TOP 15 SHOWS IN NICKELODEON HISTORY

Okay, okay. I'll admit it. I watched literally tons of nickelodeon as a kid and loved every minute of it. I still enjoy the antics of spongebob and invader zimm on the rare occasion i see them on...i think the zimm was canceled. Either way, I'm writing this to share with you my favorite Nick shows of all time. Most of you wouldn't be able to name ten off hand, but this list was expertly chosen. Well, 15 now. The list was originally 10, but I recieved a lot of complaints. Andrew Comly especially voiced his disappointment with the lack of Doug, You Can't Do That On Television, and Wild and Crazy Kids. I was just gonna ignore him, but then I was checking out a Count Duckula page, and it mentioned that Dangermouse was on Nick. Dangermouse was a very important show to my childhood. You might think it was before my time, but I saw every episode in syndication or rented them on VHS. That show was too good not to be added, so I give you, the revised top 15 Nickelodeon Shows of all-time.

#15 Doug



Doug was an awesome show. It very well would have been much higher if I wasn't there to witness it crash and burn into a horrible television experience. At some point, apparently, Disney purchased it and turn it into a pile of shit. I know, since it was disney, I shouldn't let it affect my decision, but it was just so damn dissappointing and really influenced my overall opinion of the show. The voices change and the show just took an overall turn towards being really really gay. I love Skeeter and Quailman, even after they went gay. It was just such a solid show all around while it was cool, and I'm sorry that I had to list it this high. Fuck Disney and their bitch attitudes.

#14 SpongeBob SquarePants

I hate to be trendy and pick a currently very popular show for the top ten, but I can leave this off. I mean, the fucking guy live in a damn pineapple, that's genius. He's a freaking sponge, and quite frankly, its a pretty damn funny show. The show drives me absolutely crazy though. To those of you who watch it, it is hilarious, but insanely dumb. Now, I'm not one to criticize dumb humor, I'm one of its biggest fans. But, after like 15 minutes of spongebob, my brain starts to go numb. I lose all motor functions, and wake up a day later in a pool of my own drool. ITS SO FUCKING DUMB! I just can't take it for more than ten minutes...I go fuckin nuts. It goes from hilarious to the most angering experience television has to offer in the span of one commercial break. Unless of course, you are fucked up and then its the most brilliant thing ever produced. Nuff said.

#13 The Secret World of Alex Mack



This is a show based on the fact the Larissa Oleynick, AKA Alex Mack, is, and always has been, relly really hot. Nickelodeon put her on TV, and I always made it my business to watch. Aside from that, it was still an alright show. I mean, it wasn't like watching VIP or Baywatch. You could actually enjoy the show and not just watch for Pam, it was cool. Alex Mack could turn into a cool liquid state and move around and shit through pipes and what have you. I remember in the first episode, she did it and when she reformed she was naked. That really made my day, and I will say it was one of the greatest events in Nickelodeon history.

#12 You Can't Do That On Television



I don't remember that much about this show, but it had one of the best gimmicks of all time. If you are gonna have a mediocre sketch comedy style show, why not thrust it into greatness but dumping large amounts of disgusting slime onto the heads of the cast. It was awesome, it even spawned a nationwide school contest where your principal could be slime. I mean, fuck man, who didn't want to see their principal get a whole bucket of disgusting shit dumped on an authority figure. I send my postcard, and my principal was a nun. How hilarious would that be, a nun covered in green slime, everyone would laugh their asses off and the God wqould come down from his cloud and smite us all, but it'd be worth it.

#11 Clarissa Explains It All

Good show, I enjoyed the hell out of it. This show taugh me everything I know about monologs and asides. Admittedly, that is very little to nothing, but at least is was a learning experience. Plus, I always though that Melissa Joan Heart was damn hot. And, as we all know, nothing makes a show popular like gorgeous women. Plus, that faggot sam was always climbing up a ladder into her window. With the amount of time those two spent together in her bedroom, every week i was sure there was gonna be some hardcore sex. Every week, a little disappointed, but then again, there was always the following week's potential. What do I remember about the show? Very little. I wasn't the most memorable thing on TV, but I definitely remember watching it on snick every Saturday at 8. Snick rocked.

#10 The Adventures of Pete and Pete



Remeber Pete and Pete? Of course you do, everyobdy loved Pete and Pete. Actually, you only remember Pete. Pete's brother was a lame-ass bastard with no real identifying marks. I mean, who remembers the gay brother when the other one has a cool hat and a tattoo of a fine redhead that he can make dance. That was really the shows whole gimmick. A 12 year old little prick who nobody would like, but he somhow managed to get a cool tattoo. And, when you are a kid, any tattoo is cool, let alone one of a hot girl. I mean, c'mon, the kid didn't even have pubes and he was sporting THAT. Instant classic

#9 Legends of the Hidden Temple



This is one you probably won't remember. It was a cool ass game show where kids would run through this giant temple type thing in search of an ancient artifact. It wasn't really an ancient artifact, I mean, c'mon, how likely would that be. There weren't any specific memorable prizes or games, but the real "host" was a giant talking rock named Olmec. Olmec was a bad motherfucker. He was this creepy looking statue who made proclamations in the insanely booming scary voice, Vader style. Then, after a few mini games, he'd toss some kid into this evil temple with gaurds and booby traps, as well as a time limit. Many kids entered, few were left to tell the tale. This was one of the better action game shows ever, let alone on Nick.

#8 GUTS



I'm gonna level with you people, GUTS was my whole inspiration for writing this piece. The only reason I expanded it is because I couldn't write enough about this show to justify the effort of making a webpage for it without doing some actual research. A fire alarm rang this morning in my dorm while it was raining outside, and for some reason it made me think of the Aggro Crag. There was really no connection, but remember the Aggro Crag. That fucker was huge, and kept getting bigger. This was kids american gladiators. It was awesome, i LOVED this show. I even sent in a letter wanting to be on it when I was a kid. Never happened, but goddammit, it should have. I woulda whooped those kids asses. As far as I can remember, the only prize was a piece of the Aggro Crag that was a trophy, and the winner received it on those olympic pedestool thingies. That was one of the best game shows ever put on Nickelodeon, and it had its share. They even made a video game for it on the SNES. Look for the ROM, its really disappointing.

#7 Inspector Gadget



Man Inspector Gadget was a solid show. Gadget was a funny dude, granted, he fucked everything up every week, but man did he do it in style. That guy blew up the chief left and right, inadvertantly whipped mad agents asses, and saved the day just by having a smart daughter with technology years ahead of the time and a really fuckin cool dog. I'm not even mentioning the countless gadgets that he owned, i want a damn go go gadget helicopter. A FREAKING CHOPPER HAT!! Thats about the best invention of all time. That cool ass van car, how do I get one of those too? His life was freakin sweet. On the evil side, Dr. Claw was as menacing as it gets. Never showed his face, and was still more intimidating than most cartoon villians. That spiked fuckin claw deal and evil ass voice were enough to teach me not to mention with the doctor. Granted, he had poor choice in MAD agents, but supervillians frequently pick incompetant underlings. Just look at GI Joe, ii think one good guy was successfully shot in countless episodes and gun blasts. At least the MAD agents were close. Click Here to take the Gadget Personality Test and see which character you are most like. I was Dr. Claw! Oh, by the way, I hated Penny. No-it-all bitch.

#6 Are You Afraid of the Dark



Submitted for the approval, of the Midnight Society... Was this show awesome or what? The only kids horror show that has ever existed as far as I'm concerned. As long as I watcxhed this show, it never failed to disappoint. After some conversation though with my esteemed colleague Matthew Ostien, this show really went down the crapper after a while. I think by that point I had started hanging out on Saturday nights instead of parking my ass in front of the television for two hot hot hours of Snick, so I'll continue to have my view of it as awesome. Hey, remember that episode with the phone police? I was honestly scared to make prank calls for a good two weeks, man. That was some scary shit. The 6 digit phone number that automatically leads to your doom. If it was an accident, though, would you still land you ass in jail? Fuckin phone cops, always beatin up on the little guys. But, Are You Afraind of the Dark is definitely one of my fonder memories of Nickelodeon.

#5 Dangermouse



He's the Best. He's The Greatest. He's the greatest secret agent in the world... Never has a theme song so accurately represented its show since Voltron, which wasn't so much a song as a plot description put to music. Dangermouse and his sidekick Penfold lived in a mailbox in England (I know, fuck england, but location wasn't that important to the show) and battled evil every week. The mysterious Colonel K appeared on his cool secret agent tv and told Dangermouse just what the notoriously evil Dr. Silas Greenback, a cool frog, was up to. I never, never missed this show. It was that good. Secret Agent shows on the whole suck, because, well, secret agent are generally pretty gay. They come off as huge homos unless they are James Bond and get play three times a movie. But, you just don't see that on TV. Dangermouse was just awesome though, he had a fuckin eyepatch for god's sake. Thats pretty badass, pussy don't lose eyes, and those who do don't stay as secret agents. You lose an eye, your peripheral vision and maintain what it takes to take on the scum of the world, let alone England. Pinfold was the shit too. That guy was goddamn funny as hell with his mole like appearence, thick glasses, and crazy voice. And Greenback, don't get me started talking about Greenback. THAT guy was an evil genious man. Sure, he never won, but thats just cause his opponent was so badass. Secret Agents don't have eypatches, pirate's have eyepatches.

#4 Double Dare



MARC FUCKING SUMMERS. The crowned king of all that is gameshow. This guy was the man for three versions of Double Dare spanning the late 80s. This show was awesome. There was the dare, the double dare, the physical challenge...It was all so great. Kids pitted against each other is all out battles of intelligence, wit, and physical prowess. This game show called on the very essence of your being to throw some sort of food product using a sling tied to a rubber chicken and make it land in your brother's oversized novelty pants 30 yards away. It was inspiring. These people poured their souls into winning an all expense paid vacation to some shitty resort 30 miles south of Disney World. Hands down, my favorite game show ever made. Even the fued fails in comparison, and goddamit, Richard Dawson was an American Hero.

#3 Rocko's Modern Life



This show was HIGH-FUCKIN-LARIOUS! Rocko's Modern Life was one of those cartoons many of you didn't get a chance to watch because Nickelodeon suddenly wasn't "cool" anymore around when this show debuted. But lemme tell you, this one was GOLD. The characters were all classic. Rocko was the lovable wallabe who's life got fucked with every 20 minutes, not to mention a professional jack-hammer riding specialist. Spunky was his fuckin rad pet dog who is in love with the mop. Then there is Heffer, his best friend who is a fat ass cow and fucks everything up repeatedly. His paranoid delusional friend of a turtle named Filburt. Mr. Bighead was his neighbor who happened to be a giant frog man thing. There was also bev, who had a giant hook for a hand. OOOOO, i can't forget Really Really Big Man, the most awesome superhero this side of powdered toast man. He was know to say, "Look into my nipples of the future!" This was one of the better animated half hours ever made, as well as among the most under-rated.

#2 Salute Your Shorts



I'm not gonna lie, the most exciting moment I've had watching a movie in a long while was seeing Donkey Lips in Dude Where's My Car. Donkey Lips! That fucking guy was the man. CAMP ONAWANA, WE HOLD YOU IN OUR HEARTS, AND WHEN WE THINK ABOUT YOU...This thing came apart. HAHA, and there was Donkey Lips talking in his gay lisp and holding a broked fishing rod. Goddamn that was funny. I don't remember wuite how I felt about him at the time, but, in retrospect, I LOVE Donkey Lips. He wasn't the only great character either. UG! Ug is a bad motherfuckin dude, a virtual god of camp counseling and a king among men. I loved his bucket hat and can-do attitude, or something along those lines. They had all the token characters too. The hot girly girl, the jerk, the tomboy...it even had Ben Stein as the voice on the PA system, Dr. Kon. It was just an all around high quality show that was cut tragically short at only 26 episodes (yo, i looked something up, everyone applaud my effort).

#1 (drumroll please) Ren and Stimpy



At this point, anyone who was expecting different never had a TV, or never met me. I am such a huge Ren fan even to this day. Stimpy, hey, Stimpy was awesome. But, Ren was the man. This show had just soooooooo many awesome elements. Aside from the main characters being just hilarious, they had great side charaters like Powdered Toast Man (CLING TENACIOUSLY TO MY BUTTOCKS!) and awesome songs like Log, International Log, Don't Wizz on the Electric Fence. This is rightly in the top of my list of best cartoon shows ever. That is a pretty big task, considering how many great shows came from the 80s alone, and how much I like cartoons. Well there you have it, Nick's Top Ten All Time List. I hope I brought back some great memories of my channel 28, the rest of you are freaks, and...i can't finish that thought. I have heard, although, that Ren and Stimpy is slated to have 8 NEW episodes on TNN as well as a made for TV movie!!!!!

Honorable Mentions go to Eureka's Castle, Invader Zimm, Ahhhh! Real Monsters, Count Duckula, and CatDog


Its been brought to my attention that I used the word fuck or a variation of the word fuck almost 25 times on a page about nickelodeon...just thought I'd throw that out there. Click HERE to go back to the main page