Worm Story Y-I
Introduction by Worm Mad
I started Worm Story Y-I after receiving positive feedback
on my site during its Yipee Two-Face day (see ‘Other Worm Story Stuff’ for more
details) It seemed Yipee Two-Face was quite popular and I thought “why not make
a story about his further adventures?” so I did. Some people wonder why I made
a new series of stories with Yipee and not Jim. The reasons for this were
because I wanted the stories to be a bit different from the Worm Stories and
because his epilogue (See Worm Story 4 Epilogue) was easier to make more
stories about. Anyway, read on for the first in Yipee’s own unique line of
stories.
The wheels of the sheep driven carriage came to a stop. The
darkly clad figure paid the driver and stepped onto the cobbled pavement. Yipee
Two-Face then walked to the door of his old house and opened it. Upon entering,
he sensed there was something wrong. Suddenly the infamous Windows XP Time
Machine appeared! "This program has performed and
illegal operation and will be vaporised, and magically
reappear as a Linux based OS."
Yipee Two-Face grinned. "So, Time Machine. What've you
been up to?" The time machine replied in an annoyingly chirpy voice
"I've been busy travelling the time stream in search of issues of Morris
Dancing Monthly Magazine. I've become a Morris dancer!"
It began to do a little dance. "Arrgh!" thought
Yipee. This machine was terrifying. He pulled out his toolbox and went to do a
little fine-tuning.
At this, the machine squealed "No, don't take away my
Morris dancing add on! It's become my life!"
Yipee grinned as he approached the machine. He was going to
enjoy this.
He leapt on top and began to tune it. The machine screamed
and time-travelled away before Yipee could remove the Maypole function.
However, as Yipee was standing on top of the Time Machine, it took him with it
to the land of the Purple Shoes. This was a map made entirely of shoes. It also
appeared to be a twisted version of Yorkshire. The Team17 HQ could be seen in
the distance. Yipee smiled and started towards it.
Yipee looked out into a strange place. "Where are
we?" he asked. Spadge walked upto him from the HQ building. "Oi! No
characters that aren't going to be in Worms 3 can come in here!" he
snapped. Yipee laughed and said ..."Ok, then I'll blow you with my bazooka"
and Spadge said "That's so cheap!" so the Time Machine began doing a
Morris dance to relieve the atmosphere. Yipee had had enough of this and
removed the Maypole function, and the machine became docile. He then turned his
attention to getting the time machine to work again.
"Eureka!" he shouted, as the machine began to work
properly, and the Morris dancing program was removed. Spadge was banging on the
door and shouting random comments like "Fish cakes!" and
"Russian Hats!" Yipee Two-Face activated the time-machine correctly
and blasted back into the present.
Then he played TetriNET, and lost - again, for the 48th time
today where he was challenged to a battle by the recently victorious
sUpErWoRmS!!!
Yipee Two-Face laughed, as he was the world's greatest TetriNET
player. But he was horrified when he was thrashed by the sUpErWoRmS squad at
it. He sensed something fishy was up so he took out Johnson's baby lotion and
said "SOMEBODY CALL 911!", but he remembered that he was the only
person living in his house and so nobody would hear him. This
made him feel unhappy so he sat down in his workshop to
finish off his yellow lightsaber, still thinking that he could have made it
purple.
But Yippy felt insecure as he carved and dyed away. There
was something in his house... and it was moving around. He sat quietly...
To his horror he heard many loud bangs and crashes, and
dashed over to the source of the noise with a freshly loaded Uzi in each hand.
Apparently MB had held on to the time machine and warped back into Yippy's
house!
He stood in thought as he eyed Spadge, who had been drinking
a can of red fusion dr pepper and as such was in a state of caffeine high so he
did not notice Yippy behind him.
Yippy finally decided what he had to do, that comment about Worms
3 had really ticked him off. He crept up to Spadge, standing at an angle behind
the quasi- time machine.
Spadge then leapt into the time machine and went back to the
cretaceous period. He got out to look at the surroundings. They were beautiful.
Palm trees everywhere, a glistening ocean, lovely beach. An unspoilt paradise,
and it was all for him. As he wandered off to explore his new world, he stepped
on a bug. He thought nothing of it, and wiped it off his shoe, and carried on
off towards the beach.
Back in the present, Yipee was wondering about where exactly
Spadge had got to, when there was a knock at the door. "Who's there?"
he asked.
"It's us, Arnold!" said an infinity of voices.
Yipee opened the door and standing outside was an infinity of Worms, all called
Arnold. Spadge stepping on the bug had altered the course of history.
"Can we come in for a cup of tea?" said the
collective of Worms known as Arnold. Yipee wondered how he could fit an
infinity of worms into the finite space of his house, and then he had an idea.
He looked in his attic and found an old shrinking device,
which his friend Dr.Lambchops had made for him a few years back. He then shrunk
the crowd of worms and put them on his dining room table.
"What's going on? Who are you?" demanded Yipee
Two-Face of the Arnolds. "We're your pals and we're here for your stag
night party!" they laughed.
"Hmm, I've suddenly got friends and I'm due to be
married? Something isn't right here." thought Yipee. He got himself a
drink of Lemonade from the fridge and saw his wife to be. "Good God,
you're ugly!" he said. And indeed she was. She had a face like a mole, and
had a raspy voice akin to Patty and Selma's. "Come to bed, honey!"
she said.
Yipee knew that something had gone horribly wrong. He ran
out of the room, gathered the Arnolds into his pocket and ran off to find
another time machine.
He found the Mac OS time machine waiting for him, as
Spadge's killing of the bug had also made Apple the dominant computer company.
He was used to Windows XP and Linux, but managed to work the controls. He seta
course for Spadge in the cretaceous era, and disappeared into the cretaceous
period.
He reached the time period, opened the door and stepped out
into the hot cretaceous air. He then grabbed Spadge and physically forced him
from stepping on the bug lunging at him and pushing him into the time-machine.
Soon they were back in their own time. Spadge looked sad at having
his holiday ruined and time reverted to normal. Yipee thought of a plan however
to make Spadge happy and get rid of him for a while.
He set the time machine to go to the future! that way he
couldn't change his life again. but during the time travel, the time machine
showed on it's screen:
------------------------------------------------------------------
This program has performed an
illegal operation.
[IGNORE] [CLOSE]
------------------------------------------------------------------
Spadge pressed Ignore and the time machine set a new
destination: 1994! Exactly when the Worms game was about to be released for the
Amiga. So when he arrived Yipee told Spadge to stay where he was while he fixed
the time-machine so that he didn't mess up time again.
Spadge ignored him however and set about distributing copies
of Worms to every Amiga in the land. "Why are you doing this?" asked
Yipee.
"Every Amiga will have a copy of the game, and then I
will rule the world! HahhhAHHAHAHAH!" he laughed.
Yipee wasn't too sure of his state of mind. Time travel must
have messed up his head. He then came across Morriston Hospital so he committed
Spadge to it and continued work on the time-machine. When he felt fairly
confident that it was fixed he set it to take him back home.
The time-machine roared into life and Yipee soon found
himself in arnold land!! He was surrounded by the parents of the infinity of
arnolds, who were very upset with him for shrinking all of there off spring,
still in Yipee's pocket, they were getting hungry. That’s why papa arnold fried
up some caramel apples, and said Yipee couldn't have any unless the arnolds
were normal again. "That's cruel and unusual!" Said Yipee. "But
I guess I’ll have to SHRINK YOU ALL!" he laughed and pulled out his
shrinking device used to shrink all of the Arnolds. He then helped himself to
the caramel apples laughing evilly.
It was just then that Spadge came by. Mistaking him for a
arnold, Yipee shrunk him too. "Ha!" Said Yipee. He discovered their
wild sheep farm in the back. "Yes!" Thought Yipee.
"Perfect!"
Then He saw the Buffalo of Lies. He was apparently passing
out some cheap electrical goods. Yipee decided to investigate! Little did he
know that the Donkey of Light was there to see the Buffalo of Lies was o.k.
while holding a mallet with his tail.
EEEEEK! Yipee Jumped into the sheep farm, picked up a sheep,
and rode it into the sunset. After many days of trekking over the desert that
inhabited the world, he stopped.
Everything had gotten a little odd and he decided to phone
Jim to see if he had any ideas why the Arnolds had still been around after he
had corrected the problem in time and why the concrete donkey and the buffalo
of lies were hanging around at a sheep farm.
Jim's advice was to take two aspirin and call him in the
morning, and to say "Look, I don't know how that thing works, the
operating manual is three inches thick! Maybe Spadge did something else other
than squash that bug. Or maybe you pushing him out of the way made him squash
another bug. Either way, I think you're stuck with that infinity of Arnolds.
Hold on, I'll put my friend Paul.Power on the phone..."
Seconds later, Paul.Power was on the other end. "Oh no,
not that time machine again. Incidentally, how can put an infinity of Arnolds
in your pocket? Even if they're very small, there's still an infinity of them.
Unless of course they're infinitesimally small..."
Then Yipee fell asleep.
When he came to, he found himself tied to the time-machine.
"W..What’s going on?" he mumbled. "You took
me away from my prehistoric paradise, sent me to a mad asylum and then shrunk
me. Guess who!" laughed a voice. "Worm Mad?" asked Yipee.
"No...it's me,Spadge." Growled Spadge. "Oh, why am I tied to the
time-machine?" asked Yipee. "Because there is something I have to
tell you. Something that you'd probably start to run and scream about
so..." Spadge walked over and tapedYipee's mouth. "Now, as I was
saying... the reason is because..."
Then Yipee fell asleep again. "Short attention
span." Spadge muttered as he took out his sheep prod. He woke up Yipee.
"Ahhhhh! I did not take them!" "Shaddap Yipee! The reason is
because..It’s your birthday!"
He put on a party hat and blew a streamer thing. Everyone
else jumped out from behind the scenes, including the infinity of Arnolds
(which caused some confusion, but hey, never mind)
"Oh, right," said Yipee "Now what?"
"Well...Worm Mad says he's got some exciting news, he
was going to tell me before but I told him to wait till the party so as to add
to the fun." Grinned Spadge.
"Look," began Worm Mad "It's not really fun
news, more like – disturbing news. You see I was looking into all the plot
holes that keep appearing and I've found that all of these holes have resulted
in a giant gorge in the space time-continuum and if we don't do something soon,
we are all...going to die!" Everyone held their mouths open in horror,
except Paul.Power who was helping himself to a third plate of Johnsons Baby
Lotion Pie.
Yipee stammered, "What on earth are we going to
do?"
Hastily swallowing the last mouthful of pie, Paul.Power
said, "There's only one thing we can do. Find an incredibly large needle
and thread, and stitch all the plot holes back up. Now then, I think the Worm
Tower in Wormopolis would make a good needle, and as for the thread..."
"We'll unravel Paul.Powers's Brain!" Said an arnold. "We could
use all the telephone wire in the world!" Said Paul.Power, quickly dismissing
the first suggestion. But Yipee Said "We can use this one!".
"What One?"
asked Worm Mad. "This thread we're in now" replied
Yipee. All the others laughed at him. Yipee said "I'm off to Wormopolis
and I'm going to sew this thing up." Everybody laughed again. "I'm
going alone! Don't try and stop me!" he yelled. Nobody did and he felt a
little silly as he climbed into the Yipeemobile. That was until his annoying
sidekick, Zipface who he had left behind when he went on his war against Jim,
popped up from the back seat and sang "We are Worms, we're the best, and
we're gonna win this..."
"Shut up! I've got to sew this hole up. It will engulf
the world in thirty posts!"
So they now zoomed off to wormopolis until' zipface's plush
donkey got caught in the engine. "Great!" Said Yipee "Now we'll
have to continue by foot." But zipface had a cunning plan. He would put
Yipee into his spare sheep-launcher and fire him to Wormopolis. "I hope
you know what you're doing." said Yipee. "Kind of..." grinned
Zipface and fired Yipee off into the air. After a while, Yipee landed in the
restaurant where all the authors ate in the previous worm stories.
Yipee said "great, now how do i get to
Wormopolis?". just then, SupSuper passed by riding a super sheep and said
"Need a lift?". Yipee agreed and went with him to Wormopolis.
"SupSuper, are you sure you know how to-" BLAM!
They hit a building. It was 3 1/2 inches away from wormtropolis, so Yipee
started to walk there. Then he saw the plot hole. It was twelve feet wide and
everything was being sucked into it. "No time to get to Wormopolis, I've
gotta sew this one up now!" thought Yipee. He decided to improvise and
used his
annoyingly long letter from uncle chuck.
But before he could, who should appear in his path but the one
and only Zero Worm! He drew his Z-Sabre from his back and swished it around
impressively. "What do you want?!" demanded Yipee, who was unfamiliar
with the intruder. "Nothing," replied Zero, "I just wanted to
show upand swish my sabre around impressively, in order to introduce the
illusion that I'm pretty cool." Yipee snorted and said
"oh yeah,you, the one voted most likely to kill all his friends. So how is
life in yes?" Zero's facial expression melts into something difficult to
determine. "That's a touchy subject, man..." He turns and starts to
walk away, when all of a sudden he loses his footing (or whatever it is Worms
have) and goes careening into the plot hole!
"ROSEBUUUUUUDDDD!!!..."
Yipee realizes time is running short, so he quickly produces
his trusty sword that was named Yipeeblade and used its point instead of the
needle and the thread he was in as the thread in order to sew up the plot hole.
"Nicely done!" chuckled Yipee. Then he turned around. To his horror,
four more plot holes had sprung open while his back was turned.
"Yipes!" he exclaimed and then pulled his sword out and got ready to
sew the other holes up. It was turning out to be a tough day.
Yipee ran to the nearest plot hole and with his sword held
aloft. He then saw Pickleworm, and wondered why Pickleworm had turned that
shade of green. He then took his sword. "Aw shoot!" he said.
When suddenly, the plot hole spews forth a rather
weather-beaten Zero! "I thought you were dead," Yipee plainly
remarked. "I was," declared Zero, "But with this many plot
holes, anything could happen. Who knows, maybe they'll just disappear all by
themselves." "Fat chance. Now would you move it? The universe is
toast in less than 20 posts, partly because you keep jumping in for no reason."
"Hey, I'd help you and all, but you're the one with the solid, material
blade, as opposed to my beam sabre. And so, farewell."
Zero leaps onto a passing Mad Cow and rides into the empty
void, never to be seen again until he feels the need to interject for
no reason.
Yipee, cleared of the distraction, raises his blade again
and prepares to seal the next gap, when all of a sudden he hears
a rumbling from Mount Wormivore. "What now?" he
growls to himself. A torrent of lava pours down the mountain and into
one of the plot holes. Surprisingly it seals the plot hole
rather than simply disappearing. "Lava! Of course! It's the only other
thing that can seal plot holes, except for a good writer but they're in short
supply,” said Yipee.
Suddenly Zipface was by his side and grinning "What
now, boss?" he laughed. Yipee kicked his hapless sidekick into an open
plot hole and Zipface re-emerged shortly afterwards, but exactly three feet
taller and with fangs. He looked at his boss, grinned, and yelled: "All
your base are belong to me!" Yipee groaned and pushed him back in again,
and Zipface came out normal, but eating a burrito. He farted, and It sealed up
another plot hole.
Zipface put Yipee back into his sheep launcher.
"What're you doing, you freak?!" Demanded Yipee. "There are
still two more plot holes left!"
"Duhhhhhh..."
"That plot hole made you stupid, didn't it?"
Zipface stands moronically for a few seconds to consider,
then nods his head furiously. Yipee smacks his companion into the hole yet
again, secretly hoping he doesn't come back. Of course, he does, but this time
the colour of a stapler, and a voice like Arnold Schwartsanagger. Not to
mention his total lack of kindness. He started to tear up the country side
until Yipee grabbed him threw him into a plot hole and sealed it with the lava.
"That's got rid of him!" thought Yipee and this
time he was right. Then he realised he only had about 10 posts left to seal the
remaining plot hole that was on the other side of the island. Yipee thought
quickly and hoped that everyone had really long posts. He found the Sheep
Launcher that Zipface left, He stuffed himself in it in launched himself all
the way to the plothole.
He could see a bunch of the locals being sucked in. He
Picked up Zipface's burrito, grasped it firmly, and threw it in the trash, he
then started to grab both ends of the plothole and used his sword to sew the
plothole up. "All's well that..." Yipee began and then he realised he
couldn't move. "What the?" he exclaimed and looked down to his tail.
He had sewn it under the plot hole. He tried to squirm away but it was no good.
He gave one almighty tug and... the plot hole ripped wide open, sucking him
into the abyss.
Worm Mad, Paul.Power, thomasp, manitou, SupSuper,
ThePaladin, Striker, SnipperTheWorm, Annelid76, umbra415, Pickleworm,
afterbrun, FlipNautix, Zero72, phen.