The Escape Artist Chronicles
- Part 4 By: Gayla Walther


last night i layed awake in bed wondering and wishing for the sharp pain in my head to ease and disappear. during that time of about two hours, i thought about many things. and suddenly a feeling enveloped me, that i'd only ever felt in times of sudden awakening where time slows and every thought is realized and slow and questioned as though it were not in the persistant realm of monotonous sanity. those frightening times when you wonder if you are bypolar, or twitching, or can fly.....

but no, this time it was the initial moment of pure detachment and objectivity:

many of those who believe in god, the man in heaven with the long, wise looking beard, with the stern unpredictable face and stature, and the eyes that you can never ever imagine or possible look up into, many of those who blindly worship, sin and repent, pray to one day wander in heaven amongst family and lost loves, pray but don't quite understand the point, or even how, those are the ones that i know hell was intended for.

unbalanced.

hell, where are you?

deep down beyond the tunnels of sanity and wonder and question? at the other end of a magical path of fire, or ghosts, or prayers?

maybe here in dark corners, in midnite alleys, or maybe in black cloth, or music, or church?

wherever you linger i know that you don't exist to me. you only dwell in the intimidated minds of the weak.

....and so, after this thought lived in my head and passed and the attachment came back to me, i decided to dream of a conversation, of a time when you will say to me all of what needs to be said, and i will rest and smile and know that everything is as it should be.

"why do you believe in god?"

"i do not just believe in god, anyone could do that, i give my trust, and honor and love to god."

"why? what is god?"

"i believe in an eternal energy that is everywhere and in everything, to me, god is the pulse of the universe, every thought, action, idea, and second is god.

both dark and light, equilibrium."

"how can you say eqilibrium when it's evident that the dark or bad outweighs the good?"

"god is found in the discovery of the existing healing energy of all things. all the badness contains this energy, and at the moment when the bad can not get worse the energy will come and heal and bring change."

"so god is energy. can i touch it, or hold it?"

"if you believe in healing and peace and balance, and if you close your eyes and search yourself for all the light you contain, you can hold god. god will not grant your wishes, god is not a genie or a spirit, just flowing, positive energy. if you need to heal, or need strength, focus on positive light and you will see god."

you smiled and disappeared into a spiral of dark and light. and i walked back into my head, and into my bed and smiled and slept.


To Part 5