Three Dimwits

THREE DIMWITS

Membership: Blinky, Noddy, Winky

Base of Operations: Keystone City, Kansas, 1940s era

First Appearance: All-Flash Comics #5 (Summer, 1942)

History: (All-Flash Comics #6) - The Dimwits tried to get a job as bodyguards for underworld figure Big Louie, but he saw them as a joke, and kicked them out of his office. They then tried to get a gig as hired muscle for the murderous Trigger Tom. He was amused by their ridiculous “tough guy” routine and hired them as a goof. They blew their shot with Tom by leading the chief of the F.B.I. straight to his door, claiming they had kidnapped him. The three Dimwits were worried about starving, so they opened up a business as personality psychologists, figuring they could use their insights into the human condition to build an invention to help people build personalities. They were armed with only a sunlamp and a battery, but figured great inventors had started with less. The battery was out of juice, so Winky went to a druggist and asked for his cheapest “juice.” The druggist unloaded all his excess out-of-date inventory, but by a billion to one shot the chemical composition of the drugs actually had the ability to switch the personalities of anyone put under the Dimwits’ sun lamp. They successfully switched the personalities of great actress Sarah Norheart and aspiring actress and current nobody Ida White, both of whom hoped for a life like the other had. After accidentally transferring the personalities of a cop and two criminals they attracted the attention of the Flash. Flash was amazed by their invention, but worried about the implications of its use. He watched them use it on a husband and wife, and a socialite and chauffer, and decided that he had no right to interfere in other people’s decisions to alter their personalities, but the Personality Ray still didn’t sit right with him. Big Louie and Trigger Tom suddenly regretted turning down the Three Dimwits as hired help, and tried to recruit them. Flash sent them scurrying, and warned the Dimwits to stop getting mixed up in criminal enterprises. He sent them on a lecture tour at Columbine University, NYC to keep them occupied. Their lecture was interrupted by their clients, all of whom had decided that the grass was not greener. Louie and Tom took the opportunity of the distraction to steal the Personality Ray. Flash, caught them, but worried he’d have to keep watching over the Dimwits his entire life, so he had his civilian identity’s girlfriend Joan Williams lend him her social case Red Grant, who operated the Personality Ray to give the Dimwit’s a bit of Flash’s bravery, morals and courage. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what he was doing, and a full personality switch took place. Louie and Tom stole the Ray again, and switched D.A. Belmonts’ personality with Louie's’. They then switched the entire Keystone police forces’ personalities with the crooks in lockup, and set them loose on the city. Red helped switch Flash and the Dimwits back to their proper personalities, and Flash recruited the criminals of Keystone jails to jail the police that had their personalities. The Dimwits acquired a measure of bravado, and helped the Flash in his heroics. The Flash used the Personality Ray to switch everyone back to normal, and then smashed it so it could never be used for nefarious purposes again. Winky wanted to reinvent it, so the other Dimwits clobbered him, telling him it was too much of a headache.

(Flash Comics #70) - Jay Garrick, accompanied by Joan, traveled to the Barnacle Beach Summer Resort to run chemical tests on the seawater, and they ran into the Three Dimwits, who’d opened up a hot dog stand. They admitted business was poor because of how far away from the beach they were located, and they’d foolishly chosen their location so they wouldn’t have to compete with vendors on the beach. Jay mentioned that seawater contained gold, and the Dimwits decided to become prospectors, bringing pans to the seashore. Noddy fell in the water and landed on a chest full of gold, but he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings because he was panicked, so when he surfaced he assumed his pan was full of gold from the seawater. He showed his discovery to Jay, who recognized the gold pieces as belonging to a collection heisted by criminal Spots Cordon years ago. Spots had been released from prison, and planned on collecting his underwater stash, but was furious seeing Noddy with some of his coins. He threatened Noddy, but Jay went into action as the Flash. Flash fought off the crooks while the Three Dimwits fled, but the scarlet speedster slipped on a rock and cracked his head. Spots and his gang found the Dimwits hiding on their rowboat and tied them up, before boarding their scow to recover the loot. Flash recovered and sped to the scow, and when the crooks jumped overboard Flash showed them he could swim as fast as he could run and quickly knocked them all out with a few well placed punches.

(Flash Comics #72) - Joan Williams read the Three Dimwits the story of Pygmalion, and they immediately decided to carve their own statue of a woman in hopes of it coming to life and marrying them, despite Joan’s protests that Pygmalion was merely a legend. The Dimwits took a job at Ye Olde Wax Museum, and used left over wax to start their sculpture, which they named Myrtle. Flash caught Jinx, his right hand man, and his moll robbing a jewelry store, but they escaped after the moll whacked Flash with her handbag. They hid out in the wax museum, changing clothes with statues of Caesar, Napoleon and Myrtle. The Dimwits thought Caesar’s chin looked ugly, and tried to chisel it off until Jinx yelled at them. They caught Myrtle yawning, and convinced they’d brought her to life, asked her to marry all three of them. Jinx and company said they wanted to go on a night stoll, and robbed another jewelry store, telling the Dimwits it was okay, because nobody ever arrested a statue. Jay Garrick gave a lecture about the impossibility of creating artificial life, but the Dimwits interrupted him, saying they’d done just that. The crowd broke out in laughter, and Jay thanked the Dimwits for livening up his lecture, but they insisted he come to the wax museum to prove they had created life. The crooks had put the wax statues back in place and redressed them, and the unimpressed Jay said he’d see the Dimwits around. He later reconsidered because the Dimwits were always getting in improbable messes, and after changing into the Flash he saw the Dimwits leading the crooks on another night jaunt. Flash rounded up the crooks, and Jinx boasted he’d never find their stash, but Flash said crooks were never as smart as they thought they were, and easily figured out that Jinx had switched his loot with the costume jewelry and props in the wax museum.

(Flash Comics #73) - The Three dimwits invited Flash and Joan to see their new submarine, as they had decided to become undersea explorers despite knowing nothing about oceanography. Noddy showed them that it was powered by a perpetual motion device of his own invention, a generator suspended between two magnetic. Flash was incredulous at the idea of Noddy inventing a theoretically impossible device, but when they climbed aboard and started the machine it hummed to life. The sub lifted into the air and flew into space, with Flash calculating their trajectory and realizing they were headed to Mars. There was no way to stop the perpetual motion device, so once it landed on Mars Flash and company had to race outside, as the sub kept going, boring into Mars’ surface before disappearing entirely. A delegate of Martians met the dimwits, believing them to be geniuses who had discovered interplanetary travel, but their mental tests proved that the dimwits had not a brain cell amongst them. The Martians caged them and began musing that if all Earthlings were so stupid the planet would be ripe for invasion. Flash, hidden by his superspeed, whispered a plan to Noddy, who said he’d demonstrate his mental powers. Flash, still unseen because of his speed, bent the cage’s bars, and when a Martian pulled an atomic ray Flash disassembled it. Flash bowled over the Martians, who were now convinced Earthlings possessed powerful mental abilities. The sub drilled straight through Mars and emerged on the other side of the planet. Flash leapt towards it at superspeed, with his momentum dragging Joan and the Dimwits to the sub with him. The sub returned to Earth, at which point the “perpetual motion device” gave out due to air friction and fell apart.

(Flash Comics #74) - The Three Dimwits answered a help wanted ad to watch after some cats and ended up at Carl Wendt’s Cat Farm, where they learned their charges would be tigers. The dimwits tried to quit immediately, but Wendt offered them a healthy bonus. Jay Garrick and Joan Williams were on a date when the police commissioner summoned Flash, and Joan said she was used to their dates being postpones. The commissioner told Flash there was a diamond smuggling enterprise making headway into Keystone City, but customs officials couldn’t find the source. Noddy nearly got mauled by a tiger and called Joan for help. She told Flash about the Dimwits dilemma, but he said they had to get themselves out of whatever trouble they’d gotten themselves in because he was after a smuggler ring, and gave a speech about how smugglers were ruining legitimate jewelers and diamond-cutters by flooding the market. At Joan’s insistence Flash saved the Dimwits from an angry tiger and the Dimwits realized some of the cats were stuffed and filled with diamonds and other jewels. Flash realized Wendt was smuggling precious stones using stuffed mounts and made quick work of Wendt and his men. While Flash was busy delivering justice Noddy showed his pals a new trick. He stuck his head in a lion’s mouth, and it appeared that the lion then bit his head off. Noddy was pleased with his trick, showing that he could fool the lion and his pals by pulling his neck into his collar.

(Flash Comics #75) - The Dimwits practiced an off-key song celebrating their admiration of the Flash while Noddy worked on his latest invention, Rudy Th’ Robot. Blinky and Winky rightly pointed out that Noddy knew nothing about robotics and robots needed machinery to run. Noddy acknowledged the second point, but not the first and shoved every piece of machinery he had laying around into Rudy until he caused a short-circuit. Whatever he did miraculously worked, and the now activated Rudy proved capable of thought and speech and immediately started imitating the Three Dimwits, singing their new song. Jay Garrick invented an electronic borer he believed would be invaluable to construction, and drove his invention to a science fair when he spotted the Dimwits in trouble. A police officer asked them nicely to stop singing and causing a disturbance in the neighborhood, prompting Rudy to pick a fight with the cop. Jay changed into Flash and broke up the fight, convincing the officer not to arrest the dimwits, saying their robot could be a boon to mankind. Flash convinced the Dimwits to enter Rudy in the science fair. Some crooks spotted the fair, and convinced the impressionable Rudy to help them steal the electronic borer and help them rob a safe. When Flash realized his invention and Rudy were missing he pieced together what happened, and had the radio station WHEW play the Dimwit’s song. Rudy Th’ Robot paused while breaking into the safe and broke out in song, getting Flash’s attention. Flash knew Rudy wouldn’t be able to resist hearing his buddies singing. The Dimwits were awarded the booby prize for wildest invention at the science fair, a phonograph. They tried to record their song with Rudy, who finally broke down, endlessly repeating “We likes da Flash!”

(Flash Comics #78) - Jay and Joan prepared for their Halloween party with some help from the Three Dimwits. Jay cashed a check to pay for party favors when a gang of criminals robbed the bank. The crooks had been led by Brains before he was sent away, and were striking out on their own. Jay changed into the Flash and seemed to have the crooks well in hand before he ran into an exposed electrical wire and was knocked out. The crooks ran off and spotted the dimwits in their costumes, dressed as outlaws Dick Turpin, Jesse James and Captain Kidd. The crooks were convinced they were spirits raised up during Halloween, and when they were invited to Joan’s party they misinterpreted the invitation as a scheme to rob her. Flash recognized Joan’s unwelcome guests, and during the Halloween games he used the opportunity to smack them around. Brain got out of prison, and was infuriated, that his gang had taken up with the Nitwits, and knocked them cold with a slapjack. The Dimwits dreamed about imps trying to pull the tooth from a jack o’lantern, and suddenly realized what was actually going on when they woke up. They asked Flash to save the day, and he rounded up Brain and his men.

(Flash Comics #79) - Eel was released on parole, and deciding jail was for suckers he was determined to find a way to make a way by working with the law instead of against it. He met with his old gang, who lent him enough money to incorporate a new town Eeltown. He hired the Three Dimwits to serve as mayor, judge and chief of police and started posting advertisements extolling the low cost of living in Eeltown. Jay Garrick told Joan Williams he was running out of space for his lab equipment in his apartment, and Joan suggested he rent a house in Eeltown. With a number of people having moved into town eel set in motion his plan to start raking in cash. He wrote a number of ridiculous laws into the town by-laws, and had the Three Dimwits arrest a number of citizens and fine them for such violations as failure to install a telephone, failing to eat lunch at noon or not wearing a red tie on Monday. Jay changed into Flash to research the laws, and realized he couldn’t directly confront Eel and his gang because a bunch of the laws specifically targeted him such as laws against fighting or flinging people into the air. Flash caused a number of accidents like pushing one of the gang out a window, knocking a crook in the face with a door and unhitching a horse from the gang’s wagon until Eel and his crew could no longer stand living in their own town. Flash told eel the city would prosper without him and bid him goodbye.

(All-Flash Comics #25) - The Dimwits were out fishing when they encountered a mermaid snagged in a net and cut her free. She rewarded them with pieces of furniture made of gold, telling them that her people had learned how to extract the minute amount of gold found in sea water and used it for all their household itens. The dimwits were overjoyed, and she told them she’d have more gifts for them tomorrow. The Dimwits rode home with their haul, and attracted the attention of criminal Spike and his gang, who helped the boys move the furniture into their cottage so they could case the joint. The Dimwits proudly shared their story of meeting the mermaid, although the crooks were skeptical and guessed that the Dimwits were criminal masterminds. That night the Dimwits had dinner with Jay Garrick and Joan Williams, and repeated their story, only making them believe it by pulling out a golden spoon. Jay changed into Flash to check on the Dimwits cottage and found it being robbed by Spike’s hoods. He send them to jail, but the next day Spike’s mouthpiece got them out, and both they and the Flash followed the Dimwits to their rendezvous with the mermaid. Flash stopped the crooks from taking the mermaid’s gold and told the Dimwit's the U.S. government forbid citizens from hoarding gold, so they couldn’t accept any more gifts. The Dimwits paniced about going to jail, and regretfully told the mermaid they could no longer accept her generosity. Flash took Spike to prison and he tried to get back at the hero by tipping off the police about the Three Dimwits’ stash. The police investigated, but all the gold had turned to seawater. The mermaid’s process of extracting gold from water left items constructed from the process only physically stable in the sea.

Comments: Created by Gardner Fox & Everett Hibbard.

In the pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths DC Universe the Three Dimwits lived on Earth-2.

The Three Dimwits were analogs of the Three Stooges.