REDNECK LETTER
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1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to
turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when
vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a
dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of
confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it,
assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering
for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be
swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the
room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the
rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling
the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has
to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant
whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if
they want fresh ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone
number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a
dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of
always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it
up, even when you're only six inches away.
1. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
2. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
3. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
4. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
5. American car horns beep in the tone of F.
6. No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
7. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
8. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
9. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
10. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
11. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
12. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
13. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
14. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class. 15. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
16. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."
17. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
18. The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
19. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
20. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
21. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
22. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
23. Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
14. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
25. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
26. Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
27. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
28. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
29. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
30. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
31. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
32. A shrimp's heart is in its head.
33. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
34. It is physically impossible
for pigs to look up into the sky.
35. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
36. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
37. Horses can't vomit.
38.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months,
two rats could have over a million descendants.
39. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
40. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contactwith extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
