McNabb Conspiracy
First off, I need to get something off my chest, so here goes...
Now that that has been said, I think there is more to McNabb's injury than meets the eye. I mean, how else can I justify to myself that this year, the year the Eagles were destined for the Superbowl, could be suddenly taken out of the hands of the NFL's #1 offensive weapon and given to Koy Detmer. I mean, hey, I love Koy and all, but I don't want him to actually have to play. So, the cause cannot be with the Eagles, but elsewhere, and I smell conspiracy.
The players of the conspiracy:
First off, I need to get something off my chest, so here goes...
Now that that has been said, I think there is more to McNabb's injury than meets the eye. I mean, how else can I justify to myself that this year, the year the Eagles were destined for the Superbowl, could be suddenly taken out of the hands of the NFL's #1 offensive weapon and given to Koy Detmer. I mean, hey, I love Koy and all, but I don't want him to actually have to play. So, the cause cannot be with the Eagles, but elsewhere, and I smell conspiracy.
The players of the conspiracy:
A) The State of Arizona
We should have seen it coming. The most notorious state since that one in the old west that was in that Val Kilmer movie. The people of Philadelphia were blinded by McNabb's winning ways to the evil of the state of Arizona. If only we had known better.
B)The Cardinals
B)The Cardinals
To think that the Arizona Cardinals were the ones responsible for this would be silly. I argue that defensive players don't have the cranial capacity to think, let alone decide to injure someone. Rather, it was the Catholic Church's college of Cardinals in conjunction with those red birds that are always flying around responsible for pulling the strings to get this done.
3)God
3)God
You think that a group as incompetant as the Catholic clergy and a bunch of flying red rodents could bring down McNabb? Haha, I scoff at such a possibility and call you fools for thinking so. God was the hatchet man, striking Donovan's ankle with invisible lightening that broke his ankle without electrocuting him. God has had it for Philadelphia since that broken neck cheering incident, and what better time to pull a Ray Finkle than when the Eagle's only roadblock was themselves.
4)A Cult of Neck Beard Enthusiasts led by the notorious Rizwan Ahmad
Ok, this one may seem far-fetched, but when you think about it, its really not. Although Riz doesn't have a neckbeard, he is from New Jersey, the second most insidious of states. Also, he is a devout Giants fan, and the Giants are only a game behind. He gathered these masses of neck-beard wearers who's poster child is Koy Detmer, Philly's now starting quarterback, to take down the Eagles by eliminating McNabb and allowing their hero to start. Also in this evil cult is the number 2 man, John Huyette.
4)A Cult of Neck Beard Enthusiasts led by the notorious Rizwan Ahmad
Ok, this one may seem far-fetched, but when you think about it, its really not. Although Riz doesn't have a neckbeard, he is from New Jersey, the second most insidious of states. Also, he is a devout Giants fan, and the Giants are only a game behind. He gathered these masses of neck-beard wearers who's poster child is Koy Detmer, Philly's now starting quarterback, to take down the Eagles by eliminating McNabb and allowing their hero to start. Also in this evil cult is the number 2 man, John Huyette.
But Bob, Whatever Can I Do?"
You can all help out in this situation. At this point, we cannot help the Eagles without systematically taking out all other starting Quarterbacks in football. Which brings me to point A. Systematically take out all starting Quarterbacks in football, and Kordell Stewart for good measure. Next, you can enact revenge, as all good Philadelphia fans would. First, start by bombing Arizona off the map. I feel that this is a fair tradeoff. Secondly, systematically drive the cardinal to extinction, while framing the college of cardinals for child molestation. Neiither of these should be hard, its just a matter of how driven you are. Next, there isn't much you can do to hurt God, he is pretty powerfull. I suggest that you not attempt to enact revenge on God. Lastly, take all that vengefulness that you were gonna send at God and use it to beat the crap out of Riz and Huyette. Both are worthless, nobody will be upset. So, if you follow my plan exactly, the Eagles will make the playoffs and McNabb will come back and whoop some ass. So go out, and kill birds at the very least.
You can all help out in this situation. At this point, we cannot help the Eagles without systematically taking out all other starting Quarterbacks in football. Which brings me to point A. Systematically take out all starting Quarterbacks in football, and Kordell Stewart for good measure. Next, you can enact revenge, as all good Philadelphia fans would. First, start by bombing Arizona off the map. I feel that this is a fair tradeoff. Secondly, systematically drive the cardinal to extinction, while framing the college of cardinals for child molestation. Neiither of these should be hard, its just a matter of how driven you are. Next, there isn't much you can do to hurt God, he is pretty powerfull. I suggest that you not attempt to enact revenge on God. Lastly, take all that vengefulness that you were gonna send at God and use it to beat the crap out of Riz and Huyette. Both are worthless, nobody will be upset. So, if you follow my plan exactly, the Eagles will make the playoffs and McNabb will come back and whoop some ass. So go out, and kill birds at the very least.