Due to some mature content, younger veiwers should consult parents permission before viewing.

The wise parent doesn’t just seek to raise good children. The wise parent seeks to raise Godly children. The wise parent seeks to raise Godly children whose lives are deeply committed to the Lord Jesus Christ. Luke chapter 1 verses 16 & 17 gives us the most essential ingredient of all in raising Godly children. Verse 16 tells us that John the Baptist turned many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. Then at the end of verse 17 it tells us that John did something that is absolutely necessary to get young people prepared for God to work in their lives.

What was this powerful thing that John did? John the Baptist, under a mighty anointing similar to that which was upon Elijah the prophet, was able to get parents to knit their hearts with children so that the children in turn would surrender their hearts to their parents. “And he (John the Baptist) shall go before him (Jesus) in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just.” That is the essential ingredient in raising Godly children. It is more important than teaching obedience, and that is important. It is more important then teaching respect, and that too is vitally important. It is every bit as important as protecting a child from evil, and that is incredibly important! A key word in verse 17 is that word “just”. A “just” parent is able to get and keep their child’s heart. With that relationship as a basis, the parent is then able to teach, correct, chasten, and discipline a naturally disobedient child until they become obedient. Think carefully with me here. What parent who has their child’s heart would not want to help their child make important decisions? And what child who has invested their heart with their parents would not want their parent’s help in making whatever decisions they have to make? A child who has given their heart to their parents is naturally going to want to know, “What do my parents think about this situation?” Is there a Biblical example of a parent/child relationship where key decisions were made jointly? Yes there is. In John 5:19 Jesus said, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He seeth the Father do.” John 5:30 says, “I can of mine own self do nothing... I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.”

What is the most important decision of human life outside of salvation? I think the answer is clearly that of finding God’s choice for a mate. Can you name anything that has the impact on a human life that that decision has? I heard a while back what I thought was a humorous story. A Pastor said to a lady, “Can you take a joke?” The lady replied, “Yes I can.” The Pastor said, "That’s wonderful. I now pronounce you husband and wife!" I’ve seen some young people who were dating, and frankly, when you looked at everything that was involved, their relationship looked like a joke. And one that wasn’t very funny at that. I’ve seen some young men and women who were engaged, and I thought, “This can’t be happening; this is a joke.” But it wasn’t a joke. I’ve witnessed some weddings. And I wouldn’t have said anything audibly for the world! But I couldn’t help but think to myself as I sat looking on: “If this weren’t a wedding, it would be a joke!” So what’s wrong? When relationships are superficial, and commitments are shallow, and marriages are shaky, and divorce is nearly as common as marriage, and adultery is just another “life style”. What is wrong? Isn’t it time that someone stopped and analyzed the situation and said seriously, “What is happening around us? What’s going on?” Could it be that much of the blame for many of these problems should be laid at the feet of an unscriptural, 20th Century, American phenomenon called DATING? According to one encyclopedia article I read, “Dating came into prominence in this century on the heels of the women’s rights movements, the growth of cities, [that is, city life versus country life], the decline of strong parental authority, the advent of the automobile, and the less modest clothing of young ladies.” Isn’t it interesting how the historian who wrote that article viewed the origin of dating? I believe that, if you can keep an open mind long enough to analyze dating with me, you will agree with me that this deeply ingrained custom of ours is not God’s best. In fact, there are some serious problems with dating. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT IS WRONG WITH DATING?

1- It either deletes or dilutes parental involvement.

I could probably even say that dating deletes or dilutes parental authority! Now since words mean different things to different people, allow me to define my terms. I’m aware that someone could be doing the right thing, and still be calling it dating. Here’s the way I define dating: An unbiblical custom that grows out of the boyfriend/girlfriend concepts of our day. A boy and a girl who are interested in each other cultivate that interest by planning special times they can be together, often alone. I believe that most of you would agree with me that that is a fairly accurate definition of dating as we see it in our day. So what happens when parents find out that their son or daughter is liking someone whom they cannot approve as acceptable. Then parents are no longer wise authority figures, but instead are viewed as ignorant busybodies who don’t really understand what’s going on and are poking their noses where they don’t belong. I read a newspaper article awhile back. It was entitled, “Dating’s Kid Stuff.” An eleven year old boy announced to his mother that he had a date to take his girlfriend to the theater to see a movie. Note the underlying thinking here. As soon as a child, whatever age they may be, begins to think of dating, they think of it as their area, and not their parents’. It is an area that is typically viewed by young people as being “off limits” for parents. And the age doesn’t seem to matter -- eleven years old, fourteen years old, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, twenty, or whatever age it may be. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2- Dating exposes young people to some terrible dangers.

Let me list some of those dangers for you.

(1) Dating is a threat to purity.

What do I mean by that? I mean very simply that it is dangerous for two young people to be alone together. Of course that’s a common occurrence in our day. It’s very much just the accepted thing that people do. Do I have scripture for my position? Yes I do! Romans 13:14 says, “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh.” In the Lord’s prayer, Jesus also said that we should pray, “Lead us not into temptation.” Something that we should be praying every day is that the Lord would lead us away from temptation. In Matthew 26:41 Jesus said, “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Let me tell you something about your flesh: YOUR FLESH IS WEAK! You say, “I’m a dedicated Christian.” That’s wonderful! I’m glad you are. YOUR FLESH IS WEAK! You say, “I love the Lord; I go to Church; I read the Bible.” I’m glad you do. I hope you grow in the Lord. I hope you become mighty in spirit. I hope you do wonderful things for God. YOUR FLESH IS WEAK. You will never grow spiritually to the place that you can trust the flesh. I’ve had people say, “Bro. Davis, you mean you don’t trust your daughters?” Oh, but I do trust my daughters! I would trust my daughters with my life in a moment. I’m sure I would die for them. I think they would die for me. Do I trust my daughters’ flesh? No, I don’t trust their flesh. My first son-in-law is named Daniel. I watched him while he and my daughter were in a special betrothing relationship before they got married. I think he wondered sometime if I was going to follow him around AFTER he and Dawn got married! (Incidentally, just in case you’re wondering, I didn’t.) But Daniel might have thought that because I was SO protective BEFORE they were married. Either myself or some other adult was with them all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. I MEAN ALL THE TIME!

Daniel was twenty-three and Dawn was nineteen at the time. You say, “They were adults. Couldn’t they be trusted?” Sure they could be trusted. But not their flesh. You don’t trust the flesh. It’s not wise to trust the flesh! A fellow had a son who was upset when his father would not permit him to go out alone in a car with a girl. The boy said, “What’s wrong Dad, don’t you trust me?” His dad replied, “In a car, alone, at night, with a girl? I wouldn’t trust me, son, why should I trust you?” Amen!

A girl’s parents were leaders in their church. When she hit thirteen, the parental rule rolled right into place: No dating before sixteen. Then in the spring of ninth grade at the age of fourteen she begged her Mom and Dad to let her go out with a boy who had just turned sixteen, had his driver's license, and was going to be moving away. An hour and a half of time away from the house seemed logical and safe. Surely there wouldn’t be any problem with that. The boy’s family were members of the same church. He was regularly involved with youth activities. What could possibly go wrong? It was an hour and a half that had not ended years later. The teens got sexually involved in that time away from their parents. Probably no one will ever know everything that happened, but everything changed. The girl was shattered, humiliated, and confused. She got home and blurted out everything to her mother. (Which is what she should have done.) The boy, confronted by his own mother after a phone call from the girl’s parents, admitted what happened, and then exploded with these words, “Momma, that girl is nothing but a slut and a whore.” Thus two young lives were irreparably damaged for the rest of their earthly stay. And those hurts would not have had to be if someone had realized that dating is a threat to purity. One hundred million dollars were spent in the State of Illinois in a previous eight year period to combat teenage pregnancy. When they got done they did a little research and found out they couldn’t tell it had done any good at all. Why? Because they’re going the wrong way about it. You can spend all the money you want to trying to correct the problem of teenage pregnancy. But as long as you continue in a society saying, “We have no problem with our boys and girls spending time together alone--we trust them,” then you’re going to continue to have teenage unwed mothers. Think about the examples that are given to us in the Bible--Noah, Judah, Samson, and David. If you can’t trust the flesh of a man after God’s own heart like David, then how can you trust the flesh of a teenager? (over) If you can’t trust the flesh of a judge of Israel like Samson then how can you trust the flesh of a teenager? The statistics say that one out of four University girls are involved in date rape. Notice the term -- “DATE Rape.” Do you really think that date rape would ever occur if parents were present?! I could add here that some people are still technically virgins, but that’s all. They’ve already necked, petted, and done everything but totally lose their purity. I cringe at the thought of how many more sweet, godly, dedicated Christian boys and girls are going to have to lose their virtue before pastors and parents and churches wake up and realize that dating is a threat to purity.

(2) Dating is a threat to emotional stability.

Here’s what I mean by that: Dating, by it’s very nature, promotes feelings of rejection and low self-esteem. What happens when everybody has a boyfriend except your daughter? How does she feel? What happens when everybody has a date, young man, except you? What happens to the young man when the girl turns him down when he asks for a date? It’s amazing to me how young people begin to relate to this message on this point! Do you know why? Because I’m talking about real inner pain! Even mature adults have trouble dealing with rejection. How much more dangerous is it for teenagers whose emotions are not yet fully mature! I’m thinking right now about a twelve year old girl who had a crush on a boy. He liked another girl. Because of her feelings of rejection, this girl accused the boy and his friend of raping her. They were arrested and put in jail. One of them faced charges that would have kept him in jail until thirty years of age. The other faced charges that would have kept him in jail until twenty one years of age. Then the girl realized what a mess she had gotten herself into and admitted it was all false. She was then arrested and put in a juvenile detention center. Her parents were told, “Either you’ll find a permanent place for her or we will.”

I’m thinking of a seventeen year old boy who was at a public high school with his girlfriend. She broke up with him and walked away with another boy. The seventeen year old boy, stung by feelings of rejection, went home, pulled out a shotgun, put it in his mouth, and blew his brains out. I’m saying that dating is a threat to emotionally stability. In May of 1992 a fourteen year old boy stood in a high school in Oklahoma City, pulled out a gun, and shot a seventeen year old boy in the head. It was over a . . . girl. Here’s what he said. “If I hadn’t shot him in the head then he might have shot me. Besides, that’s the way they do it on TV.”

•In February of 1994 I heard a news broadcast that said Atlanta Police were looking for a twelve year old girl accused of shooting a thirteen year old girl in the neck over a boy.

•In Hillsboro, Missouri: “The uncle of a 14-year-old girl accused of stabbing her mother to death with a kitchen knife said she was angry at her parents for trying to keep her from her boyfriend.”

•In St. Louis: “An 18-year-old high school girl was sentenced to life in prison for the shooting death of her ex-boyfriend in a school hallway after he dumped her about two weeks before the shooting.”

•In Peoria, IL., a 19-year-old man was sentenced to 52 years in prison for the execution-style shooting of a 15-year-old in a dispute over a girl.

(3) Dating is a threat to spiritual growth.

There is really no other time in a person’s life when spiritual growth is as important as the time of youth. The Bible specifically spells that out in Ecc. 12:1 when it says, “Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth.” Youth is THE time for young people to be growing in the Lord, thinking about God, and building their faith and trust in God. But have you noticed that once young people get involved in the dating game, everything else seems to take a back seat? The boyfriend/girlfriend game becomes an all-consuming passion. Boys will talk about how cute a girl is. And sometimes even “Christian” boys will talk about what they’ve done or wish they could do with some young lady. Girls will have other girls over to “spend the night.” Then all night long they will talk about the. . . Lord? No! All night long they talk about boys, boys, boys! Dating is a threat to spiritual growth. (over)

(4) Dating is a threat to spiritual fellowship.

You’ve seen what I’m about to describe. You’ve had this in your church. And I don’t know that you have; I just know that you have. Do you know what I mean by that? I mean I don’t know of any churches that have been around for a while that haven’t had this. I’m talking about divisions in a youth group because Johnny used to like Susie, but now he likes Sally. Well, that was last week he liked Sally. This week he likes Susie again. And now there are conflicts between Sally and Susie because of what is going on. But that’s not all. The whole youth group has chosen sides. And you think the Civil War was a bloody war? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Oh, we were talking about spiritual growth, weren’t we? That’s the point! There is no spiritual growth as long as there are divisions! Then sometimes the parents of these squabbling teens get involved. Talk about battles REALLY getting bloody! And these things don’t just happen with Johnny, Susie, and Sally. Sometimes it also happens with Henrietta and Esmerelda and Herman!

(5) Dating is a threat to future happiness.

Dating is a threat to future happiness because many times young people prematurely give their emotions to someone who is not God’s choice for their life’s mate. Perhaps you’re thinking:, “Well, you know it’s just emotions.” But shouldn’t emotions be kept for that person you marry as well if possible? Have you seen the stress that a concerned parent goes through when their child develops a serious relationship with the wrong person? and that child is so crazy in love that they lose all good sense? Have you seen that?! It has happened, and it is happening. A person’s emotions can get so involved that their mind and will don’t function properly anymore. Glenn Michaelis wrote this: “Dating is like a princess going through the woods kissing frogs in hopes of finding a prince. She may find a prince. But most likely she’ll grow to like kissing frogs so much she’ll end up marrying one.” (over) You can develop too serious a relationship with the wrong person OR you can develop a serious relationship TOO SOON with the right person. Here’s a young person at 15 or 16 and they’re dating the one who IS God’s choice for their life’s mate. After a few months they’re really close and both of them feel like they’re ready to get married. That DOES HAPPEN! So now what are they going to do? Are they going to get married? Are they going to break up? Some of the most Godly young people I’ve known over the years have lost their purity because of the pressure of a situation like the one I just described for you.

(6) Dating is a threat to having a strong, happy marriage.

Most couples who go through the dating game and then get married have to live with all the huggin’ and kissin’ and who knows what else that went on with who knows who all. Did you ever think that God didn’t make a dozen girls for Adam to have a good time with before he married Eve? Dating is dangerous. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3- Dating involves deceitfulness.

To put it simply, young people will often put on a “front”, trying to impress their date and get them to “like” them. Have you ever seen that? Have you ever seen a girl with a rotten attitude who all at once becomes incredibly sweet? Did you ever see a boy who is so disrespectful to his Momma that it is absurd? Then all at once he is so nice and kind and gentle and sweet and respectful How many girls act the same way around their date that they act around their Dad? Here’s Johnny coming over to Susie’s house to pick her up for a date. Johnny doesn’t hear the conversation, but just before he gets there Susie and her Dad are “having it out.” Dad says, "Susie, you ARE going to be home at 10:30." Susie sasses back, "Dad, nobody but nerds get home at 10:30. (over) You’re being ridiculous and unfair as usual.” Then there comes a knock on the door. And with sugar and spice and everything nice Susie croons, “Oh Johnny, so glad you’re here. I’ll be ready in just a minute. Dad and I were just having a little conversation. Hee, hee, hee.” Who is the real girl? Would the real Susie please stand up? The real girl was the one sassing her Dad! And if Johnny marries her he’ll find it out. Since both of these people are putting on a front, they both wind up with someone different than they thought they were getting. How many times have you heard a statement like this: “Well, he’s just not the same person I married!"? It’s like some people marry two people: the person they THINK they’re marrying, and the person they REALLY marry. Everyone is looking for an IDEAL. But instead they marry a RAW DEAL. Now their marriage is an ORDEAL, and they’re looking for a NEW DEAL. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4- Dating is not Biblical.

It is not found in the Bible, in either Word, Example, or Principle. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5- Dating violates several key Biblical principles.

(1)The motive is wrong.

What is a proper Biblical motive? A proper Biblical motive is to give of yourself -- to serve others. The motive of dating is self-indulgence -- to have a good time. Did you know that the person who doesn’t NEED to get married makes a better mate than one who feels like they “just have to get married.” You see, the person who HAS to get married will sap a relationship dry. The person who doesn’t NEED to get married, but recognizes that it is God’s will and is willing to give of themself is more likely to be able to build a strong marriage. They’ll keep putting things into the marriage, so that there is always plenty to be drawn out.

(2) The goal of dating is wrong.

The goal is pleasure instead of commitment. I read where one preacher said, “If it’s just the company of the opposite sex you’re after and not sexual stimulation, then hold your sister’s hand!”

(3) The idea of dating is wrong.

The idea is to trust human nature. I want to tell you, there will never be a time in your life when you can trust human nature. Even wise adults build walls around their lives. Anyone who trusts the flesh will eventually wind up in trouble.

(4) The results are wrong.

Take a good look at the results of dating all around us -- the hurts and the pain and the heartache and the loss of purity and the destruction of marriages and homes. Whenever you examine the fruit of something Godly it is always good fruit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

6- Dating follows no Biblical Pattern.

There were many man and women in the Bible who got married, but none of them dated. Check it out. You just don’t have dating in the Bible. It follows no Biblical Pattern. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7- Dating is a Proven Failure Historically and Socially.

Up until a few decades ago, you would’ve been hard pressed to find anything like dating anywhere in the world, including the United States of America. In the past three years I visited both Papua, New Guinea and Guyana, South America. The missionaries in both of those countries told me that dating is not practiced in either of their countries. Occasionally, however, the influence of the United States will come through and a couple will try dating. It’s interesting that missionaries in both countries told me the same thing: “Couples who ‘date’ here almost always start living together without getting married.” “But Bro. Davis, dating is such a wonderful thing!” Really? It reminds me of what General Schwartzkopf said when he was asked what he thought about Saddam Hussein as a military man. Do you remember what he said? “Well, he’s neither a strategist, nor is he a tactician, nor is he a General, nor is he a soldier. Other than that, he’s a great military man. I want you to know that.” Dating is really wonderful, isn’t it? It ruins parent-child relationships. It isn’t safe for childrens’ purity. It fosters rejection and emotional instability. It stunts spiritual growth. It destroys spiritual fellowship. It damages future happiness. It undermines strong marriages. It violates Biblical Principles. It follows no Biblical Pattern. It is a historical and social fluke. It is perpetuating all kinds of problems. And outside of that, I want you to know, dating is a great thing! You would be hard pressed to find any person who follows the world’s traditional dating patterns who does not have some scars as a result. You say, “Bro. Davis, aren’t you preaching something “new” and “unusual” and “unique” and “different” when you preach about something besides dating? No, if you look in the Bible there is something that is 6,000 years old. Dating is the “new kid on the block.” And he’s not a nice guy either. In fact, he’s a bully. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright 1995 - S.M. Davis
(NOT associated with this newsletter)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GO TO PART 2!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~