Resia held Claudia close. "Come darling, don't make a fuss," she mumbled. They had to find something to eat, but that was difficult for an inexperienced person in a forest. A few paces later she nearly tripped over the body of a dead soldier. She jumped back in disgust and was ready to walk around him in a wide circle when she realised that his clothes were of no use to him anymore and that Claudia was cold.
She put Claudia down and ordered her to stay close to Mummy while she undressed the soldier. Except his underwear, she took everything and wrapped Claudia in his coat. There was a biscuit in the pockets, half of which she gave to Claudia to keep her quiet. Their quest had not been completely fruitless now.
There was a vague trail leading away from the dead soldier and the main track. Resia followed it, because it would lead her deeper into the woods and further away from possible other soldiers. A good while later she came to a small brook, which she followed for a while until she thought nobody would be able to find them. There, she put Claudia down on the moss and fed her, because she had been simpering for the past ten minutes already.
Resia had only looked around herself quickly when she had arrived, but now she had time to study her surroundings. To her great shock she looked straight into the eyes of a soldier on the other side of the brook. She froze and stared back at him, but Claudia suckled on happily.
He had a rifle, but he was not pointing it at her. Maybe he had done so in the beginning, but he had lowered it. Nevertheless, it was nearby if he needed it. Judging from his uniform he was one of the enemy. Resia was frightened to death. He would kill her.
But he did nothing. He just sat there and watched her. It was very unnerving, because she could not move. And why was he not moving either? Was he waiting for Claudia to finish nursing? Resia could not look at anything else and she saw that he sometimes winced as if in pain. Maybe he was unable to move. If so, should she kill him? Could she? He would not let her, that much was clear, but did she want to?
They had killed her relatives too. Not this man, but others like him. What should she do with him? If he could not move, he would die if he was left here all alone, either from injuries he had or from starvation. But he was an enemy soldier. Should she care at all? It was difficult to decide between life and death, even if this was the enemy and the enemy obviously did not find that decision difficult at all. Two perfectly natural urges fought within her. She should kill the enemy and yet she should also help a human being in need. But he might kill her.
She stood up when Claudia was finished, realising that it was not going to help the soldier much if he shot her. He would still be stuck here and she hoped he realised that too. She crossed the brook cautiously, trying to keep her eyes on him as much as she could. He was looking back just as intently, one hand on his rifle. She did not doubt that he was a quick shot if he needed to be, even though he was wounded.
He was not going to use his rifle, she saw as she came closer. There were bloodstains on both of his legs to indicate wounds, which was probably the reason why he did not move and why he looked so feverish. He gestured at Claudia with a puzzled grimace, but she did not understand what he meant until he touched his own coat. Of course. Claudia was now wrapped in his kind of uniform and she carried the other soldier's small backpack. "She was cold and we found a dead man," she said in a slightly trembling voice, but she had to gesture what she meant because he did not understand her either.
The soldier shivered and closed his eyes. His lips were very dry, Resia noticed. Suddenly, not really knowing what she was doing, she put down Claudia and took a mug from the backpack. She filled it with water from the brook and poured it between his lips. Half of it went down his neck, but he seemed to be making a swallowing movement anyway. After she had forced him to drink about as much as a mug, he opened his eyes. They were very unclear now as if his fever was increasing. He mumbled something, but it was incomprehensible. With a sigh he seemed to pass out.
Resia sat staring at him. What was she going to do with him now? He or someone else had already cut open his trousers and she took a peek at one wound. The improvised bandage was soaked and stuck to the wound. With the belt of the rifle she tied Claudia to a tree, because she was constantly crawling away and she would crawl right into the fire that Resia needed to make.
It was impossible to go back now. She had taken one step towards helping him and she had to continue. If she left now, she would responsible for somebody's death, for choosing to be responsible for somebody's death. She had the choice. He was not threatening her. It would not be self-defence.
It took her nearly two hours to change the bandages and clean the wounds a little. Fortunately he had a small pouch with rudimentary equipment that could help her. Sometimes the soldier winced or groaned in his sleep, but Resia saw no reason to become more soft-handed. After all, he was the enemy and for all she knew he might kill her once he recovered.
After two hours Claudia was asleep too and Resia leant back against a tree. She threw a few new twigs on the fire and made herself a cup of warm water. The hunger gnawed at her insides, but there was nothing to eat. Nettle soup was the best she could do, but it was better than nothing.
Claudia's crying woke her two hours later. They had been up and running since yesterday's dawn and Resia was exhausted too. She let Claudia drink and tied her to her wrist so she could sleep on. This waking and falling asleep happened at regular intervals until Resia's hunger became stronger than her exhaustion and she could no longer sleep.
The soldier was still alive. Whether he had woken at some point, she did not know, but he was sleeping or unconscious now.
The fire had not gone out because she had had the presence of mind to throw new twigs on it whenever she had been awake and it had provided a little bit of warmth. Resia made some more nettle soup and gave the soldier some too when he stirred. He was only barely conscious as she poured it into his mouth. Claudia and she both found the nettle soup disgusting, but the man gulped it down as eagerly as he could in his weak state.
She took Claudia and the small metal pan and took care not to go too far away from their hiding place. If she went too far, she would not be able to find it again because it was well hidden. She had never been a scout, something she regretted deeply now. Necessity could make people very inventive, but she had no idea where to look for food. It had to be there, but she could not find it.
And she was a bit afraid. Suppose there were other soldiers lying in wait, spying on her. She was so intent on watching every moving branch around her that she nearly missed the chestnuts under her feet.
As she was filling the pan with chestnuts, which seemed to be the only edible thing in the vicinity, a shot rang out nearby. Resia knelt down in shock, looking around herself, but there was no other sound. Cautiously she made her way back to their camp and found the soldier sitting half upright against a tree. He said something she did not understand and pointed behind her.
She saw the dead rabbit only after he had put two fingers next to his head to signify a rabbit. He must have shot it on purpose, because he beckoned her to bring it to him. Gingerly, Resia lifted it up and dumped it beside him. She did not want to know what he was going to do with it, but she sat down a little further away to eat the chestnuts.
A long while later, the soldier had finished preparing the rabbit and it hung over the fire. Resia had studied his face whenever he had called her for help, but he seemed to be nice, as much as she could judge that from an expression that was frequently distorted by grimaces of pain. She did not realise how much of an effort it had been for him to skin the rabbit until he sank back in exhaustion, looking quite unwell. He had to have an enormous willpower. One thing she did realise straight away when she came closer to feel if he was feverish: he could do with a change of clothes. With difficulty she took them off and he winced when she accidentally touched his bandages. She could not be squeamish, she decided, and stripped him completely, giving him the spare coat to lie under. He did not object, understanding her intention.
Resia threw the clothes on a heap. "Claudia," she said to the soldier, placing his hand on the little girl. "Claudia." She patted his hand again to let him know he should not let Claudia crawl away while she was washing his clothes.
"Claudia," he repeated with a slight nod, lifting his hand to point at her with a questioning look. He wanted to know her name as well.
"Resia."
He repeated that with the right intonation, against her expectations, and then pointed at himself. "Matthias."
With the exchanging of their names some kind of fragile trust had been established between them. While the situation remained uncertain, Resia did not want to think about the future and whether this trust was perhaps only a temporary truce between herself and the enemy. Right now they were dependent on each other for survival.
Being dependent was not a habitual state for Matthias, Resia noted. Sometimes he looked annoyed when he found he needed to call for assistance, although he always thanked her sincerely. He was certainly well-mannered.
Claudia liked him intuitively. She was far too young to know what a soldier was and she only saw him as a man who made her smile. Resia had not witnessed all of their interactions, but Matthias had not been doing anything special whenever she had seen them together. She was inclined to ascribe Claudia's preference completely to the baby's goodness and innocence and not so much to Matthias' character.
Resia would like to trust him completely too, but she often found it difficult to separate the individual from the nation. She tried not to feel prejudiced, because he had done nothing to her. He might be an enemy soldier and he might have done things to other people, but to her he had been friendly.
They communicated with gestures and simple words. It was not difficult for Matthias to inquire after her family. Resia could easily gesture that she had only one child and that her husband was in the army and that she did not know what had happened to him.
Matthias mumbled something in his own language that sounded apologetic. He made it clear that he wondered why she had not shot him.
Resia shook her head angrily. She felt guilty for realising she had not been thinking of her husband very often anymore. Perhaps she had already given him up as dead in her mind. It seemed ages since she had left home. "I'm not barbaric."
That word was obviously familiar in his language, because he nodded thoughtfully and averted his eyes.
She felt uncomfortable with the silence that threatened to follow and decided to keep on talking. They should keep those things out of the woods for as long as they could. "Do you have any children?" she asked and gestured. His family would be safely at home. He had one, age sixteen and she thought he meant it was a boy, but she was not entirely sure.
To pass the time and because it would make communication easier, they tried to learn each other's language. Resia did not know how they had begun exactly, but she was surprised to find they could keep it up for several hours and that Matthias was an agreeable teacher and pupil. He was quick and he could laugh at his own mistakes. Maybe she liked him.
Resia had stopped counting the days. Whether it was four, five or six did not really matter. She had no idea what was going on in the outside world at the moment and she did not want to know either. One time hunting for food she had ventured so far away from the place they were camping as to reach the edge of the forest. For a while she had debated with herself whether she should look out over the fields that lay beyond. She had been afraid of what she might see, a battlefield perhaps, or soldiers on guard waiting to imprison everyone coming out of the woods. Eventually she had crept closer, very cautiously, and she lay there for a while looking at the open countryside.
It was deserted. At least, she assumed people would no longer be living in those ruined farmhouses she could see. In the distance she could see the church towers of some town. It was not the one she used to live in and she tried to figure out where she was exactly, attempting to trace her journey in her mind, but she had been avoiding towns and other landmarks and she really did not know how much distance she had covered.
She sat there for an hour, thinking and speculating, but in all that time nothing moved in the fields except a lonely cow and two deer. If she went down to that farmhouse she might find some useful things. She weighed the possibilities and eventually Resia decided to risk it. A thorough study of her surroundings told her nobody would see her, unless they were hiding themselves and it would probably be too paranoid to assume people would be hiding here where nothing seemed to happen.
With her heart beating fast she walked towards the farm. The house was still standing, but most personal belongings had been removed. All of the furniture was still there. Nobody had left this place in a hurry seemingly, which did wonders for her nerves. She relaxed a little as she explored the house. This would be a perfect place to relocate to. They would be protected from the weather and it would be a little more comfortable to live than under a tree.
There were some useful things there, but suppose they moved here? It would be useless to drag them back and forth. She only took a few carrots from the overgrown vegetable garden she discovered and then she returned to the forest, running and then hiding breathlessly to see if she was being followed, but there was nothing.
When she returned to their hiding place she found Claudia in an uproar, beginning to wail as soon as Matthias took his finger out of her mouth. He shot her a rather stressful and reproachful look and she assumed Claudia had been crying for quite some time already. A glance at her watch told her that feeding time had been long overdue and that it was no wonder. Her triumphant feelings at having discovered some real food immediately vanished. Without saying anything she picked up the child and dumped the carrots in Matthias' lap. He grimaced in pain when they landed on his injuries.
As soon as the poor hungry baby had quieted down, Resia looked at him. He was brushing the earth off the carrots and then dragged himself over to the brook to wash them. She watched his progress and her feelings sunk. There was no way Matthias could drag himself to that farmhouse. He could not even walk yet and even Claudia crawled faster than Matthias moved. She would have to continue to make the trips back and forth on her own.
Matthias seated himself next to her and handed her a carrot. He pointed at Claudia and then frowned as if he was trying to find a way of saying what he wanted to tell her. He gestured something.
"Walk?" Resia tried. She should walk with Claudia?
Matthias shook his head. "Claudia walk. No you," he shook his head. "No."
"What?" She did not understand him at all.
"You walk. I not walk. I sit. Yes?"
"Yes, you're sitting."
"Claudia sit."
"Not right now."
Matthias looked frustrated. "Claudia sit." He patted his lap and then raised his hands as if he were lifting something.
"You lifted Claudia up?" Resia tried. He explained it in his own language and she stared at him. It was surprising enough that she could understand most of what he was saying, but it was even more amazing that Claudia should be beginning to stand up. She checked Claudia's feet and saw they were more dirty than usual. He had to be speaking the truth. She grinned.
"…you understand…I speak Dessian?" Matthias asked.
Well, she could gather his meaning from the bits she understood. Resia nodded. She indicated a little bit with her fingers.
"…I…speak Auvian……?" he asked dryly.
"I didn't quite understand that."
"……"
"What?"
"……"
"Don't do that on purpose."
"What?" he asked, looking puzzled. "I not do what?"
"Say things you know I won't understand."
"I don't know what you don't understand," he smiled and then turned serious, telling her an enthusiastic story that she could not follow.
"I don't understand." She hated to interrupt him, but she really had no idea what he was saying.
He looked a bit disappointed. "I do," he said after a moment.
Resia rolled her eyes. "I know you do, but --"
"I do. You look."
"Look at what?"
"What I do."
"Oh! You're going to do something?"
"………"
Other than that he was going to do something that involved Claudia, she had no idea, so she made an encouraging gesture. "Show me."
"Oh? I say I show, not I do?" Matthias asked. He dragged himself over to the nearest tree. "I see Claudia…?" he looked at her questioningly while he pushed himself up a little.
"Stand," she supplied.
"I see Claudia stand. I…" he touched his head.
"Think?"
"I think: I stand."
"You stand?" she cried.
"Yes," Matthias smiled. He looked happy with the accomplishment.
Of course he was happy. He must be fed up with only being able to sit. Resia was happy for him too. "Can you walk?" If he could walk, he could come to the farmhouse with her.
"No."
For a moment Resia looked disappointed, but then she realised he would not be able to do everything at once. Being able to stand was the first step. He would be walking soon. She smiled and then her smile faded. "Did it hurt?"
"What?"
"Did it hurt? Ouch?"
He pulled a face and shrugged.
"So it hurt."
"……" He shrugged again.
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