10. New numbering scheme. Instead of Windows95, it is now
Windows 3.1.pl95.
9. His wife says he's wild in bed now. He is tossing and turning
in his sleep, not just laying there.
8. Microsoft's headquarter moves to Finland.
7. Window's performance is now measured in BogoGPF's.
6. Bill's consulting with his lawyers on whether or not they could
defeat the GPL.
5. 1995 is here. Linux is here. Something isn't.
4. Flowers sent to Janet Reno with a note saying "What's a little
anti-trust between friends."
3. Renames Star Wars action figures as "Bill Skywalker" and "Darth Torvalds".
2. Whenever someone asks him about Windows, all he can say is "X"
1. He sent Linus the source for Windows95 with a note that says
"HELP ME SAVE MY ASS!"
10. Minix on steroids
9. That way cool program by that finnish dude
8. Linux - it can help you to pick up chicks
7. Linux - it's what Judge Lance Ito runs on his notebook
6. Hey - with 90 patch levels, you know it's gotta be good
5. IP Spoofing without the price of the big unix systems
4. Like the Microsoft ads: The stuff we build is powerful...but ours works.
3. Thousands have used Linux to up their systems productivity. Up yours!
2. EuroUnix
1. Hey Windows - Bite me!
10. UseNet access to a.b.p.e and a.s.s for Sen. Packwood
9. Hillary can keep track of who's called her a bitch.
8. Bill can tell Newt off via the anonymous re-mailer, before
senate legislation makes it illegal.
7. Pentium and the Federal budget - perfect together.
6. Emacs: big, much more than needed, considered by many to
be a waste of resources. Congress...nuff said.
5. Can control Chelsie's robot - Al Gore.
4. Reno bring Microsoft up on charges without fear of
losing MS tech support.
3. Dan Quayle in '96 - ispell in 96
2. IP sniffer so the different branches of the government can
entrap each other.
1. 3 words - e-mail for Socks.
10. Trojan for making it possible to insert modules without fear of viruses.
9. Whatever beer it was that helped Linus through those long nights.
8. Ziff-Davis publishing for covering the Linux phenomenon, and not
vaporware like Windows95.
7. Turner communications for the colorized version of ls.
6. Pepsi - the other choice of a gnu generation.
5. Whoever sold Linus his computer back in Jan 91 - thank goodness
it wasn't Apple.
4. Fosters Lager, for helping me come up with this crap.
3. Penthouse Video for the man pages the following binaries:
unzip, strip, touch, finger,
mount, gasp, yes, umount, and sleep.
2. We'd like to thank the academy, Robert Zemekis for making this
movie, and Tom Hanks for starring in it. (Whoops)
1. Even though we didn't need it, Microsoft for making us look so
damn good.
10. Hey Bill, you've got to see this Linux thing - a working 32-bit
operating system - it can be done!
9. Hey, when Gates promises us the new version of Windows in the
fall at Comdex 96, he'll have said the same thing three
years in a row.
8. $4 for a dry muffin and soda...I must have died and gone to the
movies.
7. Wow, a vendor showing full motion video - that's original.
6. I find it odd that these 50 year old MIS directors know the secret
codes for DOOM.
5. What company is sponsering the shuttles to the Chettah Club this
year?
4. Wow...look at all the lunch seating in the CNN Center.
3. Do the microsoft reps chanting "Buy Buy Buy" remind anymone of the
cops at freaknik saying "Move Move Move"?
2. I got this over at the Penthouse/Omni magazine joint booth - go figure.
1. 11 am, I think I've seen enough for this year.
Some notes for out of towners:
10. When asked how to pronounce Linux, he says Buttafucco.
9. Is accepting patches from Microsoft.
8. Has a gambling pool on how many patch level's 1.3 will have.
7. Is rewriting parts of the kernel in APL ( - for perfomance reasons.)
6. Is now drinking non-alcoholic beer.
5. Next platform to port to : Coleco Adam
4. Only will speak at a conference if he's allowed to streak.
3. He actually reads comp.os.linux.advocacy
2. He actually thought he stood a chance of getting tickets and a cheap
hotel room for the 1996 olympics
1. He now accepts any patch, in line with his new motto:
"Linux is like a Microsoft operating system, you
never know quite what you're gonna get."
-Linus Gump
10.Your father-in-law asks what kind of beer you want, and
you say Virtual.
9.Friends talk about X rated movies and you ask them what release
they are running.
8.You hear about the OJ trial, and wonder if Minute Made or Tropicana
is the one being sued.
7.Your bookshelf looks like an O'Rielly and Associates warehouse.
6.You have Mark Horton's Infomagic number on Speed Dial.
5.You actually find these top ten lists funny.
4.You sons name is Lilo.
3.When asked what kind of Wine you want with dinner, you give a patch level.
2.You know what I'm referering to if I say "Sucks Raw Eggs."
1.currently missing
In putting this together it was hard to discard the ones that would have worked while we were waiting for Win95 like, Rosanne Cash's "Somewhere, sometime", Bob Marley's "Waiting in Vain" and Phil Collins "We Wait & We Wonder". It was also easy to ignore the obvious like REM's "End of the World as we know it" and Slayer's "Angel of Death", and Niel Young's "Piece Of Crap"
10. David Bowie - Time Will Crawl
9. Hawkwind - We Took The Wrong Turn Years Ago
8. Styx - The Grand Illusion
7. Metallica - The Thing That Should Not Be
6. Stevie Nicks - Long Way To Go
5. Pink Floyd - High Hopes
4. Billy Joel - Shameless
3. Beatles - Fixing a Hole
2. John Lennon - Imagine
1. Anything by "Crash Test Dummies"