Are
You Presumed Lazy?
“You know," is said in a condescending tone, " if you’d get off your butt and maybe DO SOMETHING you might feel better! You’ve got to move just to keep your body oxygenated!”
Have you ever heard those words or ones similar to them? I know of many of my family and friends that have and they were in so much pain they didn’t feel like they could move. They had no clue why. So, they joined in their own abuse by accepting that they must be worthless. Otherwise, they would have been able to produce more, be more motivated to do more, instead of feeling so useless.
Did you ever find yourself going to work in a Fibro-fog? The dread that filled your first waking thoughts as you pulled yourself out of bed and headed for that soothing shower were akin to those of a condemned person taking that last walk. Sips of coffee had long ago turned to gulps as you tried to arouse enough brain cells to remember what that assignment was that was given the day before. You felt totally unprepared and wondered if you could “dodge the ax” one more day.
What was it the doctor said? Something about prescribing an anti-depressant for you because he believed that you were only having difficulties with menopause and that this would surely pass as soon as you accepted reality.
Pain sears through your body. Today it’s in your back but yesterday it was in your shoulders and the day before it was... oh, you forgot too? Better get your lazy butt moving! There’s a load of laundry that needs to be folded and another that needs to be washed.
You lean over to lift the laundry into the washer and the pain is back in your shoulders again. Your legs tremble as you lift the weight of the dirty towels and you grimace as you recall that you need to hurry! Darn the clock! It waits for no one and you certainly don’t want to get to work late. Yesterday you got a dirty look from your supervisor as you slid into your chair two minutes late. You were cautioned that you seemed to be setting a pattern and didn’t you think you should maybe get up a few minutes earlier?
Sleep blessed sleep has eluded your nights for a week now. You can’t remember when you slept a peaceful night and arose rested. You know people older than you who seemingly have little or no problem doing all that is required of them and still have time left over to criticize and gossip about you. What IS YOUR problem?
You have fibromyalgia, my friend. Don’t let the doctors fool you. It’s not a terminal illness but it’s life altering. Find yourself a doctor that has kept up with his medical knowledge. They are out there. If the one you are currently seeing only wants to patronize you, find someone that doesn’t.
After a proper diagnosis, follow his instructions. He very well may tell you that you are, as I am, permanently and totally disabled. Those words are both music and at the same time appear to be a death-knell. They are neither. It’s simply a way for you to be able to better take care of yourself and those responsibilities around you that will never go away.
My sincerest wish is that you will have work benefits that include long-term disability. Social Security doesn’t seem to want to recognize FMS as yet. They told me that I was not disabled because I was still able to THINK! Oh, if they only knew what I THOUGHT when I received that bit of literature from them!
Confide in those closest to you whom you trust. Tell them exactly what your malady is. If they are true friends and loving family you will be blessed with understanding. Your self-esteem WILL RETURN and you won’t have to worry about being LAZY anymore.
My heart reaches for you as we share in this phantom waltz.
