Our Bios
RED's Bio
Hi, I'm RED! It sure was nice of the people here to let me have this computer in my padded cell! It took me a while to learn how to type with my toes, but it was worth it! Have a look into my demented life!
TOP SECRET GOVERNMENT FILE:
Name: RED is all you're gettin'out of me, Big Brother!
Age: Finaly old enough to buy porn, but not booze.
Location: The heart of it all! All=stupidity. (Ohio)
Marital Status: Is it legal yet?
Religion: Eclectic Wicca
Hobbies & Interests: Dust collecting, dog shaving, seal painting, stalking famous people (You know you've become a huge facet in their life when they put a restraining order on you!)
Favorite Color: Blue, no, I mean yelloAHHHHH!!!!
Favorite Pokemon: Ninetails, Vulpix, Vaporeon, Gyarados, Mewtwo, Mew
Favorite Episode of Pokemon: Jesse and RED have sex! Oh, wait, that's the episode I made up in my head.
Favorite Beverage: Grasshopper Latte
If you could be any animal, what would you be and why: I'd be a parasite, because I'm really lazy
Favorite TV shows: Pokemon (duh) Xena, Simpsons, Futurama, South Park, Kids in the Hall, Daria, Barf+Puke+Spew Show (The one we made up)
Plans for world domination: Well, first I get a hold of the nation's supply of silly string, then I...HEY! Wait a minuet! I'm not telling you that!
Favorite songs: Hazy Shade of Winter-Bangels version. Till you Love Me-Reba. Electric Blue-Some '80's guy. Double Trouble-Team Rocket! (Well not really, some one else wrote it and all) The Pokerap-? Oh, yeah, and I love every thing by The Backstreet Boys. Oh, wait, I'm confusing love with hate again.
Favorite Quotes: Jessie has HUGE tits, shut up, kiss my shiny metal ass, and yet over here in reality world...
Most Hated Commercials: Anything with naked babies, anything with disgusting food on ugly people's faces, anything with the ugly Taco Bell dog, the Eggo commercial where the ugly kid digs to China, Gogurt commercial.
Favorite Commercials: Everything advertising Magic Mounain Family Fun Center.
Kristie's Bio
Hi, I'm Kristie. This is my profile. Don't worry, it won't be nearly as stupid as RED's.
Name: Kristie, aka Chaos
Age: I'm old enough to buy cigarettes and that's all thet matters to me.
Location: The City they built Rock and Roll on, the State of Denial, Marlboro Country.
Marital Status: Never...
Religion: Buddhist, apparently also known as Atheist.
Hobbies and Interests: Pokemon, Digimon, drawing, writing, doing html, driving aimlesly and getting in wrecks.
Favorite Color: Blue-green
Favorite Pokemon: Raticate!
Favorite Episode of Pokemon: Go West, Young Meowth
Favorite Beverage: water
Favorite TV shows: Pokemon, Friends, Digimon, The Simpsons, Futurama, South Park.
Plans for World Domination: *cries*
Favorite Songs: The Pina Colada Song (Escape)-Rupert Holmes, Rhiannon-Fleetwood Mac, Walking in Memphis- Mark Cohn
Favorite Quotes: It just goes to show you never know, follow your heart, I hate everybody, I'm busy, you're ugly, have a nice day.
Computers used: Chinese Abacus
Most Hated Commercials: The McDonald's one where the stupid woman gives her kids baths before dinner who takes their bath before dinner? And both the kids are in the same bath tub even though they are both like, 10. And she says "Can you wash your feet?" which is a stupid thing to say. And then you see the man driving and he's so fat and he can't even wait until he gets home to eat the stupid fries. And he's probably going to have a wreck because he's trying to eat and drive at the same time. And right before he goes in he touches the disgusting trash can and then goes in to eat. And he has to hide the fact that he ate the fries, so he lies to his wife. And then he's going to go all the way back to McDonald's to get more stupid fries. And then she calls him Fry Breath!!!!! Which is the dumbest thing, and if any one called me Fry Breath I would kill them. And then they have that stupid slogan, "Did somebody say McDonalds?" NO!!! SHUT UP!!! And then they play that really annoying music that goes like RRRRRTT RRRRRRTT RRRRRTT and it makes me want to stab someone! Man, I hate that commerical!!!
Favorite Commercials: All Magic Mountain ones, the cell phone commercial where the girl goes "We're closed!"
REASONS WHY DAWN, KRISTIE, AND RED ALL LOVE EACH OTHER!
aka, 102 inside jokes
1. Kristie is all smart and stuff.
2. Dawn's not no damaged goods.
3. The Polynesian Mafia rules!
4. In Kristie I have a good friend to love Team Rocket with!
5. In Dawn I have some one to laugh at while she screams out of the car window.
6. 50 million stupid boyfriends can't be wrong!
7. Kristie and her amazing technicolored dream hair.
8. We're all from the same home planet. (Non Stupid Freaktonia)
9. Not Annoyitron.
10. 'Cuz Jesse had huge tits, that's why!
11. Hey me maties, guess what. What? Arrr!
12. Your family's poor, Kenny!
13. Because Dawn's candy in a jar.
14. Because the cycle of life is puke and gay porn
15. Stupid Puppetmon, I'm gald he's dead.
16. Because Dawn is sick of Kristie's boring speeches.
17. Because Dawn doesn't want Krisite's spitty-ass cottage cheese.
18. Because we were the Zooplankton.
19. Where's my mommy? I lost her on Christmas.
20. Ciggarette, lighter, smoke.
21. 'Cuz they're hella cool!
22. Dude, stop saying hella!
23. 'Cuz us fine 'hos will keep makin' out 'til the bitter end! Curses!
24. The Holly-Day Jolly-Day Tour Bus to Feebdom.
25. Because at the begining of "Pokemon: The First Movie" Kristie yelled, "Yay! It's time for the Team Rocket movie!"
26. Friendship takes courage.
27. Do they preach to you while you're laying stoned in the gutter? NO!!!
28. Because this parrot is stone cold dead!
29. Do you know what these are?
30. I have a tuba!
31. Hey, Dude, guess what? What? Surf's up!
32. Man, Red, the bitches ain't gonna come to you! You gotta go to the bitches!
33. What's wrong with being a slut?
34. Because with out them I never would have made it through my first year at Stenchburg High School.
35. Where are the zebras I ordered???
36. RUN! RUN FROM THE STORM OF PUKE!
37. Because it's the apocolypse and we need must kill you now, squaw.
38. Because my mother is in denial.
39. Because Dawn's the bestest High School drop out in the whole world!
40. Little Dawnazad.
41. You go ahead and worship Jesus, kids. I'm having sex with your father!
42. Because you're all out of the mix.
43. Because we worship the Big Shoe.
44. Bank's closed, asshole.
45. Because the next time Jen sits on the toilet, it's gonna explode.
46. Because the broom has been liberated!
47. Because we hate virtually everyone else.
48. Because the bird is dead, and some one replaced it with a new one.
49. Because he opened up his mouth, and that's what came out.
50. Because you're gonna break the computer!!!!!
51. Because she might catch a frisbee in Lonestar.
52. Cuz we don't be thinking that the silverware is gold.
53. Milk's selling cookies.
54. There wasn't any ring.
55. He said he'd kill himself if Kristie didn't take the phone to the bathroom.
56. You'll pay for that!
57. The Lesbian Curse!
58. Because that was his girlfriend, not his dad.
59. Quiet, I have to watch my airplane show.
60. Because he's black and Dawn went out with him.
61. Dawn walked miles and miles in the dead of winter to hide in Kristie's apartment so she could skip school.
62. We got kicked off for smoking.
63. We got kicked out of Hallmark, Kroger's, Builder's Square, Westerville Mall, Putt Putt, Lion's Den, Big Bear, and The Spaghetti Shop.
64. Clean your phone!
65. Dawn used cum as salad dressing.
66. You only go to the bathroom because you're nervous around me.
67. You don't fit the bill, you don't cut the mustard, don't take the cake, don't make the grade...
68. The day Roy scores is the day Dawn dates whitey.
69. China's THAT way, commie bastard!
70. Damn Digimon!
71. Thier hang out was school.
72. We're all marrying Jar Jar Binks.
73. We're from Oprah and we're taping this (Dawn throws sausage)
74. The salt and pepper shaker are getting married (Please calm down, Dawn.)
75. We're going to put keys in our hand and hit Charlena.
76. We got our own room!
77. Meowth is a sexy bitch.
78. Dawn was at the nut house.
79. Get out of class with the Robot Dance.
80. Dawn pretended her salami was a vagina in front of her mom.(Dawn, you need help.)
81. Did you brush your teeth today!?!
82. Do you want some more ketchup?
83. Damn the Chi Chi's waiter!
84. Dawn had to get in a shopping cart for him to notice her.
85. Dawn stole the Playgirl and it dropped out of her coat in front of Kristie's dad.
86. Dawn showed the Playgirl to strangers in cars next to us.
87. Dawn and Kristie put porno and weed and cigs in RED's locker.
88. Kristie did it with RED's brother.
89. So did Dawn.
90. They were having sex in Dawn's bed, then it turned out he was gay.
91. Dawn had sex in the stairwell.
92. Troy would never eat out Kristie or Dawn.
93. Especially Kenny!
94. There's no more red sweater, accept it.
95. Hey, everybody! Let's go outside and get sucked up by the twister! OK!
96. Come to my locker, it'll be spam, no people covered in spackle allowed!
97. The Team Rocket motto is more of a second date thing.
98. Hoo-Hoo is Super Cute!
99. NOBODY stands up Dawn Lastname!
100. Prove to me that you love me. Dude, I gotta puke! That proves it!
101. RED's still not as bitter as John.
102. Which plague? THE plague!
