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writegirl@altavista.com
Goldilocks didn't have blonde/gold hair after all. She was a silver-haired old crone in the original story. Actually she was a bag lady looking for food and shelter. Not being a cityperson, there she was stuck out in the middle of the woods when she came upon a vine-hidden cottage. The building was truly ratty, dilapitated, so the woman looked down at her shitty patch-upon-patch clothes and said, "Perfect fit." In she went.
She lit a fire in the fireplace and warmed her hands. "Hey soup, wonder if they have any Campbell's? I need to warm myself from the inside." So she cooked up some chicken noodle.
But she was kinda fluffy and when she sat down, Creak! went the chair and she crashed on her bubble butt. "Don't make furniture like they did when I was young." she muttered to herself. (See. How could a little girl break all of that furniture?)
She finished up her giant bowl of soup, wiped her mug with a dish towel, and set about to wash up the dirty dishes.
Not being used to a warm house and a warm belly she grew drowsy. Up the stairs she lumbered hoping to find a bed. She found not only a bed but a wardrobe of giant-sized clothes. She picked out a muumuu and threw her dirty duds on the floor.
"WowOwow!" she said as she jumped onto the bed. Smash! It broke. "Damn furniture in this house." she yelled to the ceiling.
Finally the tired old woman drifted off to sleep in the big sturdy bed.
Not fifteen minutes later she is awoken by three hairy bachelors. "Get out old woman!" they chanted at her.
"But I am old and tired. Please let me rest a few moments." she pleaded.
"Out!" they screamed and pointed to the window.
Now how the fuck was the woman suppose to exit by the second-story window?
The men wouldn't ease up.
"Okay you thug-asses!" she screamed back at them waving her hands in the air. "I'd rather be free and dead then be here in comfort." She jumped out the window holding her arms out like a golden eagle. (This is probably where the gold/blonde part came from.)
Splat!
THE END
