Once there lived a mighty fine character named Billy. He was an octopus of enormous size, and was the king of the sea world. Everyone found him quite interesting and so they all decided to write a story about him one day. Once they got as far as saying who he was, they realized that he was not all that interesting after all, and really they ought to be writing about other things. That is precisely why this story is not about him, to the slightest extent. When things come of age, they die. This is a simple statement, which all readers should understand. Sometimes they die because of natural causes, and sometimes not. There are several classic endings, such as murder, drug abuse, and having anvils dropped on your head repeatedly. But the unnatural endings of life make no impact on the outcome of the story, or the meaning of the statement by which it was begun, in that the sentence refers directly to dying of age. Well one day this very thing happened. Old Deuteronomy flat out died. He was a cat who had lived one too many lives in succession, I suppose. Of course this upset the rest of the tribe quite the amount. It would not have been quite so significant had it been longer before the Jellicle Ball. But it was in fact, a few hours before the Ball. The cats realized that something had to be done, and quickly. So they all sat there, and some of them left. Finally, concluding that it was the only proper thing to do, they decided to vote on a new Jellicle leader. Now everyone knows whom the most likely candidate would be. It would have to be Munkustrap. But of course this was not the case. Just as Munkustrap was about to take his place as leader, Macavity ate him. "That wasn't a very nice thing to do!" Jemima scolded. "You give him back this instant!" Mungojerri yelled. "I like cheese!" Jellylorum offered. This for some reason frightened Macavity and he ran away promtly. "Well, now we need a NEW Jellicle leader, again!" Mistoffelees complained. "Hey Jellicle cats!" Grizzabella peeked around the corner. "I'm afraid I left my muffins in the car. I thought it was the oven." "Too late. I found them." Bustofer Jones shouted through the trunk of the car. "Oh darn you mean old kitties! I'll get you for this!" Grizzabella threatened. "Oh, go to the vet, Grizzabella!" Shouted Rumpleteazer. "Now cats, we have to vote, again!" "If you're so smart, you be the Jellicle leader, Rumpleteazer!" Grizzabella hissed. "I will then!" Rumpleteazer yelled and, forgetting entirely about the vote, took over. "Now, let's get ready for the Jellicle ball everybody!" "But who said you were the Jellicle leader?" Exotica frowned. "Don't question the Jellicle leader!" Rumpleteazer screamed. "Now, put on a little play for me!" This startled the cats quite a bit, but they tried as hard as they could to improvise without Munkustrap. Gus tried to take over his lines. "The Pekes and the Pollicles everyone knows are proud and implacable passionate foes. It is always the same wherever one goes. And the Pug and the Poms all though most people say that they… Hey it's an imaginary me! Come here Firefrofiddle!" "There he goes chasing imaginary hims about the junkyard again." Jellylorum smacked him on the head. "You look like an idiot, Gus!" "Stop this havoc! I order you! I am the Jellicle leader!" Rumpleteazer tried to grab their attention, but it was hopeless. "Stop the violence, dude! Plant a tree! Peace, man!" Ademetus yelled at the top of his lungs. But just then Macavity reappeared and ate him as well. "We really must do something about him." Victoria noted, dodging a projectile Bustofer Jones. "Don't throw Bustofer Jones at me!" she called, seeing Bombalurina cracking up in a corner. "Pay attention to me!" The Rum um Tugger snapped! "I'm a stud! I'm cool!" Upon not receiving his request, he tried to dance, but pulled a muscle and ended up looking like he was dying. "Spasm kitty!" Shouted Bombalurina, laughing. "Attention everyone! Let's move on to a different part of the play, please?" Rumpleteazer clapped her hands, getting attention. "Quack!" "Quack!" "Quack!" "Quack Quack!" "Quack!" "Quack!" "Quack!" "We're dogs, not ducks!" Jemima said, frowning. "But I don't like dogs, and I'm the Jellicle leader!" Rumpleteazer proclaimed. "Until you could hear then all over the park!" Gus sung. "Meow!" Interupted The Rum Tum Tugger. "Go beg for attention somewhere else!" Mistoffelees said smartly. "But my ego feeds on it!" He whined. Bombalurina decided now would be the perfect time to throw Bustofer Jones at Victoria again, and so she did. "Stop throwing Bustofer Jones at me! It's irritating!" Victoria screamed. "Enough! We will move on! Dance!" Rumpleteazer ordered. So the cats began dancing. It all went fine until Mistoffelees spun around one too many times, and passed out. A group of cats gathered around him to see if they could tell how he made sparks. "I give up! Put that cat somewhere and move on!" Well, this would have been just how things went if Bombalurina hadn't thrown Bustofer Jones at Victoria again. "I said stop throwing him at me! I've had just about enough of you, Bustofer Jones!" She said and threw him out of the junkyard. Grizzabella came back just then and began throwing muffins at everyone. This upset them all and so Rumpleteazer took matters into her own hands, and ascended to the Heaviside Layer, where she never had to deal with cats again, and spent most of her days being dead.
