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Need: Canned Beer (If it is not canned, you may have to modify this procedure)
            A house key, or other sharp object
            A Stopwatch (Optional)

Procedure:
1.  Take the can in your off-hand.
2.  Tilt it so it lays parallel to the floor.
3.  Make sure the opening of the can is pointing straight up to the sky.
4.  This is the difficult part.  Pierce a small hole in the bottom of the can, and open it to a size slightly smaller than the size of your mouth.
5.  Place your open mouth over the hole.
6.  In one swift motion, tilt your head back and pop the tab with your other hand.  Start the stopwatch.
7.  Suck hard, and feel free to crush the can in your hand as you allow gravity, with a little help, to flow the beer down your throat.
8.  When you are done, stop the watch, and throw the can aside in triumph.
9.  Read the stopwatch and compare the time to the table below.
10.  Repeat.

Need: Foster’s Beer (If it is not canned, you may have to modify this procedure)
            Teeth (No Dentures)
            A Stopwatch (Optional)

Procedure:
1.  Take the can in your off-hand.
2.  Tilt it so it lays parallel to the floor.
3.  Make sure the opening of the can is pointing straight up to the sky.
4.  This is the difficult part.  Pierce a small hole in the bottom of the can, or, no wait, make that thing huge.
5.  Place your open mouth over the hole.
6.  In one swift motion, tilt your head back and pop the tab with your other hand.  Start the stopwatch.
7.  Suck hard, and feel free to crush the can in your hand as you allow gravity, with a little help, to flow the beer down your throat.
8.  When you are done, stop the watch, and throw the can aside in triumph.
9.  Read the stopwatch and compare the time to the table below.
10.  Repeat at least 5 times.

Procedure:
1.  Take the can in your off-hand.
2.  Tilt it so it lays perpendicular to the floor.
3.  Make sure the opening of the can is pointing straight at you.
4.  This is the difficult part.  Bring the can to your mouth like you are drinking it.
5.  Pierce a hole in the back directly opposite the unopened tab.
6.  Open the tab with your mouth.
7.  Drink Fast, Suck hard, and feel free to crush the can in your hand as you allow gravity, with a little help, to flow the beer down your throat.
8.  When you are done, stop the watch, and throw the can aside in triumph.
9.  Read the stopwatch and compare the time to the table below.
10.  Repeat as necessary.

Time Chart
(0-1 Second)  You Are God
(2-3 Seconds)  You are me.
(3-5 Seconds)  Master.
(5-6 Seconds)  Wooo-hooooooo
(6-8 Seconds)  Very Fast, Practice Harder
(8-10 Seconds)  A Good Start
(10-?? Seconds)  Beginner, or Pathetic Veteran.  Read Steps Again and Study.

 It is only considered puking if you hack up something other than foam.
 
 If you use your teeth, you can do it in your dorm room.

 A big hole is better than a small one.

 If you do it right you will not get any on you.  (Shaneequa had me throw that one in)