Connie and Eugene finally realize that they are meant for each other. Eugene breaks up with Katrina and becomes engaged to Connie. However, when the happy couple announces their engagement, Jason realizes his own feelings for Connie (even though he’s old enough to be her father). He sabotages Eugene’s car, so he can’t see Connie any more.
Next, Katrina is furious with Eugene for dumping her. She poisons Connie’s mayonnaise, making her horribly ill. Jason rushes her to the hospital, but not before she slips into a coma. Just as the doctors are about to cut off life support, Connie sits up and professes her love for Richard Maxwell. Jason is crushed. He and Katrina join forces to get rid of Connie. As they plot together to kidnap her, they realize their feelings for each other.
Meanwhile, Eugene and Tom are working on a project to take over Odyssey. Eugene blackmails Margaret Faye with a picture of her and Harlow Doyle hugging. He threatens to send the picture to the Odyssey Times (under new management, of course!). However, Tom has second thoughts about the plot and works with Margaret to get rid of Eugene. It isn’t long before the two fall in love.
Where is Whit? Whit has been in Spain for the past month and a half, doing Jason’s job (since he evidently suffered a nervous breakdown or something). There, he falls in love with a beautiful flamenco dancer. They plan to fly back to the States and marry, but when the customs office asks her for her passport, she pulls out a gun and holds up the airport. She turns out to be Tasha Forbes!
When Jason hears about his ex’s change of heart, he is shocked. He flies to Spain to persuade her to let the hostages go – only to discover that she’s actually Molly, not Tasha. Furious with life in general, he joins a monastery in the Alps.
Katrina hears about this and flies to the monastery to get him back. On the flight to Germany, she meets a charming gentleman and falls head-over-heels in love with him. He invites her to come to his country home in England, but when she does visit him, it turns out to be – Dr. Regis Blackgaard! He locks her in her room, making her come down only to eat the stalks of his broccoli. However, she does have a friend – Sasha, the cat. Then, another surprise – when she comes downstairs, she hears a woman hugging Blackgaard and saying “Hi, Dad!” The voice sounds familiar, so she sneaks into the office, where she sees – Tasha Forbes! Tasha pulls a gun on her and demands that she tell where Eugene is.
All this time, Eugene has been secretly working on the TA-418 compound. When he discovers that Tasha has discovered that he has discovered it, he infects her with the virus. Whit rushes to his almost-daughter-in-law’s side, and realizes his profound love for her. Connie and Richard, now engaged, work feverishly to produce the antidote, which they give her just in the nick of time. Tasha (when she recovers) is so impressed that she offers them jobs with the NSA (obvious brain damage). Whit nurses her back to health, and then suddenly she turns on him, holding him at gunpoint until he tells her where he has stashed his spare copy of Applesauce.
When Jason hears that Tasha almost died, he rushes home, only to find Tasha holding his father at gunpoint. He knocks the gun out of her hand, but not before it goes off, hitting Whit in the chest. Whit slumps to the floor, half-dead. Tasha, frantic with remorse (and general nuts-i-ness), dials 9-1-1 and saves Whit’s life. However, when they get to the hospital, Eugene is waiting for them, disguised as one of the doctors. He takes Jason and Tasha aside to talk to them, and stabs them with needles full of another virus he has created. They die in each other’s arms.
Eugene feels no remorse whatsoever. In fact, he takes their bodies back to his underground laboratory under the Electric Palace. He stashes them in his trunk, but when he opens his trunk, Jason grabs his throat and holds on until Eugene passes out. He and Tasha, who only faked their deaths, scramble out of the trunk and destroy the lab.
Meanwhile, Bart Rathbone finds Eugene and take him into the store to clean him up. Then, Eugene disappears – really disappears. No one has the slightest idea where he is. Three days later, after Whit and Jason reunite semi-happily (Jason is still mad at Whit for stealing his girlfriend), Eugene is found in Arizona by the side of a remote highway. He is picked up by – Philip Glossman! Glossman has escaped from jail, and is seeking revenge on Jason and Whit for ruining his life (even though he did a fine job of that himself).
The two villains plot dastardly plots and do dastardly deeds while they scheme to overturn the “old boy’s network.” As it turns out, Glossman has an inside source – his mother, Margaret Faye. When Eugene finds out about Tom’s attachment to Miss Faye, he decides to turn in Glossman. He steals an Army helicopter from a nearby base and tosses Glossman in the back. He flies to Fort Meade (the HQ of the NSA) and drops Glossman into the Potomac. However, his head is so full of air that he floats, and Donovan fishes him out. Glossman confesses everything he ever did, and is promptly sent off to jail. He is thankful to get away from the horribly horrible Eugene.
Needless to say, the town of Odyssey is shocked to see what has become of some of its leading citizens. After Whit gets out of the hospital, he writes a book about his experiences. It becomes a best-seller, and he uses the royalties to buy a quaint castle in England – right next to that of Dr. Regis Blackgaard.
One day, at the local grocery store, these two arch-enemies run into each other. They discuss the recent events and decide to cope with the strangeness by playing a Scrabble marathon and watching every available episode of Leave It To Beaver. However, when Regis puts down “kidnapping” as a word, Whit (who has a degree in English, right?) challenges him to a duel with –
What will happen next? Tune in next week to find out! (I’ve always wanted to say that, heh heh heh…)
When we left our formerly sane citizens, Eugene was running loose after dumping Glossman in the Potomac, Connie and Richard Maxwell were engaged, and Whit was challenging Regis Blackgaard to a duel over a spelling error. Let’s see what happens next!
Whit challenged Regis Blackgaard to a duel with M-16’s. (For those of you who don’t have a father and/or brother in the military or obsessed with the military, those are really big, bad guns that are illegal for civilians to possess or sell.) Just as they are about to blow each other to smithereenies, they hear a voice saying, “Boys, don’t fight.” They are awestruck at June Cleaver’s ability to talk through the television set. Setting down their guns (with the safety lock on, of course), they shake hands and promise never to argue again.
Meanwhile, in another part of town (heard that one before?), Katrina is selling flowers on the street. Suddenly, a linguistics professor offers to help her get rid of her horrid American accent. She accepts, saying that she always wanted to learn to talk like Angela Lansbury. She asks his name, and she is shocked to hear him say – Jerry Whittaker!
Needless to say, she contacts Whit immediately. But when he approaches his long-lost son, the only thing Jerry can say is “The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.” They soon discover that it is only a robot made to look like Jerry! Whit is so mad that he punches the android in the jaw. Suddenly, the robot morphs into Eugene! He snarls at Whit for a moment, then morphs into a cow with Mad Cow Disease. The cow-that-was-an-android-of-Jerry-then-became-Eugene moos hysterically and jumps over the moon.
Okay, not really. It twitches and falls down. Regis throws a fit, saying that they’ve killed his pet cow! Oh, no! This can’t be happening! But, alas, it did happen. The cow died, and Regis mourned for it. Whit, who realizes that Regis is hopelessly insane, calls a mental institution. They take Regis away in a comfy little white jacket.
Okay, not really. It twitches and falls down. Regis throws a fit, saying that they’ve killed his pet cow! Oh, no! This can’t be happening! But, alas, it did happen. The cow dies, and Regis mourns for it. Whit, who realizes that Regis is hopelessly insane, calls a mental institution. They take Regis away in a comfy little white jacket.
Katrina, now that her chance of learning to speak “properly” is gone, goes on strike against the English language. She only speaks Pig Latin. Utbay enwhay eshay ealizesray atthey ethay entireway anguagelay endsway inway ayaway, eshay ivesgay upway. (Whew.)
Connie and Richard, meanwhile, are about to get married. But on the way to the wedding, Richard gets a flat tire and is three hours late to the wedding. By the time he gets to the wedding, Connie has left. She never wants to see him again. Richard is so disappointed that he goes to Stone Bridge and jumps off.
However, he lands on Jason, who has gone fishing. Jason, who is not exactly pleased to be squashed, tells Richard to go talk to Lucy Schultz, who runs a psychiatric clinic for 5¢. Richard agrees to talk to Lucy, but when he does, he {gasp} calls her Lucy Shirts! (Apparently, the fall gave Richard a mild case of amnesia.) Lucy clobbers him over the head with her notepad and goes home to call her lawyer. Richard gets out of town as fast as his legs can carry him.
Connie, who hears that Richard has left town, is thrilled. She didn’t really want to marry Richard, because that would make her Connie Maxwell, and then their house would be the Maxwell House™, and she doesn’t want her house to be named after a brand of coffee. One day, she’s walking past a pet store, when suddenly a man starts following her. She runs as fast as she can, but he keeps gaining on her. Finally, just as he’s about to catch her, he gets knocked out cold. Connie is shocked to see that Dr. Regis Blackgaard has saved her life, or at least her shoes!
She falls head-over-2’’-heels in love with him, and they plan to be married the next day. As Connie is planning the wedding, she realizes that she doesn’t have a maid of honor. (All her friends think she’s nuts for marrying Blackgaard – good for them!) She asks Regis (whom she calls “Pookie”) if he has any suggestions. He mentions his daughter. Connie is thrilled to think that she might be a stepmother! Then she meets his daughter – Tasha! Connie is less than thrilled to think that she might be Tasha’s stepmother, and Tasha isn’t exactly keen on the idea either. Regis sees that there is tension between his daughter and fiancée, so he suggests they put off the wedding for a while. Besides, Connie still hasn’t met his son.
That’s right: his son. Richard Maxwell. When Connie sees him, she bursts into tears and confesses her profound love for him. He hugs her and tells her he understands. But when Connie goes to tell Regis that she can’t marry him, Regis starts jumping up and down for joy! As it turns out, he had forgotten that he was already married. He introduces Connie to his wife: Margaret Faye.
That’s right: his wife. Margaret Faye. But wait – that means – Tasha and Philip Glossman are brother and sister! When Tasha sees the disastrous state of her family, she runs as far away from Odyssey as she can. She winds up on a ranch in Wyoming, where she becomes a horse trainer.
What has happened to Katrina? She’s in speech therapy, recovering from her Pig Latin experience. When she’s done with her therapy, she goes back to Odyssey, having dyed her hair black. But Eugene recognizes her gray eyes, and falls head-over-heels in love with her again. They work together to rebuild Eugene’s laboratory, which was destroyed by Jason and Tasha.
