I have a confession to make. I have the honest to God most amazing girlfriend. Don't ask me what in the world I did to deserve her because I can't find that answer,but I have to praise the Lord for sending her to me. She managed to calm Jessie down and take her to the airport to go home...and she came back without a bruise. Taylor Do you ever get the feeling that somebody is watching you? Like there is a presence behind you, but then you turn around and nobody is there. Doesn't it drive you mad? + "Hey Zac." I walked into my little brother's place the next morning. "I can't recall ever being so nervous in my life." I mumbled to Zac, my hands shaking as I set a dish of food in the refrigerator. He slid his hands around my waist and twisted his fingers into mine. + "Hi, mom, dad." Zac greeted his parents with a smile. + "That was excellent, Ally." Diana commented after dinner. It was just Walker, Diana, my parents, myself and Zac left at the table. Taylor and the kids had left for a walk. I couldn't believe it had gone over so well. I was so happy that I just wanted to scream. How immature of me, huh?
Zac
"Was she okay?" I asked her as soon as she walked in the door. She had practically FORCED me to stay home, saying it'd be for the better.
"Yeah, she was fine. I talked to her." She responded.
"What did you say?"
"That's between me and Jessie." She threw her keys down on the counter and walked into the living room. I followed her. She sat down on the couch and sighed, throwing her feet up on the table. I sat next to her, reaching over and massaging her shoulders.
"Mmm...that feels good..." She turned and moved herself into my lap, leaning against my chest.
"Does that feel good?"
"Mmm." She mumbled in reply.
"Let's go outside." I stood and picked up her hand, pulling her outside. I lead her into the backyard and we sat down on the grass. She laid down on the grass and looked up at me.
"I love you."
I looked down at her, leaning in and kissing her nose lightly. "I love you too."
She smiled. I moved down to her feet and picked her left one up, kissing it lightly.
"What are you doing?"
"Going...south." I looked up at her slyly. "Florida."
She shook her head, laughing. I moved up to her knee and kissed it lightly.
"Hmm...North Carolina." I moved up to her thigh and let my hand fall in between her legs.
"And this is...."
"This is oh boy you better stop in mid America because if you don't you're gonna get a bloody nose." She grabbed my hand.
"What's wrong? I thought that was pretty imaginative."
"It was. Until you did that." She paused and sat up.
"What...you don't like me touching you there?"
"Not unless I know what you're gonna do."
"Strip you naked and feel you up." I grinned. She reached over and punched me playfully. I pulled her towards me and wrapped my arms around her waist. She rested against me, placing her hands over mine and twirling her fingers into mine.
"Hey, Zac, I really love you, you know that?"
"Yeah. I love you too."
"I mean I love you ALOT. Like more than anyone in this world."
"Okay..."
"And we're getting married and stuff."
"Yeah."
"Zac, put your arms around me." I did as she told me, wondering what the hell was up with her. "Promise not to let go."
"I promise."
"Promise not to ever let go?"
"You mean, you just want to sit here like this...like bumps on a log...and never ever move?"
"No. I mean promise me...that...you'll never let go of my heart. That you'll never ever let it slide through your fingers."
"Ally, that's a promise I made when I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."
"I know. I just wanted to hear you say it."
"I just did. I promise you that I'll never let your heart go, that I'll never let YOU go. Ever." I kissed her cheek gently and tightened my arms around her, letting out a small sigh.
There was nothing I wanted more than to sit there on that grass, holding her in my arms, knowing that nothing could ever come between us. And when you come to a realization like the one I did, that sitting on the grass like Ally and I were, and you know that if you stand up with grass stains on your ass and the other person laughs at you, that you're gonna laugh harder than they are, it's kind of like...woah. This is what I've been searching for. That type of realization. It's almost overwhelming.
You know when you're walking really fast and you ALMOST trip but then you catch yourself? And then you know the relief AFTER you realize you didn't fall but you almost did...that relief that almost makes you fall over cause your heart is beating so fast. It's...kinda like a relief like that, knowing you've found everything you've been looking for and that you don't have to search for anything more because you've got it all in one person.
It's honestly the best feeling in the whole entire world. It makes me kind of sad to wonder if Taylor will ever experience that. I mean, with the way his life is moving right now, it looks somewhat like if he does ever experience anything near that feeling, it won't be for a long time.
It does me. That's the feeling I was getting when I walked into the gas station, Sunoco. It gave me the chills and I shivered when I walked towards the counter to pay for my gas.
"Cold?" The girl at the counter asked. I looked up shyly.
"Nah. Just a chill."
"Ah." She laughed. "That's twenty dollars." She rang up the gas and waited patiently for me. I dug the cash out of my pocket and handed it to her.
"What's your name?" I asked slowly.
She let her hands fall on the counter after handing me my change.
"My name is Violet."
"Violet? That's interesting."
She smiled. "Yeah."
"It's a pretty name."
"Taylor?" I looked up.
"How'd you know my name?"
"Everyone knows your name."
I laughed. "Oh."
"Why are you flirting with me?"
I smiled. "Because I like flirting with beautiful girls."
She smirked. "Aah, you're one of them guys, huh? I'm a gas station worker during the day and I'm a bar dancer at night, Taylor. You don't need a girl like me."
"No? Why not? I'd like to take you out."
She let out a frustrated sigh. "No."
"Then can we become friends?"
"Maybe."
"Can I have your phone number?"
"I don't have a phone."
"You what?"
"You heard me."
I bit down on my lip. "Well, what bar do you work at?"
"Taylor, please. Okay. Fine. I'll give you my number."
She wrote her number down on a piece of paper and handed it to me.
"I thought you didn't have a phone."
"Taylor. What do you want?"
"What do you mean? Mom and Dad told me they were coming up here this weekend and I wanted to know what's going on."
"We're all having dinner Saturday night with Ally's family. You're invited."
"And...?"
"And Ally and I have an announcement."
I rolled my eyes. I could already predict it. Engagement or pregnancy. They were the only possible announcments Ally and Zac could make.
Honestly, my guess was she was pregnant. I mean, it's Zac. He loves to screw. Yeah, that's gotta be it. And if it's not, I guess I don't know my brother too well.
"Don't be nervous." He whispered, but I could see all he was feeling in his eyes. I know that sounds crazy, but when you really, really get to know somebody...their feelings are just so visible through their eyes. And he was definitely nervous.
"I can't help it. I don't want anything to get messed up. I want everything to be perfect."
He reached over and put his hands on my shoulders. "Everything will be perfect."
I smiled slowly and twisted my fingers in his hair. "Do you think?"
"I know." He sighed and looked at his watch. "We still have an hour until everyone gets here. Let's go just take a rest, okay?" He pulled me upstairs by the hand.
"You know what?" He smiled and touched my face gently with his hand.
"Hmm?"
"You have killer eyes. I love them. I love you." He leaned in and kissed me softly, his tongue moving into my mouth.
A good thing about Zac is that he's not a sloppy kisser like some guys. He's really slow and gentle and he always knows when the timing is right. I love that about him.
He pulled away and I shook my head, slipping my hands behind his neck and kissing him lightly before pulling away.
"Ally?" He whispered, slipping his hand into mine.
"Hmm." I fell back into his arms, letting out a small sigh.
"We shouldn't worry about our parents or families or whatever. Because our love isn't about what they see. Actually, forget them and forget everyone else. Our love is about us and what we feel. So don't worry about them, okay?" He whispered, resting his head on my shoulder.
I slowly turned to look at him. "You're right." I squeezed his hand and sighed again. "I don't ever want anyone else to get the chance to realize how amazing you are." I smiled. "That sounded really selfish. I'm selfish."
He grinned and laughed. "If you think you're selfish, I must be extra extra selfish."
I smiled. "I guess we're just selfish people."
"Hm." He shook his head and let out a breath when the doorbell rang. "Well, let's go."
"Zac! I've missed you!" Diana threw her arms around Zac and kissed his cheek. Zac blushed and hugged her back. A few minutes later Jessica, Avery, Mackie and Zoe piled in.
"Jessie...long time no see, eh?" Zac grinned and patted his sister on the shoulder.
I couldn't help but just stand back and watch them. I felt this sudden jealousy just surge through me. It's not like I didn't know why...it just shocked me that I'd be jealous of my own boyfriend.
I'd always wanted to have a family like Zac's. One with lots of brother's and sister's, lots of hugs and kisses and more than just a 'goodnight' before going to bed. I mean, I've got one brother and one sister, and I never talk to either of them. I've never really known my parents...they've always been workaholics and I was always stuck with a babysitter.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I had the worst childhood. I'm just saying I wish it could have been more like Zac's.
"Ally? You okay?" Zac asked quietly a few seconds later.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine!" I smiled and grabbed his hand when I saw my parents car pull into the driveway.
"Um, mom, dad, you guys can go ahead and make yourselves at home." Zac gulped when my parents walked in the house.
"Hi, Ally, Zac." Mom greeted, smiling.
"Hi mom." I leaned in and hugged her lightly. My dad just sort of hung back, looking glum, and didn't say anything. This made me extremely upset but I didn't make any sort of comment about it.
"Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Diana and Walker." I introduced my parents to Zac's and found myself smiling as they shook hands. "And these two..." I looked at Zoe and Mackie, "Are Mackie and Zoe. Avery and Jessie are..."
"Outside somewhere." Zac finished for me. I looked up at him and smiled.
"Yes, outside somewhere. And Taylor isn't here yet." I clapped my hands together. "Well, dinner is ready. Let's eat."
"Thank you." I grinned. How awesome is that stuff that comes in a box?
"Well." Zac sighed. "Ally and I have an announcement to make." He stood up slowly, pulling my hand as a motion for me to get up. I stood tall next to him and gulped, looking up at him slowly, grasping his hand tightly in mine.
"We're getting married." He picked up my left hand and held it out to show my ring. Diana and my mom both gasped and jumped up to hug the two of us. Walker smiled and gave us both hugs too. My dad sat back and didn't say anything.
"Dad?" I gulped and looked down at him.
"Congratulations, Ally, Zac." He said quietly and looked away. I sighed and sat down next to him.
"Daddy, what's wrong? Can't you be happy for me?"
"I am happy for you, honey." Tears came to his eyes. "I just don't want to give my little girl away. That scares me. I don't know Zac. I don't know if he'll treat you well. I don't want to give you away yet. You're still my little girl."
I leaned in and hugged him tightly. "That's just it, Dad. I'm not a little girl anymore." I sighed when he wrapped his arms around me tightly, the tears falling down my eyes as well as his.
"I love you, honey. Don't ever forget that." He pulled away and wiped his tears, smiling. He stood up and held out his hand to Zac. "I'll gladly accept you into our family." He gulped and shook Zac's hand.
Zac
"I'm glad that's over." Ally said softly, walking into our room and shutting the door behind her, pulling the clip out of her hair to let it down.
"Ally?" I paused.
"Hmm?"
"Am I crazy for wanting you this bad?" I leaned in and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I knew she was telling me I wasn't crazy.
She pulled away. "Zac..." She sighed and shook her head.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm so extremely overjoyed and I don't want sex to shatter that feeling."
"It's not sex, Al, it's sharing souls. But if you don't want to tonight, it's okay."
"I want to, though, Zac. It's just...I don't want SEX...I want something MUCH deeper than that...I want to try everything possible...I want to share our souls in every way we can...I just..."
"Sounds pretty kinky to me." I grinned. She slapped my arm playfully.
"Shut up."
"Sorry." I kissed her lightly, pulling her towards me. "Actually, you know what?" I whispered.
"What's that?"
"I want to save that until our wedding night."
"Really?" She looked up at me, touching my cheek gently.
"Yeah, really. It would be much more meaningful then."
"You're right." She smiled. "Good idea." She fell back and rested against my chest. "So then, let's just lay here and do nothing. Let's just...talk."
"Besides, you know what? My parents might be back early tomorrow morning and we'd be naked in bed and it just wouldn't be good because my mom likes to just...barge in on people without knocking." I said in one quick sentence. She laughed and kissed me.
"You know, I love feeling you smile when you kiss me."
She blushed.
"I do, Ally, I really do. I love you...I love everything about you. Your hair...the way it shines when the sun hits it. The way your eyes light up when I tell you this kind of stuff..." I laughed. She smiled and kissed me lightly.
"I love you." She paused and fell back on the bed. "You know what? I remember when I was going into the eighth grade. There was this guy, Kevin, who I was really good friends with. He was my best friend's ex-boyfriend and at the beginning of seventh grade I had started crushing on him. Even when I started going out with this guy Kelsey, I still liked Kevin. There was just this thing about him that I liked. It was to the point where I thought I actually loved him. I told my sister and she told me it was impossible to fall in love in eighth grade. But looking back on it, I think I might have actually loved him. Cause there is no 'impossible' time to fall in love. It just happens and each time you fall in love it gets stronger, stronger until it gets so strong that you realize you've fallen in love with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with." She rested her chin on my chest and looked up at me, struggling to make eye contact with me.
I smiled. "Come to think of it, I remember the first time I thought I was in love. I was fourteen. There was this girl who I thought was the most gorgeous creature on the earth named Alissa. We spent every second we could together. I honestly thought I was in love with her and now I think I'm crazy for thinking it could be love. Because if that was love, then I don't know what this is." I ran my fingers through her hair and closed my eyes, letting out a yawn.
"Are you tired?"
"No, not at all."
"You just yawned."
I laughed. "I know...but I'm not tired." I pulled her up next to me and turned to look at her. Our heads were nearly touching on the same pillow. It's amazing how you can be so close to someone and still feel that need to touch them.
"I love you." I reached for her hand and smiled.
"I love you too."
"Those are the words I live to hear from you. I hope you'll never stop saying them."
"You better believe it." She smiled slowly and squeezed my hand. We sat there looking at eachother for a good fifteen minutes. In those fifteen minutes I noticed alot of things about Ally. Like how her left eye is just a teeny tiny bit larger than her right eye, and how she's got a little scar right under her chin.
"It's amazing what you can find when you're looking for something else." She said suddenly, studying my eyes. I gave her a puzzled look.
"What do you mean?"
"Like, I found you when I wasn't looking for love at all. All I wanted was to get out of my parent's house for the summer. That's all I wanted and that's all I expected. But then I met you and there was this...fire in your eyes that I just couldn't turn away and that I couldn't stop thinking about. I might've acted like I wanted nothing to do with you, but deep down, I wanted you so bad. I just didn't trust myself with you at all."
"Really? How come?"
"Because of all the stuff I'd heard about you. I thought if I got involved with you I'd do something that I'd regret or that I wasn't supposed to do. I did do things I shouldn't have but I don't regret doing them. Because if I wouldn't have done them with you I probably would've done them with somebody else and I wouldn't want that."
"Yeah, that'd be pretty awful." I grinned. "I wasn't really looking for love either, you know."
"I know."
"But I wake up every morning thanking God for you and I go to sleep every night praising Him for you."
She smiled and laughed. "I do the same." She paused. "You know, when I was little, my parents always used to take me to these parties for work and stuff and the men would always kiss my hand. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world until my mom told me to never let a man kiss my hand unless I saw him as perfect. I guess, looking back on it, it makes a little bit of sense. But I don't know how." She giggled.
I smiled.
"I feel like I'm talking too much."
"No, I like listening to you talk." I pulled her closer.
"Good, cause I have alot to talk about. I just realized today that I had the most boring childhood."
"Why's that?"
"Well, listening to your family talk about old memories and stuff made me just not want to say anything at all about my memories. They were all so boring."
I laughed and shook my head.
"Oh my gosh, you know what?"
"What?"
"I remember when I used to go to this Christian camp up until I was fourteen. I remember going there one year and there was a new girl, Marissa. She wasn't all that pretty, but all the guys wanted to date her. I remember wondering why they wanted her and then I realized it was all because she had an incredible sense of self-confidence. It was after that summer that I built my self-confidence to where it is now." She sighed and shook her head. "I don't know why all these memories are coming back to me now."
I smiled slowly and kissed her. "I like listening to you talk, Ally, really. About anything. I want to know you like nobody else has ever known you before." I pulled her shirt up a little bit and played with her bellybutton ring, keeping my eyes on her stomach.
"You already do, Zac."
I looked up at her slowly, keeping my hands on her ring. "I do?"
"You know more about me than anybody ever has. You know me inside and out."
I sighed and wrapped my arms around her. "I want to continue getting to know you...more than I already do." I kissed her cheek and stood up slowly. "I'm tired." I undressed, down to my boxers, and fell down next to her on the bed.
"Me too." She pulled her shirt off over her head and pulled off her shorts, pulling the covers up to her chest. I laughed and pulled her close to me, holding her tight.
"I love you, Ally...goodnight."
She closed her eyes and her breathing slowed down into a steady pace. I didn't close my eyes. I just relished in the feeling of being with her. I'd always wanted to find somebody that I could stay up to watch them sleep.
Well...I found her.