American History X - 09.22.01
"One in every three black males is in some phase of the correctional system. Is that a coincidence or do these people have, you know, like a racial commitment to crime?"
"We're so hung up on this notion that we have some obligation to help the struggling black man, you know. Cut him some slack until he can overcome these historical injustices. It's crap. I mean, Christ, Lincoln freed the slaves, like, what? 130 years ago. How long does it take to get your act together?"

Random Thought - 07.29.01
Won't you tell me why that
the beautiful ones are always crazy?

Fight Club - 06.22.01
"I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. Goddamnit an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables, slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit that we dont need. We're the middle children of history man, no purpose or place. We have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war and our great depression, is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all become millionaires and movie gods and rock stars, but we wont. We're slowly realizing that fact. And we're very, very pissed off..."

Blah, Blah, Blah - 05.24.01
Sometimes I find myself hating the way I talk or write. Sometimes I think I talk too much or not enough. Never the perfect medium. Sometimes this poetic thing I do feels old. And I despise it. I often wonder what kind of person I'll be as I get older. If I'll still be the same or if there's going to be some significant change somewhere down the line. Sometimes I wonder if all these words Im typing mean anything to any of us. Sometimes I wish I didnt notice the little things or constantly think about all things. Sometimes I disgust myself for feeling depressed about nothing. And every once in a while find myself suprisingly happy. Sometimes metaphors I use get on my nerves. Sometimes I think I can change everything, and mold it all into what I want it to be. Other times I come to terms and realize you're the only one. Most times I cant forgive myself so I dont think about it. Im not forgiving, or forgiven. I dont think I have any compassion anymore. I never cry. I never lend my hand. A lot of times I think it has to get better. But so far it hasnt. I wish I could change, live somewhere else. Be someone different. Know who I was in another life. Be closer to heaven. Sometimes I think about his gravestone. I havent visited it in years. Im not sure if we'll ever be anything. But I hope we all become something. Even for a few fleeting moments. Because just a small taste of comfort would be something Ive never had. And I need it. Yesterday I realized I have a problem. With anger, depression and confusion. I have it better then a lot of people if you judge economically. But spiritually? Emotionally? Im homeless. And drifting further from everyone. Im tired. My wrists hurt from typing, and my eyes are sore. And I suppose Im through with this thought. Thank you for reading...

These Walls Annoy Me - 05.24.01
Im really sick of the whole prep vs nerd vs jock vs goth routine. Seems like in a world where knowledge and acceptance could be so easily aqcuired that things shouldn't be so bad. The way you dress doesnt define you. The money your parents has doesnt define you. How many tattoos or peircings you have doesnt define you. How many trophies you have doesnt define you. The color of your skin doesnt define you. The amount of white make-up you cake on your face doesnt define you. The amount of drugs/alchohol you can take in doesnt define you. So many people do these things only to aid in one thing, acceptance. Individualism is an endangered species. Because everyone is going sooooooooo far out of their way to "be different" when actually they're just being like millions of other people. Dont go out of your way to be anything. Be yourself.

What You Dont Know I Understand, Trust Me - 05.23.01
We are all beasts, we live and die by blood. These roars of liberty have been muffled by the ever growing sounds of God's footsteps. Embrace nothing, love is dead. Why are you here with me? I'm one of many, alone by even less. The minus-compassion mediocre man. Unabiding and ignorant. Confiding in ignorance. Aligning without significance. This world is only a small trip to everywhere else. Riding a wave bound to crash. Obsessing with a life soon to pass. Are we not all signed up for death class? Graduation is approaching. But let's not mourn, for all that we don't know is only a life reborn. Beyond this, beyond God, beyond me. We'll be laughing with the conquerers and kings. Dining with the corpses of Hitler's men. Slowly understanding nothing, but quickly realizing that. This world is destined to forfeit freedom. And that taste will be unforgetable...

Religion Ramblings - 05.23.01
Just thought I'd kinda update my overview of religion today. For some reason Ive just been thinking alot about it. Probably because I'm in Yahoo chat and there's so many cliched people in here. So many people labeling themselves Satanists, Wiccans, Atheists, Christians, etc and not knowing anything about what they're talking about. Or doing it because it's trendy. Let's face it, religion is trendy. Everyone's either a Christian or a Satanists these days. There's a new generation coming up that thinks Satanism and Atheism defines them and protects them from certain people. Why cant everyone come to terms and realize nothing is proven. I mean, dont get me wrong, some of my best friends are Christians and atheists and I respect that. I just dont understand it. I honostly believe Christians think they know something, but I honostly believe they dont. If they do believe, I sincerely hope they've seen God or talked to him. Not just felt a feeling and believed that was God. If feelings defined something as being true then my goodness, the world would be terrible. As for Satan Worshippers, there's nothing to really say. If you believe there's a Satan and a God and you choose to worship Satan you're a fucking idiot. On to atheist, you're just as bad as all the others. Disbelieving so phlegmatically. You're disbelief holds no real grounds either. But everyone needs to live like they want to. If believing or disbeliving or believing in nature or Buddha or Satan or Jah...whatever makes you happy do it. Whatever makes you feel safe and comfortable, go for it. Live your life as you may, but always know that the basis of your life may be set on a transparent foundation. Something that really doesnt exist. When you die, you may regret that. You may not have lived your life to the fullest, being held back by certain beliefs. In the end, I hope we all realize life is precious. And nothing really matters but today. Not any invisible creator or a book full of words. Believe in yourself and trust reality. All of us are nothing. Believe in nothing.

The Silent Black and White
I can say what I want to: nigger, cracker, faggot. So go fuck yourself.

God and the Lack There Of
Thought I'd let everyone know what I think of religion/god since so many people base there complete existence on it. If you're looking for a label I guess I'd fall under the agnostic one because I'm not at a place in my life where I can tell you if there is or isn't a god with a good amount of certainty. I can tell you from my own experience that I've never been talked to by God, touched by God or comforted by God. When I've asked him to give me signs I haven't recieved them. When I've read the Bible I didn't walk away feeling wiser or like some huge weight had been lifted off my chest. So the question I pose to all of you that are Christians is, how come God didn't speak to someone that was so willing and so open for him to do just that? Does he just pass over some people and send them to hell? I wouldn't think if he was real that he would do that. So, I'm pretty much seriously doubting God. Possibly borderline atheist, if I really sat down and thought long and hard about it I'm sure I would probably classify myself as one, but I try not to think about it. But here lately I've also been thinking if there really is this place in the sky called Heaven I may not want to go. If I can't do the things I love there. Listen to all my favorite bands, watch my favorite movies. That may sound childish but it's true. Seems like all you'd do up there is play checkers and read. Seems like either way I'm screwed. Because I don't want to die and it just be over. Eternity in black. The only thing good about death is those first beautiful fleeting moments when everything will be answered...


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