Akuma 
Author
Pairing
Rating
Subject
Title : Confusion of the Heart 5/6
Archive : Email me
first ^_^
Feedback : yes! Please send it to akuma2x1@yahoo.com
Pairings :
2+1
Disclaimer : The boys are not mine. >_< Confusion of the Heart Part 5
Duo opened his
eyes and quickly shut them closed as the brightness assaulted them.
"Duo,
can you hear me?"
"Hmm, Heero?" Duo slowly opened his eyes. As his eyes
adjusted to the light, he could see someone bend over him.
"No, it's me,
Quatre." Duo finally could see clearly. He looked at Quatre. Trowa was beside
the blond, studying him. Duo was then aware of his surroundings. He was on his
bed. What was he doing here?
"Hn, you are finally awake, Maxwell." The
American pilot turned his head and saw Wufei walked in, bringing a bowl of soup.
"Here, eat this."
Duo realized then that he was very hungry. With
Quatre's help, Duo managed to sit up and lean against the headboard. He then
took the bowl from Wufei and quickly ate it. As he ate, Duo noticed Wufei taking
a seat on Heero's bed. Trowa was leaning against the wall across from his bed
and Quatre sat on his bed with him. Something was missing. No, someone was
missing.
"Where's Heero?"
"He went out this morning. What
happened, Duo?" Quatre answered.
Duo frowned. What had happened?? He
seemed to be forgetting something big. Let's see....Heero....Suddenly the image
of Heero, redden cheek and bleeding mouth, flashed in his mind and Duo
remembered. "Heero!" He shouted and straightened his body, almost spilling his
soup in the process. "Where is he, Quatre? Is he okay?"
"I don't know
where he is, Duo. Calm down. And what do you mean by asking if he is okay?"
Quatre began to worry.
"I ...I...." Duo couldn't bring himself to tell
his friends what had he done to Heero. "Didn't you see his face,
Quatre??"
Quatre frowned. "I haven't seen him since last night, Duo. This
morning, when I came out from my room, I found a note on my door. It was from
Heero, here read it." Quatre pulled out the note from his pocket.
Duo
snatched the paper right away and began to read it.
Quatre, Duo had a
fever last night.
Don't worry, his fever had ceased
this morning, but I
can't stay with
him, so I hope you will take care
of
him.
Heero
His hands trembled as he read the letter. The American
pilot had this feeling that he would never see Heero again. Duo put down the
letter and looked at his comrades. "He didn't tell you where he went?" As the
three shook their heads, Duo's face fell miserably.
"What had happened,
Duo? Is Heero okay?" Quatre was really worried now.
"I don't know,
Quatre. I don't know." Duo shook his head. He was worried about Heero but he
didn't know what to do right now. What would he tell Heero? And how could he
explain his behaviors to Heero if he was confused with them himself?
"You
had known it, didn't you?" Trowa's voice penetrated Duo's ears. The braided
pilot looked up and saw Trowa looking at him in his usual expressionless
manner.
"What?"
"You know who Hitoe really is, don't
you?"
Duo widened his eyes. "You know?"
Trowa nodded and looked at
Wufei. Duo followed Trowa and looked at Wufei, confused. He couldn't believe it
when Wufei nodded and spoke up, "I know too, Maxwell."
"You both know?"
Duo spoke weakly.
"I know too, Duo." Duo looked at the blond in front of
him in disbelief.
"How?" The word was spoken in despair.
"I had my
suspicion when I noticed that every time you went out to meet Hitoe, Heero also
disappeared from the safe house. And then later Trowa convinced me of my
suspicion."
Duo looked at Trowa questioningly. "I knew it on the day
Heero started wearing his turtleneck shirt. I saw him caressing something
beneath his turtleneck when he thought no one was paying attention to him. Did
you give him your cross?"
Duo nodded weakly and turned to
Wufei.
"I knew it when you told us her name." The Chinese pilot said,
then he noticed the confused look on Duo's face and explained further. "I
studied Japanese years ago. Same as Hitoe, which means 'single', Heero means
'one' and judging from his reaction as I asked you about the girl's feature, I
was convinced that the girl was Heero."
The Deathscythe pilot slumped
back against the headboard and let out a despairing laugh. " So it was only me
who didn't recognized that she was really him? How stupid....."
"But you
know now. How did you found out, Duo?" Quatre asked, half afraid of the
unpredictable reaction he would get.
"I found his wig." Duo smiled
bitterly and looked at his friends as anger began to rise inside him again. "I
don't believe this. You knew about this the entire time and yet you didn't tell
me? I thought we were friends!"
"We are. And that's why we didn't tell
you." Trowa spoke up.
Duo looked sharply at Trowa. "What do you
mean?"
" You were so happy, and so was Heero. I caught him smiling once,
Duo." Quatre decided to help his lover.
An image of Hitoe smiling at him
flashed in Duo's mind. The American pilot bowed his head. "You know that this
could not last forever."
"We know. Either you would recognize she was
Heero or Heero would tell you. But when it does happen, we wished you two would
have realized your feelings for each other." Quatre answered.
Duo looked
at Quatre bitterly. "Why do you think that I have feelings for him,
Quatre?"
Quatre was surprised. "You don't?"
Duo looked away. "I
only think of him as my friend."
"No, you don't." Trowa spoke up, making
Duo look at him in surprised. " Your feelings toward him are more than mere
friendship." When Duo wanted to protest, Trowa held up his hand, gesturing Duo
to stop. "Hear me out first, then you can say whatever you want."
Duo
closed his mouth, biting his lower lip, and started a staring contest with
Trowa. After several minutes, the American pilot finally nodded his head in
agreement.
"Okay, I will point to you some facts you didn't realize. Tell
me if I am right or wrong in my observations. First things first, are you
opposed to relationships between individuals of the same gender?"
"If I
was, I wouldn't be staying with you and Quatre."
"True. So, have you
realized that you, yourself, don't have any objections in being part of a
homosexual relationship?"
As Duo nodded, Trowa took a comfortable pose
before continuing with the rests of his questions.
"Every time you have
to share a room, you want it to be with Heero, right?"
Duo
nodded.
"Every time you need a partner, you will ask for him,
right?"
Duo nodded again.
"If you only see the three of us, you
will ask where Heero is, right?"
Again, Duo nodded.
"If we sit
down in the living room, you will always sit next to Heero, right?"
Duo
nodded. Trowa took a breath, taking a further step in his
questions.
"Whenever you come home, the first thing you will do is search
for Heero, yes?"
Duo thought about that for awhile and then nodded
weakly.
"You will feel something was missing if Heero wasn't with
you?"
Duo nodded.
"Do you feel happy when you see him, when he is
around you?"
Again, a nod. Trowa swallowed, these were the last
steps.
" Did you look for the similarities between Hitoe's and Heero's
feature?"
Surprised, Duo looked at Trowa. When he saw Trowa looking
seriously at him, Duo nodded his head again.
"Did you realize Hitoe and
Heero act very similar?"
Duo nodded.
"Did you ever imagine you
were with Heero while you were with Hitoe or vice versa?"
This time, Duo
bit his lower lip before nodding.
"Do you want Hitoe to be with you all
the time?"
Duo nodded.
"Do you care for Hitoe?"
Again a
nod.
"Do you want Hitoe in your life?"
Duo nodded
again.
"Do you love her?"
Duo looked at Trowa again, surprised and
slightly angry but Trowa looked at him calmly. "Okay I rephrase it a bit. Did
you love her?" Bitting his lips, Duo nodded.
"Do you care for
Heero?"
Duo nodded.
Final question, Trowa prayed that Duo could
answer it. "Do you love Heero?"
Duo didn't nod.
"Duo? Do
you?"
Duo still didn't nod, making Trowa feel disappointed as the braided
pilot still denied his feelings.
"Duo?"
Duo shook his head. "I
don't know Trowa, I really don't know."
Trowa sighed. He had done what he
could. It was up to Duo now. "This is your decision. I can't help you
anymore."
Quatre spoke up. "You loved Hitoe. Why can't you love
Heero?"
Duo smiled bitterly. "Quatre, even if I do love him, I think it
is too late for that. He must hate me right now........ After what had I done to
him."
"What did you do to him?" Quatre feared that he didn't want to know
the answer.
Still smiling bitterly, Duo answered. "What do you think,
Quatre?"
At that moment, his uchuu no kokoro gave the Arabian an image of
what Duo was picturing in his mind. An image of Heero lying on the bed with a
red cheek and bleeding mouth. The blond one gasped. "Oh Allah. You didn't
...."
Duo nodded. "Yes, I did. I hurt him, Quatre. I bit his lips until
they were bleeding and I slapped him, hard. I also said many harsh words to him,
trying to hurt him like he hurt me."
Wufei eyed the American pilot. He
was shocked by everything Duo recounted to have done to the Japanese, but he
kept his disapproval to himself when he saw the despair in those violet eyes. He
knew the American pilot regretted everything he had done. "What did you do to
him after that, Maxwell??"
"Huh?" Duo looked at Wufei.
"After you
beat him, what did you do? Left him?"
"I don't know, Wufei. I fainted
after I realized what had I done to him. And when I woke up, I saw Quatre and
Trowa beside me."
Wufei contemplated for a minute before he spoke up,
"Maxwell, if he hated you, he would not have taken care of you while you sick
with a fever, or asked Quatre to look after you. Why do you think he left only
after you broke your fever? No matter what happened, he would make sure of your
safety first."
"Well, he could have done that because I am a gundam
pilot. He needs my help to complete his missions, and after all, accomplishing
the missions is his top priority." Duo spoke sarcastically.
Wufei didn't
answer. He just looked at the American pilot who looked back at him squarely.
After one minute of staring, the braided pilot looked away. That was when Wufei
spoke up, "You know that is not true. You are his top priority,
Maxwell."
"Oh yeah? Why did he leave then? He doesn't want to see me,
that's why." Duo still tried to debate, though deep inside his heart, he knew
the truth. Heero left him not because of a mission.
"I think I have a
suspicion as to why he left you." Trowa spoke up.
"Why, Trowa?" Quatre
also wanted to know why Heero left Duo.
Trowa shook his head. "It's just
my suspicion. I think you will find the answer here, Duo." Trowa held up a
sealed envelope. He walked to Duo and gave it to the braided pilot. "I found it
on Heero's bed. It's for you."
Duo quickly tore the envelope and took out
the paper inside. As he read through the words, Duo felt wave after wave of pain
stab his heart and regretted every harsh word he had said.
Duo, I know
you feel disgusted and hate
me. But at least please read this letter.
With this letter, I want to tell you what
I can't say
verbally.
Akuma
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