Letters to Sean 
Letters From
Mommy
Dear Sean,
My darling boy, I miss you so much. Sean you were,
and are, special to all of us. It was our wish that you would grow up for all of us
to see but, for some reason that was not meant to be. The loss of our precious angel
has shocked all of your family. We had such wonderful dreams for you. Aunt
Christina couldn't wait to be the "cool" aunt for you and to shower all of her
love onto you. All of your grandparents, you are the first grandchild, had so many
plans on spoiling you. Daddy and I couldn't wait for you to be here. I
remember saying, "When our baby is ...........we will..........," we had
so many different plans filling those blanks. I remember dreaming about holding you
in my arms.
I just wanted to let you know, you are our special little
angel, Sean. No one could, or ever will, replace you in our hearts. Daddy is
so sure that you watch over us each and every day. He believes the wind is you
embracing him, just the same way he wished to embrace you. I believe the wind is
your soft kisses being placed on my cheeks and lips. We love you and look forward to
the day we can once again hold you in our arms.
Love,
Mommy
Darling Sean,
I miss you. I wish you were here with me right now.
Today is Thanksgiving, and you were suppose to be here to show off to the family
and for us all to give love. It hurts beyond anything I have ever felt before.
I see all of my family cooing over Lexi, and you should be here to be cooed over.
I still don't understand why you can't be here with us.
Your daddy has mentioned going home early because I am
hurting so much. I wanted to treat today like any other day. If it wasn't a
special day, then maybe, just maybe, the hurt wouldn't be so bad. It didn't work out
that way.
I spent time talking with my grandma and Aunt Janna. Grandma lost a
little boy when she had him 3 months premature. Aunt Janna has miscarried two
babies. I think they understand me better than anyone else.
I wondered if maybe you had met Jay Lance and the two
babies Janna had. Maybe you are all friends and you are playing together. I
like to think of you being taken care of by family members up there. A lot of women
who have lost their babies have a belief, and I believe it to. We believe that when
we mothers and fathers meet, that all of our children meet each other and become friends,
too.
I love you Sean! I hope you are well loved and happy
in heaven. I am sure you are.
Love,
Mommy
Dearest Sean,
I wish you were here. I want my baby boy so bad.
By now you would be 4 1/2 months old. Christmas was so hard for your daddy
and me. I just kept thinking that you should be getting your first Christmas
presents. Every where I went I thought of you. There were very, very few
moments that we weren't thinking of our angel. I wonder what you are doing.
Do you like it up there? I hope they are taking care of you and giving you lots and
lots of love.
While we were home for Christmas, Daddy and I went to look
at your memorial stone. It was precious, but they made a mistake on it, so we are
having them fix it. I want it to be as perfect as possible for you.
It seems like everyone we know are having babies. I
can't help but be envious of them. They get to hold their babies in their arms and
shower love upon them. Why does it seem like everyone else is having babies, and we
can't have ours? What did I do so wrong that I can't have my darling angel with me?
I love you! Watch over Daddy and me. We need
all the love you can shower down to us from heaven.
Love,
Mommy
Dearest Sean,
Sometimes I think my sorrow for you is getting worse. I feel
like I can never be happy again. My heart aches to have you near me, but I will
never be able to cure that ache here on Earth. I was only able to hold you once
during your brief life, and every moment I wish for another chance.
It never entered my mind that I wouldn't be able to hold you alive
again. I cherish that special time spent with you. I have dreams of that time.
It was like you, Daddy, and I were in our own little world. Alone together
with Daddy.
Sometimes, I think of you buried in that cold ground, and it tears
me up. I have to remind myself that you really aren't there. You are
up in heaven with some people that love you very much.
Daddy and I are trying to make a little sister or brother for you
to watch over, but so far, we don't have one for you. This saddens me even more.
I need your help to get through this. I wish there was some way that I could
be sure you are watching over us.
Sean, I miss you so much. I love you!
Love,
Mommy
Letters from Grandma Alice
Dearest Sean,
One week ago today I was one of the happiest people in the world
because you were on your way into it. Before the day was over I was one of the
saddest, angriest people in the world because you had to leave it. I am so very sad
that I didn't get to really meet you and hold you while you were still with us.
I think you and I would have become great friends. You would
have been the first little boy in my family, so that would have taken some getting use to.
But, we would have had a lot of fun times together.
I am so sorry that you didn't get to stay with your mommy and
daddy, because you were getting the two best parents in the whole world. You were
and always will be, your daddy's pride and joy and your mommy's little boy.
I am so glad that I got to see you and hold you at the hospital. I know you are
in heaven and if you have any pull there, use it to heal the broken hearts you have left
behind. Not only your mommy and daddy, but also Aunts Christina, Samantha, Laverne
and all your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins need all the help you can send.
I love you Sean!
Grandma Alice
Dearest Sean,
I am missing you very much. Every time I go out Christmas
shopping I see things I would have wanted to give you. I think of you everyday,
Sean. On Christmas Day you will be there with us in our thoughts. I only wish
you would be there in reality.
They put up your stone on Friday Dec. 11th. I went out to
see it before I went down to see your mommy and daddy for the weekend. It looks very nice, but only if it
hadn't been necessary. I worry about how our Christmas will be, because I know your
mommy and daddy will be hurting so much. So will Aunt Christina and I. We went
and put some pretty red flowers on your grave, and Aunt Christina put on some pretty bows
on it, too. Grandma Brenda had already put on a wreath and some candy
canes for you.
I wish Grandma Peery and Grandma Hale were still here so I could
ask them how they felt when Jay Lance died. Sometimes I think I am fine, but other
times I miss you so much. Please ask Jesus to send us some comfort.
Love,
Grandma Alice
A Poem for Sean
by Daddy
You came into my heart,
You brought me so much joy,
You were the focus of every thought,
You were my darling baby boy.
I planned your future days,
As a carefree father will,
Thinking of all the ways,
We could, the endless hours, fill.
But things were not the best,
My plans would come to naught.
You could not pass the test,
And see what I had bought.
I love you little boy,
Though you left me that same day.
I bought you that little toy,
And left it where you lay.
