The Healer's Way

Entry 16: Day 154
Healer Tonia was killed today. She had gone to the hills to take care of the wounded. We knew it was dangerous, but it didn't matter. They needed our help and she decided to go alone.

I arrived at her side too late. My heart is sick; I have lost a great friend and wonderful teacher. She had been shot through the chest by a blaster. Though I used the Force to try and heal the wound, too much damage had been done. The blaster hit her in the center of her chest. I really wanted be back home where I could grab my instruments and save her, but all I had was the Force and it wasn't enough. I think she knew she was going to die. She asked me to stop. I couldn't, I had to keep trying. I only wish I could have succeeded. I should never have let her go alone.

She is now at peace and at rest; she is one with the Force. I will miss you Master Tonia, now and forever.

Though I feel alone without her, I am comforted by the fact Obi-Wan and Anakin are here. Obi-Wan has been a source of great strength for me. In the last few days I have used him as a sounding board as well as a shoulder to cry on. He is so in control, Sometimes I wonder if the Jedi are taught not to show emotion, taught that it is a weakness. His control though, has helped me. It has helped me decided what I must do.

Obi-wan informed me the Council wishes me to return. They feel a Padawan Healer out here alone is at too much risk. They want me to return and continue my training at the Center, under a new Master. These people are just regaining their strength after the virus and now the Trelotans have broken the peace. I am staying to do what I can, no matter what the council says.

Entry 17: day 165
I am working in the middle of a war zone. Every day more and more wounded are brought in. I have been cut off from everyone. Supplies are running low and I doubt more will be arriving any time soon. I did receive word that Obi-Wan, and now Master qui-Gon are having some success in the negotiations; but you would never guess that by looking around here.

Obi-Wan and Anakin left 2 days after Tonia's death to return her to Coruscant. Anakin remained on Coruscant to be with his Mother. This is no place for a child, even a Jedi Padawan. I am glad Obi-wan returned, I only wish he were here with me and not at the negotiations.

I am so tired, with the number of wounded increasing every day; sleep has been a luxury. Even when I do get a few moments rest I cannot stop thinking about the loss of life on both sides. I hope this war ends soon.

Entry 18: Day 170
We are surrounded. The village is well fortified and the Housfarian troops are keeping the Trelotans at bay. Obi-Wan did send word that he will be attempting to get me out as soon as possible. The fighting has increased and I now truly fear for my life. The sound of laser cannon fire grows closer every day. I do my best to heal the wounded using the force and my triage techniques, but I fear it will not be enough. I am but one Healer in a global war and I can do nothing to stop the fighting. While I am here I will do my utmost to save every person I can, hoping it will be enough.

Obi-Wan please hurry, I think time is running out.

Entry 19: Day 205
I was working in the clinic at Mer'dian when I heard shouting and the sound of blaster fire. I really only remember fleeting images and sounds. Blaster fire, voices, a Trelotan soldier, pain.

Obi-Wan said he found me in the clinic only moments after the Trelotans had left. I had been left for dead. He brought me back to Coruscant while Master Jinn negotiated a cease-fire.

It's strange how time seems to stand still. I was unconscious for 2 weeks and yet it felt like almost no time had passed at all. Now I wish time would pass more quickly so I can get back to healing others instead of myself. The Healer's have told me my wounds were life threatening and Obi-Wan, through the sheer power of the Force, kept me alive until we arrived on Coruscant. He is the bravest and most caring man I know. He risked his life for me and for that I will forever be grateful. Perhaps someday I can return such a wonderful gift.

Though my mind is foggy abut what happened, I keep seeing fleeting images of my recovery. Most of what I remember is seeing Obi-Wan at my bedside. I am not quite sure, but I think I remember Anakin, Shmi and others I do not recognize. I remember a beautiful feeling of warmth and comfort (I assume from the Healers) that enveloped me.

6 months ago I could not imagine keeping someone alive using the Force. Today I am using it to heal my own wounds. To turn the Force, the feeling, into ones self and direct it, well it just can't be described. The feeling of warmth, of light, of peace is so wonderful.

Oh, I must mention that Shmi told me some wonderful news. While I was away on Housfara she discovered she was carrying triplets! With only 3 months to go, she is excited and scared at the same time. I am sure she will do fine. It's Qui-Gon that I am worried about. He seems a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. Of course, what new father doesn't?

Entry 20: Day 210
Home, I am home. Not to my beloved countryside and practice, but to my quarters on Coruscant. I am feeling much better and am still in awe at how the Force healed such a grave wound. I spoke with a colleague at the center and was able to view my records. The blaster bolt came very near my heart. It did hit my left lug, which still aches when I try to do any type of extended activity. I know it will heal with time, but it is frustrating. Had Obi-Wan not arrived when he did, I would not have survived the night. I think this experience has changed me; in what ways I am not fully certain, but I am sure I will find out.

I have made such wonderful friends here on Coruscant. Anakin, Shmi, Master Qui-Gon, and yes, even Master Yoda. Shmi and Qui-Gon have seen to it that I have everything I need; Anakin, who is back doing his studies at the Temple, comes every day to show me what he has learned. Some of it he tries to teach me, but we usually end up two laughing heaps on the floor. Master Yoda comes by just to torment me, I think. "Learned anything today, hmmmmmmm? Meditation have you done today? Frustrated not, you will be, you must try!" I know he means well, but there are times I would like to throttle him.

I no longer think of Obi-Wan as just a friend, but as a soul mate. Since our first meeting there has been a connection (for lack of a better term) between us. He has been there as my protector and my friend. I know now that I have fallen in love with him, but am not sure if I should tell him or not. He is a Knight sworn to serve the Republic, and I am a Healer who will be leaving in a few short months. If I tell him will it change him as a Knight? Will it change me?

Entry 21: Day 226
I have returned to work. It is wonderful being back in the Center again; Helping, healing, doing what I do best. I have not been assigned a new Master. It seems that Obi-Wan and Master Qui-Gon talked to the Council about my time on Housfara. The Council has agreed to give me the title of Healer.

I have just returned from the Council chambers where they granted me my title. Jedi Healer Iliana Solfina. I am still overcome by their show of respect and acceptance of me. Master Yoda usually does the braid cutting if a Master has died. Instead, he handed the knife over to Obi-Wan. With one swift move of the blade I became a Jedi Healer. Oh, the braid, I am not sure if I mentioned it before; I don 't believe I did. When a Master accepts an initiate for training they begin to grow a braid from a lock of hair just above their right ear. My braid had grown to be about 3 inches longer than my hair. It is now laid neatly in a silken pouch; a reminder of my time and training.

Entry 22: Day 227
What I must confess has nothing to do with healing, but everything to do with my life. Obi-Wan and I celebrated my receiving the title of Healer at the Jinn's. Shmi and I spent the evening trying to convince Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon that their chosen profession was very romantic. The adventure, the intrigue, the sense of duty, the loyalty to the Jedi Order; they may not have shining armor or a white steed, but they still show up to save the day. Neither man sees it that way. They see it as a way of life they were destined to follow, not as a Knight in shining armor riding in on his steed to save the day. Oh well, perhaps some day I can convince them that their Jedi charm really does do something to the women they meet.

Obi-Wan and I went for a walk to one of the most beautiful gardens I have ever seen. We sat for a long time just watching the ripples of water in the pond. I felt so at peace, like I belonged here. My life as a Doctor is a distant memory. I wish I could stay here forever.

I awoke this morning in the arms of a Knight. I didn't realize how much I missed being made love to and waking in the arms of a man. I still have not told him I love him, but I think he knows.

Entry 23: Day 235
I cry tears of joy as I write this entry. I was working at the Center when Dr. Brait contacted me to assist in a C-section. I was surprised to see it was Shmi Jinn. She was scared, as I would be, caring only for the lives of her children. I could sense all the love and support flowing through the Force to her. We worked as fast as we could; both Shmi and the babies needed relief. The 2 girls were born first, then the boy. They are all strong, healthy and ready to face the world before them.

When Shmi had recovered enough we allowed some visitors. I couldn't help but get caught up in the joy of the time; I had helped my friends bring their children into the world. Nor could I help but hand one of the squirming bundles to Obi-Wan. We all laughed because he looked like I had just handed him a box of lit explosive. With a little coaching from his Padawan, he soon relaxed and I don't think he wanted to put her down. I think it was love at first site for all of us. As I have said before, days like this I will carry with me forever.

Entry 24: Day 250
I have received word from home that my son is ill. He is unconscious and they do not know why. I am torn; I need to be with him, yet I have a duty here. I have asked to meet with the Council, to see if they will grant me leave.

I know I haven't written much about my experience as a Healer lately. Healing has become a part of me. I no longer look on it with the eyes of a child, I don't even think about it much anymore. It just naturally flows from me, through me to help and heal those in need. I don't know what I would do if I were told I could not use the Force anymore. If I return home, I will see to it that others are trained in the ways of the Force, I must see to it.

Entry 25: Day 253
Things have happened so fast. This morning the Council granted me permission to leave. Now I am aboard a transport for home, back to my family, my children. I will do my best to heal my son, and then I will heal my heart.

Part of me didn't want to leave Coruscant, that part was my heart. Obi-Wan saw me to the transport. I know his heart was breaking as much as mine. We both shared the feeling that I will not be returning. Obi-Wan gave me a piece of his Padawan braid; I now place it in this journal with a piece of my own braid to signify our bond, our love.

I leave behind my heart, but go on to teach others of the Force, to teach them to heal.

I end this journal saying goodbye to my friends on Coruscant and hello to my life as Healer Iliana Solfina, M.D.

Goodbye Shmi and Master Qui-Gon Jinn

Goodbye Anakin

Goodbye Obi-Wan, you will be with me forever.

**********

Iliana carefully placed the two braids together, tears streaming down her face. She tied them with two pieces of silk ribbon from one of her daughter's hair ties she had kept with her. Kissing the braids softly, she laid them between the last two pages and closed the journal. Iliana then turned to look out the window, the worn leather journal clutched tightly to her chest.

Epilogue

A stoic 50 year old General Obi-Wan Kenobi fingered the small pieces of braid. They were laid side by side and tied with 2 satin ribbons. Carefully replacing them, he closed the small, leather-bound book.

"How did you find me?" He asked the tall young man standing before him. The man was in his 20's with a familiar stance and air about him.

"She left a note." He produced a wrinkled piece of paper. On it was the words "Obi-Wan (Ben) Kenobi last seen.." There was a long list of planets scratched out save the last one "Tatooine"

"How did she know?"

"She just sensed it.you, she seemed to know where you were and if you were safe. I don't know how. I remember her speaking of you as I grew up. I know the story of your time together like I was there. She." His voice wavered. "She loved you very much."

Obi-Wan sighed. "And I her."

The young man continued. When she returned from her time on Coruscant she began to teach the ways of the Healer to our Health Professionals. If it weren't for her, out planet would never have learned the wonders of Force Healing. My older sister followed in her footsteps and continues her practice now."

Obi-Wan continued to finger the warn cover of the book. The young man looked very much like his Mother; he had her face, but his eyes, they shone with a brightness that filled Obi-Wan's soul.

"How.did she." the words were hard to speak. Obi-wan was thankful when the man cut him off.

"My mother died doing what she loved, healing. She died in a transport accident; they were enroute to a remote village when the transport crashed. We were told she attempted to heal as many of the injured as she could before succumbing to her own injuries. That was Mom, always thinking of others before herself."

They both smiled and nodded in agreement.

"We found the Journal and this note when we went through her things."

He handed Obi-Wan a nicely folded piece of paper that smelled of *her*. The writing was faded, but readable.

"Upon the event of my death, please give this journal to my beloved. Jedi Knight of the Old Republic and General, Obi-Wan (Ben) Kenobi.

Obi-Wan,

I never forgot you, our friendship, or love stayed with me forever. I asked that this Journal be given to you because I never told you that I loved you. I wanted you to know. You were my Knight in Shining Armor.

Until we are united as one in the Force, be well my love.

Iliana"

Tears began to sting Obi-Wan's eyes as he placed the neatly folded paper inside the Journal.

*Until then my love* he looked at the young man standing before him.

"What's your name?"

"Benjamin Kenobi Solfina"

The young man stepped forward and embraced the elder.

"Thank you." Obi-Wan said feeling Benjamin tears on his shoulder as they mingled with his own.

"You're welcome, Father."