Scene: Evening. An Arica living room, in Marin County, replete with huge color TV and walls hung with various Arica yantras. The Velocity Couple, Honey and Dear, are seated on a large couch.
- Honey: ZZZZ
- Dear: Snarf, Z, Snork, ZZ
(The sound of gunfire from the TV brings both Honey and Dear to the edge of "waking" consciousness.)
- Ah, Uh, Eeah! What's that Honey?
- Oh nothing Dear, just some civilians being massacred in Chechnya.
- Where's that? South Dakota?
- No Dear, it's on the north side of the Caucasus Mountains, in southern Russia.
- Oh, that's nice, that must be plenty far away. Hey, wait a minute (with alarm), is that in Europe?
- Yes Dear, I think that's technically true.
- Wow, Honey, that means it might be included in the Velocity Tour. Boy will those people be surprised when we come to town.
- Yes Dear, they certainly will. Just like in Bosnia. I wonder if they have a Holiday Inn. We always want to have a nice facility.
- Oh they must Honey, otherwise Oscar wouldn't send us there.
- I guess that's true. Even though Velocity is a World-wide Monumental tour of Historic Proportions, we don't have to go to Africa, Asia or India.
- Why not?
- I don't really know, Oscar hasn't told me yet what I think about the
matter. Maybe it's because there are only four billion people living
there and mostly they don't speak English. Maybe they are not really
part of Humanity-One.
- That certainly sounds like a good enough justification.
- ZZZZZZ
- ZZZZZZ, Snark, Woonnk
- ZZZ
- Snark, Snorfel, XXXYCHZZ
(Huge Kenworth diesel lumber truck crashes through living room
between couch and TV, disappearing out through opposite wall.)
- Umh, umh, UHH! Honey, did you hear something?
- I don't think so dear, what is it?
- Well it seems cooler all of the sudden and and...there's a log on the rug!
- That certainly is peculiar, maybe it's some kind of a sign.
- That is for sure, it must be the element Wood in action.
- Say Honey?
- Yes Dear
- You remember when OSCAR SAID Arica was going to transform
human society in fiteen years, I guess He meant we Aricans would
do it all by ourselves, didn't he? I mean nobody else on the planet is
doing anything for Humanity are they?
- ZZ. Hmm. Oh yeah, now I remember, that was way back last April
wasn't it? Well he must have meant Only Us because We are The
Inevitable Historical, meaning every being must funnel through us.
- That's what I thought. But then just after the announcement, the
Historical Monument was postponed for a year. For such a
Momentous and Historical task, isn't that cutting it a little fine. I mean
fifteen years, no problem for Us, but fourteen?
- It's best not to think about such things Honey. Really, it's not
that big a planet. Besides, remember in 1971 when OSCAR SAID
We had only ten years to save the planet?
- Yeah, uh, oh that's right?
- Well the planet is still here, so We saved it, n'est-ce pas?
- I wish you wouldn't use that fancy French on me Dear, you know it affects my ulcer enneagon.
- Let's watch some more Gonvision, the new soap:
Enneagon Point 12,288 is on soon.
- Good idea. ZZZZZZ
- ZZZZZZZ
(Terrorist Atomic weapon destroys San Franciso,
"re-awakening" the Velocity Couple.)
- ZZZ, Huh!
- ZZzzz What!
- What was that?
- Did you hear something dear?
- I thought so.
- Now Dear, don't think so much, it's bad for your level. It was
probably just some kids making noise over at the Dragon Burger.
- Oh. Say Honey, while we are both semi-conscious, what about Our
Pristine Enlightement, has it been put on hold? I thought OSCAR SAID
he was going to get Us enlightened before he did any more public
trainings.
- ZZZ, Huh, Oh. Oh yeah. I thought so too. But, remember in the first Hawaii, OSCAR SAID for the first time We might be getting enlightenment in another incarnation.
- Oh, good, that will be fun. ZZZ.
- ZZZ.
- ZZZZZZZZZ
(House catches fire. Flames wrack walls. Velocity Couple barely responds.)
- Honey, Honey, wake up.
- ZZZ, Um? Yes dear?
- Say Honey, I thought I smelled something. Oh well. Honey, how are
we going to divide up the world for the Velocity Training? I mean I
know we get Europe, but what part is Oscar going to do?
- Oh Dear, why are you so forgetful. Oscar is taking the training to half the world.
- Which half is that Honey?
- Why Marin County, dear, surely you remember that.
(The ceiling and walls began to collapse. The fire continues.)
Honey, I accidently heard from a heretic that Toham Kum Rah
actually comes from the Essene tradition. Do the Essenes live
down by the Millers?
My goodness, it feels warm. No Dear, they are down Dante's Way, it's
very nice there, maybe we can move there someday, and you know
you shouldn't listen to heretics.
- I know honey, but I couldn't plug my ears fast enough and my
Mantramic Shield was low on battery power and you know I can't
wear my Aura Egg because I'm always slipping on hardwood floors with it.
- Ok, honey I'll reduce you later with a headache; but for Capon's sake don't tell anyone else, we might get involved in a Democracy Process at the Ethics Council and you know how those turn out.
- That's for sure. But still, they are SO efficient. Only one vote of 299 is needed for conviction and everything is worked out well before the trial. No interference from due process or anything of that ilk.
- That's true. It's so brilliant. I guess Oscar invented that too?
- Of course he did, Oscar invented everything, even us. All his work is totally originally copied. The EC does however, resemble the same form of process used by Stalin in the purges of the 1930's but that must just be coincidence or perhaps Stalin stole the idea from Oscar when he was just a little enlightened tyke in Bolivia. Stalin even called it democracy, just like us. Maybe we should sue him.
- HONEY, HONEY, I SEE THE LIGHT! I SEE THE LIGHT!!!
- Calm down Dear, that's just the Ultimate Guardian shining his flashlight through the window. He's checking to see we aren't being negative or anything.
- Oh, thank Toham. I like to know and have the EC know we're being good, aren't we Honey? Honey?
- ZZZZZ
- What's wrong with the TV? It's turning black. ZZZZ.
(House slowly collapses around sleeping Velocity Couple.)
return to Velocity Theatre lobby
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