I've been long in promising this story... I've chosen a character that, in my opinion, is not tormented enough and that is Miss Elizabeth Elliot of Persuasion. Most of these stories really happened! Let's just say I have some interesting friends and family members...
Prologue
As we all know, the young lady was vain enough to believe that she could get any man she wanted. For her beauty was beyond compare! Although she could, indeed, get any man she wanted, her problem was keeping them.
Her paramours quickly tired of the standard missionary mode of sexual pleasure and the constant cries of 'Don't muss my hair! My makeup!' When the 'gentlemen' apprised her of these grievances, she dismissed each one of them and moved onto the next; only to receive, within a few dates, the same complaints.
To her mortification, she had no one to turn to. No mother to receive guidance, no sisters she deigned to favor with a smile, and no real friends to commiserate with.
But alas, from out of nowhere came a peculiar divorcee (scandalized for her many indiscretions and run out of town by her husband), in the form of Mrs. Amanda Clay, the daughter of her father's solicitor. They became fast friends, to some other's dismay. But now, Elizabeth Elliot had a confidant, a cohort, an accomplice!
Their quiet whisperings, covert looks, and secret smiles did much to alarm her sister Anne and their dearest friend, Mrs. Russell. But no one would dare speak up, as Elizabeth had quite a temper. They would keep a close eye and ear to the door, and wait and see how far this friendship would go...
Sexcapade #1
"Have you seen 9 1/2 Weeks?"
"The movie?"
Mrs. Clay nodded.
"No. Never."
"Well, I've done... um, I've never done this before, but I always wanted to..."
***
There was no way that one bath would get rid of this! She cringed at the thought that maybe some of it might need to be cut out of her hair! And everything was going so perfect too! He had wanted to make her dinner, he said... He was so sweet and loveable, a big ol' teddy bear! He had grilled some steaks and ribs and ears of corn and potatoes; he had even tossed a salad. Although this was too much food in Elizabeth's mind, she did not care, because her big strong strapping young man would finish it off and sweep her into the bedroom. Dinner was delightful! He went into the kitchen for more wine, however, within a few moments, he called her to him and shyly apologized for forgetting to make the apple pie! He opened the refrigerator to show her the ingredients and an idea sprang in her head. Before Frank Churchill knew it, she was smearing the apple filling across her naked flesh! He was ecstatic! At first, he lavished whip cream on her breasts and labia, then honey... Unfortunately, in his overzealousness, he began to imagine her as the unprepared dessert and started in on using the other ingredients. He cracked eggs on her, dusted her with brown sugar, then dumped flour all over her! It was a squishy, sticky mess! In the end, he licked off more of himself than of her... Elizabeth looked to the mirror at the mess that was her and when she pounded her fist on her bed, dust flew everywhere!
***
No more big men for her! Their appetites were oppressive! When her friend queried her about it, she only declared an aversion to apple pie and swore never to eat it again! Elizabeth Elliot rolled her eyes in the mirror as the stylist tried to do something with her hair...
Sexcapade #2
"I've heard stories..." Mrs. Clay began. "That there are more ways to a man's heart than through his stomach..."
Elizabeth was all ears. "Do tell?!"
"Well, there was this one time that I... er, that a friend of mine had..."
Elizabeth sat in her car, a few blocks away from her rendezvous, in near hysterics! The plan was a good one - she would sneak into his 1st floor apartment window and pretend to be an attacker. He loved aggressive women! She had pulled up in the parking lot and crept into the bushes by his window; he always liked fresh air, so he kept it open. Stealthily she pushed it up far enough so that she could thrust herself through. Since she heard noises from within, she figured that he had caught onto her game and was playing along with it. She heard 'Oh please?! Oh God, please?!' spew from his mouth, as though he was afraid. All was dark as she slipped inside the frame; she maneuvered around the chair that was placed in front of the window, although she had bumped into a table or something. A lengthy courtship of 1 1/2 weeks had acquainted her with his bedroom. The voice was raised again in agony, 'Oh GOD No! Give it to me baby... RIGHT NOW!' Her eyesight had nearly adjusted to the darkness, she crossed to the bed to see a figure sitting astride it, writhing and bouncing! Eager for her own desires, Elizabeth grabbed at the figure and a shriek of alarm resounded in the night! A female shriek of alarm... Who knew George Wickham was married?!
***
She would kill him later! Of that she was confident! But for now, Elizabeth Elliot had no man and there were plenty of parties to attend during the long summer months... She fibbed to her friend and said they had great sex, but they just didn't run around in the same circles.
Sexcapade #3
"Oh, he's going to be a big star one day!" Mrs. Clay gushed. "You had better make him fall in love with you fast..." she implied.
"But how do I do that?"
"Well...
He had chosen her to be his date for the premier to the newest release! And she was so excited! Excited, because they had never met, but he had heard all about her and decided to ring her up, he said... She accepted, of course! His name had been bandied about the news as the newest up-and-coming attraction in the theatre. She had worn a simple, yet elegant Vera Wang gown in the palest of purple, making her look the princess! He was debonair and attentive throughout the course of the evening. So when he invited to hot tub at his place in Bel Air, she was delighted. Of course, she had packed no swimwear, so this entendre would be au natural! Prior to making love, he had asked her what was her best side and she advised him that she particularly liked the right side of her face. Gushing, she assumed, that he thought she might be good enough to be in the movies! In the middle of making love, she cried out that she was nearing one of her multiple orgasms, and he yelled 'Did you get all that, Chris?!' She was heartbroken and appalled and embarrassed! Elizabeth had run through the house, dripping wet, holding her clothes across her chest to cover her nakedness! People, she knew not who, were laughing as she streaked (literally) out the door! Who knew that John Willoughby was a porn star and that she was making her debut?!
***
She called her lawyers after her tearful bout and they assured her that all would be well... Elizabeth Elliot had not shown her face for a few days, praying that the papers had not got wind of it. It was not considered newsworthy by even such as the likes of the Enquirer... She had declared revenge! However, she fabricated to her friend that he was simply 'all talk and no show!'
Sexcapade #4
"Have you any sexy lingerie?" asked Mrs. Clay.
"I have some elegant nighties, if that's what you mean," offered Elizabeth.
"Let's see them."
She opened her special drawer, pulled a few out and passed them along to her friend.
"These will not do at all!"
Elizabeth pouted.
"Yes, they are exquisite, but they lack... the basest, I mean, the basic arousal factors. I'll take you shopping tomorrow and we can
pick up a few things..."
Her evening was a complete disaster! Wearing a thong was a bit risqué, but a leather one, all day, was excruciating! Oh, Robert Ferrars was aroused; he had secret fantasies of being whipped like a puppy and made to obey like the bad little boy that he is... So she had worn a dominatrix get-up to get them in the mood... And those nipple clips...! Who knew that they were for him as an object of torture?! But his wide-eyed anticipation and whimperings made her go on with their little role-playing. However, with every movement, the pain became more piercing! His disappointment, when she could not even raise the cat-o-nine-tails against his bare ass, was quite evident and he turned back into the arrogant prick that he is and tossed her, unceremoniously, out the door. Around midnight, Elizabeth practically crawled through the front door. It hurt to move that much! Whenever, IF ever, she reached her room, she was going to toss this apparatus in the trash!
***
Although a few weeks had passed, Elizabeth Elliot was still smarting from the friction scars in her nether regions; she was game for another try. She had lied about the whole incident when questioned by her friend, but feigned insouciance at her rapidly changing beau.
Sexcapade #5
"He asked me to fly out to London to see him!" Elizabeth cheered.
"Really?!" Mrs. Clay returned gleefully.
"I have to run and pack!" She ran up the stairs. "He's paying for the ticket and my flight leaves in less than 3 hours!"
Her friend yelled after her. "I have a special little something for you to take with you! I'll just run home and get it..."
Elizabeth dabbed at her swollen eyes. The flight from L.A. to New York's LaGuardia was uneventful, but at least she had someone to talk to. Unfortunately, the flight from N.Y. to London was only 30% filled and dreadfully boring! She fiddled around with the contents in her makeup bag - the little gift she received from her friend rolled precariously across her 48-color eye shadow case. She had received explicit instruction on the use of the gift and now that it was in her sights, she felt extremely horny and impatient to find true pleasure... She grabbed the gift and ran into the bathroom! Any number of stewards and stewardesses that had passed the toilet had heard the moans and groans from within... One of them knocked and asked 'Is everything all right in there?' She quickly paused in her activity and calmed herself before answering 'Yes!' A few minutes later, she exited from the bathroom looking flushed yet satisfied. She stumbled to her seat and for the rest of the flight remained tranquil, although her white knuckled grip on the armrest during turbulence may have given her away... Hours later, she walked through the airport in a slow breezy stroll, just so as not to cause any untoward behavior for herself. She stood in the International Line biding her time as they checked passports, etc. Then it was her turn through the detectors... A buzzer went off. 'Madam could you come back, please?' She blushed 'Sure!' She went through the detector once more and the buzzer went off again! She took off her jewelry the 3rd time - same result. The 4th time, she removed her gold belt and shoes. The 5th time through, she had nothing else to remove. They pulled her over to a corner and waved a metal detecting wand - it beeped repeatedly when it came near her... pelvic area. 'Madam... are you...?' 'Absolutely not!' she wailed. Too embarrassed to admit that she was transporting Ben-Wa Balls... in her vagina, they escorted her to the Office and called Interpol. She was trapped in Heathrow Airport's Security Office and might possibly be thrown in jail for concealing a weapon or terrorism! And poor, Henry Crawford thought he had been stood up and never called her again...
***
The summer was nearly over now... Elizabeth Elliot had had just about enough from the men she knew! When her friend picked her up at LAX and asked her what happened, she merely sniffed that she felt queasy, probably something she consumed on the plane, and returned home...
Sexcapade #6
"What are you wearing tonight?" asked Mrs. Clay.
Elizabeth glanced in her closet. "I'm not sure..."
"Have you ever tried..."
***
Elizabeth banged her head on the steering wheel! Why did she ever agree to go out with the stupidest man alive?! He had been chasing her for months now... he even liked her new haircut! So she agreed to go out with him. They drove in his expensive to car to Rodeo Drive for dinner and she agreed to go to his apartment for a nightcap. All was going well, when he suggested to a little foreplay of the peculiar kind. Fool that she was, she agreed to it. She lay on the bed in all her nakedness (except her stilettos) and he rubbed her down with oils. He was all thumbs, but it felt so good to have his hands all over her body that she ignored his clumsiness. Then he asked her to stand as he wrapped her in cellophane. She had heard of the game and complied with his wishes; eager to know how it would come out in the end. He was dizzy as he ran around her body with the industrial strength wrap. After he had used the whole roll, he fell exhausted onto the bed. 'What now?' she asked. 'I don't know,' he said. 'I never heard the end of the story...' She frowned and rolled her eyes. 'Okay, then unwrap me.' He looked around but could not find the seam, he tugged and pulled, but it only got tighter. 'Cut me out of this!' 'With what?' he inquired. 'Don't you have a knife, scissors?!' 'I just moved in here yesterday, my stuff hasn't come yet.' She screamed at John Thorpe! When she had done, he threw her purse around her neck, gave her one of his raincoats and watched her bounce down the steps... Thank goodness she had left the top down on her car! She managed to toss herself into the front seat... There was a pair of nail clippers in her purse, but how was she ever to reach it?
***
Elizabeth Elliot could not go swimming for a few days; she could not even entertain! That Saran Wrap had bruised her skin tremendously as she wriggled herself out of it. She made a household rule that there shall never be any leftovers!
Sexcapade #7
"He's a man among men! Tall, dark, handsome, mysterious..."
"What does he do?" asked Mrs. Clay.
"Well... right now, he's a Captain in the Navy, but he has a large trust fund..."
"So, when he decides to settle down...?"
"I'm going to be rich!"
Mrs. Clay nodded. "Have you slept with him yet?"
"No," she whined. "I haven't even been to his apartment yet..."
"Do you know his address?"
Elizabeth nodded.
"Well, then! One night I... um, I was thinking that you could..."
Elizabeth sobbed in her pillows until she had no more tears to spend! Of all the embarrassing escapades, this was possibly the worst! He had called on Monday to ask her out on Friday... She was all giddy! That man would look good on her arms for the remainder of the summer! Unfortunately, he had called on Thursday to cancel; he said that he had some family business to take care of. She sulked, she pouted, she whined, but only to herself. To him, she only said 'Okay'... because she had a plan. The irony of the situation was quite delicious! She would wear John Thorpe's raincoat to her new conquest's house. She had buzzed up on the outside intercom to his place and a surprised voice let her in. So terribly eager was she that she could not wait for the elevator, she took the stairs and ran up them joyfully! She knocked on the door; he looked through the peephole and opened the door. To her shock and his surprise, it was not Captain Tilney that greeted her at the door! She stood immobile; arms flung wide open as the coat hung vicariously from her right hand. Only until he wiped the drool from his chin did she realize she had been standing in front of a total stranger with nothing on but a blush! The Captain, who had just walked off the elevator, did nothing but laugh... She pounded the pillow in frustration... Why, oh why, did the General have to show up on this night?!
***
Elizabeth Elliot refused the Captain's calls; she also refused the General's repeated invites! She kept a low profile for a few weeks or so. However, when asked by her friend, she only admitted to interrupting a family dinner and that the General was more... attentive than his son was.
Sexcapade #8
"I'm trying a different tactic."
"And that is...?" Mrs. Clay questioned.
"I want a nice young man that wants to make me his wife..."
"So you chose HIM?"
"Yes!" she defended. "He's sweet, has a little pocket money, not much, but enough and he's inexperienced."
"Is he gay?"
"No! Um, I don't know. I'm not sure."
"Why don't you know? Hasn't he even tried anything with you yet?"
"No," she sulked.
"Okay, so he might be a virgin, but I think you'd want to make sure he's on the straight and narrow... right?"
"Right..."
"Well, let me tell you about something I've tried... *cough* I've read about..."
Elizabeth Elliot looked good in red, however, not when it covered her face, neck, and arms in a crimson blush! The memory, only a few moments old, was still agonizing to recount... Her father had gone off to Acapulco for some sun and fun and her spinster sister had gone to stay with their other sister. The house was hers and hers alone for the night! She had promised him a night that he would never forget... She had the cook prepare a scrumptious meal full of aphrodisiac foods along with a smooth bottle of Chianti. They ate, they talked, they necked, and before they got carried away, she had pushed him off and ran upstairs to change into something more... comfortable. From the top of the winding stairs, she beckoned him sweetly. He had calmly, or as calmly as he could muster, walked up the first set, then as he turned on the landing to go up to the second set - he froze. The sight rocked him to his very core! His dream woman was standing naked at the top of the stairs with a... strap-on dildo! A moment after regaining the ability of his tongue, he shrieked to the high heavens and ran screaming from the house. She heard him exclaiming as he ran down the street 'Hail Mary! Virgin Mother of Jesus Christ! SAVE ME?!?!' Philip Elton took his vows for priesthood the next morning!
***
In the middle of night, she could still hear his pleas! Elizabeth, herself, was quite shaken by the incident and made a solemn vow that she would never be in the same room with another man again! She would be a nun... yeah, that's right... a NUN! That lasted about two weeks when it was obvious to everyone that she had 'ants in her pants and she needed to dance!'
Sexcapade #9
"I like this man!" exclaimed Mrs. Clay. "He's exactly what I need... um, what I think you need!"
"He is very charming..."
"And attentive," she reminded.
"And he's handsome, well-dressed, has money, smells good, and his breath is always fresh... er, he's exactly what you need."
"And, he's a friend of Daddy's," Elizabeth smiled dreamily. "Maybe, this one will work out... Otherwise, I might give up."
"Let's not even think of that! Anyway, I have a few suggestions for your first night together..."
Elizabeth, with her head between her legs, answered all the questions the police officer posed to her... The searing pain in her nether regions had nearly faded, but she had blocked that out a few minutes after she drove her car through the front door of an unsuspecting couple's home! This was to be her 3rd date with William Elliot (no relation)! He would cook his specialty for her; they would lounge in front of a roaring fire and sip wine and talk and make love! But she would go the ends of the earth to please him! Taking the advice from her friend about his always having fresh breath, she made a stop at a local drug store to pick up a few breathmints. She had never tried these ones, but they were in a pretty package and she was in a hurry. At a stoplight, she opened the package, and inserted one... The next thing you know, she felt a blinding rage that spread from her seat to her head. Her foot had pressed hard on the accelerator and she sped through the neighborhood! As she waited on her family to pick her up from the wreckage, she read the infamous breathmints package - it said 'ALTOIDS. Curiously Strong and never to be inserted into the Vagina!'
***
Elizabeth Elliot when questioned by her family, gushed that she felt like she was having some sort of attack and that she would check in with her OB/GYN the next day...
Epilogue
Elizabeth Elliot had learned from her mistakes and there would be some immediate changes in her life! One - she would never take advice from Mrs. Clay again! And Two - from this moment on, she did not need to please a man, they would please her!
Nevertheless, in the words of Jane Austen, 'It would be well for the eldest sister if she were equally satisfied with her situation, for a change is not very probable there. She had soon the mortification of seeing Mr. Elliot withdraw, and no one of proper condition has since presented himself to raise even the unfounded hopes which sunk with him.'
THE END... perhaps!
I bet you thought I was done with this... Well, Coleen V. gave me this idea months ago and I have just now put it on paper... Enjoy!
Sexcapade #10
"Miss Elizabeth Elliot?" he called.
"Yes!" she hissed in pain.
"You still refuse to call?"
"Please don't call my father?!?! Please?!?!?!" she cried.
"Miss... we have to call somebody!"
This is how it was all going to end? Impossible! Unfathomable! The little snowball that she had so fiercely pushed uphill has now turned into an abominable mess and rolled downhill at unbelievable speed! She had no one. No friend. No compatriot. No ally! All she had left was her quiet time in the park alone, for she had lied to her family and told them, nightly, for weeks, that she had a date. She closed her eyes and willed all the noise away. Sitting alone on a bench in the dark in the middle of a park, can surely play tricks on a person when there is much on her mind to rehash and rethink... For several consecutive nights, a young woman would sit on a bench, some ways away from our heroine, looking forlorn, until a young man would appear before her, kneel at her feet and lay his head in her lap. They would talk for a bit, then he would stand in front of her, professing his love over and over again until he trembled and cried out. Then the young man would collapse to his knees again and lay his head on the young woman's lap again. This tender scene would tear at our heroine's heart and torture her mercilessly. That was what she wanted! What she really wanted! Eventually, after the young couple left, our heroine would stroll away with misty eyes, a crumbling heart, and unaware of her surroundings. But then, all of a sudden, the young couple stopped showing up... Perhaps, they had felt the prying eyes of Elizabeth Elliot and wanted for a little more privacy. Yes, that must be it. All too soon, our heroine got it into her head that that particular bench was magic and if she sat there, perhaps her true love would come along. Simple enough, right? Indeed! So, our heroine gathered her courage and plopped herself on the bench and no sooner had she become comfortable, a young man appeared in the moonlight. Without a word, he laid his head in her lap and whimpered for her to pet him. Too caught up in the moment to discern, our heroine did not dissuade the young man, she did as bid. And after no more than a few encouraging words on her part had been given, the young man stood up, grabbed her head with one hand, unzipped his fly with the other, and stuck his half-stiff manhood in her mouth. She struggled and pulled away each time he pulled her forward. She moaned and groaned as he professed his love over and over again. She screamed, although it was almost impossible to do with a phallus down her throat. Within a few agonizing moments, he trembled, he cried out, he collapsed onto his knees, tossed her a $20, and laid his head in her lap. Disgusted, our heroine tried to pry herself away from his grip, but unfortunately that was when a huge beam of light shown down on them from a helicopter above and the SWAT Team jumped out of the bushes! Mortification washed her ashen, but nothing could be compared to her jaundiced expression and dinner upheaval when she saw the face of her "lover" as he was handcuffed...
***
In that little jail cell, Elizabeth Elliot made, not one, but two solemn vows: (1) she would read the local newspaper to see what heinous crimes go on in the neighborhood at night, and (2) the Right Honorable Reverend William Collins would never EVER be alone with her again!
To be continued?
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