boggy B with a banana
bomb with his name on and thought to himself, oh dear, I've laddered my tights,
I better go and rub thoroughly with Johnson's Baby Lotion.
But realizing the lotion had exploded into
flames, he jumped away from the bottle, but landed next to a mine which started
making "beeping" noises. Luckily, the mine went bang with a puff of
smoke; it was a dud.
Searching frantically through his arsenal, he
found an old woman which was moaning and groaning, and threw her off a cliff. She
landed on the head of the Smelly Buffalo.
Her constant nattering drove the Buffalo
crazy, and he yelled "I HATE CRAZY THINGS" and in turn he created a
giant jar of marmalade for his giant piece of toast, which could grant him the
power of invisibility so he could steal cookies from the cookie monster and
sustain his hunger.
Jim had begun to wonder just how many HP's he
had lost, so he walked over to the nearest health crate, being very careful not
to set off any mines. But the health crate was really a sleeping homing pigeon
who woke up with a start, and began to peck Jim.
Jim decided to get his shotgun out and
"BANG", shot the pigeon. However, he was unsure what to do with his
final shot. So Jim shot a hole in the wall, and unintentionally revealed a giant
bag of Tescos Finest Chicken Soup sitting on a table inside a secret cave
within.
He decided to make a run for it, especially
considering the nature of all the stupid animals that now appear to have joined
the story but he ran right into a scarecrow, which brought him to an abrupt
halt. After he firepunched the scarecrow he continued on just to see an apple
tree named Wikapoo.
Wikapoo was a magic tree and granted him
three wishes. One was he had 100 jet packs with 2 fuel each. Wish two was to
make some sense out of the whole plot, so here goes:
Jim had some real bad luck over the last
day... however his sister Clarissa had just won a triple-rollover Lottery and
she decided to give £1000000 to her brother for a present - using fake notes.
So therefore, his next wish was that she would go and die, but Wikapoo would
not be evil and punished Jim by stealing all his Johnson’s baby lotion. Just as
well, as it was still on fire...
An old lady came from nowhere but the terrain
was too steep and she turned round merely to walk into Wikapoo, who was in
enough trouble already with that burning Johnson's Baby Lotion. Jim got to
safety just in time before it started raining comets, finishing Wikapoo off
completely. Jim, however, survived with a bit of luck because he jumped into a
piece of cheese that was rotten at the core.
The comets were still raining down and Jim
decided enough was enough and reached right through the fabric of reality, to
give us a good slapping for making his life story so silly. "Everyone,
Run!" yelled Worm Mad as Jim tore down after all the writers with homing
missiles, bazooka shells, etc.
Paul.Power, however, wondered if it might be
possible to bargain with the angry Jim, but Jim smacked him round the head with
a baseball bat. Dazed, he sat up in a corner of the room. If only they could
give Jim what he really wanted... a happy ending...
Gumdrop said to him "there will be no
ending as it is the Never-Ending, Ever-Bending Worms Story!" But Jim was
still doing a lot of damage, so he runs to the hospital to see SnipperTheWorm
use the Utility "Freeze" but he was too small so the doctors and
nurses don’t see him...
Worm Mad decided this couldn't go on so he
got all the wormers together and said "We have two choices - 1. Kill Jim
and end the story or 2. Give Jim a happy ending". It came down to a vote
and they all decided that they should go to a restaurant and discuss it over
some good corn beef but Dragon said 'how cane u path?' and we all laughed too
much to eat.
Jim slipped on some vomit that Dodgymat had
produced and fell back to his world where concrete donkeys ruled the world. One
of them punched ANOTHER hole in the time-space continuum. Jim jumped through
it, only to appear in another piece of cheese, next to the flaming bottle of
Johnson's Baby Lotion.
Suddenly a friend of Jim named Tim appeared.
Tim was a sad loner and he was gay but Jim didnt care until he said "I
have been sent here to tell you the decision which the committee reached about
your future, it is this:
"You're gonna get blown up by a holy
hand grenade in 1,000 hours unless you can find a way of changing your
future... just kidding, you know what a **** I am. Really, you've only got 10
posts left - make 'em count" Tim said nothing and other worms said death
Jim, but Jim has a Golden ticket which he found in his back pocket. It would
enable him to hold the burning Johnson's baby lotion without getting 1st degree
burns; now he only gets 2nd-degree burns!
Suddenly, a door appeared out of nowhere,
because Tim had a Flamethrower for him and a Super Sheep suddenly became a Aqua
Sheep. A voice was coming from the open door. It was the Concrete Donkey of
Light! "Come with me, Jim. There is not much time left..."
Jim stepped through the door, and the story
ended just in time.
THE END
Written by
Nutter, Plutonic, dodgefreak, Compudragon,
Deadcode, Kheldar, KungFooWarLord, NZKiwi, shadowjuan, Quarkstorm, Paul.Power,
Worm Mad, TheBandit, thomasp, SnipperTheWorm, Gumdrop, explodingsheep, Az,
fuch, Striker, RastaMahata, Batman, DrumsOfWar, awt, SupSuper, Spadge,
ThePaladin, Mdk, MrLee, Andy Snook, WormZ, BannanaBomb2002, _Peter_Boy_,
Vahagn, dragon, Dodgymat and MoG
Thus started the Worm Story Saga….