News
1:48 AM 4/21/04
NEWS: I decided to updatefor like the first fucking time in six months. You bastards wish I had abandoned the site so you didnt have to read it cause you are my friends so take that. The man can't keep me down.
10:19 PM 6/9/03
Hope you didn't like that trivia page, cause neither did I and it is gone. Slater.
2:21 PM 6/4/03
Some thing to say right now. First of all, I whipped Carl's ass in fantasy baseball by a score of 14-3. I am not going to rub it in, until I am 12 beers deep on Friday before the Phillies game. We are gonna get loaded and put up a sign that says "SQUIRREL" in the outfield. Fucking-A. Also in the news, Sammy Sosa just got caught using a corked bat. I don't like his bitch ass, and this simply adds fuel to the fire. Somebody needs to kick his ass, and Bonds and Carter's asses too. Sammy Sosa should be beaten with an oar, and forced to play hockey and soccer during his suspension. Maybe he will learn his lesson. I also beat Huyette, finally, in Tecmo Super Bowl. Granted, I was the Buffalo Bills and he was a nobody, but I am still thrilled. The keen quarterbacking skills of QB Bills, great hands or Andre Reed, supurb speed of Thurman Thomas, combined with my nintendo fingers have finally led me to victory over Huyette. Fuck yeah. Jesus, this update just keeps fucking going. I was in Huyette's basement the other day, and myself, Jim Cant, Martin Van Buren, and Huyette were just sittin around, there may or may not have been beer, and Huyette's 4 year old nephew comes down the stairs. He proceeds to talk for about 4 minutes about what I think was coming over to play with him tomorrow. The only things I really managed to hear was "You guys can hug each other if you want, but if not that's cool too." The kid is obviously a huyette. He then starts giving out roles for playing tomorrow. He takes a minute to explain to marty how to make a gun with his hand, because marty is the bad guy. I am the hat guy, cause apparently thats what I do, I am the hat guy. And Christopher, the small dumb kid, was the to be the "Pir....no, I'm the Jewish Pirate." I like the definite article "the," like the story wouldn't be complete without THE Jewish pirate. And the whole time the kid is talking, Jim is just blatently laughing in his face. If we were high, I am pretty sure he would have died. So, for the last week or so, the only thing Jim has really said to me is Jewish Pirate. I get about an IM a day saying just Jewish Pirate. So, here you all go:
10:02 PM 5/20/03
Ahh, More new news. This one is actually news. Matthew Ostein and I have entered into a "gentleman's agreement" or bet to the lay man. Carl, Matt's real name, and I play each other in Fantasy Baseball next week. The loser of this proverbial clash of the titans has agreed to buy a case of Natural Ice to be drank by both parties before the Phillies/A's dollar dog day on Friday June 6th. alright, enough talking like an 1850's aristocrat or something like that. So, I guess, I will show you the teams:
| Position | Dave Hollins Experience | NiceDefenseBuddy |
|---|---|---|
| Catcher | Greg Myers | Mike Matheny |
| 1B | Carlos Delgado | Aubry Huff |
| 2B | Alfonso Soriano | Luis Castillo |
| 3B | Albert Pujols | Jose Valentine |
| SS | David Eckstein | Miguel Tejada |
| OF | Chipper Jones | Juan Encarnacion |
| OF | Juan Gonzalez | Vernon Wells |
| OF | Jay Payton | Tim Salmon |
| Utility | Edgar Martinez | Ellis Burks |
| Pitchers | ||
| SP | Roy Halladay | Barry Zito |
| SP | Mike Mussina | Mark Buehrle |
| SP | Jarrod Washburn | Derek Lowe |
| SP | Roy Oswalt | Vincente Padilla |
| SP | Wade Miller | Kenny Rogers |
| SP | Darren Dreifort | Jake Peavy |
| SP | Jason Johnson | Sidney Ponson |
| SP | Gil Meche | Ted Lily |
| RP | Scott Williamson | Mike MacDougal |
| RP | Jose Jimenez | Keith Foulke |
| RP | Cliff Pollitte | n/a |
So, you are probably asking, "so fucking what?" Well, FUCK YOU! You come to my website, you will read what I write dammit! I'm just kidding, or not, squirrel. So, the point, besides informing people of a bet, and a drinkin' good time before the June 6th game, is that we have had some good trash talk. Carl and I just concluded a 40 minute conversation consisting of almost all insults. So, I am going to routinely update highlights from out AIM trash talking segments from now until the end of next week. I feel that I won today, but I think Carl wasn't ready for it. Today's Highlights:
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:00:52 PM): you're going down!
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:01:03 PM): we shall see
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:01:10 PM): see me kick your ass!
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:02:03 PM): i will win!!!!!!
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:02:22 PM): hahaha, i am laughing out loud, or LOL as the kids call it these days
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:10:00 PM): and im in 8th and hope to cut down the gap between me and the 7th place guy, and then taking 7th place next week
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:12:48 PM): i will personally rape ellis burks
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:13:52 PM): hahaha, i scoff at your jerk players
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:14:26 PM): jake peavey will suck on my teams mighty penis
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:14:55 PM): bow down!
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:18:13 PM): bob you better have your 11.99 ready for june 6th
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:28:12 PM): and then ill kill you in fantasy baseball!
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:28:31 PM): the ECKS-FACTOR
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:28:39 PM): he is a lost little boy
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:33:58 PM): i wish my team was good, i'd have more to say then
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:36:32 PM): yeah right, i'll be high atop the Pimpin Baseball League after rolling over your bitch ass
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:37:12 PM): actually i want you to kick ass this week
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:37:22 PM): and then lose horribly next week
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:37:33 PM): and the chances of that are great
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:38:58 PM): i have the power of the special olympics and m&m's, it is indestructable
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:40:26 PM): i have special parking at the mall
Not our best session, In fact, the majority of the highlights i posted for carl kind of insulted his own team. One person may say, "Oooo, bob, be fair goddamit!" My response, "Fuck you." I win.
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:00:52 PM): you're going down!
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:01:03 PM): we shall see
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:01:10 PM): see me kick your ass!
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:02:03 PM): i will win!!!!!!
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:02:22 PM): hahaha, i am laughing out loud, or LOL as the kids call it these days
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:10:00 PM): and im in 8th and hope to cut down the gap between me and the 7th place guy, and then taking 7th place next week
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:12:48 PM): i will personally rape ellis burks
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:13:52 PM): hahaha, i scoff at your jerk players
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:14:26 PM): jake peavey will suck on my teams mighty penis
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:14:55 PM): bow down!
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:18:13 PM): bob you better have your 11.99 ready for june 6th
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:28:12 PM): and then ill kill you in fantasy baseball!
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:28:31 PM): the ECKS-FACTOR
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:28:39 PM): he is a lost little boy
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:33:58 PM): i wish my team was good, i'd have more to say then
EGG MCMUFFINS (9:36:32 PM): yeah right, i'll be high atop the Pimpin Baseball League after rolling over your bitch ass
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:37:12 PM): actually i want you to kick ass this week
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:37:22 PM): and then lose horribly next week
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:37:33 PM): and the chances of that are great
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:38:58 PM): i have the power of the special olympics and m&m's, it is indestructable
O DoGG 3 5 2 (9:40:26 PM): i have special parking at the mall
Not our best session, In fact, the majority of the highlights i posted for carl kind of insulted his own team. One person may say, "Oooo, bob, be fair goddamit!" My response, "Fuck you." I win.
YOU ARE GOING DOWN CARL!
6:28 PM 5/19/03
So you may notice that this is the first news entry in oh, bout half a year. For this I apologize, it is just that I am lazy and the News seemed of little importance to me. Well, I think that I will start updating the news once again. So what do I have to tell you? To be honest, updating the news was just another excuse to tell you all about another weird dream I had. When I told this one to my mom and squirrelboy, neither believed me and both said I made it up. I'm not creative, and I don't care enough to make shit up. So, here goes. Me, Comly, and a 7 foot tall fat kid were apparently at some park recruiting people to help kidnap a teacher. The fat kid was shouting about his girlfriend being a slut, but then confessed that it wasn't his girlfriend, just some girl he spyed on, but he was nevertheless crying. At this park, I noticed that people were playing baseball. One team, the batting team, consisted of Jim Edmonds and Albert Pujols, two star players for the St. Louis Cardinals. The other team, a group of blind senior citizens. Needless to say, Pujols and Edmonds were blasting home runs off of this 80 year old pitcher. I watched this for a while. Then, some people I never have seen in my entire life, but also seemed to know by name showed up. We then went to Matt Pisasale's house to smoke pot, but instead decided to drive to Disneyworld and I woke up. So, I've been trying to figure out what my brain is trying to tell me, you know, the hidden meaning. This is what I have come up with: I have serious problems and need serious psychological care. I mean, that doesn't make any sense at all, it might be worse than German Rats AIDS Evil, which was bad. I might go as far as saying that never in my life, ever, have I woken up more confused. Not even the times I blacked out at school and woke up in places that weren't my room. Fuck man, if anybody is a goddamn psychiatrist, figure that bitch out.
1:12 PM 11/6/02
Most Fucked Up Dream Ever Ok....i'm a little scared by this one too. This is hands down the most insane thing that has ever entered my head....and it did so while I slept. Now, I can't say I haven't had my share of completely outlandish dreams, but this one downright scared me.
The dreams started off with newsreels from the 1930 of Hitler. They continue for some time. Then, suddenly, the word GERMAN flashes. Then, the word RATS. Then AIDS. Then EVIL. Yeah, I'm pretty baffled already too. GERMAN RATS AIDS EVIL???? What the FUCK!?!?!? I can't fucking take this. Sorry, back to the dream. Ok, now, I'm with a group of people. We are fleeing these rats, not because they have AIDS, but because they are the size of large dogs, capable of intelligent thought/conversation, and can jump like the fucking rabbit from Holy Grail. Oh, the people hinted at psychic ability for the rats, but I didn't see any. We are fleeing, in the process, we come across a few rats, people are slaughtered, the rest escape for the time being. Finally, we come across an old woman next to an indoor swimming pool who is about the most decrepit thing ever. She says, "This is a sanctuary my children." Why can't I have a sane dream once an a while? The old woman then looks at me and gasps. She says, "You have the power!" Not only is that not original, I have a sword now, a la He Man. Suddenly, a rat appears. I say to the rat, "Do not move, in fact, lie on the ground over there." It obeys, and I chop it in half. Then I do the same to three or four more rats and wake up. Now, I'm no psychologist, but that is one fucked up dream. Weirder, after I woke up and wrote some of this shit down, I went back to sleep. I have another dream, this time, where I'm showing my friends a video game called GRAE, guess what that stands for...GERMAN RATS AIDS EVIL. My brains seemed to try to convince me that the first dream didn't exist...something fishy is going on here. So, if you see me, I cannot be trusted. It is my opinion that my lingering sanity is gone, and you all need fear for you lives.
The dreams started off with newsreels from the 1930 of Hitler. They continue for some time. Then, suddenly, the word GERMAN flashes. Then, the word RATS. Then AIDS. Then EVIL. Yeah, I'm pretty baffled already too. GERMAN RATS AIDS EVIL???? What the FUCK!?!?!? I can't fucking take this. Sorry, back to the dream. Ok, now, I'm with a group of people. We are fleeing these rats, not because they have AIDS, but because they are the size of large dogs, capable of intelligent thought/conversation, and can jump like the fucking rabbit from Holy Grail. Oh, the people hinted at psychic ability for the rats, but I didn't see any. We are fleeing, in the process, we come across a few rats, people are slaughtered, the rest escape for the time being. Finally, we come across an old woman next to an indoor swimming pool who is about the most decrepit thing ever. She says, "This is a sanctuary my children." Why can't I have a sane dream once an a while? The old woman then looks at me and gasps. She says, "You have the power!" Not only is that not original, I have a sword now, a la He Man. Suddenly, a rat appears. I say to the rat, "Do not move, in fact, lie on the ground over there." It obeys, and I chop it in half. Then I do the same to three or four more rats and wake up. Now, I'm no psychologist, but that is one fucked up dream. Weirder, after I woke up and wrote some of this shit down, I went back to sleep. I have another dream, this time, where I'm showing my friends a video game called GRAE, guess what that stands for...GERMAN RATS AIDS EVIL. My brains seemed to try to convince me that the first dream didn't exist...something fishy is going on here. So, if you see me, I cannot be trusted. It is my opinion that my lingering sanity is gone, and you all need fear for you lives.
3:01 PM 11/5/02
Alright, this is more a couple of complaints with the world than it is news. First off, Braveheart. What is the deal with Braveheart? I'm not saying its not a great movie for all of you who have spent 15-20 dollars on it to own the DVD, but since when is there more movie after that whole "I am William Wallace" speech where they moon and kill those fuckin Brits. I was under the assumption that the movie ended there and all was right with the world. As it turns out, the movie goes on for another fucking hour and a half. Mel Gibson gets FUCKED, repeatedly. Why the FUCK did nobody tell me this? Was I not important enough for somebody to say, "Hey Bob, William Wallace dies." What the fuck? All you people are bastards! (Except Kate, who did tell me, just a little delayed) The rest of you should be ashamed...
Alright, my next point, I HATE EVERYONE WHO BRINGS AN ABC SIGN TO MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! Now, to put this in my list wouldn't do justice to how much I hate these people. The Fucking worthless assclowns decide that rather than cheer their team to victory, they will be "clever" and instead cheer for a FUCKING NETWORK??? I propose, as some guy who made a webpage, hence giving me a certain degree of internet power, that everyone do their best to beat these people to death with the signs they made. If you don't want to kill them, send them to the hospital. These people all need: a) a serious ass-whooping; 2) To be permenantly banned from all sporting event including the little league games of children; and j) To be permenantly branded with the network symbol on their foreheads (they chose to be marketing tools, let them live with it). To people who have done this and continue to do this, all i say is this, there are more respectable ways to get on tv at a sporting event. I mean, Huyette did it, and his value is questionable at best. If you want to get on tv, bring a clever sign, shoot the place up, whatever...just don't be a tool
Alright, my next point, I HATE EVERYONE WHO BRINGS AN ABC SIGN TO MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! Now, to put this in my list wouldn't do justice to how much I hate these people. The Fucking worthless assclowns decide that rather than cheer their team to victory, they will be "clever" and instead cheer for a FUCKING NETWORK??? I propose, as some guy who made a webpage, hence giving me a certain degree of internet power, that everyone do their best to beat these people to death with the signs they made. If you don't want to kill them, send them to the hospital. These people all need: a) a serious ass-whooping; 2) To be permenantly banned from all sporting event including the little league games of children; and j) To be permenantly branded with the network symbol on their foreheads (they chose to be marketing tools, let them live with it). To people who have done this and continue to do this, all i say is this, there are more respectable ways to get on tv at a sporting event. I mean, Huyette did it, and his value is questionable at best. If you want to get on tv, bring a clever sign, shoot the place up, whatever...just don't be a tool
6:29 PM 11/1/02
Halloween has come and gone, no arrests to speak of. I was Doug Remer from baseketball, not screech. No real news, except that I put a picture on the Halloween page, which is new. Oh well, Fuck you.
5:19 AM 10/22/02
Alrighty, two major news concerns for all, y'all. First off, I've decided to be Samuel "Screech" Powers for halloween. I may be significantly fatter (I like to say more built, but lets not kid ourselves) than Screech, but it's not overwhelming, plus i got the hair. Secondly, I have been officially entered into a case race, over Christmans break. So, Marty and I will be kicking the crap out of Kate and Beth in a case race in two months time. No offense ladies, but its over. We win. 1 - 0. Just a quick question, Is there a mercy rule in this, so when me and Marty are up like 10 beers you forfiet, a la little league?
10:27 AM 10/18/02
I Have Won the Battle With My Computer!!! All the things it tried to deny me, I have forcibly taken back, the bastard has paid for his crimes.
I have started my halloween preperation. My attempts to order a hamburglar costume have failed, rather miserably I might add. But, my 2002 costume is not without hope, as I am left with two other options. Option the first, go as Billy Crystal from that movie Forget Paris. Never saw the movie, but it seems like a good costume. My second option is Lance, AKA Scorpion, AKA Player 1 from Contra, the greatest shooting game of them all. Whoever I may be this year, rest-assured I'm not planning on getting arrested on my way to Fells Point. Please let me know your thought on my costumes.
I have started my halloween preperation. My attempts to order a hamburglar costume have failed, rather miserably I might add. But, my 2002 costume is not without hope, as I am left with two other options. Option the first, go as Billy Crystal from that movie Forget Paris. Never saw the movie, but it seems like a good costume. My second option is Lance, AKA Scorpion, AKA Player 1 from Contra, the greatest shooting game of them all. Whoever I may be this year, rest-assured I'm not planning on getting arrested on my way to Fells Point. Please let me know your thought on my costumes.
7:51 PM 9/21/02
Male Date Rape Drug Hits The Streets!!!
Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to keep alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market, called "beer", is used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to convince their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach: After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are stung for their life's worth in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."
Apparently men are easier victims for this scam after "beer" is administered and have previously been sexually approached. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly-affected, like-minded guys. For the nearest such support group near you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach: After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are stung for their life's worth in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."
Apparently men are easier victims for this scam after "beer" is administered and have previously been sexually approached. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly-affected, like-minded guys. For the nearest such support group near you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
2:38 PM 9/21/02
You know that feeling you wake up to the morning after drinking, the one that's not a pounding headache and satan in the pit of your stomach. The awkward, "Yeah, I drank last night and I'm NOT hungover. SCORE!!!" That feeling. Well, its my opinion that that feeling needs a name. So after much contemplation, I finally realized that the strange morning feeling is simply an offshoot of an existing condition. So, next time somebody say, "Hey man, you were fuckin cocked off your ass last night....Hows the morning treating ya?" Just reply with a grin, "Feeling Squirrely, but, you know the score."
I'm feelin a little squirrely right now, so I'm gonna grab a burger
I'm feelin a little squirrely right now, so I'm gonna grab a burger
4:14 AM 9/20/02
Comly is now known as "Trik", which loosely, or exactly, stands for tall rik
Black people with white hair and or facial hair are nothing more than photo negatives of white people
I missed the Catch 22 show in DC so I got loaded and listened to Catch 22
Ghost Dog is a fuckin cool ass movie
clickhere to go to the top!
Click Here For the Main Page!
Black people with white hair and or facial hair are nothing more than photo negatives of white people
I missed the Catch 22 show in DC so I got loaded and listened to Catch 22
Ghost Dog is a fuckin cool ass movie
clickhere to go to the top!
Click Here For the Main Page!