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“I’d Rather Be In The Hampton's” Martha Stewart Jail Cell Decorating Theme
Martha’s make-do, New England ingenuity has inspired this nautical, at-the-shore decorating design. Martha made a stencil of a sailboat and stamped it onto the wall. She added waves with a 1’ brush. Under the top bunk, to bring in more light, she had a mirror cut to fit within the opening of a vintage ship’s steering wheel, edged the mirror in gold leaf, and mounted the piece with special concrete screws.
For a light touch, she did an alternating wall design of starfish and sand dollars. Using ink from an octopus, she added a message…F R E E M E.
Martha made three under-bed storage boxes for personal items. The handles are made out of dried and varnished lobster claws.
Martha’s cellmate Lill encouraged by Martha’s decorating efforts, made license plate name markers and mounted them from the bedposts with chains from the prison automotive shop.
Martha continued the marine theme by making quilts out of nautical flags. Each has a secret code. Martha’s spell out “I-N-N-O-C-E-N-T”, and Lill’s says, “Mess with Martha, Mess with Me.”
The little prison barred window is decorated with heavy fishnet curtains hung from a piece of driftwood. Anchors are used as tiebacks. Fishnet is also used on a coordinating round table where Martha has whipped up a batch of oyster chowder. The soup is served up in a couch shell to be ladled into large scallop shells. It is appropriate to either use a soup spoon or simply lift the soup to one’s lips and swallow as one does with oysters on the half shell.
Here’s the special recipe…it’s a good thing!
Oyster Chowder
1 onion, minced
3 T butter
1 t soy sauce
1/2 t marjoram
1/2 t thyme
1 bay leaf
2 T parsley
1 pint shucked oysters
2 cups milk
½ cup light cream
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1/3 cup white wine
1. Sauté onions in butter. Add the rest of the ingredients, except wine. Cook and stir over low heat until the edges of the oysters begin to curl. Discard bay leaf. Stir in wine. Serve.
Martha is dressed in prison-issued black and whites, including a pillbox hat. Under the prison suit she wears a wing-collar 100% cotton shirt for comfort. Her lingerie is Victoria’s Secret. A woman likes to feel girly no matter where she lives. She always wears a smile on her pink lips.
What’s a woman to do but make the best of her circumstances.
The painting measures 15 1/2” x 12” and is done in acrylics on thin wood. It is signed on front and back by the artist LLFK.
This is an original OOAK piece of celebrity satire. Own a part of pop culture history!
