someday ill jump right in and find myself. ive been hiding for these last few years behind this gentle wake. so much for satisfying everyone or even just myself. again i just waste my breath and your time here with me. wish i could substantiate this neighbor-born relationship. or atleast reimburse you for the days spent sighing. months pass and the sun shines up my arm for the first time. each blink brings colors and shapes. deafening scenes of beauty i once thought only existed in dreams. the wind cool and comforting. the smell of the wet grass and the sense that all is good. im distant from what ive labeled myself as, and for so long stood proud in. i shred this veil of blackness and rebellion. and gently brush the hair out of my eyes, smiling. contridiction of self leads to release. and the ultimate happiness. in my case. so i gasp for more air, greedy now that its here. and walk for hours along the countryside with you until we're almost gone. time is so short, and what little is here we often fill with trivial activities. so i etch this very moment into my head. knowing that in days ahead ill look back and desire it again. and knowing in the days ahead my time will be filled working a job that in the end means nothing. recieving money that in the end leaves nothing as my possesion. all that i have is this moment, your heart, and this love. all i have is this walk by the pond. and the reflection of you, heaven.



Written
12:31AM
Saturday, June 23, 2001
While listening to Mogwai's "Waltz For Aiden"