Here's Your Sign!

Some of us (especially we Southerners) have been pretty skeptical of horoscopes through the years, in fact, it has become pretty obvious that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them.

When a southerner is out driving around one can see an occasional bull and once in a great while I suppose, even see a ram. Up the street there may be some twins. The rest of these things are just way too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation at the beach. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no damn water bearers. The neighborhood's not exactly crawling with virgins either, needless to say.

SO what we need here is some relevance. We need things SOUTHERN we can recognize up there in the night sky. How about re-naming some of those constellations? I submit the following for your amusement. (Please read disclaimer at bottom of page.)

OKRA
Dec 22 - Jan 20
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra has tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Mount.Vesuvius, and this can make for a terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

BOLL WEEVIL
Feb 20 - Mar 20
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in his or her right mind is going to marry you,
so don't worry about it. Enjoy your solitude.

MOON PIE
Mar 21 - April 20
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might
be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.  Moon Pie's are soooo sweet.

POSSUM
APR 21 - May 21
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't-bother-me-about-it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but it seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work if you don't keep your eyes open and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH
May 22 - June 21
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have many other desirable traits.

COLLARDS
June 22 - July 23
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are
Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH
July 24 - Aug 23
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one feature … whiskers…-- may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS
Aug 24 - Sept 23
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go
where they have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS
Sept 24 - Oct 23
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN
October 24 - Nov 22
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud of that. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO
Nov 23 - Dec 21
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. What is a good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating
possibility.

Disclaimer: Of course, this is purely for fun and should you recognize yourself or someone else please don't blame the webmaster.

Also, this was forwarded to me in my e-mail. I asked permission of the person who sent it but they said it was forwarded to them. Should this "belong" to you, just e-mail me and I will be delighted to give credit where it is "due". Please use "Sign" in the subject line for any comments relating to this page. Thank you.

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