When God Made Police Officers

When the Lord was creating police officers,

he was into his sixth day of overtime

when an angel appeared and said,

"You're doing a lot of fiddling

around on this on."

And the Lord said, "Have you read the

specs on this order? A police officer has

to be able to run five miles through alleys

in the dark, scale walls, enter homes the

health inspector wouldn't touch, and

not wrinkle his uniform.

"He has to be able to sit in an undercover car

all day on a stakeout, cover a homicide scene

that night, canvass the neighborhood for

witnesses, and testify in court the next day.

"He has to be in top physical condition at all

times, running on black coffee and half-eaten

meals. And he has to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said,

"Six pairs of hands…. No Way."

"Its not the hands that are causing me problems,"

said the Lord, "It's the three pair of eyes a

officer has to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through a

bulge in a pocket before he asks, "May I see

what's in there sir?" (when he already knows

and wishes he'd taken that accounting job.)

"Another pair here in side of his head for

his partners' safety.

And another pair of eyes here in the front that

can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say,

"You'll be alright ma'am, when he knows it isn't so."

"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve,

"Rest and work on this tomorrow."

"I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model

that can talk a 250 lb. drunk into a patrol car

without incident and feed a family of

five on a civil service paycheck."

The angel circled the model of the police officer

very slowly, "Can it think?" she asked

"You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you the elements

of a hundred crimes; recite Miranda warnings in its

sleep; detain, investigate, search, and arrest a gang

member on the street in less time that it takes five

learned judges to debate the legality of the stop…

and still it keeps its sense of humor.

This officer also has phenomenal personal control.

He can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax

a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder

victim's family, and then read in the daily paper

how law enforcement isn't sensitive to the

rights of criminal suspects."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her fingers

across the cheeks of the police officer. "There's

a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you

were trying to put too much into this model."

"That's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."

"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.

"It's for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades,

for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called

the American Flag, for justice."

  "You're a genius," said the angel.

The Lord looked somber.

"I Did Not Put It There," he said

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